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Thread: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

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    Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!



    The opening FWA credits roll as the sounds of Secret Crates fill the empty Radio City Music Hall in New York City, New York, USA.

    Spoiler:

    A huge stage stands at one end, adorned with several small trees, large flowers, fake deer and a gazebo. In the center of the stage are several instruments, including a piano, two guitars - one electric and one acoustic, and a full drum set.

    There is no ring, this time, as this will not be that kind of show. No, there will be no wrestlers, no matches, no special appearances, no Grandma Ethel, no talking shade or Old Fashioneds. "Rockstar" Randy Ramon has reserved the Hall this evening to put on a once-in-a-lifetime, special attraction, one night show for his adorning fans, and the rest of the FWA Universe.

    From behind the curtain steps a man who we've recently met, by way of his involvement in the 24/7 Championship Title picture: special news reporter Danny Feltersnatch now stands stage center, wearing a royal blue three piece suit, with matching tie and white dress shirt. A golden pocket square completes the ensemble, a fancy look for a special night. In his left hand he holds one of those old-timey microphones from the 80's. The long neck with the tiny receiver on top. Danny smiles for the camera and addresses the millions watching around the world, here, live on the FWA Network.


    Feltersnatch: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Rockstar Randy Ramon Springtime Spectacular. I'm your host, Danny Feltersnatch, and we're coming to you live from the Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Typically, it would be Randy who stood here on this stage and welcomed you, but he has asked me to take on hosting duties this evening, so that he can fully immerse himself into his stage persona. He has asked me to remind you that while the theme for the evening is, and always will be fun, these are still serious times for all of us. Wear your masks. We're not out of the woods just yet.

    Danny touches his ear piece, receiving a message from the back.

    Feltersnatch: I'm being told we're good to go. Ladies and gentlemen, Randy Ramon!

    Ramon steps quietly from the backstage area, and makes his way to the piano at center stage. If you thought Feltersnatch was well-dressed, then you should see Ramon. Bright red slacks, bright red dress shirt, black tie and a golden tie clip. Dark sunglasses rest on his head, holding his flowing hair from his eyes. He turns and addresses the crowd.

    Ramon: Hello everyone, and thank you for spending the next hour with us. In life... they say that you only have three true loves, and that love can take many shapes. If that's true, then I've already reached my quota. Growing up in Detroit, things weren't easy. Our family always scrimped and scraped, just to make ends meet. Just to keep food on the table. If it wasn't for my Mother, rest her soul, pushing me to be better... stay in school... keep clean... then who knows where I would have ended up. I owe literally everything to her. That was my first true love.

    My mother, she... she also introduced me to my second love: Rock and Roll. When my mother left us, it was Rock and Roll that kept me from completely falling apart. I'm not going to act like I've lived a perfect life, but without them... I wouldn't be a tenth of the man I am today. As for my third love? Well, you don't have a life long vendetta against someone that you don't have some sort of strong feelings for... so this first song...

    ...this goes out to my other half, Danny Toner."


    He begins to tickle the ol' ivories.

    "1,000 Years"
    [In the style of "1,000 Years" by Christina Perri]
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:

    Records are
    Stupid and meaningless
    But now six to one.
    How could we lose when you'd never beaten me before?
    But watching you stand up tall
    All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

    Remix is closer

    I have sat patiently, waiting to kick you
    Danny, don't be afraid
    I have fought you for a thousand years
    I'll fight you for a thousand more

    Time stands still
    at Back in Business Fifteen
    Toners will fall
    We will not let anything take away
    What's standing in front of us
    Every breath
    Every hour has come to this

    Remix is closer

    I have sat, patiently, waiting to kick you
    Danny, don't be afraid
    I have fought you for a thousand years
    I'll fight you for a thousand more

    And all along I have known that is was you
    Christian I've not forgotten
    I have fought you for a thousand years
    I'll fight you for a thousand more

    Remix is closer
    Remix is closer!


    I have sat, patiently, waiting to kick you
    Danny, don't be afraid
    I have fought you for a thousand years
    I'll fight you for a thousand more

    As the song ends, he lowers his head and takes a deep breathe, reveling in the moment.


    Commercial Break
    [FWA Back in Business]
    [FWA Steel City Fight Night]
    [A new T-shirt for Dan Maskell]



    After a beat, he stands and makes his way across the stage to where the Electric Guitar is set up. Randy slings the strap over his shoulder, tunes a few strings, and addresses his national captive audience once again.

    Ramon: So have you ever been in an abusive relationship? One where... you know, you're not sure how you ended up in it in the first place, and you can't seem to get out? It doesn't need to be physical abuse, exclusively... any kind of abuse? Now, while I can understand that there can be a myriad of circumstances causing you to stay, when possible, sometimes the best course of action is to just look the abusive person in the eye, and say I'm through with you. This next song... goes out to a couple of guys who I just can't seem to get through to, or away from.

    He strikes a chord.

    Ramon: And on a related note, in complete seriousness, if you feel stuck in an abusive relationship, you're not. Please, get the help you need in order to get yourself to safety. There are several hotlines out there who can help, friends, family... you have so many options. It's not the end.

    Now that we've made sure that no one thinks we're mocking abusive relationships in any way, shape or form, he starts his next jam. But seriously, get help if you need it.

    "Through with Yous"
    [In the style of "Through with You" by Maroon 5]
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:

    Can you feel me?
    Running through your head
    In your hospital bed
    Thinking about everything
    Devin had to do
    'Cause now you've paid your dues
    And ha! No Krash still is not a face

    And I don't trust yous
    'Cause every time you're near
    Your intentions are real clear
    I spend every hour waiting for a lead pipe
    That I know is gonna come
    I used to think that we were friends
    Now I think I know that you're just not my type

    We ain't ever facing you again
    You went and turned this whole thing up to ten
    You put your knife right square in our backs
    Even a Toner has ever done that

    Do you remember
    When the snow refused to melt?
    Do you remember how it felt
    We were best buds...
    Oh, 'cause I remember very well, whoa

    Krash, how long has it been
    Since you had a REAL friend?
    And how long has Al controlled you?

    And at night when you sleep
    Do you dream you could be free?
    Just for a minute or two
    Do you, oh?

    We ain't ever facing you again
    You went and turned this whole thing up to ten
    You put a knife right square in our backs
    Even a Toner has never done that

    Bullshit, bullshit, there's just so damn much
    Ask for a match, would that have been so tough?
    That's the only thing you had to do
    But now it's over and done, we're through with yous

    We ain't ever facing you again
    You went and turned this whole thing up to ten
    You put a knife right square in our backs
    Even a Toner has never done that

    Bullshit, bullshit, there's just so damn much
    Ask for a match, would that have been so tough?
    That's the only thing you had to do
    But now it's over and done, we're through with yous
    He locks eyes with the camera lens, staring daggers out into the ether as we fade to commercial break.

    Commercial Break
    [FWA Back in Business]
    [FWA Sin City Fight Night]
    [A Reagan Cole Action Figure!]



    Back from commercial break, and Randy is in the same spot we left him.

    Ramon: This next song needs no introduction. It's a special time of year in the FWA, and this is MY tribute...

    to Back in Business...

    "Back in Business"
    [In the style of "Back in Business" by Thomas Howe]
    Spoiler:

    There's no cutting lyrics this time. No catchy refrain. He just rocks the fuck out for eight to ten minutes. Several guitar solos mixed in. At one point he even begins playing kick drum and it sounds like there's legit a drummer on stage with him. The man is amazing.

    He finishes the song, chugs a beer for hydration, and we cut to another commercial.


    Commercial Break
    [FWA Back in Business]
    [Devin Golden Glassware]
    [Chris Peacock's "Crispy Cocks": New Chicken Wings from KFC!]



    Back from commercial, he has taken a seat on a stool, and holds the acoustic guitar that we saw earlier tonight on his lap. He has undone his tie, and looks more comfortable that we've seen him all night.

    Ramon: You know memories are funny things. Just a collection of sparks and synapses in our brains that make us remember a specific order of events from a time gone by. It always seems that the stronger the emotional response to an event, the clearer the memory. The death of a loved one. A marriage. Your kid being born.

    Being attacked from behind, ruining your career for several years...

    Oh yeah. I remember. As soon as that... that music hit... I remembered. All of it.

    It all came rushing back. Like a pipe to the knee.

    For most people, the Summer is the best time of the year. Vacations, beaches, all that stuff. If you ask, a lot of people would tell you a certain summer was the best time of their life. But not me. Every time August 15th rolls around, I get a visceral, primal, unrelenting swelling of anger.

    All because of one night. One moment. One decision. One action.

    I can't prove it, I don't have the evidence... I've tried several times to get the security footage from that night... but I know who did it. We'd been in the ring enough times that I 'd know the scent of that wet dog cologne anywhere.

    Every year I have to go through this range of emotions because of one man. A man who I had chosen to forgive, since he took the coward's way out and moved into an announce position... Christian Quinn... Donny Toner... whatever the hell you call yourself now... I haven't forgotten.

    ...and the next chance I get? I'll make sure you never forget it either.


    He does the thing with the strings.

    "Summer of 2015"
    [In the style of "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams]
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:

    I got my first real title shot
    Golden Opportunity
    Trained until my insides bled
    Was the summer of twenty fifteen

    Me and six other dudes
    In a cage, we prepared so hard
    Drew came back, then he got jobbed out
    I should've known, I wouldn't make it that far

    Oh, when I look back now
    I should have seen it coming
    And if I had the chance
    Yeah, you know I'd do it over
    That was the worst night of my life

    Ain't no use in cryin'
    Now that I've got a job to do
    At Back in Business, gonna kick your ass, yeah
    That's what I'll do to you!

    Waitin' right outside the ring
    I tell you man, I'd wait forever
    Oh, and when they raise my hand
    I'll be due for better weather
    Oh, but that was the worst night of my life

    Oh, yeah!
    Back in the summer of twenty fifteen

    Man, I can't wait to see
    The look on your face when
    I unhinge your kneecap
    'Cause guess what, fair is fair!
    Fair is fair, yeah!
    Yeah!

    And now the tides are a changin'
    Your moment in the sun is here and gone
    Sometimes when I play this here six-string
    I think back and wonder where I went wrong

    Waitin' right outside the ring
    I tell you man, I'd wait forever
    Oh, and when they raise my hand
    I'll be due for better weather
    That will be the best day of my life
    Randy takes a bow as we move into our final commercial break of the evening.


    Commercial Break
    [FWA Back in Business]
    [Steel Pipes - Everyone's Got 'Em!]
    [The Big Mac Big Mac, now at McDonalds!]


    As we return from commercial one last time, Randy is back where he started: the piano.

    Ramon: I'd like to thank you all for spending your time with me tonight. It's truly a pleasure to be able to put on these shows for all of you. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. If I haven't put your name in a song tonight, then this one is for you.

    "We Didn't Start the FWA"
    [In the style of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel]
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:

    Saint Sulley, Reagan Cole, Eli Black is on a roll
    Logan Darwin, Gerald Grayson, Shinya Taijimoto
    Sean Hughes and the Prototype, New Breed getting all the hype
    Danny Toner, Donny Toner, doing all the blow

    Krash and Mike Parr, Saus X lives in his car
    Big Mac, Chris Peacock, Konchu and the little guy
    Zip Strider, AJ King, Light it up inside the ring
    Milk Man, Kershaw, Division go bye-bye


    We didn't start the FWA
    It was always burning, since the world's been turning
    We didn't start the FWA
    No, we didn't start it, but we're all a part of it

    J.J. JAY!, Mac Michaud, some part timers that we know
    Humanity, Nova Diamond, Summers are some more
    Lizzie Rose, Christian Quinn, and that creep Kurt Harrington
    Bell Connelly, talks to self, Gabby is a...

    ..very troubled person who should get the help she needs.


    Cyrus Truth, Kayden Knox, Jackson Fenix big ol' Cox
    Mike Garcia was World Champ, Sulley must've had a cramp
    Maskell, Kleio too, they will both try to kill you
    Katie Lynn, Katie B, Todd Salum the big ol' Tramp

    We didn't start the FWA
    It was always burning, since the world's been turning
    We didn't start the FWA
    No, we didn't start it, but we're all a part of fight it

    Golden Rock, all-time great, Gang Stars, we really hate
    Louis Valendar, won't release a calendar
    Michelle von Horrowitz, won Carnal Contendership
    But she'll choke at BIB when Sulley gets a hold of 'er!

    Devin Golden, Yuna, Kill: Sayer - mafia
    Nate Savage, smaller peen, Donny Moore, he's here too
    Captain Fantasy, RETURN OF CHRIS KENNEDY
    Chubby Carlos, wrong show, Aly Black's new tattoo

    We didn't start the FWA
    It was always burning, since the world's been turning
    We didn't start the FWA
    No, we didn't start it, but we're all a part of it


    Fade to credits.

    [Credit to Sulley for the sweet logo at the top!]











  2. #2
    SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

    Shawn's Avatar

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    Re: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

    :checks comments:

    Huh. See if I ever write all of you into a song/songs ever again!











  3. #3
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    Re: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

    Weird way to start this but fuck me that closing song is brilliant. I was singing along frantically with your lyrics. I thought all the songs were great and creative but this one flowed particularly great. This is obviously a very creative and fun little piece but not only that it's filled with inflections and offers a great insight into Ramon's inner thoughts with his prelude before each song.

    Loved opening with yours truly as the muse for a song but the Summer of 2015 was the big one for me. Ramon is STILL holding onto that shit?

    We didn't do it


    GET UP FOR THE MONEY FOR THE POWER THE FAME

    WE NEED IT, NEED IT!

    2x FWA World Tag Team Champions

  4. #4
    The Flow
    Slick Mitch's Avatar

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    Re: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

    This is great Shawn


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


    The only time WWE came close to a good story line post Attitude Era was Undertaker/Mordecai - Dakstang
    [06:01 PM]Dakstang
    :
    Yeah I guess you are right. And I only want to be Daddy to my own kids. Sorry.

  5. #5
    Fight The Power
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    Re: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

    This shit was fun as hell and Shawn's lyrical prose tells me all of Randy's promos need to be in song form going forward

  6. #6
    Sun Tuh-Zoo
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    Re: Randy Ramon's Springtime Spectacular! -- LIVE NOW!!!

    Now I have to do a commercial for Crispy Cocks, don’t I?

    This was really fun man. Hope to see some more of these in the future!




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