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Thread: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #21
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Alyster Black
    Good luck this week bro, I know you’re going to be extremely tough to beat but I think we’ll mesh well together in the ring and have a good match, our interactions were fun at Division Rules. Alyster has kind of been the low-key man the last few months but I’ve been reading your work (obviously) with ETE and it’s up there with some of the best stuff I’ve seen on the fed. I think you’re firmly positioned as a top contender in at least the NA Championship division and nobody could dispute that. Reading the start of this promo and I am absolutely justified in making that statement. You have an incredible backstory with Krash and that always makes for the most meaningful, impactful pieces of writing when it can be interwoven into a piece. You do this brilliantly here.

    I won’t lie; I’m not crazy on the font but that’s a small nitpick. This piece about Alyster being depressed and suicidal and getting the plane immediately home is great. It’s very powerful writing. Suicide is a hard topic to strike a balance with. In some cases, it doesn’t come across very believable and in others, it seems extreme compared to what we know about the characters. A couple of characters can pull this off very effectively however such as Kayden Knox and of course, yourself. You wrote this extremely well and there was an edge that undercut the whole piece (such as the inclusion of the line about Alsyter hoping for the plane to end in a fiery blaze) that really gave a sense of urgency and seriousness to the piece. I thought it was excellent.

    The reflection scene was also very solid. Again the dialogue felt very real and emotional and I like how you bled in some history from Black Caramel into the exchange to give it some real fire and a reason for real Alyster to snap back. I suppose a very slight criticism would be that it felt like the issue was kind of “resolved” very quickly. I wouldn’t be harsh on that though as I felt it was still a strong piece and served a very good purpose.

    I much prefer the font in the next part of the promo but I also appreciate you differentiating them as they both had very different tones. I actually thought this was pretty decent stuff. It wasn’t incredible but I really enjoyed your use of New York City to voice your confusion as to why people love him so much. It’s quite a good analogy as Danny has, admittedly, been in for some perhaps, peculiar, high praise without ever really justifying it. They’re good shots to take and it lands I feel. I thought parts of this were just decent but I really liked the fire in the last section of the promo, really nice stuff. I swear I hadn’t read this when I made my opening comments about the NA stuff but that was pretty cool to see you say that. Ready-made, especially with Krash as the champion. I heard a few people say you weren’t happy with this. As your opponent this week; if this is you doing bad work, I’m absolutely delighted you didn’t do good work. I liked this promo quite a lot.



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  2. #22
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    The font was my favourite thing about the Black promo

    (I haven't read it yet though)
    Last edited by SupineSnake; 10-12-2020 at 12:47 PM.


  3. #23
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    David Sullivan
    This is the best match you probably could’ve had at this show with the Tag Tournament in full swing, it’s a big match and you produced a big promo. I will start by saying that I don’t particularly like interactions between FWA Characters and their children. Especially for heels. Personal taste and I won’t let it affect my enjoyment of the promo but as you’ll see, I haven’t got much negative feedback here so I may as well tell you the one little thing I’m not crazy about. It’s just that, well … although it’s a realistic description of an interaction that would take place between father and daughter at bedtime, it just makes Sullivan seem a bit lame. And he’s meant to be this ultra-slick, McGregor-type, cool heel. It’s just a bit jarring. It’s essentially my only criticism however.

    Once we get into the first act the writing is smashing and I can even enjoy the interactions between Sammie and David because they are quite humorous in relation to what’s happening. I like the set-up to this act being in a kingdom because out of the people that you go on to mention in the preceding acts, I feel Cyrus is best suited to this setting. I like how you’re encompassing so many different players here and I like the small shots at Garcia and Gabs. David interjecting at the end was very, very funny. I found that to be a great ending to Act 1.

    I enjoyed the switch in themes massively. I was expecting the second act to continue in the vein of the first but I much prefer this decision. It was a fun read running through Sullivan’s history with another big player in Diamond. I’ve talked about how it’s good to elevate your opponents or past opposition to make it seem a bigger deal when you beat them or have already beaten them. You do this nicely here hyping up Diamond before going on to speak about how Sullivan bested him. The interjection is a nice recurring gag, although, I will say it wasn’t as effective as the Act 1 interjection. I thought Yuna’s inclusion in this narrative was slightly out of place so I was a bit confused but it was cleared up and actually served as a good segue into the final act.

    I like the touch of the horse’s name. The writing here was particularly good, probably the strongest of all three acts. There were some good shots laid into Garcia here and you didn’t spend too much time on it escalating it quickly (but correctly) to the task at hand; Kickin’ Kennedy. I really enjoyed the dialogue here and the story was tied thematically well to the piece whilst really saying what you’re trying to say; Kennedy is going to be forced to pass the mantle over to Sullivan at the Anniversary Show. The final promo part after shooting Kennedy was exceptionally strong and delivered a great message.

    The epilogue was good but not entirely necessary. I’d have rather it end with Act 3 then a soppy ending with Sammie. Even if you ended it with the “And it’s the final dagger.” line I think it would have been better. It’s obviously not going to take away from the strength of this promo I just thought it was cliche and a bit groan-inducing. Again, that’s just me, I’ve never really enjoyed the inclusion of young children in promos/angles/whatever. Purely personal preference. Top notch work here Sulley, showing why you’re the WHC once again.



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  4. #24
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSaiyan View Post
    The font was my favourite thing about the Black promo

    (I haven't read it yet though)
    Lol there ya go

    I guess that's why it's so hard to nail top marks from all judges in presentation and formatting. Everyone has different tastes!


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  5. #25
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Gabrielle Montgomery
    Like I mentioned in Garcia’s review, I’m strangely looking forward to this match. It gained some heat very suddenly. You’ve an ability to make nearly everything with Gabs seem important and that bleeds into your promos I find. Your descriptive writing is insanely strong and you are one of the best I’ve ever seen at setting the scene and describing things. It really enhances your promo but it also gives off a strong first impression and I find it easier to keep a reader hooked if they instantly think the writing is good. You do that very well here.

    I don’t really like the idea of an imposter Garcia. I get what you’re doing and it is a different way to be able to say what you want to say about Garcia then just outright saying it in a promo or interview setting but it doesn’t stand out as being an overly creative way to do it. To be fair, this week there was a particularly high level of creativity in that department and this wasn’t bad. It just seemed average. However, that’s the only thing I can bring myself to call average. After that, everything is great.

    The dialogue is really strong and if it’s one thing I know is going to be an excellent piece of writing it’s Gabby promos like this. It feels a while since you’ve done one like this and it’s a refreshing jolt of nostalgia and a stark reminder to how strong a promo like this can come across. The segue from the playful jabs at Garcia being obsessed with Gabby to Garcia not being world championship material was a particularly stinging jab and some really strong put-downs ensued from this.

    The blows are quite strong and deep here and like all the best ones, seem to be stemmed in some element of truth. I like that Gabby’s playing on Mike’s history of failing to hook up with her and using it to compare how failure and things not working out is ultimately the theme of Garcia’s career. It’s really impressive in a RP when a good knowledge of the opponent is shown and Gabrielle’s career is so rich it could be easy to gloss over aspects of your opponent and just boost up your own shit but you show a really strong command of knowledge over Garcia’s career and it allows you to make big blows with the likes of the comments on Executive Excellence and Kayden Knox. Really strong stuff here ETE.

    I knew there was an explosion coming in terms of bringing up the female comments and while it was hinted at throughout it really came alive here and;
    Mile High, Trial By Fire, Back In Business Main Events. Women’s Championships, Tag Team Championships, World Championships. Golden Opportunities, Quest For the Best, the Christopher Stallings Memorial Award. I have done it all.

    Stu St.Clair, Ashley O’Ryan, Jenny Ignito. Duke Drazin, Chris Kennedy, Matt Boudreau. Ryan Hall, Cyrus Truth, Moira Crawford. Aut Pax Aut Bellum, The Undisputed Alliance, Vodka and Venum. I have defeated them all.

    And you think your dick is going to get the best of me Michael Garcia?

    This is one of my favourite lines of the week. It probably is my favourite standalone piece of any writing this week. Great. The head switching was a bit fucked but I think I enjoyed it? I enjoyed the message anyway even if the image was a bit whack. I was happy when they switched back, let’s just say, lol. Throughout the promo I did find it was slightly repetitive in it’s message at times but nonetheless this is definitely a high-scoring promo and the last piece was a nice closer. It can be hard to find when to wrap up these monologue style promos but I think you hit a nice balance here. Top promo ETE.


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  6. #26
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Yuna Funanori
    I was really happy to see this promo be the one I got to review last because I just knew it was going to be a really fun read and you seem to really be enjoying your new character. And lo and behold we start with a shanty! Very funny and unique intro here dude and I’ve a smile on my face already. The description is strong here and the dialogue is quite good too. The one thing I’ll say is it’s a bit confusing to decipher who’s speaking, it is colour coded but it’s tough to follow at times. I can figure it out tho, not a major gripe. I think maybe you made a mistake with one speaker’s colour.

    I was kinda starting to wonder what was happening but then you had the encounter with the other ship begin and I was right back into this story. This bit was extremely funny and well-written but yikes the font of Trevor’s dialogue hurts to read. Patches entrance was fun but I’m lost again with who’s speaking. I think it’s just a colouring mistake again by you but at this stage I’d have noted it for grading purposes if I was actually to grade this. Still fun once you work out who’s speaking and you make some good jabs at The Division here.

    The segment with the FWA Head of Security was a nice way to bring us back into “reality”. I chuckled aloud with Yuna’s “pirate” response. I think it was a smart choice to have the security guard be the device that airs some of the criticism towards this match and I think Yuna was really fun and in character with her response and reaction to this. I really like that you want to inject fun into the FWA and not have it filled with such serious competitors. I think there are some really fun guys right now but nothing is outlandish and over the top as this in a straight up gimmick sense. Golden Showers, Toner Bros, ParrKrash all seem to be writing over-the-top, humorous promos but in-character on the show, they’re more serious. Yuna is doing it both in-character on the show and in here in her promo and I think there’s a serious spot for a gimmick character like this.

    This was a good promo and I like fun and silly but my main criticism is unfortunately Patches. He’s fun and I think should definitely be around as a mascot but I can’t take him as a partner seriously and I do think this is essentially a handicap match for Yuna and Patches involvement here, while funny, done nothing to shake that notion. As this is a new character the level of detail we get from Yuna is fine here and I think you’ve managed to make her personality shine through in other ways than just speech which is mighty impressive but I’ll need to see more from her in future promos to truly get behind her as an act. Patches is definitely funny but I don’t really care about getting too behind a parrot in the FWA so as the act goes on I’ll ultimately want to be seeing more from Yuna. Good work here and a very fun read, this will be one of the closest matches on the night, I feel. Also “Bon Voyage.” totally works as a catch-phrase for Yuna.

    ------------------------------------------------

    Done! I hope everyone found their reviews somewhat helpful. I'm far from an expert on any of this and while it's not going to be as insightful or helpful as if one of the mods or top guys reviewed your work I hope I've given you some tips and maybe there's some discussion topics to be taken from them! If anybody has any questions about my review of their work or would like some more detail just let me know. Really looking forward to The Anniversary Show now. :D


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  7. #27
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Hail to the Tig


  8. #28
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tig View Post
    Cheers man, super appreciate the review. Yep, that's a very fair point you've made about Danny being in the sleazy motel, I'm sure people familiar with the character aren't surprised but I'd do well to remind myself a lot of people aren't familiar with Danny from a few years ago. Danny is a sleazeball essentially, he's a coke addict and has a massive drinking problem. He's from a rough part of New York and despite having made a lot of money and dressing snappy etc he's more at home in rougher environments. I'm happy you've pointed this out because that's on my to make this sort of stuff clear to new readers. Yeah, Ramon and Toner's history is quite intertwined and I like to play on their dynamic. It was goofy but reminiscent of a frequent thing that happens with me and my friends when we call each other, we all hate being on speaker IDK, it was meant to be humorous and some people have wrote to me saying they were lol'ing during it but I can see from your and Sulley's comments it may not have quite hit the mark.

    Yeah, you're dead right here on the last part. That's a super fair critique and one I was expecting. I think I write fun stories but I struggle greatly to focus on my opponent and match at hand. I guess I kind of put all my eggs in one basket and was aiming for the development being that Danny going into the future and seeing how much he has let everyone down/sick of his shit as you say and making him feel like fuck I'm not letting this happen again but I can see I didn't quite achieve that. It's fine, I'll incorporate it into my next promo.

    Can I ask you a question Comeback Kid? I had initially planned to do the press conference at Rogers Arena that I mentioned in the promo. It would've been about 1000 words and it was going to be purely about the match and Alyster Black but I decided not to roll with it because I quite liked the length of my current piece. Was this a bad omission on my behalf? Would you be scoring it higher if that was included?

    Thanks a million man, really appreciate it.

    PS - The DeLorean was previously lend to Devin Golden, who also used it as a device for time-travelling and I have included a few snippets about it in RPs since (pretty much Devin wants rid of it and Danny and Donny haven't picked it up), I suppose this was just me being cute and trying to pay that off!
    If I were a reviewer your score would rise considerably had you included the press conference at Rogers Arena. I LOVE the idea of press conferences and things of that nature to hype up matches. It gives pro wrestling a more mature vibe and makes it seem like the match is actually important. Addressing your opponent and persuading the reader as to why you should win and why your character and the story that you are telling is better are things I generally tend to look for when I review.

  9. #29
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Thanks for the feedback tiggy, you're right i had much loftier goals for it and had to kinda just rush something out

  10. #30
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    Re: FWA 15th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Mac View Post
    Thanks for the feedback tiggy, you're right i had much loftier goals for it and had to kinda just rush something out
    Hey look who got his account back!

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