King Steventon

I should just say before this, I havent seen this PPV before and theres lots of "interesting" stuff to be said about it, so this may be kinda long-winded
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The Big Show vs Brock Lesnar
Match is a Rumble Qualifier, so the winner gets the last spot in the match. Normally this would be unfair, but this is The Big Show and Brock Lesnar, two guys who’d have the odds stacked in their favour otherwise. But the match has more to it than that as Big Show, along with Heyman who turned on Lesnar, cost him the title, so this is also his long awaited shot at revenge too. The crowd are hot for this match and even hotter for the belly-to-belly suplexes (!!!) Lesnar gives Show. Show fights out of one of them and throws Lesnar over the top rope by his head, looked pretty painful. Show starts beating Lesnar down and Cole says “he’s treating Lesnar like a child”. Someone should call child services. Lesnar counters a Chokeslam into an armdrag style pin, never seen that reversal before. Heyman’s presence is felt throughout the match, in the end Lesnar grabs him and drags him into the ring. He sets Heyman up for a F5 but walks straight into a Chokeslam from Show. It gets a two and Big Show’s face is genuinely hilarious.
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Show sets him up for another Chokeslam, but Lesnar shoves him into Heyman then gives him an impressive F5 for the win. Pretty good opener considering how long it went on, a simple story told and Lesnar suplexing Show is impressive on it’s own. The match made the Rumble shot seem like really big deal too which was cool. 6:29
**3/4

Backstage, Terri is with Chris Jericho. Terri looks like she’s from Planet Of The Apes imo. To build his fued with Michaels at ‘Mania, Vince had given HBK the no.1 spot in the Rumble, and Jericho had his pick of any other spot, so he picked no.2. He does that awesome heel thing where he plays the victim then just overloads with arrogance and says hes going to throw 29 other guys over the top. Nice quick promo even though its obvious he won’t win
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The Dudley Boyz vs Lance Storm and William Regal
Surely Regal/Storm were any pure wrestling fans dream team? Starts out pretty much as your bog standard tag match. Regal and Storm control D-Von and the crowd starts a “USA” chant to fire him up. He gets the hot tag to Bubba who takes out both heels. He throws both them in the corner then yells “aye you bloody wanker” before hitting a splash on both of them
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Bubba Ray ftw. He takes them both out with Dusty elbows and Bubba Bombs for a near fall. D-Von gets a blind tag and they give Regal the WAZZUP!~ They set Storm up for 3D, but Chief Morely aka Val Venus (damn I genuinely forgot about this character entirely) comes out to distract the ref. Regal gets the brass knucks… but walks into a 3D nonetheless. D-Von uses the knucks on Storm and that gets the 3, new champions! Both teams are great workers but this match was hugely formulaic and average until the finish, which was a nice way to see the heels getting a taste of their own medicine. 7:24
**

Promo for Nathan Jones. Apparently Australia has a load of convicts escaping and Jones is one of them. So wwe has hired an escaped convict wanted for armed robbery. >______________________________>

Dawn Marie vs Torrie Wilson
For those unaware, this match is a result of one of the worst angles I’ve ever seen. Dawn Marie marries Torrie Wilson’s father, he then dies on their honeymoon and the two brawl at his funeral. So yeah, to say expectations of this match are high would be a lie. Dawn even comes to the ring with a veil on and Cole and Taz trying to sell this as a serious emotional fued is so cringeworthy. Dawn tries to work some vague semblance of psychology by working over Torrie’s arm but really, what’s the point? Torrie reverses and Irish whip into a…err.. idk, but it looked terrible. Torrie with some armdrags but dawn gets in a springboard clothesline out the corner. Dawn actually looks like a decent wrestler in this match, not that the fans yelling “boring” care. Torrie gets the win after a neckbreaker in typical anti-climactic, waste-of-time-trying, makes-everything-else-irrelevant style for a divas match. Dawn tried but this was obviously doomed to be shit from the bell. 3:36
DUD

Cole asks Taz after the match what this victory means, and neither him, Cole, nor anyone else has a fucking clue.

Backstage Steph McMahon walks into Biscoff and a very young looking Randy Orton. Steph and Biscoff trash talk (to cover up the sexual tension
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).

Promo for Sean O’ Haire’s self help gimmick. Boy, did that bomb bigtime.

ANOTHER promo for Jones, hurry up with the fucking matches and stop promoting a guy you’d release after a couple of months.

Triple H vs Scott Steiner
To say this match has a bad rep would be an understatement. Lots of exciting PUNCHING AND SLUGGING to start the match off, damn if this match doesn’t have five stars written on it, nothing does. After five minutes of Steiner hammering Trips, Trips gets in the facebreaker, but Steiner no sells it~! No Steiner, you don’t have fighting spirit. I could be wrong, but I think Steiner is trying to work HHH’s back. He goes for the Steiner Recliner, but Flair saves Trips by pulling him out. This match is riveting. Steiner goes for a powerslam or a tombstone or something, but Trips reverses into one of his own, but Steiner wriggles free and HHH gives him a neckbreaker or something. Not sure that sequence went to plan. HHH is getting more of a reaction than Steiner interestingly. Steiner with about 10 belly-to-bellys, he fucking loves them. The phrase “one trick pony” comes to mind. Steiner botches a Tiger Bomb. Superplex. Steiner blocks a shot with the belt on the outside and pushed HHHs back. He argues with Flair so HHH can blade to show just how hard he was pushed…??? HHH tries to escape through the crowd but Steiner pulls him back in. Trips tries to get DQ’d but Hebner continues the match. Thank you Hebner. HHH’s grabs a sledgehammer and hits Steiner with it to finally get DQ’d. After the match Steiner gets the hammer and attacks both HHH and Flair and locks in the Recliner on HHH. DQ finish means we get a rematch, oh joy. 18:14 of pure crap.
½*

Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit
At the other end of the scale, my trusty sextoy Paulzo says this a five star bout, and after their WMX7 match, I haven’t doubted it. Before the match Haas and Benjmain are ejected from ringside. Benoit takes the fight to Angle from the start, focusing in on his injured knee. Benoit gets in lots of hard strikes and chops on Angle early on. They fight on the apron before Benoit plants Angle with a DDT off it. Benoit misses a diving headbutt early on. Knowing what all the head bumps did to the guy, I always cringe when I see that spot. Angle takes control and the match becomes a wrestling clinic. Benoit with a big comeback, giving Angle two Germans in a row, but Angle counters into his own before the third, but Benoit counters that again into the third German. Nice sequence. Benoit goes for the diving headbutt again, but Angle gets in a HUGE super Belly-to-belly suplex. Benoit reverses the Angle Slam into the Crossface~! The crowd are pretty mental for this match. Angle gets to the ropes, but Benoit pulls him away and locks in an Ankle Lock~! Angle reverses into one of his own~! Benoit reverses into the Crossface~! This is pretty epic. Angle reverses into an Angle Slam~! 1…2….NO! Ankle Lock! Counter! More counters! Both men hit German suplexes on each other one after the other! Damn, I’m actually loving this match :S Angle is out cold, Benoit hits an amazing diving headbutt from one side of the ring to the other. 1…2…NO! Counters from Angle into another Angle Slam. It gets another big two. This match is now officially better than their WM match. Both men counter submissions again until Benoit it unable to get out of the Ankle Lock, no matter how hard he tries, and is forced to submit. Maybe its because it followed a shitfest, but this match was amazing, hands down one of the best matches I’ve ever seen. Fantastic wrestling, fantastic story-telling, the whole deal. 19:48
*****

After the match, Benoit gets a standing ovation, the icing on the cake.

Backstage Kane and RVD are talking about the Rumble. Kane, who at this point wasn’t really a monster, just a big guy with a mask, talks about how he almost one the 2001 rumble. Both men are prepared to eliminate each other to win.

The Royal Rumble Match

HBK and Y2J are the first two, only it isn’t Jericho at the ramp, it’s Christian allowing the real Y2J to sneak attack HBK. Y2J brings in a chair and hits HBK with it. Horray for another elaborate blade job? Chris Nowinski is no.3, but he lets Jericho attack HBK some more. If memory serves, Nowiniski was pretty horrible outside his fued with Dreamer. We’re a minute into the match and HBK is already covered in blood and selling ridiculously. A limp HBK is eliminated. Mysterio is no.4, but Nowinski hasn’t go in the ring yet either. Rey immediately attacks with quick offence but is almost eliminated, barely holding onto the ring post. Nowinski finally gets in and helps Y2J attack Rey. No.5 is Edge and Spears the heels as soon as he’s in the ring! Both heels roll to the outside, but not over the top so they aren’t eliminated. Rey and Edge square off and nearly eliminate each other. Christian is no.6, he tries to buddy buddy with Edge, but Edge floors him with a Spear!
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They set up a double team move, but Nowinski tries to eliminate them both. Tries. His celebration is hilarious tbh. The faces get up on the corners and give him a double missile dropkick. That looked sick. No.7 is Chavo. Some nice lucha with Rey but ends up eating a 619. Rey eliminates Nowinski. Y2J is back in and eliminates Rey. No.8 is Tajiri. So far this Rumble has been stacked with talent. Tajiri lays waste with some brutal kicks and whacky submissions. No. 9 is Phil DeMott aka Hugh Morris, suddenly the amount of talent falls. No.10 is Dreamer and he brings a trash can and some canes into the match. Him and Edge batter DeMott with them and he flies over the top. Christian and Y2J grabs weapons and destroy Dreamer with them before eliminating him. Sidenote, I don’t know if the inervals here are the same as other Rumble’s because it seems as if they are too short for anyone to actually get showcased fully. Y2J reverses the Tarantula and eliminates Tajiri just as JR is putting him over
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No.11 is B2, but he’s eliminated straight away by Edge. Thanks for showing up. Edge Spears Chavo off the apron to eliminate him too. Y2J is almost thrown out, but skins the cat in a nice nod to his fued with HBK. He eliminates both Christian and Edge, leaving him the only one left. No.12 is RVD to a huge pop. RVD annihilates Y2J, but fails to eliminate him. Unlucky no.13 is Matt Hardy. Now this is a triple threat I’d love to see. Five Star Frogsplash on Y2J. No.14 is Eddie. Eddie with a Frogsplash on RVD, followed by a Twist Of Fate from Matt. No.15 is Jeff Hardy and the brothers face off. Matt tries to team up with Jeff, but Jeff attacks him. Didn’t we see that already in this match? Moore is on the outside preventing Matt from being eliminated. Jeff tries a Swanton, but Moore climbs on to of Matt and Jeff hits both of them. Fun little spot. No.16 is Rosey… No.17 is Test. Test cleans house and gives Matt a Pumphandle Slam. No.18 is Cena, he comes to the ring rapping…rapping flawlessly at that >_>. Got to love that gimmick. No. 19 is Haas. Jeff tries a WITW, but RVD eliminates him. Right now, this match has absolutely no direction and is just filler until Brock Lesnar or some other serious contender enters. So no.20 is Rikishi, yay? Some nice interaction between him and Rosey but not enough to hold by interest at this point.

No.21 is Jamal, the future Umaga. Two seconds into his appearance he gets a Stinkface. No.22 is Kane!~ Finally someone who may make this interesting. He cleans house and gives Rico a Chokeslam. Kane eliminates Rosey then gives Matt and Moore an impressive double Chokeslam. ONCE AGAIN Jericho barely avoids being eliminated. If there is one ounce of direction in this match, it’s Jericho trying to survive as long as possible. No.23 is Shelton….ok…No.24 is Booker T. Royal Rumble Spinerooni! Eddie is eliminated. No.25 is A-Train! And he kills everyone in sight! HBK is back out!!!1~ Test eliminates Jericho!~ Y2J and HBK brawl on the outside, that’s by far the most entertaining part of the match since Edge and Rey were gone. No.26 is Maven and No.27 is Goldust. Haas eliminates him quickly, followed by Booker T. No.28 is Batista. Test misses a Big Boot and is eliminated by Batista, followed by Rikishi. No.29 is Lesnar~! Aw yeah, now this match may be worth watching. Lesnar eliminates Team Angle, who then F5’s Hardy out onto them! Last but not least, No.30 is The Undertaker~! He eliminates Cena and Jamal. Maven with a dropkick to Taker, shades of last year~! Lmao, Maven’s reaction is hilarious. Chokeslam and Maven is out. Kane with a Chokeslam on Lesnar. RVD saves Kane from a Trainwreck and they eliminate A-Train. Kane then tricks RVD and eliminates him. Lesnar and Taker square off, epic stare down! They battle it out and Taker gets the Tombstone. Taker eliminates Batista and Kane. Batista brings a chair in, but Taker sends him out. This is enough for Lesnar to eliminate Taker for the win!~ After the match, Taker congratulates Lesnar which is cool.

I’ll be honest, this may be the worst Rumble I can think of from memory. It was great up until both Edge and Rey were eliminated, then it seemed to just be boring filler up until Lesnar came in. There were some useless jobbers in here, but really the amount of talent here was staggering and should have been better. However it fell down the same trap as most Rumbles do of having no real direction and just being 30 minutes or so of boring brawling with each guy getting two seconds worth of showcasing, if that.The fact that Brock Lesnar (and maybe Kane) was the only serious contender to win this match hurt it badly. That said, the Rey/Edge and the Lesnar/Taker parts were really enjoyable, its shame they just weren’t enough.
**


Overall, this is a quite lacklustre PPV and I’m glad I got it on sale otherwise I would feel pretty ripped off. Strange that Lesnar managed to be great here in two matches. The opener was enjoyable but nothing amazing, so the only thing here going out of your way to see is Angle/Benoit, and it really is worth watching. I probably have overated it, but compared to the shitfest that was Steiner/HHH, it looked like a million bucks. If there was ever a case of one match making the rest of a terrible PPV worth sitting through, it’d be this. Watching this also reminded me how much I hated Smackdown at this time, though it did leave me wanting to rewatch more of the Lesnar/Taker fued.

Match Of The Night: Kur Angle vs Chris Benoit

Grade: D+


EDIT - spoiler tags didn't go to plan :/

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KenTheKiller

Great review.

It's an interesting PPV. I'd get it in the RR anthology or for really cheap, but I doubt I'd pay too much for it. Interesting nonetheless. Maven/UT must have been luls.

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horrorfan_1986

As much as I loved late 2002 (Raw and SD), almost immediately, I noticed the change of product once 2003 started. That new product...I hated.

I didn't like the idea of the Lesnar/Show match. Although it was obvious that Lesnar would win the Rumble, it's kind of senseless to remove one of your top stars from even being in it. While longer than their Survivor Series match, I actually preferred their SS match to this one.

For some reason, most tag team matches are terrible at the Royal Rumble. Duds vs The Former UnAmericans was no exception. It was really hard to take Regal/Storm serious after losing to Ross and Lawler on the final Raw of 2002. The title change proved to be pointless since Regal/Storm would win the titles back the next night on Raw.

The women's match is something that I can't believe they booked 3 (!) times on PPV in a year and a half (roughly). Dawn was a decent wrestler at the time (Try looking for her match against Nadia on Velocity. She actually hits a crossbody from the top rope to the outside of the ring), but there was no way she could carry Torrie.

That being said, I would actually say the Raw title match was even worse. I don't think there's ever been someone who recieved back to back World title matches, missed the next ppv, was booked on Heat for the next, before finally being put back on PPV.
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They really went 20 minutes? I don't remember it being that long, but fuck. The crowd at least made it fun.

Benoit vs Angle was a classic for sure, especially with the post-match cheers. It's the match that really made the WWE comfortable enough with giving Benoit the title in '04. On such a terrible night, it was one bright light.

The Rumble match was a disaster IMO. I would say the biggest problem was the amount of wrestlers trying to be stars by hanging on by any means (Like Michaels or Hunter in the past). It's entertaining to see, but when a lot of wrestlers do it, it loses it's meaning. The Batista/Taker meeting is pretty cool to see now that they've had a lengthy feud. Like I said though, there was only one logical winner for the match. When there's an obvious winner, the Rumble lacks a lot of fun.

Horrible way to start an even worse year.

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King Steventon

Thinking about it, it probably would have been better to have Show in the rumble to give some more direction. Have Lesnar get his revenge in the rumble, then go on to beat his nemesis the Undertaker to win, it would have made it more interesting. That said, the rumble was filled with big power guys, Show would have had a hard time standing out in it.

Definatley. I left this out to save space, but the fact that King of all people had already given them a taste of their own medicine made the finish to the match far less meaningful.

20 long minutes >_> Amazing they gave them almsot as much time as Angle/Benoit. The only time the crowd actually cared really was when Flair was getting them to cheer for Trips.

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horrorfan_1986

Plus you could of easily set up the next feud with Show against Taker. Have Taker eliminate Show and have him in the role that was given to Batista with being the distraction to eliminate Taker. Looking at some of the wrestlers in the Rumble match, they needed more star power. Demott, Nowinski, B2, Dreamer, Maven, and the recently turned jobbers, 3MW. I know the fans sure as hell didn't care about Demott and B2, so why wouldn't you put Show in?

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King Steventon

Indeed, then you could have added those 6 minutes to more punch, punch, suplex... punch, punch, go to the outside....punch, punch, suplex....

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Cleveland's Finest

The Rumble was pretty bland. Agree with all your thoughts.

But D plus is harsh. You got a 5star, 3 2-3 stars, and 2 trash, deserves a C atleast.

King Steventon

Two stars is below average >_>

It wasn't just the quality of the matches either, it was also the booking. One good match and one great match arent enough to save a poor PPV.

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Kizza

Man, i remember watching this, and thinking it was horrible.

And fuck your Australia reference
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horrorfan_1986

Rereading this, I'm reminded of how little Steiner used the Steiner Recliner and how the WWE never made it seem important. Anyone who watched WCW in it's last few years (All 5 of us) would know how painful and successful of a hold it was. It was a hell of a lot better than the Novocaine (Spinning Downward Spiral) that Steiner started using as a finisher.

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