Who's on Steroids??

Crockerinho

Article thanks to www.armpitwrestling.com

Everyone always asks, "Who's on steroids?" Sometimes you can tell, and sometimes you can't. Well, we have no clue. But we're going to guess anyway.


We did a survey a few years back and asked you all who was and wasn't on the juice. It was fun, but it was Hell to tally all the votes and post the responses. So this time, it's just one person's opinion: mine. See what laziness does?



We'll start out with the RAW roster first. In the future, we'll do SmackDown.



*DISCLAIMER: Slander is illegal. Please note that I have NO PROOF any of these guys have done steroids. It's just my opinion and personal guess, and no way insinuates anything. Just because I say it doesn't mean it's true. So if the Feds are reading this, please, don't arrest them based on what I say. Arrest them only after you've investigated them and gotten proof they're injecting gas. And if you happen to have any pictures of that, we'd love it if you shared them with the Armpit.





Batista



I've never seen a guy so huge that so many people say isn't on steroids. This guy at my work thinks he's clean. Another guy wrote me saying he was clean. Everyone thinks he's clean. Do me a favor, gentlemen, and go to your local mall. Go to your local gym. How many people are built like Batista? This guy is constantly on the road, and had to suffer through the horrible cancer of his wife. Stress like that is a killer to the body, yet somehow Batista always looks like he's ready to enter a bodybuilding contest. He's got all his hair, but hey, so does HHH. Batista is also closing in on 40. He doesn't look like your average 40-year-old; even a 40-year-old who trains hard.



*Our opinion: YES. Read my disclaimer above (especially you lawyers), but I think this guy is more obvious than anyone else in the company.





Chris Benoit



Without a doubt, Chris trains hard. He diets hard, and he's way into his protein shakes, muscle supplements, and vitamins. No one works harder than the Wolverine. However, he's still a small guy, and small guys don't look like Chris. He's got a naturally thick, ripped frame. You know the type I'm talkina bout. The guy in P.E. class who was short and stocky, and had muscles even though he didn't work out? Sort of like Whitfield Crane, the former lead singer of Ugly Kid Joe. Benoit has that frame, times 10. Look at Chris 10 years ago, and look at him now. Because he's so likeable and so talented, it's natural to want to believe Chris is, well, natural.



*Our opinion: YES. But he still trains hard and has the ultimate cardio. Maybe it's a combo of HGH and steroids, but it's gotta be something.





Chris Jericho



Chris is another small guy who amazingly became bigger as he made his way into the major leagues. Jericho, unlike Benoit, doesn't have a naturally muscular physique. Instead, he's just big with no tone. I don't think Jericho is a major abuser of steroids, but there were periods (like after he won the unified WWF/WCW title) where he made major gains in short time. Myoplex doesn't do that; steroids do.



*Our opinion: NO. Not right now, at least. But I do believe he used them at some point, and is at the point now where he can maintain whatever he's gained. He's not ripped, but not flabby either.





Chris Masters



Okay, this is a young guy with a body we'd all kill for. He made big gains just in the past month alone. If you can't see past this, then you're truly naive. Masters has some talent behind the mic, but it was clear why he was hired.



*Our opinion: YES.





Christian



Christian was recently asked on a Canadian talk show if he's ever used, and he squirmed in his seat while Edge answered (positively) regarding himself. If Christian was clean, he wouldn't have squirmed. Also, check out his physique five or six years ago, and check it out now. He's not muscular today, but used to be bigger.



*Our opinion: NO. But at some point, I think he tried them. Again, see my disclaimer above.





Daivari



Managers in wrestling used to look like Jimmy Hart. Today, they look like Daivari. Daivari has been active on the indie scene for years, and he's a good little worker. But he's also developing manboobs.



*Our opinion: YES. And expect to see him get bigger as he gets more air time. But since he's naturally small, he'll never be huge like the guy he manages.





Edge



This is tricky. Thanks to his interview in Canada last month, we now know for sure that Edge has used steroids. Hey, he admitted it. As for now, I don't know. His wife (soon-to-be ex-wife) claims Edge is still on them, and she may be right. Edge is no smaller or bigger than he used to be. He was skinnier once, after he came back from his major injury a couple years back. Since then, he went right back to his old weight. He's not huge, but he's not as skinny as he should be, either.



*Our opinion: YES. But I'm a little unsure. We know he used to do them, but he claims he stopped. He also claimed to Matt Hardy that he wasn't sleeping with Lita.





Eugene



There's a reason Eugene took so long to get called up to WWE despite being the best worker in OVW as Nick Dinsmore: he's not muscular. His gimmick doesn't require he be ripped, although he's got an okay build. He looks natural to me.



*Our opinion: NO. And let's keep it that way.





Gene Snitsky



Of all the guys on the roster, he has the physique that most similarly resembles the physiques of late 80s WWF. The back-ne, the muscle tone, the hair loss, the big jaw... he's a classic example.



*Our opinion: YES.





HHH



In 1997, HHH was so skinny. In 2005, he's huge. HHH's physique changes every week, depending what cycle he is on. You're a fool if you don't see what is so blatantly obvious here. Remember when HHH came back in 2002 after his quad injury? He was enormous. I wonder why.



*Our opinion: YES. Although I think HGH also plays a part in his physique.





Hurricane



The smallest guy on the roster. He's a fool if he's doing them, because they won't make a difference in his push or his overall size. He wears that costume, and I always fast forward though his matches, so my judgment here is questionable.



*Our opinion: NO. Amazing he still has a job. Credit that to Brian Gewirtz being a comic book geek.





Kane



Back in the day, Kane was stacked. He's softened up since then, though he's still big. He wrestles shirtless, but it's just mass, not tone.



*Our opinion: YES. Either way, he's going to win and dominate his matches and angles, so he's doing something right. But almost anyone who wrestles with his shirt off is pretty much advertising his usage.





Maven



I sure don't remember him looking like that on Tough Enough when he was training hard. And you wonder why he was brought back, with a push? Vince doesn't do that just to be nice.



*Our opnion: YES. Doing America's school teachers justice.





Mohammed Hassan



The guy has an amazing build, like a magazine cover model but bigger. And that's why he has a job with WWE.



*Our opinion: YES. Any objections?





Randy Orton



Hmm. A skinny guy, but muscular enough to be a WWE headliner. He really hasn't made huge, noticeable gains. I think this question will be answered once he returns from surgery.



*Our opinion: I DON'T KNOW. Surely not right now, but perhaps last year.





Ric Flair



He admitted to using them in his book, after denying for years that he ever did any illegal drugs. As anyone with a brain has noticed, Flair doesn't jiggle the way he did in WCW. Mick Foley once joked that Flair has to shove a needle in his ass to keep his tits from flopping around. Well, the truth hurts. Flair looks more muscular than he has in a long, long time. And he's 56.



*Our opinion: YES. Sad, isn't it.





Robert Conway



Just another WWE guy with a ripped, perfect physique. Where do they manufacture these men? Or should I ask, where do they manufacture the chemicals that make these men look like these men?



*Our opinion: YES.





Rosey



Gosh, what an embarrassing name he has. Rosey is a big, huge, mammoth of a man. None of it is muscle, and he wears a costume. He'd be an idiot if he juiced.



*Our opinion: NO. And I'd be scared if he did. Can you imagine?





Shawn Michaels



How can you look at his physique today and think he's on anything? Clearly he's not in the shape he used to be, though he's still in amazing shape. His religious attitude is genuine, and he's a changed man.



*Our opinion: NO.





Shelton Benjamin



It's always hard to grade world class athletes, because you know he's a super-hard trainer. Shelton has a great body, so I'm inclined to say Yes. I could be wrong, and he looks like he has really good genetics. But when you're on the road constantly, you don't keep a physique that good except in very rare cases.



*Our opinion: YES. But it wouldn't surprise me either way.





Simon Dean



He's not on the Simon system, but I don't think he's on the gas, either. He's in good shape, but wears a suit and works out hard. Again, I could be wrong, but I'm saying NO.



*Our opinion: NO.





Sylvan Grenier



*Our opinion: YES. See Robert Conway above.





Tajiri



He's deceptively big, but his physique is blah. In fact, given how WWE thinks, I'm surprised they still employ him. He's extremely talented and charismatic, but they have no clue how to use him.



*Our opinion: NO.





Tyson Tomko



Why else would this guy have a job at all?



*Our opinion: YES.





Val Venis



He wrestles so irregularly, that I see no reason why he'd be on. But I saw him wrestle last week, and he was huge. Why?? When he debuted in WWF, I think there was little doubt he was on. Today, there's doubt, but I still think he looks too jacked to say No for sure.



*Our opinion: YES. But I can't figure out why.





Viscera



Oh God no. Not a chance.



*Our opinion: NO.





Of the guys we listed, 64% received a YES. That's a lot lower than people would assume, and I expect the SmackDown percentage will be slightly lower. It's still bad, but in the 80s, it was far, far worse

Crockerinho

*DISCLAIMER: Slander is illegal. Please note that I have NO PROOF any of these guys have done steroids. It's just my opinion and personal guess, and no way insinuates anything. Just because I say it doesn't mean it's true. So if the Feds are reading this, please, don't arrest them based on what I say. Arrest them only after you've investigated them and gotten proof they're injecting gas. And if you happen to have any pictures of that, we'd love it if you shared them with the Armpit.





Big Show



Why? Why would he? He's one of the largest humans on Earth, and will get pushed to the moon because of it until his contract runs out. Show's drug of choice is food, not steroids. Like he really wants to be more uncomfortable in small seats and airplanes than he already is?



*Our opinion: NO. If he ever does, he will destroy the world.



Billy Kidman



What happened to Billy Kidman? This guy had more charisma when he was a skinny, depressed looking member of the flock. Now look at him. Sure, he's got Torrie, but with that haircut and bland look, he's a sure bet to become one of the most boring wrestlers ever (and we'll be doing a full list of boring wrestlers very soon on this site). You're gonna tell me that skinny little cruiserweight from WCW radically transformed into a thick powerhouse overnight, just by working out? Please. This guy has gotta be on.



*Our opinion: YES. All that damage he's doing to his body, and still no push. Give it up, Billy. Grow your hair, wear some cooler looking clothes, and go back to what you once were.



Bob Holly



I hate this asshole. He's a bully who potatoes anyone he wants, and people respect him for it. The only person he needs to bully is his dentist, who seemingly can't fix his ugly-ass teeth. I just wish someone tough like Puder or Angle would re-arrange his teeth for him. Holly (and what kind of sissy name is that?) has a great physique, and earned it as fairly as he has earned his reputation for being a tough guy. Cheaters always win, eh Sparky?



*Our opinion: Oh Hell yeah. Nut up or shut up, he likes to say? How about 'juice up and fuck off.'



Booker T



I gotta meet the genetic jackhammer who produced two giants like Booker T and Stevie Ray. Good grief, give me THOSE genetics. Booker would be big no matter what, but he still feels the need to kick it up a notch. He's got incredible mass, and one spunky wife. Call me crazy, but I'm really liking the Sharmell/Angle/Booker angle.



*Our opinion: YES. He's just too damn big.



Carlito Colon



This guy has got such incredible potential. Good on the mic, lots of charisma, a great look, and a decent worker. One of the few instances where WWE takes a colorless guy and brings out a real interesting personality. Props to them for that. He should be headlining WM22 against Cena next year, but they'll never figure out how to make it work. I like Carlito, but I can't tell for sure if he's on. He's got some mass, but doesn't have that steroid look. But his size is deceiving, because he's in there with monsters. Wouldn't surprise me either way.



*Our opinion: I don't know.



Charlie Haas



Oh wait, how could I have ranked Billy Kidman as the most boring wrestler around, when it's possible Haas just might be even duller. Boy did this guy's career tank in 2 years or what. I can't rag on a guy who lost his brother, so I'll be quiet. But I will say I think he's on the juice.



*Our opinion: YES. A rock solid athlete, no doubt. But he knows how the game is played, and if he wants to keep his job, he's gonna have to maintain that unnatural physique.



Chavo Guerrero



Well I don't know about you, but I don't know many 5'-6" guys who have an upper body like Chavo's. The 5'-6" guys I know have a body like man: ie, like Spike Dudley's. Chavo has demonstrated instances of roid rage, but that could just be the Guerrero temper. Chavito isn't naturalito.



*Our opinion: YES. And the two don't mix well.



Danny & Doug Basham



Just another two guys juiced up, bland, and boring. SmackDown is a haven for guys like that. Not sure they gas up to the extremes their former manager Linda Miles did, but these guys are husky little SOB's. But they don't need a steroid injection, they need a personality injection. Well that's not true, because they showed plenty of personality in OVW. WWE needs a creativity injection.



*Our opinion: YES. And thank goodness they stopped wearing leather pants. It just wasn't them.



Eddy Guerrero



I loved it when, after Eddy became WWE champ, people said how Eddy broke the size barrier and proved a small man can make it in WWE. Umm, NO. Eddy is not small. Brian Hebner is small. Michael Cole is small. Eddy G is gargantuan. He made it to WWE because he has a ripped physique, and has had one for several years. Eddy is a phenomenal talent, but au natural he is not.



*Our opinion: YES. People congratulate him for beating drugs like painkillers, but why aren't steroids considered a drug?



JBL



I'm so sick of this fucker. Cena is all ready and set to have a great title run, but he's being dragged down by this stale, unentertaining character. The JBL character is a good one, it just doesn't belong in the main event. Cena should be having fresh matches with Angle, Edge, Christian, or Orton. JBL?? Amazing. Let this feud end PLEASE.



*Our opinion: NO. He's massive, but flabby.



Joey Mercury



You're gonna tell me that a guy who came from OVW isn't on the juice? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Joey just got the break of a lifetime, and he ain't about to flounder it by not having the physique McMahon gets off on. He's a little guy, and without the gas, he'd be working indies for peanuts.



*Our opinion: YES. And if he wants to keep his job, he needs to keep doing what he's doing. If he wants to keep his life, he better stop now.



John Cena



Ironic that the guy with the most impressive physique is, in my opinion, clean. Look at Cena. Closely. He doesn't have the steroid look all the others guys do. It's a different muscle tone. He works hard, takes mega protein, and was gifted with some of the world's best genetics. He was just born to be a star, and he will be one. He just needs to learn how to work.



*Our opinion: NO. I'll get heat for that one, but I think he's clean. Some guys just have all the luck.



John Heidenreich



I don't want to waste keystrokes on this guy. He and Luther Reigns, for whatever reason, are just 2 guys I can't stand.



*Our opinion: YES.



Jonny Nitro



Here's a guy who went from what I thought was the geekiest look ever to one of the coolest looks ever. That hair-do is just the coolest thing in the world. He's got the look, the clothes, and the talent to go far. Jonny always had a good physique from his Tough Enough days, but it has miraculously gotten better. I wonder why.



*Our opinion: YES. And he's making it work for him.



Kurt Angle



Last time we did an article on steroids, most people wrote in saying they didn't want to believe their Olympic hero was on the juice. Well, believe it. When he was training harder than anyone else has ever trained before (back in the 1996 Olympics), his physique was nothing like it is now. There's a reason people take steroids: they work.



*Our opinion: YES. It's true, it's true.



Mark Jindrak



I apologize, Haas and Kidman. Jindrak is the most boring guy around. A generic, bland, boring, dull, lifeless, chiseled, cut, ripped to shreds Greek God. A dime a dozen in WWE.



*Our opinion: YES. Why else would he be employed?



Nunzio



Little Guido is little. You don't get hired in WWE by being little unless something fishy is going on. Nunzio is tiny, but I think he'd be even more tiny without the stuff. I might be wrong here, but then again I might not be.



*Our opinion: YES.



Orlando Jordan



Is the balloting still open for most boring wrestler? Why is this guy in main events?



*Our opinion: YES. Oh yeah, that's why he's in main events.



Paul London



Nah. I think London sticks out in WWE like a sore thumb, but he's talented. Maybe that's why he sticks out.



*Our opinion: NO. Probably because he can't afford them.



Rey Mysterio



Anyone who has followed Rey's career knows how little he used to be. And he'll always be little no matter what, so I don't know why he does. Why not just lose the mass and become a better high flyer for it? S-t-u-b-b-o-r-n.



*Our opinion: YES. Instead of juicing, he should get more tats to hide his lack of muscle.



Scotty 2 Hotty



Scotty is a classic example of a guy riding out a once successful gimmick until it is way beyond the point of being stale. He knows his role and shuts his mouth, thus he is employed. Hey, more power to him. I'd do the same thing, doing that damn W-O-R-M until I got fired, collected my no-compete clause checks, and then do the same thing on the indies for years. It feeds his family. Plus, when he was a WWE jobber (Scott Taylor) back in the day, he was a damn good bump taker. Scotty's clean.



*Our opinion: NO. He's already as over as he's ever going to be, so bulking up would do no good, and a whole lot of bad.



Spike Dudley



*Our opinion: NO.



Undertaker



Another guy I can't stand. I've never seen wrestling veterans fawn over and praise a guy so much who is hurt the business in more manipulative ways than anyone realizes. Am I the only one who sees this? The guy never sells or puts anyone over unless it's his friend like Brian Lee. He never looks weak, always gets his heat back, and points out everyone's weaknesses behind their back instead of working around them. How come they never book Batista, Benoit, Jericho, Edge, or Orton like that when they are faces? Nope, they're made to look stupid and incompetent, but Taker and HHH always manage to come out on top and bury everyone.



Nevertheless, you can't deny that this prick is in excellent shape. I've read that his wife is a fitness nut and whips him into shape, which is funny because it's usually the fat ugly guys who bitch to their wives to get in shape while they sit on their lazy asses and drink beer. But with Sara now having to care for two little brats kids, let's see if the Undertaker family can maintain their fitness.



*Our opinion: NO. Not now, at least. Hell, if he was, he might not have had the sperm count to produce 2 kids. Unless... that DDP/Sara angle was a shoot?? PS. How would you like to be the guy who dates Undertaker's daughter? I pity the fool who tries to put the moves on baby Undertaker and then has to face the wrath of her father.





If my assumptions are correct, that's about 70% of the SmackDown roster on the juice. Compare that to Raw, where I had it in the 60s. Ironic, since the perception is that the Raw roster is full of roidheads and SmackDown is cleaner. Hardly. Both rosters are swimming in steroids, and you know what? No one cares, especially the mainstream media. In other words, nothing will change, and the young deaths will continue. So will the injuries. The lesson? No one learns lessons. That's the lesson. Damn shame.

Tyler Durden

LOL. They were interesting, thanks Crock. I've read in Powerslam before that they feel around 75% of the locker are on steroids of some kind. I'd agree with most of their guesses even if some (Benjamin, Kidman maybe a couple of others) I couldn't even guess about.

Sure it's worrying and none of us want to see guys we enjoy watching like Hennig, Rude, Davey Smith, Pillman and many others die either from the knock on effects, the lifestyle associated or whatever. However, and it sounds hard to say it, it's the risk they want to take. Lord knows there are enough warnings from the last ten years or so to these guys but they choose to do it, they feel it will help give them a bigger push/more money/more clout so they do it.

This is sports entertainment and not true sport after all so if these guys want to be dumb then what can we do. Drugs are prevelant in just about any form of entertainment and, unless they're law breaking, how do we change it. As fans, I don't know how we could change the way this goes down and since Vince isn't (allegedly) really testing them anymore it's just a crappy cycle that will continue in wrestling, probably forever.

Crockerinho

How many guys in the WWE from 1994-97 were on the juice? I would say about 30% its increased a lot over the last few years

Dr. Giganto

This was the stupidest thing I ever read in my life

"Kane wrestles without a shirt on so he's obviously on steroids"

"He's really muscular so he's obviously on steroids"

This guy is a fucking moron who's probably never lifted a day in his life. I dont even take legal supplements, and I'm a really big guy. Just cuz this guy is a lazy piece of shit, doesnt mean that nobody else works hard to have a good body.

pp2

What a load of garbage lol. I quit reading when I got to Edge: YES. Eh?

Sounds like the author is one of those guys that could never get anywhere in the gym, so he accuses everyone who has muscletone of being juiced. What a tool.

Remember back a bit, this kid from Notre Dame who went to Sports Illustrated with steroid abuse charges? His biggest claim of proof was something along the lines of "Well, they can bench 300 pounds and I can't...they MUST be on steroids!".

I've spent enough time in the gym and seen enough steroid users to have a good idea of what a roid build looks like. I've also worked out with a Mr. Natural Universe and have seen up close what you can look like without cheating.

And just my $.02, I don't think Batista or Masters are juiced. Batista looks like he might have (like HHH used to), but Masters looks natural to me. Ya know, you can get pretty huge just by training and eating right if you legitimately have the genetics for it

Dr. Giganto

Exactly...Look, I can bench 300 pounds and I've never even seen steroids in my life.

To say that Daivari is on steroids is ludicrous. "Managers used to look like Jimmy Hart"...thats because managers werent also active wrestlers, dipshit

Eventually, you start to figure out what a "steroids body" looks like. Take a look at Scott Steiner, if you wanna see a guy who's definitely juicing

pp2

Here's another quote from the Kane commentary:

Who wrote this article? Whoever it is, they're an idiot.

Jericho? Christian? lol...3 weeks ago I was watching RAW and thinking to myself Jericho looks like he hadn't been in the gym for a bit. He seems to have toned up a bit since then, but there's also something known as muscle memory...in other words, if you lose it you can get it back fairly quick.

Rudki

yeah folks, I bodybuild, I know how big you can get with good genes, consistent (im talkin YEARS UPOND YEARS) training and the best diet can get you.......

for those not sure, take this with a grain of salt.

Yes I agree most/some are on roids, if not roids loads of growth hormone , but some of these guys may just have been training there asses off for decades (batista I think)..

anyway Ive seen Eddie wrestle up close, his back is covered full of steroid related acne, plus its obvious to tell eddie is on that stuff..


I too, used to think HHH was a roid user, hes definatly on some growth hormone stuff or was, but after reading his book I respect him alot more, he damn sure knows his stuff, hes been training for over 2 decades, just look at his picture when he won a teen bodybuilding contest..

pp2

I don't dispute that Trips knows his way around a gym, but he was pretty obviously into roids a few years ago. I can't recall when it was I noticed he looked like he was off them (and I'm glad he got off them), but I don't think there's any denying he was into them bigtime from '99-'02 at the very least. When he came back from that quad injury (one thing I WILL agree with in that article) he should have been called Quadruple H, he was that huge.

Eddie is another one that's obvious, as is Snitsky.