Crockerinho

Wrestling Moderator

Thanks to Ian Hamilton:

The show opened with Lillian Garcia singing "God Save The Queen", and with today being St George's Day, La Resistance didn't interrupt the national anthem. Instead, they came out after some pyro, and with their own introduction, before Sylvain Grenier butchered "a real national anthem". Tajiri's music played, as William Regal got a decent pop on his return to England. The match itself was a decent enough opener, but it was slow-paced - a theme for the entire night - with La Rez getting in their usual share of double teaming. William Regal won the match after around six minutes, with a knee to the head of Rob Conway (I think).

Match number two saw Chris Masters go up against the Hurricane. I think you can guess how this one would turn out. Masters came out to his usual pyro and cut a promo before the Newcastle fans, saying that he wouldn't issue the Masterlock Challenge, since he didn't think anyone could break the hold tonight. This was a glorified squash, although Hurricane did get some offence in, including a Buff Blockbuster on Masters, before the Masterlock was applied, and Hurricane tapped out.

Lillian Garcia introduced Jonathan Coachman for the night's third match, which turned out to be Victoria vs Christy Hemme. Coachman started off as guest ring announcer, then turned into guest referee, as the theme of "green newcomers against guys-who-have-some-experience" continued. Christy pulled off some decent huracanranas, including one as a counter to the Widow's Peak backbreaker. Victoria acted the heel in this match, and got some boos, despite receiving a healthy pop on her entrance. Christy did some weird high kick into a leg drop (think along the lines of what she did during the infamous swearing segment on the Diva Search last year) for a two-count, as Coachman pulled the old Shane McMahon arm injury angle. Christy gave Coachman a low blow for that, as Jack Doan ran in to finish off the match, which ended with Christy reversing a Widow's Peak into a roll-up for the pin. It wasn't bad for one of Christy's first bouts.

The Heat crew returned for the fourth match of the night, with Viscera (and his funky, not-threatening-at-all entrance music) going against Val Venis. There's too many V's in this match, which was mercifully kept short, with Vis hitting a cannonball-kick before the-move-formerly-known-as-the-Baldo-Bomb for the win.

Tyson Tomko vs Chris Jericho was next, with Jericho (and his pyro) getting the biggest pop of the night so far. Tomko started out with the upper hand on Jericho, and he forced his way out of a Walls of Jericho attempt early in the match. Jericho eventually turned the tables, but not before a missed Lionsault and a shoulder breaker got Tomko a two-count. Jericho won this with the Walls of Jericho, before cutting a promo on the crowd afterwards, thanking the 10,000-strong-crowd and saying he wanted to come back for more "Newcastle is Jericho".

The final match before the intermission saw Muhammad Hassan against Kane. Hassan got some huge heel heat on his entrance, and when Daivari's Farsi ranting was cut off by Kane's music (and eventually, his pyro), the quick squash job was underway. We had the usual cat and mouse games from Hassan, but Kane looked set to get a quick win and he set up Hassan for a chokeslam, before Daivari "hit" Kane with the weakest chair shot known to man for a DQ. The post-match 2-on-1 beat-down was also shrugged off by Kane, as he dished out a double chokeslam to send us into the break.

First match back was the Intercontinental Title match, with Christian challenging Shelton Benjamin. This would turn out to be the match of the night, which is a shame, since it was decidedly average. Benjamin busted out some good spots, including a 20-count "ramming the head into the turnbuckle" spot, where he used all three turnbuckles. Tyson Tomko, who accompanied Christian to the ring, was thrown out early in the game. Benjamin earned a near fall with a slingshot reverse suplex, before Christian capitalised on a missed Stinger splash for a two-count of his own. Shelton picked up the win when he pushed away an Unprettier attempt by Christian, and hit the T-bone suplex on the rebound for the pinfall.

Our semi-final match was a Backlash warm up, with Chris Benoit going up against Edge. It was under normal rules, but Benoit, who got a good pop, attacked Edge in the aisle. Benoit's early attack came to a close when Edge pulled off a hangman on the ropes to Benoit's injured arm. There weren't many chants of "you screwed Matt", with the crowd playing it safe and sticking to a very limited repertoire - all of which seemed to go in the form of "let's go Benoit". Benoit saw an early Crossface attempt broken up by the ropes, while a string of three German suplexes was followed up by a missed Swandive headbutt - before Edge's spear from that only earned him a two count. The end came when Edge hit Benoit over the ropes with a chairshot, seconds after the referee had been thrown to one side by Benoit, allowing Edge to get the easy win.

And so to our main event. God, I want to forget this match so much. Ric Flair & HHH vs Shawn Michaels & Batista. All four men got individual entrances, with Michaels getting some pyro, and HHH getting surprisingly little heel heat. They seemed to stall this match out for ages before they even locked up, with all four guys posing, before Flair and H cut their own little promos on the crowd. When they finally started wrestling, it felt like it was in slow-motion. After some chops resulted in a Flair Flop, Shawn Michaels' figure-four attempt on the Nature Boy was promptly booed by the fans in Newcastle, before Flair tagged out to HHH. Then we had a lot of stalling between Michaels and H, presumably to get the crowd riled up to chant for Batista. It didn't happen. Dave eventually got tagged in, but at this point, the crowd was dead, and they still stalled. I forgot a portion of this match, mainly because nothing happened, but H and Flair worked on Michaels' knee, with Flair getting a few near falls from a figure-four on Michaels. The crowd woke up for the end, with Batista hitting the turnbuckles to get the crowd clapping, but it was too little too late to save this abomination. Shawn pulled down Triple H's and Flair's trunks - and held them down, giving all four sides of the arena a view of the pair of full moons. Their asses were still hanging out when Flair went for his usual move off the top that he always misses, while HHH tried something else off the top. Batista was tagged in, and they went hone, with a Batista Bomb countered with a low blow, before HHH's Pedigree attempt was killed off with a superkick. Batista won the match with a spinebuster on Ric Flair - which mercifully ended the match.

All in all, the show was instantly forgettable. The best three matches of the night were Christian vs Shelton, Benoit vs Edge, and Christy vs Victoria. And when Christy Hemme is in one of the night's better matches, you know something was really wrong. The entire crew just seemed to go through the motions, and the crowd responded in kind. No return date was announced, but I would guess they would be back in 12 months time, for the next post-WrestleMania tour.