Malcolm Glazers open letter to Man Utd fans

Tyler Durden

Copied, lifted and pasted from www.cpfc.org

Dear Soccer fans,

As you all know, i've been looking to buy the United's of Manchester
for a little while now. I've also heard that some of you may not be
too happy about me using, sorry, buying the club in order to reach new
heights and also, that I may not be a fan. Well fear not, as i'm
writing this personal letter to let you know that i'm a genuine fan of
you blue devils.

I began rooting for the United's back in 1992 when our little Malcolm
JR was practising those Soccer home runs out in the yard. I loved the
way you turned defence into offence, and the way that Bobby Shearer
used to top half it into the goal bag. Oh man, that play was hot. My
son tells me that you even out-zoned your City rivals Southampton in
the 4th quarter of the FA World series. As for your current team, that
Rude guy is awesome!!!! I see a profitable future at the United, with
the young talent of Cristiano Rooney (man, that guy can dance!) and
Peter Shilton giving us hope in defeating the evil Russian tyranny
which assaults the freedom of our beloved Soccer. With the marketing
potential of those Neville brothers and that Pearce dude leading the
team, we can all look to acheiving our beliefs of a better future.
Especially when I add Alexei Lalas and Cobi Jones to the starting 15.

Now to you, the fans.
I've been to see the United's play once before, and the respect you
pay your team in silently admiring the play out on the pitch was
overwhelming. Because of this, i've just purchased a new GBP45 million
mansion in the Manchester to be close to you guys. And more good news
is i'm planning to add an extra 10,000 seats through corporate boxes
so more genuine blue devils can experience the play. What's with the
prawn sandwiches I had to eat when I was there? Well, rest assured,
it'll be super size prawn baguettes when I take charge. I can't wait
to come over to the Manchester isles, as I love the country,
especially the beaches and the hot chicks. I hope you can all see my
vision of this future, with new sponsors (Dunkin
Donuts) and new team name (The Manchester Gloom) i'm sure things are
looking bright.

*Further good news for you guys is that i've just agreed a partnership
deal with McDonalds, who will help in promoting the Manchester brand.
This will involve re-naming the stadium to 'McTrafford' as well as an
exciting launch of Manchester Gloom plastic fan toys in every happy
meal. Cristiano Rooney will be the face of this campaign and during
this, he will be marketed globally as Roonald McDonald.

Take care dudes.
Regards


Malcolm

Mr. Kennedy

I don't get why people over there don't want him buying the team just because he is American. I say if he has the money then he should be able to buy the team, just like a Brit could buy a US sports team if they have the money.

Visit and shop for video games at my Amazon-based store, also get discounted HD DVDs while they last.

Tyler Durden

There are a couple of Brit jokes there about the way US sports are marketed compared to sports around the rest of the world (particularly here), but it would be wrong to say the that we don't want people buying teams here because they are either American, or from any other country.

The problem with him buying the club is that they are a PLC at present (an incredibly well oiled PLC) who he is purchasing with borrowed money (not his own) and since he now owns over 75% of the private shares he has either reached, or is close to reaching, the point where he is then able to saddle the club with his personal debt for buying them. Therefore, the supporters of this well run club are not remotely happy.

Of course, the rest of us are delighted, but that's beside the point!!!

thirty7

This whole situation reeks of the plot from Baseketball, without the sick kids, former Baywatch babes and little bitches.

Did the Man U fans actually run wild at the FA Cup, like they had promised to?

I wish my sex life was like ECW, first you get a One Night Stand followed by 2 months of nostalgic orgasms and then 6 months of constant sucking.