This is a discussion on Ralph "The Roadrunner" McCoy within the The Talent forums, part of the CWA E-Fed category; September 9th 2009
vs The Bulldog
Scene opens up to Ralph McCoy, who seems to be sitting in a desk ...
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Scene opens up to Ralph McCoy, who seems to be sitting in a desk inside a class room.
Voice: Now this is what you say, 'I went to the grocery store'.
The camera pans out as an attractive woman, who had her hair done in a bun with a ruler in her hand.
Ralph: I went on down to that store and-.
As soon as Ralph mispronounced the sentence, he reeled he hand back in pain as the ruler came crashing down on it. The holder of the ruler seems to be a teacher.
Teacher: No, Mr.McCoy, try again.
Ralph: But Miss Wattson.
Wattson: Excuse me?
Ralph quickly sits up straight as he clears he throat.
Ralph: I mean, Madam Wattson.
Wattson: Good, now try again.
Ralph starts to speak slowly as if the syllables were posed to strike him if he is too quick.
Ralph: I went to the grocery store.
Wattson: Good, now try-.
As Ralph tries to pay attention, a certain camera crew walks in, and the camera view changes
to the one on the shoulder of the cameraman.
Orlando: Ralph? Finally, it took me forever to find you! What are you doing here?
Ralph: Orlando? Hey! Well, I took some of adivce from a buddy o' mine and decided to take
this here english classes. Figur' I could dev-, devel-.
Orlando: Developed?
Ralph: Yeah! I decided to develop my english voca-, vocab-.
Wattson: Vocabulary.
Ralph: Yeah! So I got some money and hired a private teacher!
Orlando: And what is the point of having your english improved?
Ralph: I realized something, my english have dog-gone killed my promos. Heck, I bet know
one has understood me for the past month of me being in CWA!
Orlando: Well that is true.
Ralph: Yup! So now, Miss Wattson will be accompanying me everywhere I go, to correct me.
Orlando: And how exactly does she correct you?
Wattson: Mr.McCoy, please follow up on your recent sentence with, 'At the store, I bought one
pound of tomatoes that cost me five dollars.
Ralph: Well, hell woman, five dollars!?! I wouldn't give fiddy cent for 'em!
Ralph, once again, draws his hand back as a red rectangular mark is imbedded into his hand.
Orlando: Your corrections seem kind of harsh.
Madam Wattson looks sternly at Orlando.
Wattson: I assure you, Mr.Orlando, my teachings have had the best success rates in the United
States!
Orlando: Yeah, I believe you, I think. Anyways, Ralph, let's go, you got a match in a couple of minutes.
Ralph: Dag gummit, I forgot!
As Ralph starts packing his things, he starts to look at the door, then at Madam Wattason. He sighs as he walks up to the attractive teacher and holds his arm out.
Ralph: Shall we, Madam Wattson?
Madam Wattson looks at Ralph for a few seconds and starts to smirk. She unties her bun, removes her glasses, and takes Ralph's arm.
Wattson: We shall.
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The scene opens up to a hallway, but the camera focuses on one specific door as the letters above the door read 'English 101'. Ralph McCoy is soon seen leaving the room with his hands as red as a red, hot pepper. He seems to be panting for a second as Orlando Maxwell seems to appear out of nowhere.
Orlando: Ralph, great match last Wednesday against the Bulldog, but I think everyone want to know about the bad blood between you and Ruben Johns, seeing as he strolled down to the ring and publicly humiliated you.
Ralph seems to be deep in thought before answering the question.
Ralph: Well listen 'ere-
Ralph immediately clasps his hand over his mouth and he peers at the door of the English class.
Ralph: What I meant to say, my Caucasian friend, is that the only bad blood between Johns and I, was a few months ago in the Royal Rumble at Hostile Takeover, with Johns looking at the bottom of my boots.
Orlando: Well, enough with the past, on with the future. Ralph, you have a Triple Threat match against 'The Elephant Man' Don de Vries and the man who gave you your first loss in CWA, 'The Real Deal' Joey Nicholas, in not just any type of Triple Threat match, but a Lumberjack match. How are you preparing?
Ralph: Well, my good friend, I have my clothes ready to go. Those two won't know what will hit them.
Orlando: You do realize that the match is tomorrow right?
Ralph seems to have an expression of panic on his face.
Ralph: Oh dear, oh my!
Orlando: What?
Ralph: Dag gummit! I dog-gone lose my head if it 'erent screwed on-
From out of nowhere, a brown ruler seems to strike Ralph in the head, but he seems to not notice it.
Ralph: Meet me at my locker in about an hour, I forgot my axe!
Ralph runs down the hallway as Orlando seems to be confused as any other person who has ever had a chance to converse with Ralph.
One hour later...
The scene opens up again as Orlando is seen walking slowly to Ralph's locker room. Just as he is about to knock, he stops, and put his ear to the door.
Ralph (Muffled Voice): Alright, guys....one....time...from the top.
Orlando walks in as he is flabbergasted as Ralph is seen in an attire that actual Lumberjacks would wear.
Orlando: Ralph, what? What is this!?!
Ralph turns around as he fixes the blue overalls over his red and black checkerboard-undershirt.
Ralph: Orlando, right on time.
Ralph turns around as a group of men are gathered, making it seem like a choir.
Ralph: Alright guys one and two and three and go.
A piano is soon heard in the room as the lights dim and a spotlight is focused on Ralph.
Ralph: I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and works all day.
Choir: He's a lumberjack and he's ok. He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Ralph: I cut down trees. I eat my lunch. I go to lavatory. On Wednesday I go wrestlin', and have biscuits and gravy for tea.
Choir: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch. He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesday he goes wrestlin', and has biscuits and gravy for tea. He's a lumberjack and he's ok. He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Orlando: Ralph-
Ralph: Ohhhhhhhh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and work all day. I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, hey!
The choir seems to burst out in tears of joy as they start clapping and hugging Ralph, who is starting to seem to be in the same position.
Ralph: Alright, guys, next Wednesday, same time!
As the choir leaves, Orlando is left agape and stares at Ralph.
Ralph: What?
Orlando: Do you know what a lumberjack match is?
Ralph looks at himself and the axe in his hand.
Ralph: A singing contest?
Orlando: NO! A lumberjack match is where the ring is land, the outside is water, and the whole CWA roster are the piranhas!
Ralph: Then why am I wearing this!?!
Orlando: Which Indy circuit did you come from?
Ralph: STD.
Orlando: What!?!
Ralph: State of Texas District wrestling for rookies.
Orlando sits on a nearby bench, a mental breakdown inches from coming.
Orlando: I guess I better explain.
Fifthteen minutes later...
The figure of Ralph McCoy is seen running out of his locker room with a camera crew in hot pursuit.
Ralph: Gotta find some guys; get 'em on my good side.
Later that night...
Ralph McCoy is still on his epic journey as he finds himself in an un-occupied ring.
Ralph: Where is everyone!?! Hmm, maybe I should try the cafeteria.
Ralph easily hops over the top rope, his boots making loud noises as the camera crew still chases him. As Ralph enters the cafeteria, numerous superstars are seen. Ralph appears to be nervous as he walks behind a large, bulky figure.
Ralph: Umm, sir?
Ralph politely pokes the persons' shoulder. As the person turns around, it reveals to be Top Dog, with a Subway sandwich in his hand.
Ralph: Howdy, partner! Listen, I was wondering if we could be buddies, so you wouldn't go all crazy at the Lumberjack match.
Top Dog: ......
Ralph: Umm?
Top Dog: RAWR!
Ralph trips over his own feet as he runs from the cafeteria with his tail between his legs.
Throughout Ralph's quest, he seems to find himself in different places, such as sitting in the Dressing Room Hallway. As Michelle Kelly comes walking down, she couldn't help but notice.
Kelly: Ralph? You ok?
Ralph immediately put his finger to his lips and makes a 'shush' noise. He then proceeds to whisper.
Ralph: I am waiting.
Kelly seems confused as she starts whispering too.
Kelly: For what?
Ralph: The lights.
Kelly: The lights?
Ralph: Yes, the lights. I am waiting for them to black out.
Kelly: Why?
Ralph cups his chin with his hand as he starts to nod.
Ralph: Because when the lights go out, he appears.
Kelly: Who?
Ralph decides to stay quiet a few moments before answering.
Ralph: The Lord of Darkness.
Kelly: I'm out of here.
Next scene...
Ralph is seen in a normal chair. The walls are white and a beeping noise is heard every now and then.
Ralph: Listen, I know we have never met before, but I need a favor.
Silence is all that answered back.
Ralph: You made an impressive debut in CWA, and I saw the potentional in your skill, so will you help me? Randy?
The camera pans out as the room turns out to be a hospital room and the broken form of Randy Robinson is revealed.
Ralph: Err, nevermind.
CWA Arena…
Ralph appears to be deep in thought as he bumps into Joey Nicholas.
Joey: Watch where you’re going!
Ralph: Sorry, partner, didn’t see you ‘her. Oh! Listen, I have a lumberjack match tomorrow and I was wondering if you wouldn’t attack me if I go flying into you and your buddies outside the ring!
Joey remains quiet before answering.
Joey: I’m one of your opponents in the ring you pathetic excuse for a farmer!
Ralph finally realizes that Joey was right as he runs off to another part of the building.
Thirty minutes later…
Ralph walks down a hallway to a door, unknown to Ralph that it’s the door of the Brotherhood.
Ralph: I swear this is the last time.
The door swings open to reveal Axl Storm of The Future.
Axl: Yeah?
Ralph: Howdy! I was wonderin’ if-
Axl: No.
Ralph: But-
Axl: No.
Ralph: I guess no one wants to finish this chocolate cake with me.
Axl: Cake?
Ralph: Did I say cake? I meant to say was would you help me in my lumberjack match.
Axl: No!
Ralph: Are you sure?
Axl: Yes!
And with that final answer, Axl slams the door in Ralphs face.
Ralph: Dag gummit! What am I supposed to do?
Ralph suddenly turns around and looks down at something, the camera too focused on Ralph to see.
Ralph: Well, hey there, fella. Wanna help ol’ Ralphy in his match tomorrow?
The camera pans out to confirm that Ralph was indeed talking to Roberto’s pet dog, Precious.
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As the music of The Bulldog and King John starts, the camera cuts to the door that leads to the backstage. Not a second later, Ralph McCoy is seen running down the hallway with a camera in hot pursuit.
Ralph: Well hot damn! Here I come!
Ralph seems to pick up speed as he starts to sprint towards the gorilla position. He suddenly stops as the camera bumps into his back. He turns around slowly as he seems to be pondering over something.
Ralph: Oh yeah, I almost forgot!
Ralph soon turns a corner and runs in the complete opposite of the gorilla position.
Booker: Ralph, get your ass out there!
Ralph: Gimme a sec!
Ralph stops in front of door with the words 'Marshall Jones' above the door frame. Ralph starts pounding on the door.
Ralph: Marshall! C'mon now, we gots' ourselves some men who need an asswhooping! As of a matter o' fact, I'll see you out there.
'She's Country' by Jason Aldean fills the hallway as Ralph, yet again, sprints towards the gorilla position.
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Do you have a reason not to give The Half Boy your vote for the Hall of Fame?
Updated: Put more weight (Ralph has been in CWA for almost half a year), at least a foot taller, and more muscle mass. New finisher(s) soon to come unless convinced not to otherwise.
The camera cuts to a locker room where Ralph is sitting on a chair, watching a clip on the monitors.
Ralph: 19.7 seconds.
The camera zooms onto the monitor screen where it shows the highlight of Ultimate Pain finishing Eoghan O’Neill with the Ulti-Bomb in 19 seconds.
Ralph: 19.7 seconds. Not only will I get another chance of getting the X-Fly Title, but I will break the record of fastest pin in CWA.
Ralph stands up and grabs his hat.
Ralph: Lance Cade-, I mean Trevor Murdoch-, argh!
Ralph takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.
Ralph: Trevor Kade seems like a predictable man, so I am going to end this as soon as possible. If he swings a punch, I just duck, get behind, and finish him off with DTD.
Ralph smiles as he thinks of another plan.
Ralph: If he tries a kick, an enziguri will meet him in the side of his head, most likely followed up by a shining wizard. A springboard 8-seconds should do the trick.
Ralph laughs as he puts on his wrestling boots.
Ralph: All in all, if he goes for a grapple, baseball slide, followed up by a DTD, and for each of those plans, I have 15.7 seconds to execute it. Boy, I sure do like challenges.
Ralph puts on his cowboy hat and walks toward the door.
Ralph: Today is going to be a good day.
Ralph shuts off the lights as he closes the door, the screen coming to a quick close.
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