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Thread: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

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    FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    This is the promo discussion thread for the Jan 22nd edition of Fight Night. Post all discussion for promos here.

    If you want a review of your promo, try reviewing someone else's first. If someone reviews your promo, don't be a meanie head and review theirs back. It's common courtesy.

    Info from Promo Thread:
    -----------
    Post your promos for the Jan 22nd edition of Fight Night here.

    Promos are due on January 16th, 2021 that night at midnight pacific time, that's 1/17/21 at 3AM EST, and 8 AM British Time.

    Curious or unsure about how much time is left before the exact deadline?
    Click
    HEREto see a second by second countdown to the deadline.


    Please refer to the new extension policy in place for 2021 in regards to requesting an extension. Click here to view it.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    I'm going to go ahead and use one of my extensions just in case. I'll try and get my promo done before the deadline but my time management has been poor this week.
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

    'The Mother Of The FWA'
    Gabrielle

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Quote Originally Posted by ETE View Post
    I'm going to go ahead and use one of my extensions just in case. I'll try and get my promo done before the deadline but my time management has been poor this week.
    You got it.

    You have four remaining, and TGO now has an extension as well free of charge.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    I’ll use my first extension as well if that’s okay


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


    The only time WWE came close to a good story line post Attitude Era was Undertaker/Mordecai - Dakstang
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Quote Originally Posted by Slick Mitch View Post
    I’ll use my first extension as well if that’s okay


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Unfortunately this request comes within 24 hours of the promo deadline. ETE's was in with an hour to spare. So unfortunately in order to honor consistency, I can't grant it. Hopefully you can get something submitted in time. You will not be charged with an extension.

    Roughly 12 hours remain until the deadline.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Not my greatest promo, but the best I could do on a busy schedule.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Disclaimer: Keep in mind my reviews here are not reviews as a grader. I can't really tell how to write an RP that's guranteed a good grade from me, other than to follow the categories and meet them as best as you can. Instead the feedback below is more from the perspective as an RP writer. Again, not as a grader.


    Urigawa -
    I thought this was a great opening promo for the Urigawa character. It felt more like a debut vignette which is perfect for a first promo, and it did a good job of what I assume you intended it to do which was introduce us to this character and lay the foundation for his story as you go on each week. "I was a skater kid..." thought he was about to go on and sing some Avril Lavinge for a minute there. I was impressed on your attack on Cole and his Ground Zero history. As someone who was not assumingly around during our Ground Zero season, it took research for you to not only know Cole was on Ground Zero but also that he wasn't on it from the beginning. I'm assuming you went through and read the shows to see that, and I really love that commitment and preparation here. When you can tell research went into making digs at your opponents, it shows. Urigawa does a great job of showing how he's different from Maskell and Cole with the google comment, and just overall separatesai himself from the two well which I think is often an important thing to do for matches. Overall again a really solid first promo, and I think Urigawa has a lot of potential. If I had to list a gripe, I wasn't a fan specifically of the color/font combination. Not that an orange color or this font wouldn't be good choices alone, but for some reason that specific color combined with that specific font/font size strained my eyes a bit on my laptop screen. Bolding the dialog but leaving the descriptions the same might have made it personally look better to me.

    Maskell -
    Talk about hitting the ground running. Just gonna say it, this is a main event quality promo right here. Dan talking with his reflection is a simple yet creative backdrop that really sets up a nice theme for Dan and his first RP. This first section was my favorite part of the promo, and I thought it did well giving us as the audience an inside look into Dan's thoughts and background, which is a unique approach at development and story building. Your CWA flashback presentation wise was done perfect, as I've seen match flashbacks that end up being in bulky quote boxes and ruining the presentation of the promo, and I've seen the excerpts of the match be way too long. But you showed just enough and presented it well here. The third act with Erica was a nice way to set up Dan's world and introduce us to a character who I assume will be recurring. My gripe is, I feel like this was three different promos mushed into one. For a first promo this isn't a bad thing exactly as there's a lot to introduce so it works, but careful with this approach as sometimes it can be better to take just one idea and setting and flesh it out to be a bigger thing rather than three different things smashed together to form one. Again, for a debut promo, it works because there's a lot to introduce us to as readers. Maskell might be a low key sleeper to go into CC this year and pull a Cyrus Truth. Almost wish we saved your debut until then!

    Cole - This like the others had a little bit of everything in regards to a solid debut promo, which is good. Similar to what I said with Maskell, I think this type of three promos in one idea generally doesn't always work but for a debut with so much to unpack it's a good approach. Plus I enjoy the themes of each, and you hit them well. This one had a lot of great raw Reagan Cole development, but felt like in regards to focusing on the match and Maskell/Urigawa specifically there was something lacking. Which, isn't something too take too harshly as there really isn't a lot to go off of on them. I can't wait to see whereas Cole goes in the future.


    Other thoughts....

    When it comes to just pure great writing style...not necessarily the grades or whether they're winning RPs, but actually what feels like legit professional writing, Devin Golden is a character who always comes through. SS is probably right next to him, as well as a couple others.

    Mike Parr was always someone who I felt had some really talented RPs, but is it just me, or has the dude stepped it up to an entirely different level since the tag team tourney and beyond?

    Yuna Funanori is such an enjoyable character to read, and continues to be a fresh change of pace due to the uniqueness she brings as a character. Similar, Hao and Cyrus too have such dynamic qualities that make them more than just a wrestler, but not to the point that it distracts. Something that makes the perfect character in an e-fed in my opinion.

    Similar to Parr, is it just me, or has Eli Black stepped up to an entirely different level over the last few months?

    Loved seeing Carmella in Gabby's RP, making Sammie Sullivan not the only kid making appearances. Tig hates it tho, he despises children.

    Hats off to Krash who, despite being past the deadline, still put the effort in to submit not only just any RP, but another main event quality one. He's once more proven that he belongs fighting for the FWA World Championship, and I can only hope Gabby takes me down first so I don't have to job to Krash.

    Did we seriously just get three new upper mid card/potential main eventers all at once? Holy shit the already competitive and talented roster of the century just got even more intense with these three debuts.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Didn't have time to review everyone, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading every single RP. Everyone has unique writing skills, and it's always a blast to read.
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sulley View Post
    Disclaimer: Keep in mind my reviews here are not reviews as a grader. I can't really tell how to write an RP that's guranteed a good grade from me, other than to follow the categories and meet them as best as you can. Instead the feedback below is more from the perspective as an RP writer. Again, not as a grader.


    Urigawa -
    I thought this was a great opening promo for the Urigawa character. It felt more like a debut vignette which is perfect for a first promo, and it did a good job of what I assume you intended it to do which was introduce us to this character and lay the foundation for his story as you go on each week. "I was a skater kid..." thought he was about to go on and sing some Avril Lavinge for a minute there. I was impressed on your attack on Cole and his Ground Zero history. As someone who was not assumingly around during our Ground Zero season, it took research for you to not only know Cole was on Ground Zero but also that he wasn't on it from the beginning. I'm assuming you went through and read the shows to see that, and I really love that commitment and preparation here. When you can tell research went into making digs at your opponents, it shows. Urigawa does a great job of showing how he's different from Maskell and Cole with the google comment, and just overall separatesai himself from the two well which I think is often an important thing to do for matches. Overall again a really solid first promo, and I think Urigawa has a lot of potential. If I had to list a gripe, I wasn't a fan specifically of the color/font combination. Not that an orange color or this font wouldn't be good choices alone, but for some reason that specific color combined with that specific font/font size strained my eyes a bit on my laptop screen. Bolding the dialog but leaving the descriptions the same might have made it personally look better to me.
    I use WC After Dark for the site. It looks good in my eyes, but I never really consider what it looks like for the other site themes. I'll keep the formatting in mind next time.
    𝖍𝖚𝖗𝖙 // 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖑



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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Quote Originally Posted by ONAMStar View Post
    I use WC After Dark for the site. It looks good in my eyes, but I never really consider what it looks like for the other site themes. I'll keep the formatting in mind next time.
    I used to prefer that theme too but switched from it for that exact reason.

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Kai Urigawa - this one felt like an introductory piece in every sense of the word but perhaps a little too much so at times. I felt the book-ending opening/closing ‘let me introduce myself’/’now i have introduced myself’ read maybe overly formal and a bit at odds with the picture of the character that was being presented through the non-dialogue. I did think that those parts were the real strength of the promo and you build a really vivid image of the character, his background, and what he’s about with those parts. I also thought you did a very good job of breaking down your opponents, the descriptions of their motivations and comparing that to your own character’s was solid, although maybe singling out Maskell for his ‘douchey’ behaviour maybe seems a bit premature. But I can see that you’re wanting to build a connection there between your guy and his opponents which is a good thing. I didn’t like the font much to be honest and felt if you are going to go out of your way to choose a distinctive font you should maybe use one that is more easily readable. The same goes for the orange colouring. I felt it was difficult to read at times and something more gentle on the eye would be good.

    Dan Maskell - I liked the little flashback to Maskell’s CWA days and it gives us a good idea of the character’s pedigree. You’re kind of fortunate to be able to draw on that (as I am with my character I guess) but already within a few lines the character feels three-dimensional with a fully functional history. I think the reflection dialogue is pretty ballsy in a debut for the first part of the promo but I think it worked because of how quickly we were reminded of the guy’s past. The little narration in the alternate font at the start of each section almost reminds me of Henry Hill in Goodfellas. Tbh I know of Maskell from the CWA history books but reading through the second passage of this promo I feel like he’ll fit in very well. The dysfunctional past and ejection from CWA is interesting and I think you’ll have a lot of fun filling in ‘the lost years’. Correct me if I missed a more oblique reference but I don’t think you made much attempt to address your opponents. I guess given the emphasis on the backstory you maybe didn’t want to risk such allusions seeming cursory, but this was a very inward facing promo and I’d have liked to have seen a bit more on the two guys Maskell will be sharing the ring with this week. Still, this was quite an accomplished debut and I think we can expect Maskell to climb up the card very quickly.

    Reagan Cole - as a side note, I think it’s great that so many new characters are coming from Ground Zeroes and I think Sulley deserves some props for that. I’m guilty of maybe not keeping up with that as closely as I should’ve done but I love the batch of characters that have emerged in the months since (especially new handlers like Man and now Gip). Immediate thumbs up for the formatting which is striking and unique and stands out before you’ve even started reading. Good character development going on in the first section but I think sometimes the flow is inhibited by missing words or too-frequent pronoun use. The story is good, though, and I really bought the chemistry between Reagan and Sara. I liked that in the second section you tried to tell a story that illustrated Reagan’s pedigree rather than just referencing it in passing. I did think having the third section be a conversation before Reagan had done his research on Kai and Dan was a little bit of a cop out and again you could’ve done with at least some veiled references to the two guys Reagan will share a ring with. There were also some uncapitalized words in that third section that stood out to me a bit. This was a good promo that I think would’ve been very good if you’d found a way to work in at least some emphasis on the opponents and given it a quick proof before posting.


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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Review Time!

    Crimson Knights
    This was a fun and light-hearted promo. Got some good character work and a bit of backstory. I think this needed more focus on the competitors and stipulation of the match.

    Kai Urigawa
    A great introduction to this character. I got a feel for how he speaks and moves just based on the dialogue. He feels like a Kevin Owens prizefighter gimmick with a bit more culture and street to him. The way you dissect your opponents is perfect. I would be scared to be in a blood feud with you, lol.

    Jimmy, I always enjoy reading your promos for Felix and Savage. They're still fun, clean, and straight to the point. Going through Felix's dreams was excellent continuity and put the wacky avenger's promo in perspective. The dig at your opponents was fun too. This encapsulated the last couple of weeks of the story.

    Konchu
    Cyrus, you really are unfair. It's not fair that you're this good. This is the first konchu promo I read, and even though I don't know his backstory, the way you characterize him makes me imagine him right away. I love that you went the extra mile to put over Humanity's story. It shows you care about building the deck for fed. Konchu is so different from Cyrus, and it's wild you can write such other characters so well.

    Marcus Mcclain
    At first, the promo started, and I was like, this is solid. Then when you got to talking about Kujo showing the similarities and differences, it got good. I think more scene setting and descriptive work would have helped this a lot, but still solid.

    Dan Maskell
    The devil is in the details, and this one hell of a promo. What a way to bring new readers into your mind and then progress to the point of your debut. The formatting really does it. I can always tell when you were narrating, talking, or thinking. It helps picture what was going on, and it was a great story. The only negative is that you didn't talk about your opponents, but I get why that didn't happen.

    Saus X
    This is my fav promo of yours so far. I got an idea of where Saus x is. Small town guy who got picked on always doubting himself. So you wear a mask to change who you are so you can feel like a superstar. Great concept. I feel like with more description, and if you would have dwelled into the questions you ask yourself, this could go from solid to very good. One tiny piece of advice is to reread your work out loud to make sure everything is clear to the reader. I'd had that issue for years.

    Gigi and JayJay!
    Two of my favorite promos weekly together in one promo what could go wrong? Well, them not interacting together face to face. That's all that was missing for me as a fan. Other then that, this was an entertaining promo heavily dominated by Uncle usual 4th world breaking tactics. I wish we got more from Grayson but maybe because of the route you guys took, it would have been redundant.

    Devin Golden
    What a well-written promo. With no special formatting or coloring. Just great storytelling and monologue. This hit really hard cause I just finished enjoying Queen's gambit mixed with all the sports references were excellent. The analogies of Gabrielle and the Queen chess piece was genius. My only issue, and it might be because I'm an idiot, I didn't get the ending part with the movie reference. Other than that, top-notch!

    Chris Peacock,
    This was good. I have nothing negative to say about it or heavy critiques. Fleshed Peacock and his crew a bit talked. Up to speed with how he feels about everyone in the match. Solid

    Mike Parr
    I think this might be the first time I've read one of your promos all the way through, but wow, this is my favorite so far out of this bunch. You combined personal story, sketches, and the monologue in an almost seamless fashion. This should have been a championship win of a promo, honestly. Being cocky initially digging into Garcia to reciting your pass, which helps put context to match to show how serious you take it was all great.

    Humanity
    Very well written and engaging promo. Reading these feel like I'm watching an excellent, underrated Netflix show. The way Brian get manipulated by Humanity here was potent. Humanity talking about how terrible humans are but want to talk about morals was great. I wish you went I little more in-depth with your opponents, but that's a nitpick. Great stuff.


    Yuna Funanori
    As you know, AON, I haven't been the biggest fan of Yuna. Her parts are usually the lowlights of the show for me butttttttttttttttt I loved everything about this promo. The detail, how as soon ask got confused on why Yuna was speaking like that you addressed it. The commentary on how many the characters are like and you stand out to the battle at the end. You almost lost me there with muscle patches, but that part didn't last long. Enjoyed this.

    Donovan Moore
    Obvs about the Yuna promo about how everything about yourself this was that kind of promo, BUT it had a bop to it. Almost like a song moving forward, note switching between Moore's bravado and the narrator's 4th wall breaking. Everything was smooth till that last paragraph, where it became a bit repetitive—other than that, clean, lean, fun, and very solid promo.

    Kujo
    This was pretty dope. It Showed Kujo's intelligence, gave him a bit of a backbone even though it's too early to break up S&S. I like while writing this to Dave, you found ways to make him still jab at Mcclain. Well out together and a much-needed direction for the character.

    The Goddess
    Another promo is helping us newbies understand the context of these matches. You went all in, adding a story to them. Idk how you do it, but they're like a thick film of sultriness when you promo with Gabs. As you went down memory lane and I thought it get repetitive, you smacked us with comedy. Lizzie is an excellent foil for her and humanizes her. Funny how the elder statement has kids. You, Sullivan soon, Devin. Great stuff.

    Mike Garcia
    WOW, lyrical ether for your soul. Where Mike Parr's promo was clean, creative, and fun, yours the opposite. Raw, passionate, and has teeth. Probably the most passionate promo I've read so far. Everyone jabs at Garcia's track record, but you put it to a context that helps your argument; then you come at Parr's track record, which is a great juxtaposition. Like Dan Maskell, your promo kind of a son flow to it but more of a freestyle. Great stuff.

    Toner Brothers
    My most anticipated promo each weak, and it didn't fail me. This retroactively makes Peacock's promo better. This was fun, chemistry building between the teams and fun. Set the stakes and build a story with this weird match you guys are involved in. You have a dance, baby!

    Reagan Cole
    A great introduction to this character and their journey to FWA from ground zero. As someone who didn't read it, this helps put a lot of contexts. Cole seems likable I love the dynamic between him and his girlfriend/wife? It's grounding and brings some comedy. Good stuff.

    Wow, IDK how the staff does it. It took me all day to read and review all this. So many goods to great rps. Some feel similar but different enough where it's still enjoyable but a lot of different styles. I haven't even read Cyrus and Krash's promos yet. Great job guys, I was highly entertained. I look forward to Fight Night.
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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Yuna Funanori - I really liked the alternate parallel reality at the start, with Yuna as a snide heel and recently crowned World Champion. It was an interesting way of setting the promo up and not overwhelming us with the dreamscape at first but letting us know that something clearly isn't right and maybe isn't as it seems. The descent into the nightmarish segments was good and disorientating in the right ways, and the dialogue with Nightmare Donovan was perhaps the best part of the promo. Donovan - or her subconscious' projection thereof - tapping into Yuna's fears about what may potentially turn out to be her weaknesses is gold. I also think that worked well with what Salum is saying earlier in the promo, that in order to be more than just a flavour of the week she needs to have more edge. Yuna's initial reluctance to heed the advice, even hear them out, is fitting with the character, but I would certainly like you to return to this theme in the future and thing the slow corruption of someone that is pure as snow right now would be an extremely interesting read if done right. I feel the presentation of it is off with missing speech marks and incorrect word choice. I know your opinions on formatting but I think if you are going to both colouring, choosing fonts, etc, then stuff like punctuation and word choice is important in order to not undo the intended effect of deliberate formatting. For instance, using the word 'apart' instead of 'a part' ('I am apart of you' or something like that) completely reverses the meaning of the sentence - a part and apart are almost antonyms and noticing this and having to work out what you meant did take me out of the promo. I think the content of this was very good, as it always is, and Yuna is already more of a force than KC was for me, but those errors are costly in terms of my overall enjoyment of the piece and the flow of it.


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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Ya'll know Lizzie Rose isn't Carmella...right?
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

    'The Mother Of The FWA'
    Gabrielle

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    Re: FIGHT NIGHT 1/22/21 PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD

    Quote Originally Posted by ETE View Post
    Ya'll know Lizzie Rose isn't Carmella...right?
    .......

    **writes down notes**
    " I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else."

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