Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 21 to 27 of 27

Thread: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #21
    Established Veteran
    SupearSaying's Avatar

    Status
    Online
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Moscow, Russia.
    Posts
    2,747
    Rep Power
    1309344
      Country                    Russian Federation

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    I think the quality of promos was extremely strong this week which is saying a lot as I have only read mine.


  2. #22
    Squash Fodder

    Status
    Online
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    170
    Rep Power
    161189

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    Going to start trying to get through some of these, will add more as and when possible.

    Michelle von Horrowitz
    I loved this. I was big into Bell vs MvH for obvious reasons but this just gave me context. If you read the shows only, you perhaps would’ve been missing that context and backstory that helps you get invested. Structurally, it was great. The formatting was perfect with everything from the images down to the snippets as appropriate from the hyperlinked shows. A lot of effort clearly went in here to make it as aesthetically pleasing as it was. The only part I would perhaps have reviewed again was the Episode III “Vladivostok” section. There was nothing wrong with it, I just don’t’ think it added as much as the other sections and I don’t know if I really would’ve missed it if it wasn’t there. Could just be me and my interpretation of it though.

    Toner Bros
    This was a rollercoaster. I was rooting for Danny so hard at the start, you really captured his elation well and it was the perfect narrative to build us up and bring us plummeting back down with the interaction with the bowler hat journalist. It was a really good job capturing the elation through his speech but also the descriptive writing. It was a pretty simplistic setting in terms of a promo but I liked it and thought it was everything it was needed to be. I would say that I got more from Princeton/Bowler Hat than I did from Donny in the promo, they were definitely the two stand outs in there I feel like Donny was a bit too much on the edge of Danny’s sidekick than his partner. The turn on that is that is exactly how it should be given Danny’s history and recent singles win. As a very minor point, I did find the grey of Donny and the black of the journalist a bit jarring – not that I couldn’t read it or anything but I just found myself actively thinking about it as I read. I’m not sure what you can take from that but I thought I would throw the point out there.

    Chris Peacock
    This was nuts, in the best sort of way. I’m not sure why I liked it but I liked it. It was well written, the references are hilarious. The setting was bizarre. I was worried it was going to be an exceptional character piece of writing but you even brought that back around in the end with some focus on the opposition. As someone who didn’t see any of Ground Zero, you managed to explain it and adapt it into your promo with ease. I really enjoyed it.

  3. #23
    The Artist of Chaos
    Mr. Franchise's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Brooklyn!!!!
    Posts
    908
    Rep Power
    147649
      Country                    United States

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    Review Time. I've been binging Mile High promos but got a headache so I figured I would review what I've read so far. So here.we.go...

    BIG Mac McClain, for some reason, when I hear your name I think of die-hard. Idk if that was the inspiration for the character but it suits the tone you set here. a pretty straightforward promo that helps give a good back story for ppl who didn't read ground zero(sorry sully). You addressed your opponent and laid out your desires. The beginning draws you in as Mac feels down and out before being pulled out of it by the nameless scout. Good stuff.

    Horowitz and Grayson connection
    I had to read the intro twice before I understood what was going on. Might be because I'm dumb but once I got it I was in. Great banter between the two. You guys have become a dynamic duo. I like that even tho MVH is positioned like the bigger act GG the leader and she follows his lead despite her pride. Shows how much respect you have for him. The concept of running through your old ideas to use against Golden Showers and deciding you didn't need to because you don't need gimmicks to win hit hard after reading so many gimmicky promos for mile high. All the scene festive was superb and the ending reminded me of the ending of one of my favorite Netflix shows. As creative and as superbly written as this was. There was an emotional disconnect there for me and I don't know exactly why. Other than that this could have been an expensive episode on a streaming show.

    Golden Showers(Hilarious name still)
    So far this is by far my favorite promo. As being a newbie in FWA I'm not too familiar with Golden and especially Ramon stories. I know Golden is a hall of Famer who still got it and Ramon was a screw-up who has nine lives. This promo added so much depth for me at least for the characters. This promo reminds me of your freaky Friday promo but better. The groundhog cliche did well never gets old and you guys knocked it out of the park. Idk if it's cause you guys are better than before or it's the presentation but I enjoyed everything here. At the end when Golden's wife said what she said I legit cried. Yeah, you got me.

    The Valander/Marie
    I'm sure this was said before but you guys have potential but the effort is not there yet. You have great characterization for both characters. I can see the Valanders like edge and Christian and Marie as a more competitive Carmella/Eva Marie type. Everything is there just got to execute.

    Alyster Black
    My brother from another family. Your name drives my spell check crazy. To the promo! I like what was done here. Black becomes obsessed with taking down Sulley and Garcia he starts to dream of it. I like how the babyfaces are always helping you in the dreams because of course in Alyster's mind everyone wants to take out these two. When things come back to reality is where it gets a little less interesting but with strong writing and character, work is still great. Picturing Alyster with a mask on doing these things is always hilarious cause it's out of the norm but you're so confident with him you sell it well. Great promo.

    That's it for now. Excited to continue reading and reviewing these promos. Showing me where the bar is.
    "Are you doin' this work to facilitate growth or to become famous?
    Which is more important?
    Getting or letting go?"
    __________________________________________________________

    "The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't."
    __________________________________________________________

    "I rather you hate me for everything I am then for something i am not"

  4. #24
    Squash Fodder

    Status
    Online
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    170
    Rep Power
    161189

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    JJJ
    I’ve done a 180 on this. I first read it on my phone and didn’t realize that was a hyperlink to the script, so initially it felt like a build up to nothing. There’s a phrase along the lines of “all fart no shit” came to mind. HOWEVER, the script is there and it’s great. I love the type of narrative style that you use, almost like the narrator is talking to your personally. the blunt descriptions humor me, like the ‘they all wear green aprons’ as does the steady conversion of mile to kilometre. The character work is great for JJJ in this also. Not the biggest fan of the characterization of Todd, it began to grate me a bit towards the end, but that’s a minor gripe and it was needed to fit your character which is the point I suppose. I really liked the prologue for lack of a better term, and it was a nice balance with the later Starbucks scene.

    Saus X
    Great concept for a promo, well put together. I hate to not be able to articulate exactly what I enjoyed about it, as it was just thoroughly enjoyable. It’s suitably wacky given the opponent. I don’t think the very last paragraph was totally needed but I understand why it was included. I would also try and elongate the descriptive scene setting sentences, they are all very short which sort of takes the reader out of the flow a bit.

    Marcus McClain
    Solid introductory piece, I had never read anything with this character before. Just a very good baby face that you would root for is my general takeaway from it. The formatting was good and I liked the actual insight into his thoughts as opposed to the narrator explaining what he was feeling. The agent signing him scene might have gone a tad too long for my preference. I also feel there was maybe the chance to incorporate the outcome of the match with the briefcase as the narrator/McClain as opposed to just through the copy and paste of the result. But very nice introduction for me.

    Michelle/Grayson
    I hope the “to be continued” is true but I don’t know where else you go. Wow. The entire thing was an amazing concept to be honest. It took me a bit of time to get warmed up to it, I was wondering where the first scene was going but it really picked up pace alternating between the different scenes. Honestly a brilliant concept for a promo. Really well done to you both, this is a prime example of why the tournament has worked (albeit gone on too long but that could be fixed with a formatting tweak). Two fleeting annoyances but could be my interpretation were Dev sort of inconsistently speaking robotically (including one sentence not at all), and that Devin the bartender knew your surname when you had just seemingly met. But fleeting is probably too strong a word to use.

  5. #25
    SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT
    Shawn's Avatar

    Status
    Online
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Philly
    Posts
    5,283
    Rep Power
    1465049

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    Not sure I've ever actually reviewed promos before, but I actually read some this week so I thought I would share some thoughts:

    Chris Peacock - I already told you in private how much I liked this promo, even if I'm a terrible Community fan for missing the obvious Easter Egg hidden in plain sight. I'm a fan of how you presented each of your opponents as a caricature of themselves (which turned out to be a theme this week among a lot of promos). Can't wait to see where Chris goes, and curious how you'll swing from fun/comedy to serious, or how you'll blend the two, when the time comes. I can speak from experience that it's a tough line to find, as Randy was a total jokester WAY back in the day, and it wasn't until I learned to walk that line that I was able to accomplish anything.

    MVH (Bell Promo) - I haven't read the promo for our tag match yet, but I did give this one a read, and I absolutely loved ALMOST everything about it. Presentation was flawless. Not sure I saw a single punctuation or grammar error. The story of her obsession with Bell, and how she got to this point, was splendid. If this was a novel? Or a movie? I'd eat that shit up. But as a promo, I didn't feel there was enough in the realm of development. There wasn't a real "struggle" or "obstacle" to overcome, other than her disappointment at Bell's losing streak. And tbf, I'm not even positive I feel she overcame that. For me, that's a huge part of a promo. Probably my second or third favorite promo of those I read. Usually a good thing, but...

    Bell Connelly - This my favorite promo of what I read. Full disclosure that I don't read a lot of promos, but it's been a while since I can remember enjoying a promo as much as I did this one. I think on presentation, the intro was a bit messy. The fact that the dream setting and the dream dialogue were the same color and all bold, made it a little harder to follow. I think I understand why they were all the same color, but I think you'd have been better served either by making the dialogue a different color, or breaking them up better so that they're not part of the same paragraph. I did notice some grammar and punctuation issues, but you - for me at least - made up major points in the character column. Normal Bell doesn't want to fight MVH, but sees an ass kicking at MVH's hands as the only way to rid herself of Demon Bell? Brilliant! Since the most important thing, to her, is getting rid of the demon, she's going to do this thing she really doesn't want. It really clicked for me. Nice work.

    The Undisputed Alliance
    - A short but sweet promo. Was pretty clear, to me, that you put more of your focus on McClain this week and threw something together for them. I laughed at Jackson (I think it was) trying to order porn because Golden referenced doing the same thing in his montage in our promo. Weird enough to see one person write about ordering porn, let alone two! This is just me speaking from the cuff, and I mean no offense whatsoever, but if short promos like this will become the norm for UA, then you might be better served using that extra time to give McClain a bigger boost. Just my own two cents. I did enjoy this though.

    New Breed - Similar to what I said about the UA above, could tell that most of your effort went into Parr this week and this promo was rushed to put something together. I rated it higher than UA, but the point stands. I enjoyed the slapping and the dialogue around it, and laughed out loud at the pissed off/piss on/piss in a bottle exchange. Very clever. As I'll mention in a few minutes, I wish you had used the time that was spent on this, however, to flesh our Parr's promo a bit more.

    Mike Parr - Add me to the people who would have rather seen you take the time (and word count) to flesh out the Jumanji story. If you had, and I was a grader? You'd have been on track for a perfect 40. I don't know if it was disappointment that you abruptly cut to a tape recorder based promo, or just the wall of text that ensued, but I had trouble keeping my attention span in tact for the promo that followed Jumanji. Something I've learned is that if something is entertaining, and keeps the reader hooked, it doesn't matter how long it is. You could have written 25,000 words on Jumanji, won the Heavyweight Jewel, cut a quick rant/promo and closed it out, and I'd have eaten up every single word. We'd almost definitely be looking at World Champ Mike Parr. Now? Not so sure.

    Alyster Black - Similar to what I said to Parr, the beginning of your promo had me hooked. Between the title and the intro I thought we were getting an Ocean's 11 style epic. I was extremely disappointed and confused when you cut to Detective Parr. Then even more so when you cut to the Pirate Ship. I get what you were trying to do, but for me it was all a bit clunky. I can appreciate that you were doing each segment of the promo in that persons style, but it was hard on the eyes. I think you'd have been better served using horizontal lines or banners or new headers, or something, to set each section apart and give the reader time to adjust. I was also put off when it turned out to be "just a dream" and a ranting promo ensued. This was a VERY good promo all together, don't get me wrong, but I think you missed a few chances to make it EXCELLENT.

    Garcia - This was the most technically sound story in the MHM. Everyone else, I think, shot themselves in the foot one way or the other, but you didn't. The presentation was superb, and while there were a few grammar/spelling/punctuation issues, I didn't think they were distracting. At the beginning, I thought you were doing like a "Christmas Story- Ebenezer Scrooge" angle, and was disappointed when I realized I was wrong, but then I think what you actually did was better and I was excited all over again. One thing I would have liked to have seen in some fashion, is what Garcia's projection of a future with Garcia as champ would look like. Didn't hurt the promo that it wasn't there, IMO, but it would have kind of brought things full circle I think.

    Sulley - This was about as close to perfect and a definitive winner, to me, until the end. I loved every single thing about it, but I think the end neutered your entire promo. Defeated your own purpose. Having Sulley be the one Sulley was looking for the whole time, the one who moved the mask, was about the worst possible ending to me. Could have been Gabby, a future contender, anyone else in MHM, Vincent Blackbird, even Hornswaggle or the Anonymous GM, and it would have been a better ending. This left me deflated and almost like I wasted my time getting invested in the story. I mean no offense, just trying to be honest. Great work, otherwise, though.

  6. #26
    All About That Ace

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Hollywoo
    Posts
    15,870
    Rep Power
    2482665
      Country                    Canada

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TheProdigy View Post
    JJJ
    I’ve done a 180 on this. I first read it on my phone and didn’t realize that was a hyperlink to the script, so initially it felt like a build up to nothing. There’s a phrase along the lines of “all fart no shit” came to mind. HOWEVER, the script is there and it’s great. I love the type of narrative style that you use, almost like the narrator is talking to your personally. the blunt descriptions humor me, like the ‘they all wear green aprons’ as does the steady conversion of mile to kilometre. The character work is great for JJJ in this also. Not the biggest fan of the characterization of Todd, it began to grate me a bit towards the end, but that’s a minor gripe and it was needed to fit your character which is the point I suppose. I really liked the prologue for lack of a better term, and it was a nice balance with the later Starbucks scene.
    Was curious to see what your reaction was after you posted in the discord I appreciate the thoughts. The script was actually the very first thing I wrote & was a bigger priority for the RP than anything else. It wasn't done with a win in mind, but only because a few weeks ago I thought about the idea of "All Beholders Go To Heaven" as a stupid parody and decided it'd be fun to write. I did get burnt out a bit writing it so I didn't go as long as I could've The framing of it was much easier to write. I'm glad at least one person will end up having read the script xD Also I think Todd may end up getting phased out. At the time I began using him, he was EXTREMELY barely used on PPV/Fight Night.



    My eureka moment.

    Thanks for the review.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn View Post

    Mike Parr - Add me to the people who would have rather seen you take the time (and word count) to flesh out the Jumanji story. If you had, and I was a grader? You'd have been on track for a perfect 40. I don't know if it was disappointment that you abruptly cut to a tape recorder based promo, or just the wall of text that ensued, but I had trouble keeping my attention span in tact for the promo that followed Jumanji. Something I've learned is that if something is entertaining, and keeps the reader hooked, it doesn't matter how long it is. You could have written 25,000 words on Jumanji, won the Heavyweight Jewel, cut a quick rant/promo and closed it out, and I'd have eaten up every single word. We'd almost definitely be looking at World Champ Mike Parr. Now? Not so sure.

    Alyster Black - Similar to what I said to Parr, the beginning of your promo had me hooked. Between the title and the intro I thought we were getting an Ocean's 11 style epic. I was extremely disappointed and confused when you cut to Detective Parr. Then even more so when you cut to the Pirate Ship. I get what you were trying to do, but for me it was all a bit clunky. I can appreciate that you were doing each segment of the promo in that persons style, but it was hard on the eyes. I think you'd have been better served using horizontal lines or banners or new headers, or something, to set each section apart and give the reader time to adjust. I was also put off when it turned out to be "just a dream" and a ranting promo ensued. This was a VERY good promo all together, don't get me wrong, but I think you missed a few chances to make it EXCELLENT.

    Garcia - This was the most technically sound story in the MHM. Everyone else, I think, shot themselves in the foot one way or the other, but you didn't. The presentation was superb, and while there were a few grammar/spelling/punctuation issues, I didn't think they were distracting. At the beginning, I thought you were doing like a "Christmas Story- Ebenezer Scrooge" angle, and was disappointed when I realized I was wrong, but then I think what you actually did was better and I was excited all over again. One thing I would have liked to have seen in some fashion, is what Garcia's projection of a future with Garcia as champ would look like. Didn't hurt the promo that it wasn't there, IMO, but it would have kind of brought things full circle I think.

    Sulley - This was about as close to perfect and a definitive winner, to me, until the end. I loved every single thing about it, but I think the end neutered your entire promo. Defeated your own purpose. Having Sulley be the one Sulley was looking for the whole time, the one who moved the mask, was about the worst possible ending to me. Could have been Gabby, a future contender, anyone else in MHM, Vincent Blackbird, even Hornswaggle or the Anonymous GM, and it would have been a better ending. This left me deflated and almost like I wasted my time getting invested in the story. I mean no offense, just trying to be honest. Great work, otherwise, though.
    I was starting to write reviews for the MHM but I wasn't quite sure how to articulate it, I think I have very much similar thoughts to Shawn especially with regards to the Parr/Black/Garcia promos so I'll just note my slight differences.

    Parr - Parr is one of my two winners because Prodigy is an amazing writer. I could see myself reading a book by him. There's guys in FWA who are just straight up GREAT writers and Prodigy is one of them and I think he's got that immediate advantage over 75-90% of people he faces and the way to beat Parr is being more creative. But the Jumanji bit was so fun that like Shawn said, it's a legit 40/40 promo no matter how long it went if it kept up the quality. There are few RPs that could match the concept + quality. The final speech was still solid for me but I think you shouldve trusted the Jumanji bit more and this would've been a clear cut win for me.

    Black - I also got lost by the numerous changes in story, and I felt a bit of disconnect with everyone else infatuated with the RP. I think the execution of bouncing between these takes was lacking and maybe more emphasis on the format would've helped differentiate them better. Like Parr, I think you didn't need to rely on the ending promo. I've done it too where I feel like I need a more focused ending when the journey till then was more adventurous. And perhaps some people may feel you need a certain amount of focus on your opponents but I think you can predominantly focus on a story without allocating time to barraging them.

    Sulley - I enjoyed the narrative structure, much like everyone else's. The issue for me is that A) Sulley's got a cool fresh character that doesn't feel like it gets any chances to stretch its toes here. There's no continuation of what we're seeing on Fight Night. Unlike everyone else, your character has some real interesting shit happening to him and I think the gimmick RP here was less worthwhile than it was for others. I think you should've leaned harder into the Saint Sulley aspect. B) I thought that you didn't have anything interesting to say about your opponents. The criticism didn't feel ingenious or clever. It was most of the same stuff everyone would say about these people in a RP. I think Garcia's RP was closest to yours in concept and Sayer's execution of it made me feel less good about this one. I do think that your idea could easily have worked if you had stretched yourself a bit more when you were addressing each character.

    Garcia - I thought that Garcia (or Blackbird's) observations of what FWA would look like if different people won was interesting and clever. It was a different take than more straightforward criticisms about each opponent. It was a good way to make each list type dissection feel interesting. And honestly, I thought you could've executed this RP with so many other opponents and it wouldve been fun to see your take on what FWA looks like under their grasp. I think this was a really well executed RP but I still dont really enjoy Garcia as a character. Im not invested in his woe is me shtick & I dont know who is really sympathizing with him. I think Garcia needs a clear cut direction you want to take him in & focus on.

    Yuna - I know Shawn didn't comment on this one so I'll add it to my list anyways. Honestly, I wasn't very happy with what came out of Yuna since I genuinely did want Yuna to be one of the people with a chance of winning it. I think there was a concept here like everyone else, but not much more than that. Yuna doesn't do much all promo. The ride was filled with way too concise and obvious bites at her opponents. Then it was over. I actually think there was a Sulley/Garcia-esque promo here that would've had Yuna up there. Whether that's more time spent on each section of the ride or Yuna running through Disneyland and ending up in a "Sulley-land" or "Garcia-land" of some sort. The promo did genuinely feel cut short but that might be because I know you had issues with the extension and maybe put this out sooner than you ultimately needed to. It is what it is.

    If it were up to me it would be: 1A. Parr, 1B. Garcia, 2. Sulley, 3. Black, 4. Yuna.
    Last edited by noJ; 11-25-2020 at 05:13 PM.

  7. #27
    All About That Ace

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Hollywoo
    Posts
    15,870
    Rep Power
    2482665
      Country                    Canada

    Re: Mile High 2020 Promo Discussion Thread

    I read the Krash RP and it is top fucking notch. I dont think there's anything that could be changed to make it any better. I doubt I could come up with a better RP than that Cyrus Truth's RP also fueled the feels in that match-up w/ the friendship/loneliness and he continues to be top tier at the monologue lifestyle. It's great how from both perspectives it feels like they think the other person has it all figured out but they're equally struggling with their legacy & place in the "world" so to speak. I think both these RPs did a helluva job to make that my most anticipated match of the night, especially since I didn't really care for it as much off the back of the setup promo. Y'all are terrific.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •