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Thread: Badlands Pro Wrestling: Wasted Wonderland [A Ticket Wars Story]

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    Badlands Pro Wrestling: Wasted Wonderland [A Ticket Wars Story]


    From the mind of visionary Dario Cueto, comes a night of violence you'll never forget! Fun for all ages!

    A Fashion Faux Pas
    Badlands Pro Wrestling Triumvirate Championships
    Tornado Tag Rules

    Fashion Police / Sasha Banks vs Private Party / Ruby Riott


    *Fade in. Scene: A busy police station. Two men, OFFICER BREEZE and DEPUTY DANGO, slap a bunch of reports on the desk of their MYSTERIOUS POLICE CHIEF. OFFICER BREEZE and DEPUTY DANGO both seem agitated.*
    OFFICER BREEZE: We've got him, boss.
    DEPUTY DANGO: Eighteen counts of Crimes against Fashion.
    OFFICER BREEZE: We're looking at a serial offender.
    DEPUTY DANGO: Tacky, shoddy, tawdry - Every definition in the book and then some.
    OFFICER BREEZE: We're talking, wearing white after labor day-
    DEPUTY DANGO: Socks with sandals-
    OFFICER BREEZE: An oversized key as a necklace, for Gucci's sake!
    DEPUTY DANGO: *heavy breathing*
    OFFICER BREEZE: We've tailed this guy long enough, boss.
    DEPUTY DANGO: We gotta take him down, before he spreads his fashion faux pas.
    OFFICER BREEZE: Give us the go ahead, Chief.
    DEPUTY DANGO: We've got enough to put him away for a loooong time.
    OFFICER BREEZE: Twelve years in the slammer, minimum.
    DEPUTY DANGO: Take him and his whole operation down.
    OFFICER BREEZE: No-one's bring around the apocalypse if they dress like THAT.
    DEPUTY DANGO: No, no, you gotta dress the right way to end the world.
    OFFICER BREEZE: There are rules.
    OFFICER BREEZE: And he's been breaking them for too long!
    OFFICER BREEZE: What do you say, Boss? We got a case?
    *slow zoom in, as MYSTERIOUS POLICE CHIEF turns on their desk lamp, revealing themselves to be SASHA BANKS*
    POLICE CHIEF BANKS: Breeze. Dango. You two are a pair of loose cannons, but damnit... You get results.
    DEPUTY DANGO: Yeah we do.
    POLICE CHIEF BANKS: We do this by the book. Got it?
    OFFICER BREEZE: Infiltrate his fight club, take the trios titles from his crew, giving us leverage over him, before making our move at the end of the night while he's still soaking in the high of the main event?
    POLICE CHIEF BANKS: Exactly. Officers, we're taking Dario Cueto down.
    *cut to: Dario Cueto's office. DARIO CUETO sits at his desk, stirring a cup of whisky, whilst PRIVATE PARTY & RUBY RIOTT, the Badlands Triumvirate Champions, stand and watch. DARIO CUETO seems delighted about something. DARIO CUETO is alone in this feeling.*
    ISIAH KASSIDY: You know they're police officers, right? They're not even undercover.
    DARIO CUETO: Oh, absolutely.
    MARQ QUEN: Then why'd you keep inviting them back to Badlands?
    DARIO CUETO: I find them to be whimsical.
    RUBY RIOTT: We're still going to murder them.
    DARIO CUETO: Well, duh.

    Fate, And The Falling Of
    Fenix vs Mustafa Ali vs Aleister Black


    Fenix, once a hero on the level of peak-era Sami Zayn (see below) turned into a douche after hanging out with Pentagon Jr too much. Mustafa Ali wants to bring him back to the light. And Aleister Black doesn't give a shit about morality or light or what have you. The story is one man trying to bring another back to the light side, while a spin kicking satanist keeps trying to kick their faces off. Yeah, it's a bit light on the story, but this is where our LORD AND SAVIOR Dario Cueto comes in with a 'Unique Opportunity.'

    This is not one match. This, is TWO matches. The first, a triple threat match, the winner moving on to face the world champion at Badlands Pro Wrestling's next event: Dreams of Dust. The second match, the two who did not win, compete in a singles match immediately after, with the loser being fired from Badlands Pro Wrestling, FOREVER. Is Mustafa Ali, the kind-hearted hero to people everywhere, willing to sacrifice his own career if it means bringing Fenix back to the light side? Does Fenix even WANT to come back to the light? What about Aleister Black? What about him, indeed.

    What Lurks In The Hearts Of Men
    Pentagon Dark vs Sami Zayn

    At one point, Pentagon Jr was one of the most vicious brutalisers on the planet.
    At one point, Sami Zayn was one of the nicest people on the planet.
    At one point, both lost their way.
    Pentagon Jr regressed into various CERO MIEDO taunts instead of snapping the arms of opponents for shits and giggles. Sami Zayn lost himself in the corruption of the machine, transforming into something detestable. And Dario Cueto, praise be unto him, has taken it upon himself to course-correct history the best way he knows how - by encouraging severe acts of violence in hopes that the people Pentagon & Sami truly are, shine through.

    Somewhere within the heart of Pentagon Jr, the poisoned soul of Pentagon Dark still thrives, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal itself. And somewhere within the heart of Sami Zayn, there's a beacon of goodness, waiting to be unearthed. Dario Cueto knows, the perfect way to counteract that pain-providing psychopath hiding beneath a thin veneer of crowd pop spots, is to present the opposite - the good-natured hero with a heart of gold, languishing underneath the cowardly whiner. All he is hoping for, is that if he mashes Pentagon & Sami against each other in juuuust the right way, they'll revert to their better selves, and give him two of the best wrestlers alive to work with. Well, 'two' is hopeful. He'll settle for one.

    An Interlude of the Musical Variety
    Elias vs Scott Steiner


    Look. Dario Cueto is many things - Genius, Philanthropist, Occupational Herald of the Apocalypse - but if there's one thing everyone knows about him, is that he knows how to work with the best attributes of a person. Which roughly translates as knowing full well that a match between Busker Randy Savage and Chainmail Freakazoid would be the most drizzling of shits. Instead, Dario has opted to take advantage of the musical vocal styles of The Drifter, of the incomprehensible shrieking cadence of Big Poppa Pump, and arranged a SING-OFF between the two. What?!? Did someone waste two picks on a cool-down comedy segment? Fuck yeah he did.

    Soul for a Soul
    Luchasaurus vs Matanza

    One is an empty husk of a body, being inhabited by the soul of an ancient Aztec god for the purpose of bringing about the apocalypse, in a roundabout sort of way. The other is an ageless lizard man who does karate, backflips, and has a degree in Medieval History. Neither of them should be alive today, much less trading karate stances. And yet, here we are. Funny how the world turns out, right? In the months prior, Dario Cueto's baby brother/god of destruction has fallen from his graces. Once a fearsome monster, a walking doomsday, Matanza has slackened. His body, long since tasted the flesh of human, has grown weak, and may not be able to sustain the ancient Aztec god within him for much longer. Dario, the ever-present genius, has a solution. Or, rather, a 'Unique Opportunity.'

    If Matanza wins, he may devour Luchasaurus. Surely a million+ year old reptilian, who has kept well enough in shape to do backflips on command, has enough carbohydrates to sustain the demanding weight an Aztec god has upon his body. However, if Luchasaurus wins, then Matanza has proven himself unworthy to be a host of an ancient Aztec god, and the spirit of said god is transferred into the body of Luchasaurus instead. The battle for survival, for one's on soul, and for the spirit of an ancient Aztec god, will leave only one competitor alive. Well, 'alive' in the loosest sense of the term.

    Hollywood Beckons
    Orange Cassidy vs The Miz

    Fresh off of The Marine 8: Unto Infinity, Hollywood Star The Miz was eagerly awaiting to be presented with the Academy Award for Best Actor. Imagine his surprise, shock, and absolute horror, when the award instead went to Orange Cassidy, for his brief cameo in Fast & Furious 11: More Furiouser. Infuriated that something so schlocky could even touch his beloved Marine series, Miz has gone out of his way to threaten, provoke, and smear Cassidy. we're talking like ten tweets a day about 'Watermelon Colin' and numerous namedrops in many, many YouTube videos. In response, Orange Cassidy hasn't done a thing. I'm not even sure he knows The Miz exists, let alone is furiously shouting at him on the internet for doing a half-hearted shrug in the background of whatever kind of movie Fast & Furious has turned in to. Dario Cueto, however, has decided to make the most of it! Using his connections in both media and politics, Dario has arranged this match, with one stipulation: The winner stars in the upcoming Marine/Fast & Furious crossover film. That's right! The main role of the biggest crossover event in movie history, up for grabs between Freshly Squeezed and the A-Lister!

    Main Event

    WALTER vs Luke Harper

    Y'know, on a card with an actor fighting a human sloth over the main role of an upcoming movie, a sing-off between a busker and an incomprehensible yodelling relic, a three-way that will propell a career and end one, a battle to bring the forgotten darkest and lightest sides of two men to the front, two husks fighting to stay alive, and the trios title match, sometimes it's best to have a simple refresher. A match with a more grounded story, free of any implications that one person may die. A simple, good ol'fashioned HOSS FIGHT.

    WALTER, the Austrian Brute, currently holds the Badlands Pro Wrestling Championship, and has done ever since he arrived into this wild, lawless land. So far, every attempt against him has failed. Every coup, from a hero of the people to a scourge of the desert, has ended the same way - with WALTER caving their chest in and leaving, still the King of the Badlands. But maybe, he's finally met his match. Luke Harper is no hero of the people, nor is he a villain to the wastes. He's a man simply trying to find his place in the world. After years of being stuck in a cult, Luke suddenly finds himself free, free to be himself and do what he wants. With no cult leader to steer him away from his goals, Luke Harper can focus on doing what he does best: Fighting. An Austrian and a New Yorker meet somewhere in the most outback regions of Australia, and in that dusty barren wasteland, the fate of Badlands Pro Wrestling, and even the world, may change forever.

    Last edited by Smooth Jazz Wolf; 03-05-2020 at 10:24 AM.


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  2. #2
    King EC

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    Re: Badlands Pro Wrestling: Wasted Wonderland [A Ticket Wars Story]

    I knew recruiting you to do this was a great idea.
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    Re: Badlands Pro Wrestling: Wasted Wonderland [A Ticket Wars Story]

    First of all, this is all very Smooth Jazz Wolf. I expected nothing less but the zaniest set ups and the maximum effort to present you show from you. Also, lots of nods to Lucha Underground here which makes you different to everyone else picking. Where I think that helps you is in something like the triple threat which I'd ordinarily not be impressed by because it's just a triple threat, but then to make it two matches in one where I'm getting some form of singles match out of those 3 guys with a job on the line, then I'm more open to the idea. Also, picking Dario gave you an odd number so you had to do some kind of 3 way to use everyone. Any combination of those 3 is going to work, but I'd want Fenix Vs Black.

    Sasha feels too big to be in the 6 person opener match. But I'll give you credit for thinking outside the box and not just booking Sasha Vs Ruby.

    Pentagon/Sami I'd have my concerns about given Pentagon hasn't had a good singles match in a long time, and Sami in general isn't wrestling much anymore, but it could be good if both men turned back the clock.

    Elias/Steiner is a fine comedy spot on the card. The jokes have run cold on Elias for me, but it's been a while since I've seen Steiner on a big stage so I'd be into it.

    And then comes the crushing disappointment of the final two matches. Walter Vs Harper......sure that would be a fine HOSS battle......but man the golden match here was Walter Vs Orange Cassidy, especially after everyone just saw PAC Vs Orange Cassidy at the weekend and how great he is playing off super serious guys and taking a ass kicking. Walter Vs Orange Cassidy would of been my favourite match on any card and I would of had to keep voting your card as a winner purely on wanting to see the match more than anything else. I have next to no use for Miz Vs Orange Cassidy because it would be 100% comedy because Miz isn't an ass kicker.

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    Postman Dave's Avatar

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    Re: Badlands Pro Wrestling: Wasted Wonderland [A Ticket Wars Story]

    I will piggy back off Ed's comments and say I'm a little disappointed in the main too. But that's only because I think WALTER/Miz would have been solid gold based on crowd reactions alone. I can't think of two bigger opposites, and the idea of people losing their shit over Miz near falls is fantastic.

    That said, Luchasaurus/Matanza sounds dope, I'm into Penta/Sami, the opener and the Elias/Steiner segment would be great mid show entertainment. The triple threat would be good too. Overall, great show, but yeah I think your mains let you down a little.

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