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Thread: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Jar-Jar or we riot.

    <3

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Great idea. The corruption of Anakin Skywalker to the dark side and the dissolution of his relationship with Obi-Wan deserves much better than the movies we got out of it. In on this thread.



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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Oooo I hope that means more backstory on Darth Maul and his brother xD




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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Oh boy. I’m soo ready for this. The prequels were the introduction to the Star Wars universe so I’m here for this. I’m geeked and ready .


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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Wow, Star Wars? What a fucking nerd.










    I'll be reading <3

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    If you hadn't posted about this in the BTB Discussion thread I wouldn't have known it existed.

    I'll be reading.

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    I'm probably in the minority when I can say I've not seen much Star Wars in my life, mostly because I live under a WWE Network rock. However, a Keefmoon BTB is a must-read no matter what the genre is. Chances are I'll end up liking your version more than the original one Best of luck writing man!

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Quote Originally Posted by BattleTank View Post
    I'm probably in the minority when I can say I've not seen much Star Wars in my life, mostly because I live under a WWE Network rock. However, a Keefmoon BTB is a must-read no matter what the genre is. Chances are I'll end up liking your version more than the original one Best of luck writing man!
    You and me both. In fact, the only Star Wars I've watched is Episode One when I was about 12. However, because it's Keefmoon, I'll be making a point of following along with this.

    *Shakes fist at the clouds*

    DAMN YOU KEEFMOON!!!

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Wow, thanks all for the support! Was half expecting this to be something I wrote on my own on here for a while. For those of you hoping for a wrestling-themed BTB from me, there will be one coming eventually in the new year, but while I'm taking a break I've found myself enjoying focusing on Star Wars for a bit.

    To me, the Star Wars Prequels are the biggest missed opportunity in pop culture history. I was crazy in to Star Wars as a kid, and remember being so excited for The Phantom Menace when it came out. The disappointment 15 year old me felt coming out of that cinema is something I still haven't forgotten. So what I'd have done differently is something I've thought about for 20 years, and that's what this thread will be. I'll write it essentially as a novel, posting a chapter every now and again. I know reading a full book from me might be a bit much, but I imagine there will be long enough breaks in between chapters to give you a chance to read it.

    For those of you who are big Star Wars aficionados, it's worth noting that the only thing I'm factoring in to the backstory here is the Original Trilogy. Obviously there have been books, comics, cartoons, sequels, spin off movies, etc, etc, etc, but none of those things count for the sake of this. The only things we know about the past are the things mentioned in Episodes 4, 5 and 6. In case you need a reminder, here are the only things we know from those films:

    • By the time of Episode IV, the galaxy is run by the oppressive Empire, which is led by Sith Lord Emperor Palpatine.
    • Palpatine is supported by fellow Sith Lord Darth Vader, by an army of loyal soldiers known as Stormtroopers, and a weapon capable of destroying planets.
    • Darth Vader was previously a Jedi Knight called Anakin Skywalker, but was seduced by the Dark Side. He has a son, Luke, who he isn’t in contact with, and a daughter, Leia, who he has no knowledge of.
    • Anakin was friends with a Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi, who was responsible for his training. They both fought in the Clone Wars, but we don’t know what that was.
    • The Jedi Order was once highly respected, but has fallen in to the background and is now seen as something of a myth. Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi are the only two known Jedis left, but they’re both in hiding.


    This means that, in my story, there won't be stories of Anakin being the most powerful Jedi ever (because Darth Vader wasn't that), there won't be talk of Midichlorians, Jedis don't have to be younger than 8 to be enrolled in training, Anakin and Obi Wan won't be enemies from day one (because Obi Wan said in a New Hope that they were "good friends"), Anakin won't be a hateful, sand-obsessed weirdo he is in the actual prequels, and the clones aren't just Stormtroopers from New Zealand, because that's dumb.

    If you haven't seen Star Wars before (and BT and Wolf, I'm really flattered you'd even be bothered to give this a read given you aren't fans!), I'd hope that you don't need to know Star Wars to enjoy this. For me, a good Prequel should be able to stand on it's own two feet. Anything Star Wars-y I'll try to explain in my writing, but if there's anything you don't get, let me know. Hopefully that won't be the case if I do my job properly.

    In terms of characters, I'm going to liberally borrow from the character names and actors from the Prequels, but I'll change their character traits so they're more interesting and better suited to whoever plays them. So Samuel L Jackson will still play Mace Windu, but instead of being a boring monk, he'll be a character that better suits the type of characters Samuel L Jackson usually plays. Here are the main characters that will feature in this, along with the best representation I could find of what they'll look like in this film (sorry that Yoda looks so awful!):


    Obi Wan Kenobi



    Qui Gon Jinn



    Padme Amidala



    Anakin Skywalker



    Mace Windu



    Darth Maul



    Yoda



    Chancellor Valorum



    Senator Palpatine



    Owen Lars

    That should be everything needed for now. I'll try to post the first chapter in the next couple of days, and will do my absolute best to keep this going for a while. Thank you so much to everyone who has got involved so far and hope you stick with it!

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Hadn’t posted in here yet, but I’m super excited for this. I was only 5 when the prequels came out so I was bang in the middle of their target audience, but upon additional viewings I realised what a mess Phantom Menace was.

    Cant wait to read the first chapter when it drops!

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels












    Episode One: The Clone Wars Begin
    Chapter One: On The Farm

    The Al-Raad Ranch, Tatooine

    The two suns of Tatooine finally set behind the horizon as LUKAS AL-RAAD wipes the sweat from his brow. His cream tunic is by now a dark brown, covered in everything the land has spewed throughout a hard day’s work. He carries a sack over his shoulder, and drops it on to a trolley on the edge of the farm’s main building. He thumps the button on the side, and the trolley automatically speeds in to the distance. There goes the output of an entire day’s hard labour.

    He heads down the steps in to his home, situated in the centre of the farm, and peels the dirt-stained tunic off his back. He tosses it on to a pile of unwashed tunics in the corner, which he stares at disbelievingly for a few moments, before heading in to the kitchen. There he pulls a bottle of blue milk from the refrigeration unit, and presses a button to slide open an empty cabinet. He inspects the insides, not seeing what he’s looking for, and looks over at the sink at the other side of the room. There he sees the collection of the dirtied, used drinking containers from throughout the last few days, and sighs. He shakes his head and drinks directly from the bottle.

    With that, his wife, EERA enters the room on a motorised cart. The victim of a tragic farming incident half a decade ago that cost her her legs, she looks beaten down and exhausted. Lukas looks over to the pile of drinking containers and raises an eyebrow.

    ”Cleaning droid has broken down again,” Eera says. ”You’ll need to head in to town tomorrow to get it repaired.”

    “Can’t,”
    he says. ”If we’re gonna make rent this month I need to be back out on the farm at daybreak. Earlier, even.”

    Lukas looks to his wife, who grimaces as she inspects the filthy living space that she is unable to clean. ”I’ll tell you what,” he says, walking over and kissing her on the top of the head. ”I’ll give Breagg a call. See if we can use his unit tomorrow.”

    He walks to a two-way communication radio, which he peels off the wall. ”58372, this is the Al-Raad Ranch requesting transfer to the Terrick Ranch.”

    The radio communicator buzzes. ”One moment, please.”

    After a few moments, there’s a series of short beeps, followed by a final long one. Lukas grins. ”Breagg, buddy, how are you?”

    Silence.

    ”Hello? Breagg? It’s Lukas here.”

    He pauses. Nothing.

    ”Breagg, you there?”

    More silence.

    Lukas sighs. ”I dunno if you’re playing a game or just can’t respond or what, but listen, man, we need your help. Can we use your cleaning droid tomorrow? An hour to re-programme to our living quarters, two hours for cleaning, three at most. Once it’s done I’ll bring it back at sunset. It’d mean a lot. What d’ya say?”

    Silence.

    ”Okay, well… if you’re transmitter’s broken drop it ‘round tomorrow or something. It’d sure help out around here, you know? We’d be awful grateful.”

    He looks to hang his transmitter back on the wall, but before he does, pulls it back in again, frowning. ”Breagg, I, uh… I hope all’s okay. Get back in touch, won’t you?”

    He hangs the transmitter back on the wall, and returns to his wife.

    ”Have you heard from Breagg today?” he asks.

    “Should I have?”

    ”I’ve not heard anything all day, and he’s always there this time of day.”

    “He’s probably just gambling on pod-racing.”


    Lukas’ shoulders slump. ”He doesn’t do that anymore. Neither of us do. You know that.”

    Eera nods, and presses for the motorised scooter to back out of the kitchen.

    ”Hey!” Lukas calls after her. ”You okay?”

    She nods timidly. ”I guess. Been a tough few months, huh?”

    He laughs. ”Try years.”

    She laughs, removing the tension from the room, and smiles softly.

    ”It’ll get better, though,” Lukas says, returning the warm smile. ”I promise-“

    He’s cut off by bleeping on a monitor in the hallway. Lukas and Eera walk over to inspect it. It lays out the co-ordinates of their entire ranch, with a red light flickering on and off on a nearby building.

    ”I better check it out,” Lukas says.

    “It’ll be dark now. Go tomorrow,” Eera says.

    ”But what if it can’t wait until tomorrow? We can’t take the risk of losing any income.”

    He grabs the dirtied tunic off the floor and puts it back on.

    ”I really don’t think you should, Lukas. You’ve heard what they’re saying about farms burning down recently. What if something’s going on?”

    “Even more reason to check it out,”
    he says. ”But it’s probably just a malfunction. I was in there not two hours ago and the crops must have been twenty feet high. I won’t be long.”

    He looks to head out, but Eera suddenly grabs his hand. ”Be careful.”

    He places a gentle hand on her shoulder. ”I will.

    Lukas grabs the transmitter and heads out of the building. The suns have now entirely disappeared behind the horizon, leaving almost nothing in the way of light behind them. A wind has picked up, blowing his straggling, uncut hair across his face, which he tries to hold back. Sand particles drift through the air, so Lukas uses one hand to cover his face and the with the other ignites a torch, shining it down a path to a distant building.

    He reaches the building and pulls the hulking great doors apart, and closes them behind him to protect the crops from the potentially incoming sandstorm. He flicks a switch to turn the lights on, expecting to see crops more than three times his height…

    … but is instead met with nothing but black, burnt ash on the floor.

    He presses a button his transmitter. ”Eera, it’s me. Everything’s fine here. Just a malfunction. I’ll see if I can fix it, nothing to worry about, though.”

    He lets go of the button that allowed him to speak to his wife, and sighs. It was just another lie in the latest series of them, but right now, he has more important thing to worry about.

    He turns a dial on the transmitter, and lifts it to his mouth. ”Mace, it’s Lukas. Something’s happened on the ranch. Our crops have gone, and the remains destroyed. Can you get here whenever you can? I-“

    The lights in the building go out.

    Lukas, standing in the pitch black, looks furiously around for any sign of movement. ”Hello? Anyone out there?”

    Nothing.

    He heads to the wall and feels his way along to the light switch. He flicks it on and off, but nothing happens.

    He lifts the transmitter to his mouth…

    … but is met with nothing but an empty buzz of static. He presses a button over and over to get it to work, but it doesn’t. The transmitter’s dead.

    He shimmies along the wall, reaching the door, and looks to prize it open, when he hears footsteps behind him.

    Lukas spins around. ”Who’s there?”

    Silence. Darkness.

    ”I said, who’s there?”

    From within the darkness, a red, double-sided lightsaber ignites.

    * END OF CHAPTER ONE *

  13. #13
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    My question is how can you rebook perfection? I commend your efforts. Will be reading, judging.

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Reminder: if you are unsure of how any of the characters listed in this chapter look, I included pictures at the start of the thread)
    Previously on Star Wars Episode I: The Clone Wars Begin

    • After a period of peace and prosperity, galactic recession has led to infighting and increased tensions
    • Chancellor Valorum, once a hero of the galaxy, is under significant pressure to improve the living conditions of the Republic
    • There has been a spate of ranches outside Mos Eisley that have been targeted by an unknown source
    • The latest ranch, run by Lukas and Eera Al-Raad, was targeted last night by a mysterious figure in the darkness, carrying a double-bladed red lightsaber

    Episode One, Chapter Two
    The Investigation Begins

    The Jedi Temple, Coruscant


    OBI WAN KENOBI, a twenty-five-year-old Jedi, sits crossed-legged on a chair in the Jedi Temple, impatiently tapping his fingers on the armrest. The tapping progresses down to his feet, until his whole body is overcome with restless energy, and he bounces to his feet. He strides over to the door on the other side of the room and looks to knock, but stops himself at the last moment. As his hand hovers inches from the door, he freezes, before withdrawing his hand and returning to his chair.

    He looks over to the young woman sat opposite him, PADME AMIDALA. She’s clicking her tongue against the bottom of her mouth and staring aimlessly at the ceiling, somehow looking even more bored than he is. But whereas his body language screams of impatience, hers is one of wishing to be anywhere else at that moment.

    Padme, around seven years Obi Wan’s junior, looks around the room for anything to keep her preoccupied. Spying the lightsaber in Obi Wan’s jacket, she Force-summons it before he can react, causing the sheathed blade to career through the air and in to her waiting hand without so much as needing to touch it.

    ”Cool lightsaber,” she says.

    ”Give that back,” he impatiently retorts.

    ”You make it yourself?”

    He Force summons it back out of her hand and in to it’s holster, again without so much as taking a hold of it himself. ”No.”

    “But you have built your own lightsaber before, right?”


    Obi Wan tries to stop himself rolling his eyes. ”No, I haven’t.”

    Padme laughs. ”What? You haven’t built your own lightsaber? What kind of a Jedi Knight are you? Even I’ve built my own one.”

    “I’m not a Jedi Knight,”
    he snaps back. ”At least, not yet. Although how much more someone would have to do to become one is beyond me. And, by the way, nowhere in the Jedi Teachings does it speak of the importance of engineering your own weapon. The Force is about more than constructing fighting tools, you know?”

    Padme Force summons the blaster out of his other holster and in to her hand. ”You built this one, though, right?”

    He summons it back in to the holster, it quickly turning in to a pissing contest over who has better control of the Force, and Obi Wan’s lip starts to quiver with frustration. ”No. What is taking Master Yoda so long?”

    Padme continues to explore the rest of the room. ”I haven’t been this high in the Temple yet. They don’t usually let Padawans above the third floor, unless they’re chosen one like you.” She sighs. “I thought it’d be cooler up here, you know? Everyone else in class says all kinds of things go on above the third floor. But it’s just the same as down there. Quiet.”

    “Not quiet enough,”
    Obi Wan mumbles again, and pulls a fruit-based snack out of his pocket.

    ”Ah, cool, I’m starving!” Padme exclaims, and Force summons the fruit out of his hand and in to her own, where she takes a huge bite out of it. She munches on the fruit until she realises Obi-Wan is bitterly staring a hole right through her. ”You had another one for yourself, right?” she asks, mouth full of fruit.

    ”No, I didn’t.”

    Padme’s jaw drops and she uses the Force to pass the half-eaten fruit back through the air, only for Obi-Wan to intercept it before it reaches him and pushes it back to her.

    ”You keep it,” he says.

    Padme shrugs, and takes another huge bite out of it. She chews with her mouth open, before engorging even more in to her overstuffed mouth before she’s so much as swallowed the previous mouthful.

    Obi Wan desperately tries to re-centre his energy, but he grows more and more irritated…

    … until he finally gets to his feet. ”Right, that’s it, I’m going. I have plenty more things to be doing than waiting for Master Yoda to speak to me when he’s ready.”

    Obi Wan heads towards the exit, when the door at the opposite side of the room slides open. Standing in the doorway is a tiny, elderly, green humanoid alien with wispy white hair and pointy, elf-like ears.

    YODA.

    ”Somewhere to be, have we?” Yoda croaks.

    ”Master Yoda, I-“

    “Great impatience there is in you, my Padawan.”


    Padme nods in agreement.

    ”I just want to know what’s going on.” Obi Wan says. ”Why am I waiting out here?”

    Yoda shuffles back in to his office, chuckling. ”Come, come,” he says.

    Padme and Obi Wan follow Yoda in to his huge, bright, open office. Yoda shuffles across the room until he presses a button on his desk, creating an enormous hologram of Tatooine that covers the entirety of the centre of his office. Yoda touches the hologram and spins it around until he finds the location he’s looking for, and zooms in.

    ”Mos Eisley, this is,” Yoda says. ”The farming district. Eight farms destroyed, there have been.”

    “Okay,”
    Obi Wan says, ”but why is that our concern?”

    Yoda closes the hologram, and looks down sadly at the floor. ”A disturbance in the force, there has been.”

    “I’ve felt it also,”
    Obi Wan says. ”But surely it’s not related to this? This… this is just farmers. Scavengers, no doubt? I’ve been on missions out there, Master Yoda, and people are starting to grow desperate. I’m not surprised we’re seeing more cases like this.”

    Yoda shakes his head. ”Nothing, it may be. But find out for sure, we must.” He presses a different button, bringing up a different hologram. This time, it resembles a database, with a virtual form to fill in. ”A taskforce, we must send.”

    Yoda presses the hologram at the place where it reads “Padawan”, and he scrolls through until he reaches Padme’s name.

    “I’m sorry,” Padme says, ”I don’t understand what’s going on. I’m just a Padawan, why am I here?”

    “Jedi Missions work in teams of three,”
    Obi Wan says, explaining on Yoda’s behalf. ”A Padawan, a Knight, and a Master. The missions are usually educational, to spread the teachings and help the citizens of the Republic to live peaceful, harmonious lives. But sometimes they can be investigations. And there have been a lot more investigations as of late.”

    Yoda clicks on “Knight”, scrolls through the list, and selects Obi Wan.

    ”Master Yoda,” Obi Wan says, ”I’m not a Jedi Knight. I’m not sure how you could forget that given how much I bring it up.”

    ”A Jedi Knight you are not, but a Padawan, you will not forever be. Take this experience. Learn from it.”

    “And if it goes well, will I be a Jedi Knight then?”

    “Patience, my Padawan.”


    Obi Wan forces a smile and takes a deep breath to recompose himself. ”Of course. Sorry, my master. And who will be the designated Jedi Master on this mission??”

    Yoda clicks on “Jedi Master”, scrolls through the list, and selects “Qui Gon Jinn.”

    At that exact moment, QUI GON JINN bursts in to the office, not showing any kind of respect for entering the workspace of a being such as Yoda. His hair is long and unkempt, his robes loosely fitting and hardly pristine.

    ”Right,” Qui Gon barks on entry. ”What’re we doing here?”

    Obi Wan heads over to the Jedi Master. ”Sir, it is a pleasure to meet you,” he says, extending his hand. ”I am Obi Wan Keno-“

    Qui Gon barges straight past him and to the hologram, and inspects it. ”Mos Eisley? You’ve gotta be kidding me, Yoda. I’m sick of that place. Send someone else, won’t you?”

    “Been made, the decision has.”


    Qui Gon grunts.

    ”How bad can it be?” Obi Wan asks.

    ”Mos Eisley?” Qui Gon says. ”You ever been?”

    Obi Wan shakes his head.

    ”It’s a wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

    Obi Wan nods. ”I see, Sir. Master Yoda has explained that our mission is-“

    “I don’t care what the mission is, kid. I’ll read up on it on the way. Probably.”
    Qui Gon turns to Yoda. ”When do we leave?”

    “Gather your belongings and leave now for a passenger craft, you will. Blend in, you must.”
    Yoda says.

    ”Good,” Qui Gon says. ”I’m tired. I need to sleep.”

    Qui Gon storms back out, leaving Yoda, Obi Wan and Padme behind.

    ”I like him,” Padme announces, and bounds after Qui Gon, leaving Obi Wan and Yoda alone. Obi Wan watches them both go, then turns back to Yoda, his brow furrowed.

    ”Master Yoda, far be it for me to suggest how we operate on an investigation like this… but are you sure? Master Qui Gon doesn’t exactly seem like the other Jedi Masters I’ve met, and don’t get me started on young Padme-”

    Yoda chuckles. ”Great impatience there is in you,,” Yoda says, echoing what he said earlier. ”An open mind, you need. Help, the Jedi Teachings do, but all the answers, they have not. Explore the galaxy. Understand its ways not through teachings, but experiences. As a Jedi Knight, educate you will… but learn, you must. All different, we are. Learn from the differences, you shall.”

    Yoda shuffles back to his desk, leaving Obi Wan to look back to where Padme and Qui Gon have disappeared, fearful for what he’s about to get himself in to.

    * END OF CHAPTER TWO *

  15. #15
    Glitching It
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    I’ve really enjoyed the start of this, Keef.

    Chapter One was a great opening and the tease at the end of it was great. It is already abundantly clear that you know your stuff and have given this serious consideration, which is great as someone who dives deep into fandom when it comes to things like this. I really liked the tension building up to the double lightsaber reveal. Not sure why the Sith are targeting these farms at the moment, but looking forward to finding out.

    Onto Chapter Two - you weren’t joking around with changing people’s personalities were you? Obi Wan as being frustrated with his standing was fun, as were the interactions with Padme. In this post alone you’ve made her character more interesting than they did in three whole films - good job on that! Her having Force powers too is a really intriguing change that I’m interested in seeing develop.

    Qui Gon is who has me the most interested though; that’s a shift in personality if I’ve ever seen one. But at the same time, I can still see Liam Neeson doing all of that. I’m excited about this.

    It’s been a really fun start, Keef. Please keep this going <3

  16. #16
    Jam Up Guy
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Quote Originally Posted by Man View Post
    I’ve really enjoyed the start of this, Keef.

    Chapter One was a great opening and the tease at the end of it was great. It is already abundantly clear that you know your stuff and have given this serious consideration, which is great as someone who dives deep into fandom when it comes to things like this. I really liked the tension building up to the double lightsaber reveal. Not sure why the Sith are targeting these farms at the moment, but looking forward to finding out.

    Onto Chapter Two - you weren’t joking around with changing people’s personalities were you? Obi Wan as being frustrated with his standing was fun, as were the interactions with Padme. In this post alone you’ve made her character more interesting than they did in three whole films - good job on that! Her having Force powers too is a really intriguing change that I’m interested in seeing develop.

    Qui Gon is who has me the most interested though; that’s a shift in personality if I’ve ever seen one. But at the same time, I can still see Liam Neeson doing all of that. I’m excited about this.

    It’s been a really fun start, Keef. Please keep this going <3
    Ah thanks mate, really glad to see you're reading and enjoying, it's been an absolute joy trying something else for a while. Will definitely push on for a few more chapters, and I hope I can keep it going all the way through.

    In terms of the change in characters, that's pretty much the main thing I wanted to tackle. My biggest peeve with the prequels was the lack of defined traits for anyone in it. Every was either "good" or "bad", ad very few interesting. It didn't feel like anyone had an actual arc or anything like that. No-one really changed based on what happened to them. No-one even really had any definable goals. Anakin was a moaning piece of shit, stayed a moaning piece of shit, then was Darth Vader. Fascinating! The most important thing to me is to establish characters that you can understand, and then show how they change as the story progresses. There's another big character shift coming in the next chapter, and it's one I really hope people like as it just makes way more sense to me.

    Anyway, thanks again for reading, and glad you're enjoying!

  17. #17
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    So. Star Wars has always been a big thing in my family. My birthdays from like Age 4 - 9 were star wars themed...then wrestling took over haha.

    Everyone has their favorites, but I could really sit down and watch any of them. Sure, the prequels aren't up to par, but the nostalgia is there enough that I can sit down and piss my wife off as I go into explaining the relationship between Anakin and Obi Wan from Episode 1 until Episode 4. She's never seen the movies, doesn't want to, and my Grandfather never lets her go a family dinner without bringing up the fact that we should tie her down and make her watch them all.

    There's the backstory. Now.

    Man, I am so fucking pumped for this. I haven't read it yet, but believe me I plan to. Now that I have time on my hands, this is one of the first things I plan on checking out. Hopefully, you have more posted...by tonight!! lol


  18. #18
    Say hello to the bad guy!
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Well well... I am all in for this. Admittedly I am not the biggest fan ever, I enjoy most of the movies, couple of the video games but I am not weel versed in all the novels and history and canon haha. I did not enjoy the prequel films so this is a wonderful idea because those films had some interesting characters and ideas but they were executed poorly.

    You're a reveered writer around here so I feel you can tackle a project like this with some serious quality. I am very excited to see what you bring to the table. That being said, let's get into it.

    Havingbthe crawl is a big thumbs up right away. Chapter One was an excellent way to start this. It comes across as you're really differentiating this from the real films with all new characters. But the reveal at the end that this Chapter was basically just a quick glimpse to set up the bigger stories going on. It was brief but you already captured a way to get us invested into a character that probably won't remain. Slick move and an awesome start.

    Chapter Two, here we go! Now we get some of the familiar characters but you've already made some big changes. To reiterate what Man said in his review, you have already made Padme exponentially more interesting. She was one of the most boring characters in the films in my opinion. I feel like Obi Wan is still similar to the films with his goody two shoes personality but you have given him a little more attitude and he isnt quite so one dimensional. As for Qui Gon, he almost has a Han Solo type feel going on so far. Very curious to see how he develops. That being said, very very curious to see the three of them interact more on this mission. Also, you nailed Yoda perfectly haha.

    So far so good, I am in on this project for sure and can't wait to see where it goes and read the next few chapters.

    Keep it up Keef!!

  19. #19
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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    I won't usually post so many chapters so quickly, but given today is my last one before getting back on the job hunt, I wanted to get this out while I could...


    Previously on Star Wars Episode I: The Clone Wars Begin

    • After a period of peace and prosperity, galactic recession has led to infighting and increased tensions
    • Chancellor Valorum, once a hero of the galaxy, is under significant pressure to improve the living conditions of the Republic
    • There has been a spate of ranches outside Mos Eisley that have been attacked by an unknown source
    • The latest ranch, run by Lukas and Eera Al-Raad, was targeted last night by a mysterious figure in the darkness, carrying a double-bladed red lightsaber
    • On Yoda’s orders, Obi Wan Kenobi has been sent on a mission to understand the nature of these crimes, given it ties in with a disturbance in the Force
    • Kenobi, an impatient do-gooder, has been sent on the mission with the arrogant, reckless Jedi Master Qui Gon Jinn, and the excitable but inexperienced Padawan Padme Amidala
    • Obi Wan is on the cusp of becoming a Jedi Knight, and has been encouraged to both educate and learn from his unlikely allies on the trip

    Episode One: The Clone Wars Begin
    Chapter Three: Arrival On Tatooine

    Mos Eisley Space Port, Tatooine

    The passenger jet lands at the Space Port with a thud, jarring Obi Wan out of his meditation. The journey had been long and unpleasant; the craft drastically overfull and packed to the rafters. Padme had spent most the journey impatiently tapping, and Qui Gon fast asleep. Even on landing Qui Gon fails to awaken, so Obi Wan shakes his shoulder to bring him back around.

    ”We there?” Qui Gon asks. ”About time.”

    He grabs his bag off the luggage rail and shoves the other passengers out of the way as he heads to the exit.

    ”Hey!” one passenger yells. ”Watch where you’re going!”

    Qui Gon spins around and presses his blaster against the side of the passenger’s face, causing the rest of the passengers to panic and pin their backs to the walls.

    ”Tell me what to do again,” Qui Gon says. ”Go on, do it. I dare you.”

    The passenger meekly backs off, allowing Qui Gon to barge past everyone else and exit the spacecraft.

    ”Sorry,” Obi Wan meekly offers to the scared mass of people, and tiptoes after the Jedi Master, with Padme following close behind.

    They reach the outside of the ship, and Obi Wan jogs over to Qui Gon.

    ”Master, far be it from me to tell you what to do, but didn’t Master Yoda tell us to blend in? Is threatening people with your blaster really the way to do that?”

    “This is Mos Eisley, kid,”
    Qui Gon says, ”I am blending in.”

    Qui Gon marches through the crowded, dusty port and heads straight in to a tavern, and Padme follows quickly behind. Obi Wan inspects his surroundings, unsure what to make of the dirty, foul-smelling city, and reluctantly follows.

    The tavern is dark and mostly empty. A band play depressing, low-tempo music as a grotesquely disfigured creature makes a move on a short, pretty humanoid with blue lips. Obi Wan cautiously takes in his surroundings, scanning for signs of danger and spies too many to count. Qui Gon, however, strolls straight to the bar, where a drunk is asleep on a stool. Qui Gon grabs the drunk by the shoulder and pulls him to the ground, and takes his place at the bar. He makes eye contact with the bartender, and holds up three fingers to indicate the number of drinks he wants.

    ”Master Qui Gon,” Obi Wan says, nervously approaching the bar. ”Do you think-“

    “Sit,”
    Qui Gon demands.

    Padme and Obi Wan do as ordered, and the bartender lays out three small containers of dark brown liquid.

    ”Drink,” Qui Gon says, and throws his drink back in one.

    Obi Wan smells the drink, grimaces, and takes a tiny sip. He immediately coughs.

    Qui Gon laughs. ”What’s the matter, kid? That the first time you’ve had a drink?”

    “Yes!”
    Obi Wan exclaims. ”Of course it is! I’m training to be a Jedi Knight!”

    “I like it,”
    Padme adds.

    Obi Wan snatches her drink away and places it out of reach on the bar, but Qui Gon hands it straight back to her.

    ”If the girl wants to drink, let her drink.”

    A wolf-like creature taps Qui Gon on the shoulder, and points to the unconscious drunk on the floor. ”Did you do this to my friend?”

    Qui Gon calmly waves his hand through the air. ”I didn’t touch your friend.”

    “You didn’t touch my friend,”
    the wolf-like creature repeats, seemingly in a trance.

    Qui Gon waves his hand through the air again. ”You should leave now, and take your friend with you.”

    “I should leave now, and take my friend with me.”


    The creature lifts his friend off the floor and carries him out of the tavern.

    ”Master Qui Gon!” Obi Wan exclaims. ”You can’t be serious! Using a…” he pauses, glances around the tavern, and lowers his voice, ”using a Jedi Mind Trick in public like this, and for such little reason as well! We’ve been here all of a few minutes and you’re already risking our cover! What kind of message does that send to Padme?”

    “That sometimes you have to do what you have to do.”

    “Choy?"
    a deep voice echoes through the bar, and everyone falls silent. In walks SEBULBA, a purple-and-brown-skinned reptile-looking creature {OOC note: not the same appearance as the films, this version is taller and more intimidating} who limps in to the tavern. Over each shoulder towers an intensely-built humanoid, carrying an oversized blaster. ”Do mee hear of megika trikka pa noleeya myo tavernah? Sa this doe bantha poodoo coo pa do hand on wompa of myo men um get neechu gee it?”

    “What did he say?”
    Obi Wan asks Qui Gon.

    Qui Gon keeps his back to the door facing the bar, sipping on a drink and refusing to physically acknowledge Sebulba’s presence. ”He asked who we were and called us bantha fodder. Which is rich from someone who can’t tell a Jedi Master when he sees one.”

    The jaws of the other patrons drop, and Sebulba’s eyes widen at the insolence.

    ”Pushee of unko!” Sebulba roars, and the rest of the clientele rush out of the bar, leaving the Jedis, Sebulba and the henchmen alone.

    Sebulba starts to slink towards the Jedis. ”Do u coo mee am?”

    “I do,”
    Qui Gon responds, and subtly places his hand on his blaster in it’s holster, without letting Sebulba realise what he’s doing. ”I know exactly who you are, Sebulba.”

    “Sebulba?”
    Obi Wan asks. ”Who is that?”

    “Do pateesa unko coo mee am, Jedai.”


    Obi Wan looks to Qui Gon. The Jedi Master sighs, tired of translating. “He told me to tell you who he is. Sebulba’s the guy who runs things in Mos Eisley,” Qui Gon subtly wraps his hand around his blaster, ready to pounce. ”Or at least, he thinks he does. Unfortunately for him, he’s actually quite misguided.”

    Sebulba spits on the floor, and strolls right up behind Qui Gon, who is still refusing to turn around. ”Mee will nopa take this lackah du respekt tuta an eertisiter. Mee ap-xmasi tinka. This sa myo citty. Noah-wompa com noleeya tah myo citty um noleeya fronta je. U are zooter u noleeya doe veet, pateesa.”

    “He says we’re shooting ourselves in the foot by behaving this way in his city,”
    Qui Gon translates for Obi Wan, as Sebulba slinks right alongside him. ”When, in actual fact, I’m shooting him in the foot.”

    Qui fires the blaster out the bottom of his holster, sending a single blade in to Sebulba’s reptilian foot.

    Sebulba shrieks and hops backwards on one foot, so Qui Gon spins around and places the blaster against Sebula’s forehead before his henchmen can react.

    ”The next shot goes straight through his eye,” Qui Gon says, causing the henchmen to point their blasters straight at him, but knowing they can’t risk the first shot. Obi Wan presses himself against the bar in fear, but makes sure to hold Padme behind him, hoping to protect her should anything go down.

    The two sides stand off, not wanting to make the first move, as Qui Gon’s finger wraps tightly around the trigger, ready to pull.

    ”Now what in the hell is this?” a voice calls out, and MACE WINDU strolls in to the tavern. He’s a tall, bald, middle-aged human, with a trench coat dragging along the dusty floor behind him. He places his hands on his hips, refusing to touch the blaster clearly held in a holster by his waist. ”I thought I’d warned you about this kind of thing, Sebulba?”

    “He insotto je, um he insotto myo patessa.”

    “I don’t care if he insulted your damn mama! I’ve told you about this kind of thing. You’re on last warning, or have you forgotten about that?”

    “Sebulba sha norgets.”

    “And I wouldn’t expect you to forget, either. But in case you do, let me make it even clearer. If you want me to get out of your business, you and your little friends here need to stop giving me a reason to get involved in your business.”

    “Shot jees bu not!”
    Sebulba exclaims.

    ”I wish he’d shot you in your damn face, then maybe I could get on with the rest of my job. But seeing as I’m not that lucky, I’m going to have to suggest you and your friends walk yourself on out of this bar. ‘Cos, let me tell you, if you don’t… things are gonna get a lot harder for you… real… quick.”

    Sebulba stares in to Qui Gon’s eyes, who still holds the blaster at his head. ”Beet besh ovah.”

    “I’m sure it’s not,”
    Qui Gon says.

    Gradually Sebulba limps away and leaves the bar with his crew following behind, leaving Mace, Qui Gon and the two younger, terrified Jedi alone.

    Mace sighs. ”You sure like to make an entrance.”

    “I do my best,”
    Qui Gon says, spinning back around and continuing to sip on his drink.

    Mace sits on a stool next to them. ”Business or pleasure this time?”

    “Business. Unfortunately.”

    “Yeah, I should have known,”
    Mace says. ”You’ve been here an hour and you’ve only shot one person.”

    “That you know about,”
    Qui Gon adds.

    ”You know, if you wanted to speak to me, you could have just come to my office instead of starting fights with the mob and hoping I’d turn up to save you.”

    “Perhaps. But your office doesn’t have drink.”


    Mace leans over the bar and grabs a bottle, which he drinks straight from. ”Jinn, this is Mos Eisley. Everyone has a drink.”

    Mace offers the bottle, and Qui Gon chinks his glass against it.

    ”Ah,” Mace says, spotting Obi Wan. ”Now this… this is what I’d expect from a Jedi. You gonna introduce me, Jinn?”

    “Oh yeah, sure,”
    Qui Gon slurs, and points at Obi Wan. ”This is…” he starts clicking his fingers together. ”This is…”

    “Obi Wan Kenobi,”
    Obi Wan interjects, and offers his hand.

    ”And this is…” Qui Gon tries with the Padme, but draws a blank there too.

    ”Padme,” Obi Wan introduces, and Padme shakes Mace’s hand.

    ”Well it’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Mace says. ”I’m Mace Windu. I’m kinda the sheriff in these here parts. I keep the law and order. Or best I can, at least. You ever been to Mos Eisley before?”

    They both shake their heads.

    ”Lucky you. Well, I’m sorry your introduction had to be at the hands of this madman.” He turns to Qui Gon. ”So, Jinn, talk to me. Why you here?”

    Qui Gon turns to Obi Wan. ”Why are we here?”

    Obi Wan grits his teeth in frustration at the incompetence of the man who is supposed to be his mentor. ”We’re here because of the ranch raids. The farm burnings.”

    “Man, nothing gets past you Jedi folk, huh?”

    “You know us,”
    Qui Gon says, ”Jedis love being up in everyone’s business.” He downs his drink and pours himself another one.

    ”With all due respect, why would something like farm raids be on the radar of fine folks like yourselves? That’s an awful long way from Coruscant for a few burnt ranches.”

    “There’s been a disturbance in the Force,”
    Obi Wan says. ”Do you know much of the Force?”

    “About as much as Jinn here knows of keeping a low profile.”


    Obi Wan nods. ”In essence, something in the galaxy is wrong.”

    “Let me tell you, kid. Down here… there’s a lot in the galaxy that ain’t right.”

    “Sure. But something big is out there. Something that could change the galaxy as we know it.”

    “And you think it’s linked to the farms?”

    “Probably not. But we want to be sure. What can you tell us about them?”

    “Not a lot,”
    Mace says. ”Eight nights, eight farms hit. All on the outskirts of the city. No pattern to how they’re hit. In all cases the farmers dialled it in, but by the time we get there it’s too late. The farm’s completely raised, and everything that’s left is burnt to the ground. And I mean everything.”

    Obi Wan nods, and makes a note of something. ”So if it’s happening every night, why don’t the farmers just stop work? You know, protect themselves?”

    “Can’t afford to. Farming ain’t what it once was. The poor cats out there are working all kinds of hours just to survive. Problem is, there’s over 2,000 ranches out there, and any one of them could be next. I can take you to one of them if you want? The Al-Raad Ranch was the one hit last night, and it’s not too far from here.”

    “That’d be great, thank you.”

    “My pleasure. Finish your drinks and come meet me out front, my transport’s waiting.”
    Mace heads towards the exit. ”Hey!” he calls out of the building to his transport. ”Hey, Anakin! Start the speeder up, we’re heading to Al-Raads’.”

    * END OF CHAPTER THREE *

  20. #20
    TAKE THE DREAM~

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    Re: Star Wars: Rebooking The Prequels

    Been enjoying this so far. Mace Windu sounds just like Samuel Jackson to the point you can almost hear his voice saying it.

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