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Thread: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #21
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Everyone should review Sullivan's promo. Tit for tat is how we operate in the FWA.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
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    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Devin Golden: First thing that caught my eye was Devin's color change. He no longer is using the traditional and famous "Golden" colored font. Is this an intentional change to symbolize Golden's fall? I always love intros that flash back to childhood, specifically with your characters. It gives good background into how we got to where we are today. This little piece is a flash to show just how much of an ace Golden has been in everything he's done. But he failed to be an ace for team Cyrus, and as we learn he also failed on that kick. Golden's approach here is very forward, and I like it. I wasn't sure what your take was going to be after that Fight Night ending. You could've come out depressed and remorseful. Maybe XYZ would have been? But Devin Golden is different. He's a different personality, and he's been around a long time. He has no remorse, and knows he has no reason to. This match was quickly penciled in after the results of the tag team match. After weeks and weeks of build up between Golden/Krash vs the enemies, it quickly had to turn to Golden vs Krash. You both didn't have a lot to build on in that short time, but I thought both promos made up for that lack of build up on the weekly shows. But I like how Golden's approach is...he isn't going to get upset and feel crushed like he did as a kid. He's past that now. He's stronger than that. He's telling Krash to suck it up buttercup and move on. Solid stuff.

    Mike Parr: This is a solid rant for Mike Parr that really digs deep into what he is fired up. Noting how guys like Golden and Garcia are walking off the commentary table and fighting in the main event. The details in the intro are solid and help me visualize that fireplace/living room setting. I liked the comparison to a Christmas greeting card. The photo is a good theme with Mike Parr throwing it in the fire and moving on. You make a lot of solid points not only on your opponents but the champion himself. Good luck to you.

    Mike Garcia: Yet another main event top notch promo from big Mike who continues to plow. I know you've written some great promos the last few matches and fallen short both times, but don't get discouraged because this is quality stuff. Your intro is well written like the intro of a book, and gets me hooked to the entire piece. I can totally attest to the fact that Homewood isn't a good place to chill. Although I'll give it an edge over Homestead. Quite ironic that our boroughs with the name "Home" are the least desirable places to have a home. Would love to see you delve deeper into Garcia's youth on the Pittsburgh streets in future works. You went hard on Hughes at the end there and really dug into him, I like it. I'm rooting for you to snag the win here, a well deserved win that could potentially start a streak.

  3. #23
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Thanks for kind words Sully felt really good on that XYZ promo I wanted to go down the greyline that XYZ and him arent so different that he felt like he could of been XYZ covered from the real world.

    CCC promo was really fun to write to and I wanted to add some more Alice in Wonderland myth in it hence why I added The Looking Glass

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  4. #24
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Dave Sullivan: The Would-Be King of FWA is definitely the king of creativity lately with promos. Every week, you've got something new and exciting and it's the reason why Sullivan's a dual titleholder and potentially a triple champ. A detective's journal detailing the events that led to this match is a premise that I never would've thought of. Great synopsis that also hints at Dave's mindset heading into this match...and perhaps, the thought that he is truly in the right, like any good villain. I'm not sure about the Ty Johnson bit at the end, but pro wrestling logic is always different than real world stuff. All in all, more awesomeness from you, Dave.

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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Dave Sullivan Creative, so damn CREATIVE.

    I said it recently about that Parr promo, but I love these sort of promos, I love it when people take the FWA Characters and put them in an alternate universe like this and go in on the stories, the characters, the feuds in that World. I genuinely loved this promo, it was something that really hooked me in. Everything about it, particularly the theme/setting of Dave (and Gabby) being Detectives going after Cyrus and the World Championship. That was a really clever and really well executed way to base this promo. It was just such an interesting concept. If nothing else you (and Cyrus) both beat me as far as creativity goes. I couldn't pick between the three promos. But it wasn't just a clever theme, there was so much detail to it, it was so well executed. Even just the idea of Sully being a Detective in the Crimes against Championships Division is a great way to frame what he has being doing, what he's done as X and NA Champion, and now going after the World Title as well. I cant stress enough how good I thought that was, and everything around the way you addressed that and tied it all together. You never broke stride either, things never veered off in this "story". No matter who or what you were addressing from Sully's pursuit of the World Title, to Gabrielle's previous Title shot, too Krash getting his Title shot, or Devin getting involved and everything in between was all handled so well in this alternate "World". Page 5 is probably my favourite of the bunch in that regard, how you made everything fit the theme and how Detective Kings intensity and fury grew throughout that chapter. Amazing work.

    The only negative as far as I'm concerned was the Ty Johnson stuff, but it fit the promo, and it was a good way to pull Dave out of this "World" and back to reality. Dont get me wrong, looking at it from that angle it fits the rest of the promo from a story perspective, and while I wouldn't say it detracted from the rest of the promo necessarily, it didn't add to the promo. But that's the thing from a strictly story perspective it was fine, great even. I just didn't love the final note it put on Sully here in this promo.

    I dont want my last point about this promo to be a negative one, so I have to say as someone who can be their own worst critic as well, you're just as good a writer as Cyrus, TGO, Jiggy, myself, etc. Win, lose or draw here, Dave Sullivan will be a World Champion soon.

    Cyrus Truth: I'll give out a more in depth review later, but I just wanted to touch on one particular passage that I loved:
    “Dave might have an edge on Gabrielle on that front, but ultimately he’s fighting for the same reasons she is. Hubris...pure, unadulterated hubris is much newer for Dave as it is for Gabrielle, but winning both the North American and X Division titles in a year’s time has allowed a lowlife to become a monster full of greed and envy.
    There's just something about this, particularly that last line that I just loved. I think its how effortlessly, yet completely it summed up the evolution of the Sullivan character. His success, has created a monster indeed. Its these kinds of cleverly crafted lines that you do so well. Those lines sprinkled throughout that really stand out to the reader.
    Last edited by ETE; 10-24-2019 at 11:07 AM.





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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Thank you for the reviews guys. I know adding in the Ty Johnson return was a big risk. I've been toying with how I wanted to bring this character back for awhile now. Whether it was as a surprise attack on the show with Ty costing Sullivan a match, or going after Sullivan for revenge. Either way, I wanted to save it for something big. Since when Ty went down at the hands of Sullivan, that was a huge moment right there that absolutely launched Sullivan in his return. I credit Sullivan's betrayal of Ty as the reason why he got the momentum he did that got him to this very spot. So this moment right here, it felt like the perfect time to loop right back around to where things started.

    The biggest question mark right now is Ty's personality. Like I said I wasn't sure how I was going to bring him back, and if he was going to seek revenge. But bringing him in and having him actually respect Sullivan...almost bowing down himself, it felt like a really big moment in both Sullivan and Ty's story. If Sullivan wins, I'm not sure the approach I'll take with Ty. I don't think I'm ready to use him as a prominent character in every promo.

    But he's definitely a character that still clearly exists in Sullivan's world, and the world of the FWA.

    In short, I wanted to bring Ty back in the biggest and best moment I could, and I just felt like this moment...with Sullivan fighting for the world title for the first time, it felt right to me.

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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Totally get that, Sully. It's an interesting angle, for sure.

  8. #28
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    I'll probably write a more detailed review about Sully's promo later but I really liked how poetic was that Dave screwed Ty just before Ty's biggest match of his career, then Ty just came back before Dave's biggest match of his career.
    Worker bees can leave.
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  9. #29
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Sullivan promo was good but I think Devin Golden knocked it out of the park.

    I liked Diamonds promo to and really dug Cyrus Truth promo. Cyrus I give you props on telling a story so detailed.

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  10. #30
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    CCC: You always do a really good job of creating the right atmosphere for these promos; macabre and eerie enough to really compliment the characters and hang over everything they say and do within the promo. I always get the feeling these are promos you have a lot of fun writing, a lot of fun crafting this World that these characters occupy. Everything flows around who they are, and what sort of people they are. I did like the involvement of the Chesire Cat itself and it really motivating Crowe, in particular the ending was really strong. I've always felt it was important to try and have a really strong last line of dialogue, something that really resonates to end the promo, and this had that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sully View Post
    Thank you for the reviews guys. I know adding in the Ty Johnson return was a big risk. I've been toying with how I wanted to bring this character back for awhile now. Whether it was as a surprise attack on the show with Ty costing Sullivan a match, or going after Sullivan for revenge. Either way, I wanted to save it for something big. Since when Ty went down at the hands of Sullivan, that was a huge moment right there that absolutely launched Sullivan in his return. I credit Sullivan's betrayal of Ty as the reason why he got the momentum he did that got him to this very spot. So this moment right here, it felt like the perfect time to loop right back around to where things started.

    The biggest question mark right now is Ty's personality. Like I said I wasn't sure how I was going to bring him back, and if he was going to seek revenge. But bringing him in and having him actually respect Sullivan...almost bowing down himself, it felt like a really big moment in both Sullivan and Ty's story. If Sullivan wins, I'm not sure the approach I'll take with Ty. I don't think I'm ready to use him as a prominent character in every promo.

    But he's definitely a character that still clearly exists in Sullivan's world, and the world of the FWA.

    In short, I wanted to bring Ty back in the biggest and best moment I could, and I just felt like this moment...with Sullivan fighting for the world title for the first time, it felt right to me.
    I do like the story element of it, and it did tie into the promo itself, following the Detective setting and all. So its not really a flaw or negative and I am interested to see what you do with this story going forward from here.
    Last edited by ETE; 10-26-2019 at 07:25 AM.





  11. #31
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Dave Sullivan: I think it's a great premise you had in the promo. I remember Wolf doing something similiar against me, but of course it had a lot of differences from yours. I absolutely loved the world building you did for all of the characters, it was very creative, with all of the people in the storyline having their distinct roles. The journal of Detective King was a very fun read. Then came the Ty Johnson bit, which as ETE and Cyrus said, was my the only part I didn't absolutely love. But these are your characters and you had your logic to make act Ty the way he did, and I don't think I should say anything more about that. I already mentioned the poetry of Ty coming back before Dave's biggest match before. And the beautiful thing about reading promos are that you can fill in the blanks that the author did not, so the possibility of Ty having his own plots and schemes about Dave is not far from possible for me.

    Kayden Knox: The thought of somebody with a pornstar gimmick getting upset because people laughed at him and did not take him seriously seems strange at first glance, but pornstars have feelings too, I guess. I appreciate the fact that you changed the character when Sterling Jagger was stuck and did not seem to go anywhere. It wasn't a tweak on a character, you did change him completely and I think it's going to work wonders for him in the long run. Of course, having a mouthpiece like AJ Drake is great, which allows you to put more substance in promos. Overall, I'm curious to see how Kayden's going to do with this new character.

    Devin Golden: I really don't have much to say about this but Devin's situation here is completely relatable and I think it makes him even more sympathetic than the guy whose world title shot vanished into thin air, so props on that one. People dragging him in their own wars and then get pissy about it when Devin fails when he did not want to return at all, this is not something you can blame Devin at all. Despite his initial doubts about returning, I'm glad to know that he is coming back full-time. Fully curious and excited to see what you're going to do from now on.

    Gabrielle: What can I even say about this? Everything great about your promos were even better in this one. The pure arrogance of Gabby, her supposed divinity, grace and all that stuff, they are all things I'm trying to at least do something similiar with Nova. The setting was kind of opposite of what Dave and Cyrus did, it was just bare and naked, like Gabrielle was in this promo. So, settingwise, Dave and Cyrus were more creative and fun, but with everything else, I think you had that advantage. Her attacks on others were brutal, the comparisons and figurations were great and all that stuff about Gabrielle that makes her Gabrielle, they were just too good in this promo.

    Cyrus Truth: Oh, look at where Cyrus trying to have one moment of friendship and trying to be nice led him. He dragged the whole main-event scene into a faction war, brought two commentators back to wrestling, and now his reign is facing yet another great threat and it seems Cyrus is even doubting himself at this one, while still managing to be confident and headstrong going into Desert Storm. Just like Dave, this was another setting and world-building I enjoyed. The situation here for Cyrus is really hard and you reflected it really well. Especially, the part after the thunderstorm and the way you spit the Truth gave me chills. This promo is a perfect example of why Cyrus dominated the world championship in the last years, even against challengers like Kennedy, Bell, Gabrielle, Sullivan and more. I really have no favourite for this match, but damn whoever wins it is going to deserve it.
    Worker bees can leave.
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    The Queen is their slave.

  12. #32
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    Re: FWA Desert Storm Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Hermes View Post
    Dave Sullivan: I think it's a great premise you had in the promo. I remember Wolf doing something similiar against me, but of course it had a lot of differences from yours. I absolutely loved the world building you did for all of the characters, it was very creative, with all of the people in the storyline having their distinct roles. The journal of Detective King was a very fun read. Then came the Ty Johnson bit, which as ETE and Cyrus said, was my the only part I didn't absolutely love. But these are your characters and you had your logic to make act Ty the way he did, and I don't think I should say anything more about that. I already mentioned the poetry of Ty coming back before Dave's biggest match before. And the beautiful thing about reading promos are that you can fill in the blanks that the author did not, so the possibility of Ty having his own plots and schemes about Dave is not far from possible for me.

    Kayden Knox: The thought of somebody with a pornstar gimmick getting upset because people laughed at him and did not take him seriously seems strange at first glance, but pornstars have feelings too, I guess. I appreciate the fact that you changed the character when Sterling Jagger was stuck and did not seem to go anywhere. It wasn't a tweak on a character, you did change him completely and I think it's going to work wonders for him in the long run. Of course, having a mouthpiece like AJ Drake is great, which allows you to put more substance in promos. Overall, I'm curious to see how Kayden's going to do with this new character.

    Devin Golden: I really don't have much to say about this but Devin's situation here is completely relatable and I think it makes him even more sympathetic than the guy whose world title shot vanished into thin air, so props on that one. People dragging him in their own wars and then get pissy about it when Devin fails when he did not want to return at all, this is not something you can blame Devin at all. Despite his initial doubts about returning, I'm glad to know that he is coming back full-time. Fully curious and excited to see what you're going to do from now on.

    Gabrielle: What can I even say about this? Everything great about your promos were even better in this one. The pure arrogance of Gabby, her supposed divinity, grace and all that stuff, they are all things I'm trying to at least do something similiar with Nova. The setting was kind of opposite of what Dave and Cyrus did, it was just bare and naked, like Gabrielle was in this promo. So, settingwise, Dave and Cyrus were more creative and fun, but with everything else, I think you had that advantage. Her attacks on others were brutal, the comparisons and figurations were great and all that stuff about Gabrielle that makes her Gabrielle, they were just too good in this promo.

    Cyrus Truth: Oh, look at where Cyrus trying to have one moment of friendship and trying to be nice led him. He dragged the whole main-event scene into a faction war, brought two commentators back to wrestling, and now his reign is facing yet another great threat and it seems Cyrus is even doubting himself at this one, while still managing to be confident and headstrong going into Desert Storm. Just like Dave, this was another setting and world-building I enjoyed. The situation here for Cyrus is really hard and you reflected it really well. Especially, the part after the thunderstorm and the way you spit the Truth gave me chills. This promo is a perfect example of why Cyrus dominated the world championship in the last years, even against challengers like Kennedy, Bell, Gabrielle, Sullivan and more. I really have no favourite for this match, but damn whoever wins it is going to deserve it.
    To be fair IC Jagger tried to kill himself after being alone so he feels like hes out for revange on the fwa roster for not accepting him alot if the new gimmick deals with a mental breakdown of someone and finding himself

    Spoiler:


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