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Thread: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #1
    Circle Jerker
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    Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread


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    ozzyozyakup10
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Can I get an extension?

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    MC Mitchy D
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    I'll need an extension as well
    [07:31 PM] Stonewall Dakson
    : I have a good friend that lives near Seattle. He says I should come visit sometime but that is like the exact opposite side of the country from me.
    [07:31 PM] Jon Snow
    : theyve got planes for that
    [07:31 PM] Stonewall Dakson
    : And those cost lots of money
    [07:32 PM] Jim
    : send yourself in a box without any holes with the USPS. Best case scenario, you get cheap traveling, worst case, you're gone forever
    [10:00 PM] Kairi HoHo
    : Jerk it in my honor Dak bye.
    [06:18 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : Guys, I am going to see President Trump tomorrow.
    [06:19 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : He's holding a rally in the town I live in. Gonna skip outta work and go.
    [06:19 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : Not the town I live in, the town I work in.
    [06:19 PM]RecyCocks
    : You should bring TGR with you
    [06:20 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : If I was taking a long walk off a short pier I would gladly bring TGR with me.
    [11:40 PM]
    Kairi HoHo
    : Pretty sure I said I would go gay for Ryan Gosling just saying lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kairi HoHo View Post
    I'll be fine Daddy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kairi HoHo View Post
    I mean it sounds hot to me. Some people work at Arby's and someone people just want to fuckmurder all night whatever floats your boat


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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    If free extensions are being handed out I'll take one, but I'll probably be able to finish on time anyway.

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Ima needs one too if we given em out

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sully View Post
    If free extensions are being handed out I'll take one, but I'll probably be able to finish on time anyway.
    What a compelling case you make here.


    #Fitzmajic




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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jiggy View Post
    What a compelling case you make here.
    Yeah I actually don't need it I'm good for that night so just forget about it.

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    The Mayor of Slamtown
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Extensions granted

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Extension please. Won't get time over the weekend so planning to get it done on Monday at work.

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Was thinking I wouldn't need one but hit me with one please


    #Fitzmajic




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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Granted

    Cyrus gets one too. Wolf also has one since Gambit requested one.


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  12. #12
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    So does PAJ, as well.

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    MACHKA
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Extension pls?

  14. #14

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Aye


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  15. #15
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Well, I fought as long as I can, but I'm going to need an extension. This is what happens when you're a perfectionist, for kev and bell
    The most amazing thing about this recent conversation is that I've learned AON is even more of a waste of space than I thought he was previously

  16. #16

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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    granted.

    since it's BIB.


    Sully gets one too.


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  17. #17
     
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RainShaker View Post
    granted.

    since it's BIB.


    Sully gets one too.
    Cool because I put off doing it until now and I'm totally not ready for it. Tomorrow for sure. I'll be mentally preparing for the next 24 hours when I wait until 2 hours before the deadline again.

  18. #18
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Jason Randall: Super big ennui to begin the promo. I wonder how many people are going to have a bunch of ennui when they start. I haven't kept up with the product lately but Randall seemed to show some of these angsty characteristics in the past, too. The idea of "laying asleep in a hotel room and leaving to smoke a cigarette" screams ennui. I don't think Randall is someone who would say "narcotic substances." That seems awkward and too formal. Especially when he's saying "shit" in the same thought.

    I love the fact that you brought up the low-hanging fruit aspect but then dove in. It's being on the nose about going for a slightly shallow foundation for the feud but it's fine. And building off of the Weinstock interview is another positive. That's the background so use it. Your actually language against Danny was the norm.

    A pretty solid promo. The intro was a little too generic. So was mine, though.


    Penny: I'm not going to review your promo in full but I'll say this. Had you somehow connected Randall's and Penny's promos from a time perspective — i.e., had Penny wake up in the middle of the night, too, and deliver a promo — then the setting would've been boosted. That type of creativity is next level. The fact that Penny was present, albeit briefly, in Randall's and the fact that you always post back to back opens up the chance for you to delve into something like this, where a bland setting is elevated due to the connection between the characters and writing.


    Aaron Kendrick:

    Years later, he stands in the warm, Dallas water, looking out at the Earth. Everything that God created. The green trees. The brown, pine straw-filled grounds, little cotton-tailed rabbits running around, and the smell of warm summer filling his mind with joy. This was what home was to him. And now, on the biggest day of his life and the grandest stage of all, not much has really changed. He is home. God created this. But tonight, this boy becomes God.
    Who the fuck are you? This is good stuff. Great setting. Very descriptive.

    I hope you continue with the conversations with God. It's very unique, very unorthodox. Sets you apart. Don't overkill it but sprinkling those in is a great way to breach a topic and provide some character depth.

    I haven't read anything about your bio but if God is a focal point of the character then good job. Good character. And a good promo.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

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    Final record: 94-58-10


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  19. #19
    Striving for a B+ in life
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Wolf: I enjoyed the story about the knights on its own but I loved Wolf wondering what was so bad about being a monster. I think that wrapped it up perfectly in terms of writing exactly as the character should be written, from what he says to the descriptions and his thoughts.

    I strongly dislike that you spell out numbers. Use numerals. It's cleaner-looking.

    One of the best ways of building up a character while pointing out your superiority that I've seen in a while. I loved your line about you winning but Tristan getting shots in.

    I know there's a fine line between talking too much about someone not in the match and not talking enough about the backstory, but you could've done well to go more into Kennedy. I understand the importance, but others might not. Just a few more sentences. You would've been fine doing that. It's a staple of your career and it's worthy of explanation.

    Great promo.


    Deception: Ew, a photo. Use your words.

    Needed more setting, more character, more development, more creativity. The actual stuff about Tommy was fine, albeit a little disjointed and a grammatical minefield.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


  20. #20
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    Re: Back in Business XIII Promo Discussion Thread

    Wanted to do more with my promo as I'd been tossing this concept around in my head a while. A shame I couldn't expand it to be longer.

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