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Thread: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #21
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    I've had a bit of a busy and crap filled week. I wish I could have done more for my promo because I had so many ideas bouncing around and wanting to find ways to create a bit more of a flesh out character because I know that's been a criticism of me lately. Hopefully I've done enough to pick up a win and I aim to have a better RP next time.

  2. #22
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    And for my next trick, Slightly buzzed Sayer will post his promo in the correct thread.

  3. #23
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Probably not the greatest RP I've posted, but more relationship building! Yaaaay!

    ------------------------

  4. #24
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by ONAMStar View Post
    Probably not the greatest RP I've posted, but more relationship building! Yaaaay!
    I thought it was very good man. I mean efedding here you have to tell a story- which is what you are doing- along with talking about your opponents and the match.

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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    My depression has been kicking into high gear this month. I lost my mom around this time last year and I dreaded having to get an RP out because I knew it wouldn't be up to par with my new stuff I'm putting up. I couldn't find any inspiration for Iz/Starr because of it. I pushed myself all day to try and write something because I didn't want this to be my first no show.

    I could've done a lot better, but I also didn't want to turn in a throw away.

    ------------------------

  6. #26
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    This took longer than I had expected, I'm glad I wanted an extension. This was probably the most tiring promo I've written for the Vultures. I tried to do a classic Katie interview (which I wouldn't do if I had any other ideas) but that turned into classic monologuing and dialoguing very quick. But on a positive note, I have a lot of ideas for the tag tournament. I even finished the promo with a cliffhanger, in order to build my promos for the tournament. And I began to take the characters where I want to. The victories and success are slowly changing the characters, I hope I can be consistent with that.

    Edit: Sorry for your loss Star, losing my relatives are still one of my biggest fears. I hope you can beat your depression and continue to be a great person.
    Last edited by Oz; 10-09-2017 at 04:00 PM.

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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Starr, just keep your head up, surround yourself with loved ones. Losing someone close is something that really never goes away. Talking your feelings over with someone else does help .

  8. #28
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Definitely some good stuff with this week of stuff. Y'all love Katie Goldstein though lol. Gruber with a nice touch and interesting take on the death of a friend, Wolf is ready as always with his head down, Penny is more nuts then ever, lol, though I'm not really sure about the showing of how the cat is "speaking to her within her head". I'm kind of unsure about stuff that isn't actively displayed physically , as far as of all this stuff goes, but nonetheless the content was good. Cyrus was really interesting and foreshadowing, definitely built up a lot of good stuff, possibly my top one of this week, though...why hasn't Ashley O'Ryan used that accent and ethnic vernacular every time I've seen him speak? Lol. Randall's story is definitely setting up for some interesting stuff and definitely entertaining possibilities to come, so that's something to watch, absolutely. Tristan James Galloway definitely brought it heavily in preparation for his match, so definitely another quite good one there. Others I haven't even admittedly read all of or any yet, but yeah, some I've just skimmed have More Katie Goldstein lol.

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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Is Katie Goldstein the Jewish version of Katie Goldsmith?

  10. #30
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    I personally think whenever we use Katie in a promo we should post her picture of her likeness. Just saying

  11. #31
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Powerful Sayer View Post
    Is Katie Goldstein the Jewish version of Katie Goldsmith?
    You have to forgive him- he is from Mississippi originally.

  12. #32
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Hm, possibly lol. I just think she should be used less because it's getting repetitive and takes away when every other few or less has her in it and I'd personally rather see more creativity then falling back on "Katie Goldsmith is seen Walking and enters the locker room of -" lol.

  13. #33

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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Just want to say - as I finish grading - that this show has had some real big hitters, IMO. Quality stuff.
    ----



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  14. #34
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RainShaker View Post
    Just want to say - as I finish grading - that this show has had some real big hitters, IMO. Quality stuff.
    Yeah there was definitely some really top notch stuff in there over and over again.

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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RainShaker View Post
    Just want to say - as I finish grading - that this show has had some real big hitters, IMO. Quality stuff.
    Read "That Garcia promo was my absolute fave"

  16. #36
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by 1000Deaths View Post
    Hm, possibly lol. I just think she should be used less because it's getting repetitive and takes away when every other few or less has her in it and I'd personally rather see more creativity then falling back on "Katie Goldsmith is seen Walking and enters the locker room of -" lol.
    Well you know if SOMEONE HADN'T KILLED THE OTHER ONE... lol jk

    ------------------------

  17. #37
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by ONAMStar View Post
    Well you know if SOMEONE HADN'T KILLED THE OTHER ONE... lol jk
    I was actually gonna destroy HER just for all of the above reason lol, though Shake and I agreed she was the best option.

  18. #38
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Her return is actually gonna lead to something though.

  19. #39
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    Hanz – I think about the last promo where Karls gravesite was featured and this one, and the improvement has been like night and day. Not to say that your previous shows efforts weren’t good as well, but I think this promo caught Hanz in a much better setting that the previous few. Moodier, more gritty, it fit Hanz well without appearing bipolar or unrealistic. I thought the parts of using the fan video to explain the setting though kinda messed with the fabric of the scene though. When I was starting out 3 years ago, a veteran RPer told me to think of FWA promos as a movie scene where you have an unlimited budget and I want to pass that advice to you, so that in the future you don’t have to think of a way to ‘acknowledge the camera’ and so you don’t feel like you have to explain why a camera is there if you don’t want to or if its cumbersome.


    Zako – Strong monologue from MDM continues to be your strength. I liked how you spread the focus around not just on your next match but also your last match, which gives the character more layers and more options moving forward. The formatting though, its going to hold Zako back in terms of scoring. I know that you’re doing it on a smartphone, but at some point in the future I hope we can see coloring/longer segments. Clearly this is a character which has more to say, but I want to see diversity in the promo style/structure going forward I suppose.


    Deception
    – I liked and appreciated the meta of Deceptions line of thinking against Penny, even though I don’t know shit about Kid Justice it still felt relatable and you explained it well. There are still a few kinks in the grammar and sentence structure but compared to your first promos this is much cleaner, much improved. The core of your idea of how to approach the match is good. Like Zako though, Id like to see more variety in the future with regard to setting/format. Sooner or later Katie Goldsmith is going to have to get a SOS beacon if Deception keeps having her go weird places lulz. Katie is good and all but Deception could use a different foil. I like the mystery ending of this one as well.


    Jason Randall
    – Shorter promo, played well to gimmicks strengths because its compiled over the course of quit a few shows and is actually a good example of how far Randall has come from the more insipid ‘your ass is next’ days lululululz. I think the big weakness in this one though was that it didn’t exploit Tristans recent FWA enough, and that made the promo a little less substantive than it could be. There was a lot of stuff Randall could’ve gone after in terms of Galloway but most of it is left unexplored.


    Penny – This is getting pretty interesting with Fred having a voice of its own in Pennys head lulz. This one I suppose had a similar problem where there wasn’t enough focus on the opponent, but in a non-title setting its not as big of a deal. Penny has carved out a unique spot in the FWA card and im really happy with what you’ve made out of her, especially considering the womans division isn’t a thing anymore. A note of caution though, similar to Deceptions promo, which is I feel like we could use a diversification of foils for Penny outside of just Katie Goldsmith.

    WOLF
    – I really liked this promo. It struck the correct balance between story, setting, focus on the current opponents and keeping an eye on the future aspirations of the character. Im not a fan of the ‘gym breaker’ trope but this thankfully deviated away from that. But this one really had a little bit of everything without sacrificing the final sell monologue parts, which is what WOLF always excels at. Excellent work.


    PAJ – Other RPers can really take a look at this promo and use it as an example on how strong dialogue work means that PAJ can interact with a variety of foils/characters-of-the-day types and still not sacrifice any of the characters authentic feel. The setting which you crafted to present PAJ in a more accessible way was very well done. My lone gripe about this is that some of PAJs answers to the questions come off as a little heavy-handed to the point where you’ve basically ‘tipped your pitches’ in baseball terms. But overall it was very good.


    Bell – Hooooooooo boy lulz. First and foremost, whats with the Luke Harper reference? I well and truly couldn’t figure out why that reference was there, so off the bat -10000000000000 from me. And why no colors? But aside from those, this was a very well balanced promo, which to me did not overstay its welcome and featured a very strong closing. Subtle yet serious Bell in doses is very effective, and you pulled it off here and leveraged both Cyrus’ situation and Bells recent history very well. Yeah, formatting errors and all that are still there lulz, but I genuinely feel if you had put out this promo for the NA tournament final instead of now, you would’ve won easily. Then again, you mentioned Luke Harper so youd have started in a -10000000000000 hole. But in terms of this week, excellent concept with good execution.


    Aaron Kendrick – for a short intro, this had a lot of really good eggs and threads. It seems like youre already familiar with formatting and such and that’s good to see. The plot came at us hard and fast in the second bit and in the future I hope you space it out more, but this was a really encouraging introduction.


    Cyrus
    – I was a little thematically confused by this one, so much so that I sought out another mod to help see if I was missing some big plot point or something. As a promo, this was fine, standard Cyrus dialogue fare. But in light of what happened between Cyrus and Shannon I suppose I just wasn’t expecting this line of logic vs Bell. It was one hand a well-thought-out line of thought, but on the other somewhat ill-fitting in terms of Cyrus’ character. In terms of formatting and such there was no problem with it, but in my confusion there are also seeds of a gimmick/tone change which haven’t been fully fleshed out but make me excited to keep reading on.


    Galloway
    – Strong effort, and good to see that you left Romeo out of this one for the most part, as sometimes his oversized presence in Galloway promos can be a little bit overbearing. The real strength of this promo is that you showed an excellent command of your opponent and his gimmick, and you did it concisely. I could’ve done with a little more of continuation of Galloways previous backstories, as those were completely dropped from this promo (aside from Romeo Rollins lulz), but this was a different style and a different type of sell than I usually associate with Galloway, and I think you pulled it off well.

    Garcia – Dialogue is much harder than monologue, and there is a big risk with taking on a dialogue-heavy promo. I thought a lot of the dialogue in this one was too ham-fisted and that kind of set the tone when you moved into the final sell portion as well, especially the parts where Malik was speaking. It’s a strange dynamic that just seemed to have two people taking turns talking dramatically AT each other in giant blocks instead of talking to one another. Especially considering theyre brothers and not strangers, it felt really impersonal even though the actual content and words was going for exactly the opposite effect. Nor does SCV feature in a meaningful way in the promo, so the fact that the PAJ Project is getting a match against the tag champs (which should be a milestone in itself) just seems lost within the personal drama. Structurally theres nothing really wrong with the promo, but its just one which rings my alarms bells because from start to finish its lacking the glue which should be holding all the moving threads together, which is authenticity.

    Starr/Izzy – You mentioned already earlier in the thread about how this promo was drama-focused and I think that assessment is spot on lulz. Its strange because when Starr and Izzy focus on the wrestling-centric aspects of their partnership, it reads pretty well, like in the final section of your promo. When the innuendo comes in, it drifts dangerously close to rom-com/Scrubs-type territory. While Starr and Izzys built-in chemistry helps make the dialogue feel more realistic and authentic, I suppose its still too cutesy for my personal taste lulz. Theres potential though, in this pairing, since you seem to have a gift for dialogue writing, a skill which a lot of FWA RPers in the past have struggled with even though they were great monologue writers. There was adequet focus on your opponents sprinkled in, and although im not sure if the talk on Hanz and WOLF was too light-hearted for my fancy, at least its consistent with Starr and Izzys gimmicks.

    SCV – I thought this promo was great. It was concise and didn’t go overlong, summarized well the prior accomplishments of SCV, and was written with style and realistically within the confines of an interview. What I really really liked though was the logic of the attack against PAJ and Garcia. It was smart, psychological, and showed excellent command of the opponents gimmick, almost to the point where you were blowing up the spot of the whole PAJ/Garcia storyline lulz. Manson dissected the opponent intellectually and it made for great promo material, just great stuff. My only gripe is with the setting; so even though they are travelling to the arena for this show only, SCV has a secret lair/secret button in the Air Canada Center? Did they always have this at every arena? Is this the deep state?????? That particular thing at the end needs to be elaborated on more. But really, I highly enjoyed the meat of this promo. Best promo of the show for me.
    Last edited by KAIZEN; 10-12-2017 at 09:58 AM.

  20. #40
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    Re: Fight Night 06 October Promo Discussion Thread

    FUCK.

    i should explain. It was two am. I was half drunk and watching smackdown at the same time. shit

    I swear to God if I had a winning promo for once and then I lost because I didn't check my drunk rambles I will scream
    The most amazing thing about this recent conversation is that I've learned AON is even more of a waste of space than I thought he was previously

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