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Thread: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #81
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by KAIZEN View Post

    Starr - this was a lot going on in this promo, solid work. I think the biggest con I had against this one was that, like Hanz, some of the character developments have been coming too think and too fast. the setup to give Starr the rationale to square off against WOLF was good placement (WOLF blessed off on that, right?). I wanna caution though that too many moving parts sometimes muddies the core of what or who should be getting the most clear build (Starr and his journey). in this promo we get a callback to Starrs concussion testing, his implied romantic link to Izzy, more Izzy cameo, trouble in his professional relationship with Anna, etc, all in the space of a relatively short package. and you still found space to set up vs WOLF lol, but to be honest I wanted to see more of Starrs thoughts against WOLF, especially since you went more with the rationale that Starr doesn't like WOLF because of what happened with Izzy and only superficially touched on WOLFs very long history in FWA. All these details and threads in Starrs story arc are good, but some attention to detail would tighten up the whole package. sometimes the best way to execute that if you don't have time to write a longer promo is to split off each side of the story one FN at a time and build it up like that instead of having every element present at the same time. also, why is KAIZEN introducing video packages on FWAs website? MUH KAYFABEEEEE

    Izzy - we are getting good background building for Izzy and this will serve her well as she looks to move up the card. I had a couple of issues with this promo though, one of which was that the lack of setting breaks in between the dialogue here made things a little tiresome to read, or too easy for the eyes to glaze over and skip lines. curiously you have these breaks in Starrs promo but theyre mostly not there in the body of Izzys lol. the second issue is that for the heavy focus on Izzys history with Starr, it seems that you didn't spend that much time on Hanz. I dunno if this was a conscious decision or if that's just how things panned out this week, but if Izzy loses to Hanz, the lack of focus on the present is going to be the prime reason why. promos, especially for newer characters, is about striking the balance between journey and why you should be watching me now. Izzy did a lot of good work regarding journey. But in terms of selling the rematch as a 'don't sleep on my match at this big show' part Izzy didn't do a good job on.
    Thanks for the reviews KAIZEN.

    Yes WOLF okayed my inclusion. The week of classes has kicked my ass. I guess I can offer a spin and say Starr's life is so fast-paced that I write his story like that too. Hell I don't really know what I'm doing most of the time anyway lol. Also, I don't know someone sucks at FWA's Video Department.

    Izzy's RP was literally 5 words until Tiesday because I couldn't think of where to go. I wanted to focus on Izzy and Starr's relationship because I felt like I threw people off last time with Starr knowing the new girl. I chose to focus on that instead of the match for the bulk of it. I figured I'd at least put an effort in instead of no showing for Izzy. I kinda rationalize it as Izzy's mind in other places before a big match is a newbie thing to do.

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  2. #82
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    I feel kind of bad since it feels like whenever I get around i am quite drunk, but yes i did allow Starr to use me in his promo, i hate my promo and the promo before that and the promo before that.(i feel like there are huge limits to write Wolf as a character at this point) I am looking for that one promo I can be proud of, that one match. Give me Wolf vs Kazadi or Wolf vs Kennedy next week please it might give me tools to write something really good and not garbage. I appreciate your feedback and i am grateful for it

  3. #83
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    KAIZEN's Avatar

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfs Rain View Post
    I feel kind of bad since it feels like whenever I get around i am quite drunk, but yes i did allow Starr to use me in his promo, i hate my promo and the promo before that and the promo before that.(i feel like there are huge limits to write Wolf as a character at this point) I am looking for that one promo I can be proud of, that one match. Give me Wolf vs Kazadi or Wolf vs Kennedy next week please it might give me tools to write something really good and not garbage. I appreciate your feedback and i am grateful for it

    I wont lie and say WOLFs return has been completely smooth sailing, but at the same time the promos have gotten sharper show by show and things are definitely headed towards a direction where WOLF can get into the big matches that he wants. you already have the tools to write something really good, and you've shown with both WOLF and Ace in times past that you've always had said tools, so don't be too hard on yourself. a mod should've have already reached out to you regarding our booking plans for WOLF. if someone hasn't done so yet, expect word from us imminently.



    Deception
    - Kudos for throwing something together considering the difficult circumstances. So while there are some formatting/coloring errors, I'm sure those wont be present under normal circumstances. A couple of notes to point out, in the future, it might be better to explain where the scene is taking place and such so that the reader gets a better idea of why Katie Goldsmith is hanging around, as opposed to Katie just walking in and we're wondering why she was there in the first place.

  4. #84

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    The show will either be up tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, I encourage people to take part in the Greatest Match Ever Evaluation thread. The mod team and I are going to have a list ready during promo week for the next show.
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  5. #85
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfs Rain View Post
    I feel kind of bad since it feels like whenever I get around i am quite drunk, but yes i did allow Starr to use me in his promo, i hate my promo and the promo before that and the promo before that.(i feel like there are huge limits to write Wolf as a character at this point) I am looking for that one promo I can be proud of, that one match. Give me Wolf vs Kazadi or Wolf vs Kennedy next week please it might give me tools to write something really good and not garbage. I appreciate your feedback and i am grateful for it
    I think at times we all are not happy with what we write. Having never read your stuff from before I have nothing to compare it to (old v new). That said, I have enjoyed what you have written lately. And really everybody's too. I mean I have read Tommy Thunders stuff before but he has always varied his stuff up a bit, never got old to me and I have seen his stuff for a few years. Graves I have seen grow and has gotten much better in the last few years too. Death is another user here that I have know for years. He has had a few other characters that were different from each other but my only thing with Wrath, and I have told him this, is it reminds me of another of his characters a lot- so it does make it a little harder to critique Wrath at times (and not think of that other character).

    Sully is another I am quite familar with from way back and can not wait for him to return and read his stuff again
    Last edited by hanz gruber; 09-23-2017 at 01:01 PM.

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