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Thread: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #61
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    @Sayer, I don't even know. I don't usually cram promos. I usually plan them out and write them day by day, but the last couple of weeks work has kept me from sticking to that plan. Unfortunately, I don't have the creative wherewithal to create something on the spur of the moment.

    I'll unfortunately have to be written up as a no-show... again.


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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    @Sayer, I don't even know. I don't usually cram promos. I usually plan them out and write them day by day, but the last couple of weeks work has kept me from sticking to that plan. Unfortunately, I don't have the creative wherewithal to create something on the spur of the moment.

    I'll unfortunately have to be written up as a no-show... again.


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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by 1000Deaths View Post
    All I know "Midnight Tuesday", and those were both closer to Wednesday lol. I'm not the deadline judge though, so who knows.
    I live in the Eastern Time Zone and it said 3 AM for me so I was good.

    ------------------------

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Guys I am back and can say im safe no damage to house the power is on im ready to rock and roll curious if i can still get my promos in? Hope rest of our florida fans are safe as well

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Im not going to speak for the others so until a decision is rendered Ill say to go ahead and start. When the other mods get on, we'll discuss and let you know. Keep checking back in.

    Glad to hear you are safe, though!

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Powerful Sayer View Post
    Im not going to speak for the others so until a decision is rendered Ill say to go ahead and start. When the other mods get on, we'll discuss and let you know. Keep checking back in.

    Glad to hear you are safe, though!
    Hey thanks man it was scary af eye went right through me

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by OMBGraves View Post
    Hey thanks man it was scary af eye went right through me
    Glad you are ok Graves.

  8. #68
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Hey guys sorry for missing again. Just like Grim work has been crazy and by the time I get home I'm too exhausted to write anything up. I have the next couple weeks off thank god so that will much needed.


    [07:31 PM] Stonewall Dakson
    : I have a good friend that lives near Seattle. He says I should come visit sometime but that is like the exact opposite side of the country from me.
    [07:31 PM] Jon Snow
    : theyve got planes for that
    [07:31 PM] Stonewall Dakson
    : And those cost lots of money
    [07:32 PM] Jim
    : send yourself in a box without any holes with the USPS. Best case scenario, you get cheap traveling, worst case, you're gone forever
    [10:00 PM] Kairi HoHo
    : Jerk it in my honor Dak bye.
    [06:18 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : Guys, I am going to see President Trump tomorrow.
    [06:19 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : He's holding a rally in the town I live in. Gonna skip outta work and go.
    [06:19 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : Not the town I live in, the town I work in.
    [06:19 PM]RecyCocks
    : You should bring TGR with you
    [06:20 PM]Stonewall Dakson
    : If I was taking a long walk off a short pier I would gladly bring TGR with me.
    [11:40 PM]
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    : Pretty sure I said I would go gay for Ryan Gosling just saying lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kairi HoHo View Post
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Hi guys,

    Based on the above I obviously just put something quick together to post. Collectively not good enough for an NA Title match and I accept that, but didn't want to assign any more time to this than needed. I'll produce something for the results to make up for it if that's of any interest.

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Been a bit too busy to critique all the promos but have read all of them except for what has been posted since last night

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by hanz gruber View Post
    Glad you are ok Graves.
    Thanks man

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    If your opponents are fine with it, Graves, then you have roughly 13 hours to get promos in.





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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    I can't speak for others in the fatal four way but I'm cool with him getting some extra time.


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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Mac galloway & also mark n tt for tag promo is that cool

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Mac didnt promo this week. All you need is Gambit, really.

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Ok np

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Note: as a matter of efficiency, I will not be reviewing promos that were short due to knowledge of no-showingness/angles. As always, I encourage anyone who wants more specific feedback or has further questions to reach out to me via PM, where I will be happy to discuss with you regarding your promos for as long as you like.

    Zako – I understand that you do all your promos on a smartphone, so in that context, the formatting you’ve already been able to achieve is already impressive. For Zako to advance to the championship level,however, eventually the formatting and length is going to need to be longer. The meat of this promo was standard for a Zako promo but all the segments with Zakos father to me seemed very rushed and that really hurt the dialogue. It was like Zakos father was rushing to get all his talking points out and just blurted out everything too quickly. Of course, his presence was required to advance your desired storyline but the way the character is written really disrupted the synergy you had going between Zako and MDM. There was also notenough focus on Randall for my liking. I didn’t really have a problem with the ending (desensitized by Lucha Underground lulz), but after several promos of good solid build from you, were going to have to see Zako diversify his promostyle a little going forward.

    Hanz – I have a lot to say about Hanz, partially because there were no reviews for promos last show and I really want to address Hanz quasi-turn of personality as a whole and not just for this promo. There is alot to like about this promo, and indeed the one from last week. As I’ve mentioned before, you have a gift for monologue. This week, in particular, the angles of which you decided to go at Izzy were notably unique. But what smissing from Hanz promos so far is the journey, and it’s a big gaping hole to me in terms of overall promo quality. Like I get that Hanz is now more respectful and is more of a focused competitor, but the transition has been lost on me, and its too important in RP terms to ignore. Hanz went from a violent leader of a gang who disrespected everyone in crass terms to now being a thoughtful, articulate, almost calm guy with his posse nowhere to be seen. If someone told me beforehand this would be the plan for Hanz, I would have applauded and approved. But the change has been too abrupt, a problem I pointed out before in regards to mood within a single promo. I wanna see the journey of what made Hanz change his mind, what experiences,who and what happened that made him rethink things. Theres bits and pieces and hints of that, but the overall feel right now is just that ‘it happened’ and that gap to me undermines the promos as a whole. There is a lot to like about Hanz, there is a lot to like about how you write. I feel like the pieces of a great series of promo, a great story arc are here in plain sight in front of me but you haven’t put it all together yet.

    Penny and Randall – I am combining these two reviews because they are intertwined. this was a nice change of pace with Penny, more sympathetic, and I really liked how this side of the story serves as a lead-infor Randall. Perhaps this was by design, but I’d have liked it more if Penny had talked more about her opponents.

    But the reason I wanted to combine these two reviews is because of Randall. I think regarding where Randall seems to be headed, it’s a little bit too close to Cyrus Truth-territory. Not saying that it cant be well done, but it has similarities. In a sense, combining the Penny/Randall promo themes like this has elevated and helped Penny more than its helped Randall. Randalls promo had a good focus on Zako and the taskat hand, as is well written per usual~ I just caution whether Randall going theroute of delusiona-craycray will seem too repetitive seeing as a fair few people have gone down that road in FWA already.


    More to follow

    Shannon
    - I have a feeling that people are going to be pretty split on this promo. not in the sense of whether its good (because it is) but in a sense of whether it resonates as the answer people expected out of Shannon following what happened on the FN prior to this. Shannons rationale that she has a better grasp of the game than Cyrus has was clever, but it also felt a little too 'cool' as the final sell going into a title rematch. that's not to say that every title match should have people spewing shit-fire one liners and foaming at the mouth, but there was a kind of blasé-ness in how it was delivered which for some reason I found ill-fitting for Shannon, almost the kind of thing where as a curveball it was a clever twist but as a crescendo to a story, it didn't quite provide the kind of exclamation point that I'm accustomed to seeing for matches at the top of the card. As I mentioned earlier, whether this enhances or is a mark against how hyped people are for the match is going to be very personal and subjective. if nothing else though, it was like a doritos chip in the snack bowl that is FWA: it was BOLD.

    WOLF - I have to make a confession before this, which is that after thinking about it, I think sometimes my grading of WOLF promos is slightly colored by the fact that I miss Lucian Ace. Knowing what you're capable of with Ace and the somewhat wider variety that Ace brought to the table, sometimes it feels like WOLFs promos lack the well-roundedness of Lucians. but anyhoo, this promo got high marks from me in terms of creativity and being in-character. A young gun like Starr was a good foil for where WOLF is right now and you put it to good use. I know theres been noise about this style of angry rah-rah promo being out of date, but you do it very well and it stands out somewhat within the current batch of promos. whats with this AJ styles reference, though? MUH KAYFABE

    PAJ - standard PAJ fare, and I don't really know how to react to this one because we seem to be in the middle of something PAJ is planning to play out long-term, so the relative shortness wasn't a mark against this one. Went after HBE pretty hard and effectively as well.

    Cyrus - this was good but it felt a little lacking in juice. not to say that its your fault, as sometimes the timing of feuds and the position in the arc the character is in just doesn't lend itself to firing on all cylinders constantly, and considering how Cyrus has been so good more often than not over the past year its totally understandable. that said, in my opinion after reading this promo, it might have benefitted from saving some of the segment from the go-home FN and presenting it here as part of the promo instead. if the Shannon promo pulled a curveball which left me feeling conflicted, this promo went straight down the pipe the way I thought it would, everything Cyrus usually does well is present again, and theres nothing wrong with the logic or presentation. but again it was just lacking that little extra pop that would elevate it from your solid baseline standard of good that you've established through your yearlong run to something great.

    Galloway - a welcome return to form, but first and foremost I have to beg you to never use neon green as a font color lulzzzz. the meat of the promo wasn't anything super special but the twist that Galloway wasn't going to be presenting his own case this time was clever, albeit one that cant be used too frequently imo. This matchup is a good chance for Galloway to get back in the spotlight, which I feel is a needed event as Galloways been lost in the shuffle a little and could use a more steady focus so we can get back onto the characters journey and background as opposed to this kind of standoffish mystery-gear that Galloway has occupied. But this promo was a good reminder that you've set up multiple ways that Galloways story can be pushed forward and I look forward to seeing where itll go~

    Starr - this was a lot going on in this promo, solid work. I think the biggest con I had against this one was that, like Hanz, some of the character developments have been coming too think and too fast. the setup to give Starr the rationale to square off against WOLF was good placement (WOLF blessed off on that, right?). I wanna caution though that too many moving parts sometimes muddies the core of what or who should be getting the most clear build (Starr and his journey). in this promo we get a callback to Starrs concussion testing, his implied romantic link to Izzy, more Izzy cameo, trouble in his professional relationship with Anna, etc, all in the space of a relatively short package. and you still found space to set up vs WOLF lol, but to be honest I wanted to see more of Starrs thoughts against WOLF, especially since you went more with the rationale that Starr doesn't like WOLF because of what happened with Izzy and only superficially touched on WOLFs very long history in FWA. All these details and threads in Starrs story arc are good, but some attention to detail would tighten up the whole package. sometimes the best way to execute that if you don't have time to write a longer promo is to split off each side of the story one FN at a time and build it up like that instead of having every element present at the same time. also, why is KAIZEN introducing video packages on FWAs website? MUH KAYFABEEEEE

    Izzy - we are getting good background building for Izzy and this will serve her well as she looks to move up the card. I had a couple of issues with this promo though, one of which was that the lack of setting breaks in between the dialogue here made things a little tiresome to read, or too easy for the eyes to glaze over and skip lines. curiously you have these breaks in Starrs promo but theyre mostly not there in the body of Izzys lol. the second issue is that for the heavy focus on Izzys history with Starr, it seems that you didn't spend that much time on Hanz. I dunno if this was a conscious decision or if that's just how things panned out this week, but if Izzy loses to Hanz, the lack of focus on the present is going to be the prime reason why. promos, especially for newer characters, is about striking the balance between journey and why you should be watching me now. Izzy did a lot of good work regarding journey. But in terms of selling the rematch as a 'don't sleep on my match at this big show' part Izzy didn't do a good job on.
    Last edited by KAIZEN; 09-15-2017 at 10:51 AM.

  18. #78
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Right on, thank you for the advisory words. It was admittedly and obviously meant as something very different, and it kind of showed more of Miss De La Muerta as a character, well, as much as emotionless person can show lol, and I can't remember who but a couple had said they felt something different like the Any Duke could work again, plus another had said they were interested in knowing more about Zako. Yeah, I'm gonna do something to get on the formatting shit lol, and the ending was pretty much Pentagon Jr v Vampiro from LU season 1 , Just without the "CERO ! MIEDO!" , LOL.

    I haven't seen season 3 yet , I'm waiting for it to make it to Netflix , so say nothing please lol.

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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by 1000Deaths View Post
    Right on, thank you for the advisory words. It was admittedly and obviously meant as something very different, and it kind of showed more of Miss De La Muerta as a character, well, as much as emotionless person can show lol, and I can't remember who but a couple had said they felt something different like the Any Duke could work again, plus another had said they were interested in knowing more about Zako. Yeah, I'm gonna do something to get on the formatting shit lol, and the ending was pretty much Pentagon Jr v Vampiro from LU season 1 , Just without the "CERO ! MIEDO!" , LOL.

    I haven't seen season 3 yet , I'm waiting for it to make it to Netflix , so say nothing please lol.

    no LU spoilers from me lulz

    its clear you draw significant inspiration from LU, which I don't think is a big problem, seeing as FWA isn't full of luchadors anyway. that being said though, since this is the realm of RP, I would caution to not become too overreliant on having MDM or other characters of the day tell Zakos story for him too often. Even though hes silent, theres a lot of ways for him to sell himself in a RP, with body language, descriptors, non-word vocals, etc. this will be a challenge for you as a writer in non-dialogue work. Ultimately, Zako is the product in the ring that's going out there to wrestle though and the one challenging for belts, and while showing MDM as a character is clearly important, its most important that we are 'shown' through the RP text who Zako is and where his journey has led him rather than being 'told' straight up by MDM narrator-style or through anyone else that isn't Zako himself in the end.
    Last edited by KAIZEN; 09-15-2017 at 10:58 AM.

  20. #80
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    Re: 12th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Thank you for the Shannon review, Kai. Props to you for giving this in-depth feedback.


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