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Thread: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

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    Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Discuss promos here with constructive criticism where possible. If you can, try to give feedback to those who review your promo.





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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Well I botched up the coloring, meaning there was none, but it was only gonna be for separating actions and dialogues, so I still managed to make that work lol. Definitely looking forward to this show and I'm wondering why no one's said a word recently about any promos or the shoe recently?

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    What shoe?

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    And as far as promos, there are only a few posted. Mine, yours, Graves, Jon Snow and a weird parrot mans. I would rather talk about a few at a time than just one- but that's just me.
    Last edited by hanz gruber; 07-19-2017 at 03:56 PM.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    That's a good point though... they're usually talked about collectively at once... yours was pretty long though...2 parts ? I get what you were doing though from skimming iy lol.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Felt really good bout my promos

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    I tried to make this promo about BUCK more, I hope I have been successful about that. I gave a SCV backstory hint too, I want to reveal their past slowly in my promos. (tho I will try not the force the hints into unrelated promo parts for the sake of backstory building.)

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Fytia View Post
    I tried to make this promo about BUCK more, I hope I have been successful about that. I gave a SCV backstory hint too, I want to reveal their past slowly in my promos. (tho I will try not the force the hints into unrelated promo parts for the sake of backstory building.)
    That was quite gripping, entertaining, and interesting.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Ok, guess I will do some critiques of promos posted so far .

    O Neale one I liked a lot. Didn't need to be very long, perfect size really.

    Kazadi- spelling? Another well written promo, really enjoyed it. No real fault with this one for me except that it was not formatted. Formatting does make the promos a little easier to read.

    Pauley the Safety Parrot- it was ridiculously stupid, therefore I loved it. Yeah it was a jobber promo but still I felt I had to say something about it.

    Sin City Vultures- very well done, it's different but I like that

    Deception- a few grammar issues. Commas, periods to break up sentences are the biggest things- but I liked it. And the little bit of the backstory/history was needed. I just wish Vandarius didn't dissappear - person behind Darius.

    Genocide - same with the grammar issues. But I did like it. Just wish it were a bit longer.

    Wrath- well I told you privately some things about it. But mainly, I just wanted to see more to it. I get it, he is a monster and someone else talks for him. But like some critiqued on the ppv to you, myself and a few other- backstory or why is the character like that? Graves did that with his Deception promo, SCV- a little insight to the team and a hint to a back story. And I tried doing that too with mine but not sure how it will come off to others. And those safety cones in the Pauley the Safety Parrot- they showed that....

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    I've subtlety hinted at who they are and why things between them are as they are, maybe not the verbal regards but I'm slowly dropping hints as to what and who they're supposed to be lol. He may or may not speak at some point as well, but it's way too soon lol.

    It's coming, just a slow build.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Either way, I'm glad you're somewhat intrigued and are interested in knowing more. Right on and thank you for the feedback. Like I said, I definitely see the development you were going for but it was all pretty long. Two, separate long parts. I'm not saying it was bad in any way, just a bit much and others will probably even agree upon its good points.

    Genocide and Deception I completely agree with. Good stuff that shows story and development, but it needs severe formatting because it's a lot of run-ons without much proper separation.

    That makes it difficult to read and the effort and potential is clearly visible.

    Scv-Again, it was entertaining, and gripping. It kept me interesting in reading more and I enjoyed it.

    Shannon O'Neill was fine and good, but the only thing I would have done differently is the bit where it says "Then you notice"-This is just personal preference and a minor detail, but I would have swapped the word you , with something like, "It is then noticed" .

    That's only because I never use "you" when referring to the reader. I feel it takes out of the painting of the imaginative moment. Nice great little short segment though definitely, again just me being picky.

    If anyone's been missed it's not intentional and I'll get back around to them.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    I think I've done ok with my promo, we'll see how it stacks up though. I' have noticed one or two spelling and grammar errors though after posting. I really need to proof read in better detail before posting ha!

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy Thunder View Post
    I think I've done ok with my promo, we'll see how it stacks up though. I' have noticed one or two spelling and grammar errors though after posting. I really need to proof read in better detail before posting ha!
    Thing is proof reading and proof reading it's still easy to miss something.. at work I print out my stuff to give it one last proof read and that's when I find them.

    I don't do that with my promos though, never have, never will. I only do it for work as I work for a paralegal.

    Anyways Thunder promo- I like this Thunder, more of the HWA Thunder, which I think you had pointed out to someone- I think Graves. This Thunder def has a Jericho/Punk feel to it him but as always, you take it and make it your own. He knows he is the best.

    Randall, I think that was the characters name, still getting use to all the users and characters here, really liked the promo a lot. Not just the promo but the whole set up- the funeral.

    Starr- really liked this one a lot too. Can't wait to see who the graders choose between you and Tommy. I would hate to choose

    Heartbreak- Glad that the members of the team spoke in this one. The way you did it was pretty clever/creative. Multiple takes with an inteview. That and the promo was very well written. I really liked it.
    Last edited by hanz gruber; 07-23-2017 at 04:04 PM.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by hanz gruber View Post
    Thing is proof reading and proof reading it's still easy to miss something.. at work I print out my stuff to give it one last proof read and that's when I find them.

    I don't do that with my promos though, never have, never will. I only do it for work as I work for a paralegal.

    Anyways Thunder promo- I like this Thunder, more of the HWA Thunder, which I think you had pointed out to someone- I think Graves. This Thunder def has a Jericho/Punk feel to it him but as always, you take it and make it your own. He knows he is the best.

    Randall, I think that was the characters name, still getting use to all the users and characters here, really liked the promo a lot. Not just the promo but the whole set up- the funeral.
    True that. I also always find other things that I should/could have said afterward too, but of course can't edit promos after submitting here. I also in hindsight should have used colour on Katie Goldsmith's parts, which was a mistake on my part. Alas, hindsight is a beautiful thing!

    Loved Starr's promo, great entry from ONAM! I think you have me beat here sir!

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    You heard it here first-there's a big tell all, Zako Wrath origin story coming soon, courtesy of the one and only, Miss De La Muerta! You're not gonna wanna miss this!

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Sorta had an idea for a story arc to help build some background fluff for Humanity since I'm of the opinion he needs much more if he's going to be in a match against AON & Parr (consistently in the upper tier of writers, I wouldn't even call myself a top 15 writer here).


    Grim's Threads

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim View Post
    Sorta had an idea for a story arc to help build some background fluff for Humanity since I'm of the opinion he needs much more if he's going to be in a match against AON & Parr (consistently in the upper tier of writers, I wouldn't even call myself a top 15 writer here).
    I will give it a read later tonight and review it, have family and friends about to come over.

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by hanz gruber View Post
    I will give it a read later tonight and review it, have family and friends about to come over.
    Yeah that makes sense, what with Karl Panzer dying and everything...

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    I apologize to my tag team partner Grim and my opponents AON & Parr but unfortunately I wasn't able to put a promo together in time. Sorry for costing you the win Grim.

    #WC4Horsemen

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    Re: Fight Night July 28th Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by 1000Deaths View Post
    Yeah that makes sense, what with Karl Panzer dying and everything...
    WTF? That makes no sense at all man. That was just a promo. Yes, part is based on a friend of my wife and i being killed by a drunk driver, but that was a few years ago. And yes some of the Panzer names are named after my friends in germany. But this was just a promo, hopefully giving some background /history/depth to my fictional character here..
    Last edited by hanz gruber; 07-23-2017 at 06:49 PM.

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