Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 21 to 26 of 26

Thread: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

  1. #21
    Curtain Jerker

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

    Hi guys, it's Tommy Thunder here. I've been locked out of my account for some reason (not banned). It came up that I needed to reset my password because my original one was 365 days old and when I went to try and do it I've now lost my original password and don't have a way of setting a new one because I can't access the email I used to sign up with.
    Just wanted to clarify why I didn't end up getting anything in. I'll keep trying to access my account, hopefully I can get back into it.

  2. #22
    Mid-Card Champion
    Tommy Thunder's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Birmingham
    Posts
    602
    Rep Power
    18236
      Country                    Wales

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Bloggs View Post
    Hi guys, it's Tommy Thunder here. I've been locked out of my account for some reason (not banned). It came up that I needed to reset my password because my original one was 365 days old and when I went to try and do it I've now lost my original password and don't have a way of setting a new one because I can't access the email I used to sign up with.
    Just wanted to clarify why I didn't end up getting anything in. I'll keep trying to access my account, hopefully I can get back into it.
    Aaaaand after some hard graft I finally managed to crack it. Posted the above in case I was going to be away for an extended period. Sorry for not getting my promo in but I couldn't get onto my account :/

  3. #23
    Striving for a B+ in life
    The Golden One's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Orlando, Florida
    Posts
    6,261
    Rep Power
    134130
      Country                    United States

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

    I've never done this style of reviews before — putting my grades out in the open — but with the chatter of more opennes when it comes to feedback and grading, I'm going to try it for the sake of trying it.


    Mark Merriweather

    I thought this was pretty solid for a true debut. You showed Mark as a high-class, elitist prick who sells his good looks and overbearing charm constantly. If you're a fan watching this, the mere sight of him walking in with the watch and suit would make you instantly dislike him. You can't be well-dressed and come off as a face — or, at least, it's difficult to do. Your analogy of the acting tryout when Mark was 20 fits well here. It's short but it's still long enough to work for a starter. I enjoyed it. I don't have any real big complaints about this one.

    Quality of Content — 7.5 (it was good but short so there's not much depth to it)
    Creativity — 7.5 (good, it's not breaking ground but it's better than a backstage interview)
    Spelling/grammar/neatness — 8 (Not a huge fan of the spacing — add more between paragraphs — but the red font with black text works(
    Logic — 9 (It makes sense)
    Does it get to the point? — 9 (It gets to Ben quick enough for me)
    Character — 8 (We get a sense of the character but again, it's short so there's only so much you can show; there's also really just one layer — he's rich and good looking)
    Development — 7.5 (This one is tough because he's new; he does well talking about Risky and CC showing but it was a footnote)
    Length — 6.5 (Short promo, but it's not ungodly short)

    Total score: 63 (for a promo that short, this is a good score; there was a lot of quality stuff here)



    Starr

    I always felt like promos where your character challenges the opponent to the match that everyone already knows is happening looks sort of goofy. I get the tactic. You're trying to make your character look like the aggressor, like the instigator. And it adds more storytelling, more meat to the bones of a match, but it's still sort of an awkward timeline thing. We, as the reader/fans, already know the match is happening. So it's sort of a waste of energy to backtrack and pretend like we don't.

    I definitely would add color to your character's speech, or at least his name. Your promo looks bland otherwise. A long block of grey text isn't appealing to the eye. As for the content itself, minus the above critique, it's fine. You gave Starr some development after CC and made him look like he could be injured or dealing with an injury. But the second Risky came up, Starr seemed ready to fight. So you definitely got across some deep-rooted feelings about the FN opponent. That's good.

    QOC: 7.5 (Not bad, but still pretty short so there isn't much depth or many layers here)
    Creativity: 6.5 (Trainer's room/locker room settings with an interview format are restrictive and uninspiring; try to think beyond the WWE promo format)
    Spelling/grammar/neatness: 6 (this is where the font color would help make it more visually appealing)
    Logic: 6 (This is where I ding you for the "match challenge" despite us all knowing it's happening)
    Getting to the point: 7.5 (Took a bit of the promo dancing around the injury before we got into the match)
    Character: 6 (I would like to see more about why Starr is a douche or why he's arrogant or why he is the way he is; and more distinguishing traits to set him apart; right now, he's just your every-day heel who thinks he'll win every match)
    Character Development: 8 (This was your best category because the knee stuff adds a bit of progress show to show)
    Length: 6 (Same as Merriweather; I think it's just not very long and that is a hindrance here)

    Total score: 55 (Think more about trying to set your character apart, from a personality perspective, and how to break away from the standard WWE-style promo)




    Danny Toner

    It's so fucking frustrating reading your promos, man. You're such a great storyteller and so great at adding a realistic human element where people can relate to the character. Your opening scene was genius, exceptionally well done. It was just done for the wrong match.

    Had you done that opening scene for CC and fleshed it out more, you would've won. For this match, it's nice and all, but it's still a tad bit out of place. The second scene is just ... well, it's character development. The unfortunate thing is I feel we've been here before with Danny. I feel we've seen that promo before from him. And while the writing and storytelling is well done, as always from you, no one wants to go around in circles with a character. They'll get bored. The off-the-wagon/on-the-wagon shtick was fine for the first two years, but it's gotta flip one way or the other now IMO. And it's OK to be a lovable drunk who fucks up. But I'm not interested in seeing a string of promos 5 months from now where Danny is talking about getting clean. I get that's "real life," and part of Danny's charm is that he's so relatable to reality, but he's still a fictional character. And even real characters who continue this cycle get tossed to the side by family and friends after a while. The fans will become uninterested, too. So take your pick, is my guidance.


    QOC: 7.5 (Good, the start was well done and the second part was fine; it's dinged because none of this has anything to do with the match on FN)
    Creativity: 8.5 (Always a strong suit for you)
    Spelling/grammar/neatness: 9 (nothing wrong here; just things I'd tweak if I was doing it)
    Logic: 7 (Why is Toner's plea for a CC win part of this promo; and how did Toner get into the directors' meeting in the first place?)
    Character: 8.5 (Always a winner, but I mentioned my simmering gripes above)
    Character development: 7.5 (See above)
    Length: 8 (I prefer you not to write too long but not mentioning the match itself hurt you here)

    Total score: 63.5


    Jason Randall


    Your promo work has grown leaps and bounds from, say, a year ago when you had Ghost. Ppl say that a lot about your work but it bears repeating. You're the X Champ for a reason.

    If you're gonna go sadistic, you need to make that a focal point every promo. This promo did not feel sadistic. It didn't feel like it captured what Randall has been doing and how he's been acting on Fight Night. You're sort of toying the line between going full-on sadistic heel and smarmy heel who makes one-liners. Next promo, what I want you to do is this: I want you to push the envelope, as much as you possibly can, with the content. I want people to think, "Holy shit, he had Randall do THAT?!" That's how you get over as a dark heel. You can't rely on your voice and you running down your opponent. You have to rely on the setting, the surrounding elements, etc. Those have to be dark, and they have to be a focal point. The setting here was an old, decrepitated building. But after the early line about Humanity's soul, you didn't go back to the connection. And it was lost, hot air floating away. You can't rely on you and Penny back and forth anymore. You have to really push the envelope with how you present Randall. This was a very ordinary promo and Randall has every opportunity right now to be anything but ordinary.

    QOC: 7 (the meat of the promo just wasn't that inspiring, although the bit about comeback stories was good)
    Creativity: 7.5 (it was fine but you didn't capitalize on the setting enough)
    Spelling/grammar/neatness: 8 (I would alter how you color and font your promos; you need to add more spacing between paragraphs and consider bolding speech, as right now it flows together)
    Logic: 9 (It worked, although the Shannon comment felt very out of place and random)
    To the Point: 9 (It does, rather quick)
    Character: 6 (You need more oomph, IMO)
    Character Development: 7 (This is going to be your first Fight Night as X Champion; the belt felt like an afterthought to me)
    Length: 7 (It was on the shorter side, even for some of your recent stuff)


    Total score: 61.5


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


  4. #24
    Striving for a B+ in life
    The Golden One's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Orlando, Florida
    Posts
    6,261
    Rep Power
    134130
      Country                    United States

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy Thunder View Post
    Aaaaand after some hard graft I finally managed to crack it. Posted the above in case I was going to be away for an extended period. Sorry for not getting my promo in but I couldn't get onto my account :/
    That sucks, man. In the future, send one of us a PM or whatever to let us know something's up. We'll try and fix it earlier so you could've promo'd.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


  5. #25
    Heel Champion
    Just Plain Sayer's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    3,654
    Rep Power
    60350

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread



    Mark Merriweather

    There’s a lot of good things about this promo, especially for a debut. Elitist prick isn’t exactly a fresh gimmick but I like the playing up of the lifestyle, the fortune, and the ego of Merriweather. Scene setting was solid. I was never a fan of overly descriptive settings. Paint the picture but leave a little to the imagination. The main problem I had was with dialogue. It felt forced. Kind of scripted and unnatural. It’s not the message that I have a problem, but it’s like he’s speaking in clichés. The one-liners need to cut a little deeper. I feel like you could’ve delved into your issues with Risky a bit more at the start. Basically,what a lot of my issues lie in this promo for me is length, because it was good and I wanted more, but I felt like everytime I was getting into what Mark was saying…you shifted gears to the next thing.

    Grade: 62.6 Keep up the good work

    Risky Douglas

    I enjoy the character of Risky Douglas, but I think he’s just a comic relief character for you. Nothing wrong with that. It’s not going to win you a lot of matches doing this route, but I think this is just a guy youre writing for fun. As far as the score goes though, it was entirely too short, didn’t touch on the match, I have no idea why I should care about this match now,and there’s really no reason outside of good formatting and general writing skill to score this one high. There was no character development, no real story being told and I still don’t have an idea of why I should care about Risky vs Starr from this promo.

    Grade: 54.5

    Starr

    Another promo that has issues with length. Im not looking for 3000 words here, but you’ve got writing talent. You just need to go more in depth, on everything. Starr’s been around for so long but I know so little about him. I think you’re scene limited you to what you could do as well. Backstage interview promo are a crutch. And the thing is if you’re going to do backstage interviews, you need to spit absolute FIRE. You need to hit hard and cut deep. You spent three sentences on Risky Douglas. You’re getting to that point where more is going to be expected of you, now. There’s opportunities all over the place. A great person to look at for natural dialogue is Kazadi.Another is Danny Toner. Formatting is another issue. Adding a splash of color or something to catch the eye always make reading more pleasurable to the eyes.

    I’d seriously like you to read Kazadi’s promo this week. That’s the way you need to think occasionally.Outside the box. Creativity. Straight up interviews can be done well, with strong dialogue, but don’t let it become a crutch. I like to see Starr’s resilience and wanting to fight Risky despite his injury. You did well enough to win this one, but I’d like to see a concerted effort to take that next step from you. You’ve got the talent.

    Grade: 56

    Danny Toner

    I felt like this promo is an appetizer before the big meal. You’re teasing us with what you can do, but for some reason, not giving us the whole deal. I loved what was here. Danny Toner promos inspire me.Something about the fire and vigor and unpredictability that only Danny Toner brings to a promo. There’s only one person that I feel brings me into their world better than Danny Toner and that’s KAIZEN. I feel like I’m there, sipping a beer, and enjoying the antics of Danny Toner. He’s fun. He’s charismatic. And you write him in such a way that puts a legit smile on my face when reading.

    But this promo had nothing to do with Fight Night and everything to with Carnal Contendership, which is over. There was little mention of any of your opponents.I would think Danny would be chomping at the bit to go after Kazadi at this point. Quality promo, that’s getting crushed because it had no relevancy to the match at hand. Sorry Tigger.

    Grade: 64 (would have been a 66 had there been more and a lot more focus on Fight Night)

    Jason Randall

    The heel turn was the greatest thing that could have happened to Randall. Psychotic Randall is a breath of fresh air, even in a division full of demented individuals. But with Humanity jumping on, and Deception and Darius, Jason Randall isgoing to have to go above and beyond with his darkness. The Vincent feud is great for that. I want to see Jason Randall go to levels of psychoticness that he’s never been to before. Remember when I wrote that segment with Randall whipping Sonny and Vincent watching on handcuffed? People loved it. That’s the direction Randall needs to go and Randall needs to stay. What I saw today was almost going back to generic face Randall. You’ve got something with heel Randall.Stay the course, bro.

    Grade: 63.3

    Shannon O’Neal

    I feel like it’s easy to tell when you’re inspired in writing as Shannon. Devin came natural to you, XYZ is you having fun, and Shannon can be hit or miss for you at times. More often hit than miss. But when you’re truly inspired, it’s so tough to beat you. And you’re inspired now. Shannon has the biggest story to tell since the whole Gabrielle thing a few years ago. And a fired up Shannon is such a joy to read. I like the perspective you’ve taken with her being the underdog,even to guys like Danny Toner and Mike Garcia, because in a kayfabe world, that’s completely true. I loved the comparisons of Truth to Rondo, as well.

    Having said that, it wasn’t your most creative promo but it really didn’t need to be. Missed a color line at the end, but that’s ticky tack. I would’ve liked to have seen a little more venom toward Rondo after what he did to her best friend, too. Good Fight Night effort.

    Grade: 67.5

    James Sync

    Not much to say here. Strong opening promo and it’s difficult to promo against jobbers when you don’t have an established feud yet.I feel this did a good job in re-introducing Sync though.

    Grade: 59.5

    The Olympians

    Im glad that you put something up knowing what you’re situation is.

    Grade: I honestly didn’t go through the criteria on this one since there was so little. I gave you a solid 50 just for doing what most wouldn’t do. Thank you.

    Lord Vincent

    Honestly, you mailed this one in. Formatting was off and is nothing that we haven’t seen from Vincent over the years. I want you to bring your absolute best for Randall. I know you have it in you.Ive seen it. I’ve gone against it. Bring that fire, brother.

    Grade: 55.5

    PAJ

    I kind of feel like you mailed this one in, too. Not to be harsh but it seems like you just looked past this match and are waiting for the Kennedy bout, which I feel is a shame because it’s a disservice to the others in this match and Kennedy as well. I, definitely got the feeling in reading this that you have no idea who Mike Garcia, for instance, is and just read off my signup thread of accomplishments. The FWA has never once made a statement about Garcia playing football. It really just made it seem like PAJ has no clue about his opponents or what they’ve been doing lately, Sorry to be harsh,but I was REALLY put off by that.

    The problem here was that you ran into three people that really wanted this win, three people that brought the fire, and I don’t think you brought it here. u got more inspired when you got to Kazadi. I didn’t get any character devolpment, no real story being told,just kind of felt directionless.

    Ryan Rondo

    I really enjoy “I don’t give a fuck” Rondo. I do think that it’s running the risk of devaluing the FWA Championship and Carnal Contendership, but….Eh. You know what? I don’t give a fuck about this promo and fuck you too. Fuck this promo. I don’t care. Peace.

    I really struggled with how to grade this one, honestly.

    Grade: 65

    Cyrus Truth

    I’ve been vocal about my thoughts about Cyrus Truth promos being a monotonous at times. I really enjoyed this. Creatively, I liked the insights of Cyrus as he was watching the match. The internalization was a way to list the potential challengers that worked. The first part was creative as well,something thatis rarely done. I remember the last time any time anything like that was done was by KAIZEN, I believe. I love Cyrus’ confidence. I love his outlook on Shannon’s motivation. I really feel like this is a special BIB main event because if you and Devin at your best….Shake and I are going to have one tough grading decision to make.

    Grade: 67.7

    I’ll finish the rest later. It’s getting late.If you’d like to know youre grades before then, shoot me a PM.

  6. #26
    Mid-Card Champion
    Tommy Thunder's Avatar

    Status
    Offline
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Birmingham
    Posts
    602
    Rep Power
    18236
      Country                    Wales

    Re: Fight Night 19th May Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    That sucks, man. In the future, send one of us a PM or whatever to let us know something's up. We'll try and fix it earlier so you could've promo'd.
    Yeah I do apologise. Not sure why I didn't think to do that. I guess I was just panicking that I couldn't get into my account. Mind you, I only found out that I had that other account I posted with by pure chance yesterday when I was trying to find my way into my actual account! Never realised/remembered that I had that account!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •