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Thread: Mental Health Discussion

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    Mental Health Discussion

    Could have sworn I read something around mental health on here before but the search function is bringing up nothing so do forgive me if there's a thread i'm missing haha.

    So yes, mental health. A massive issue, that many people suffer with, that has a stupid stigma attached to it, which leads to people not wanting to talk about mental health and how it affects them.

    Me, however, I do suffer with mental health issues, and have a child that suffers with a mental health issue (ADHD & Aspergers) so I have experience in dealing with it from a personal stand point.

    I have made similar threads on other forums I am a member off and I have found this kind of thread to really help people as it makes them aware we're here to listen and to help.

    With that in mind, who is with me?
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Hulkamania

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    My name is Luke. Basically, I’m a 22 year old male who lives in a rural corrupt shitehole deadbeat town in Northern Ireland. Alongside that, I’m a totally aloof socially isolated friendless hermit with no social contact (I mean that too, I don’t have any friends at all, or social life. As you can imagine, my life is pretty lonely and boring). In 2012, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. I guess back then, it was a relief to get diagnosed as I knew something was wrong with me. I had an awesome childhood. I guess things began to go off-road when I started high school. I still cry over what occurred at high school. Trying to make a long story short, I was basically beaten up everyday there. I was made fun of all the time. I was about 19 stone in weight back then (nowhere near that now), and being an extremely nervous and quiet guy, I guess I was an easy target. I used to come home each day from school and cry. My parents never knew. My dad probably wouldn’t have given a shite anyway (we’re not that particularly close, but me and my mother are).

    I never done well in my GCSE exams. Hell, I didn’t even attend half of them. I didn’t care how I did, not giving a thought to the future then. I just wanted to leave. I thought everything would be fine after then. I applied for a Level 2 BTEC course at a technical college in this town 8 miles away, and thought it’d be okay. I was wrong. I fell into a bad crowd. I also began self-harming, and experimenting with meth. I used to come home and cry everyday. Even to this day, I cry myself to sleep. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t cry myself to sleep. It was around this time that I also attempted suicide for the first time. To try and make this short again, and not go into large detail, I tried to hang myself, but the belt snapped. I then tried to hang myself with sheets (I was desperate) but they were too long. I think that night, I just cut myself with glass instead. Had to go to hospital. Wrote a nine page note for my mother, explaining every thing. Somedays, I still believe I’m a burden to the World, and my family. I look at refugees or people throughout this World dying or going through stuff, and often think about how selfish I am, believing that it should be me in their place. I'm pretty much a pathetic failure, anyway.

    Anyway, missing out on a few points and trying not to make this a total life story (because I’d be typing this out for hours), I’ve tried suicide about three times in the last 3 years. I’ve been sanctioned to a mental hospital twice. Even some days, I still struggle with self-harm. Basically, I really don’t like myself a lot. Throughout the past year, I’ve developed some internet friendships, and even met some people, but that’s been about it. Some have just decided I was too much of a self-hating burden, and decided not to speak to me again. I’ve received counselling and CBT in the past. Currently, I’m on 150mg of Prozac. Panic attacks and such have lessened over the years.

    After quitting a part-time higher education course earlier this year, I got a retail job. However, my anxiety is still pretty bad. I’d love to go back into education in the future, just to leave this place. I have no idea what I’d like to do. I just need to leave here, even if it means being away from my mum, my brother etc. Every day is just difficult for me. Even typing this out right now, I’m crying a little. As someone who has very much strange and rare interests (I’m a huge music fan, love going to gigs to Belfast with my brother whenever that is despite the fact he has his own life/a girlfriend/friends etc. (went on my own once, which went okay. Met the band too – Wolf Alice, you might’ve heard of them), wrestling, reading, etc. I really don’t fit into the World. The future scares me so much. I don’t think things will ever improve.

    Well, to cap this off, I’m so lonely, alone, aloof etc. Some days, I just want to try and end it all again. Self harm is still a problem for me. It’s triggering for me even to shave or whatever. Some days, I don’t even get outta bed. I just lie there and cry. It’s more lonely when you have no social contact, and only talk to internet people who have their own lives (though I've travelled to meet a few of them in the past, even when being an unemployed student on the dole). I really don’t know what’ll happen me, and I don’t have much hope.

    Anyways, sorry for dragging on. I’ve actually missed out quite a lot, but I wanted to keep this as short as possible. Copied this from a post I made on another forum, incase some people think they've seen this before. Thanks for making the thread. All the best to you and your kid.

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    The Diplomatic Shadow

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I've always had horrible anxiety issues. At some points in my life it was so bad I couldn't really leave the house.

    Other than that, struggled with bouts of severe depression and various other things.
    Time stood still, and it shared with me all that had been, and all that was to come.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Vayne View Post
    I've always had horrible anxiety issues. At some points in my life it was so bad I couldn't really leave the house.

    Other than that, struggled with bouts of severe depression and various other things.
    Thanks for sharing that. Have you relied on the prescription medications or done it with self help guides? I too have been through depression so I understand how hard it is.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    The Diplomatic Shadow

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I find anti-anxiety medicine like benzos just give me worse anxiety once they wear off, and I'd prefer not to get hooked on them.

    I take medication and have for decades for my depression, which I guess works okay. I haven't had any major depression in quite a few years.
    Time stood still, and it shared with me all that had been, and all that was to come.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I was given Diazepam when my anxiety was at it's worst, and my word that stuff was addictive haha, thankfully not on anything now. I was also on a good years worth a medication for depression when I finally decided I wanted to try and come off it. I know I was on the very common Citalopram but the weening process back to "normality" was a bit of a struggle.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Hulkamania

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    To the user PS @PS (no idea if you can tag on this forum so sorry for my noobness haha), in response to your rep comment, I live in the County Antrim, in a small town named Ballymoney. Hopefully you see this post ha. (didn't know how to PM you or spread rep as profiles aren't opening and I can view your posts etc.)

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Had a really horrific day with the boy child, he's been beyond horrific today doing things such as throwing things, spitting in my face, blowing his nose in my face, I feel like I need a medal for not losing it today sigh. Tomorrow will be a better day.....
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Had a really horrific day with the boy child, he's been beyond horrific today doing things such as throwing things, spitting in my face, blowing his nose in my face, I feel like I need a medal for not losing it today sigh. Tomorrow will be a better day.....
    That's pretty sad that you had to feel the kid's wrath. Have you tried discipline the kid at all?


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Yeah nothing works. He's got a form of ADHD and high function ASD (Autism) so it's always a battle, but days like today, I just don't know what the hell can be done.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I had started a thread on here years ago about mental health and other various issues. I don't know what happened to it.

    I struggle badly with being bipolar. Not all of my symptoms are on the manic side though, I also have problems with anxiety and paranoia. Along with thoughts of suicide.

    That's a huge part of me disappearing from WC off and on. When I'm not in a good place mentally, I completely stop caring about internet message boards. Which I guess is a "normal" reaction? Lately I've been medicated again, and I'm doing a lot better.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    It was hinted that my boy had bi-polar by a psychiatrist but that was ruled out pretty quickly. I can't pretend to know what it's like to suffer with such extremes to be honest, but i'm glad you've shared your problems here. I hope you continue to not suffer from serious manic symptoms too. If you want a chat at anytime please do speak up
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    How old is your son? A lot of my issues were there from an early age, but they weren't properly identified until much later.

    You stated you're no longer on meds for depression or anxiety. What do you do instead?

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackTiger View Post
    How old is your son? A lot of my issues were there from an early age, but they weren't properly identified until much later.

    You stated you're no longer on meds for depression or anxiety. What do you do instead?
    My son is 9 and has been showing traits of things from a very young age. We had a lot going on and took us over 2 years for anyone to take notice of us about his behaviours etc, now we're getting the correct help hopefully things will get easier.

    I just found what helped for me to be honest. Distraction is a big thing for me, so if i'm kept busy I don't feel anxious or low, however when I don't have anything to do, it's like my mind starts to play tricks on me haha, that's a joy of using the internet I suppose, it keeps me occupied and busy having plenty to read and watch.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I run in a circle of depressives. We've all, at one time or another been diagnosed with depression and medicated for it. We all suffer from relapses here and there and more than one of us has been committed to mental health wards and put on suicide watch - thankfully I haven't had to suffer that severly with it and I only had to see one of the people I love go through that rough of a time but somehow we all gravitated to each other before most of us were even aware we had symptoms. We've become something of a hodge-podge of a support network because we're all a little bit crazy to a certain extent; at the most extreme end we have a diagnosed psychotic, who is bi-polar and suffers from bouts of deep depression that includes suicidal thoughts, but we all struggle with some form of depression and most of us have anxiety/paranoia to a certain level. We all view ourselves as very lucky though because we have each other to lean on.

    Personally I suffer from depression and anxiety. I was medicated for a short amount of time but it really fucked with my equilibrium and I couldn't handle that so these days I stick to the distraction tactic Baz uses. I also swear by counselling when I can get it as well, which isn't easy because I struggle to keep routines and asking for help (which is part of my issues) so if I fall out of touch with a counsellor that usually spells the end for that particular avenue of discussion and I have to start all over again some other time with some other counsellor... but, it's never not helped when I've had it.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Mental health diseases are a result of social and biological reasons. There is no bad to be ashamed of. Anxiety and depression can happen to anyone today. I support and care for anyone who is having a disorder.

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    The Diplomatic Shadow

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I figured I'd delve a bit more here. I also have mild "autism", potentially. But I'm not sure how accurate that is. I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a very young age, yet later it was doubted. Some things in it I can see, others I don't. One thing I do find more accurate is my diagnosis of Alexithymia, which completely explains...well, my life. I guess a question I have to ask of other folks here... What do you take for treatment, if anything?
    Time stood still, and it shared with me all that had been, and all that was to come.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Regarding counselling, if you can get it without having a long wait, it is absolutely superb. Talking therapy doesn't work for everyone, but I personally found it very good at the time I needed it. Thankfully i've now got a close knit group of people that I can open up freely to about my mental health which means i've freed up a space for someone who genuinely needs it.

    As for medications, was on Citalopram for a year or so, and had Diazepam for like a weeks worth, but other than that, not had any meds what so ever. I've been told by the psychologist that is treating my son that they don't put people on anti-psychotics these days as the side effects for younger people can be pretty horrid, so they only prescribe now if it is a dire situation, not sure how true that is in other NHS areas mind.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Hulkamania

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Been having a tough week. Just wanted to self-harm at times, but I've managed to avoid that thus far. I'm just very alone, and it's awful.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by InUtero View Post
    Been having a tough week. Just wanted to self-harm at times, but I've managed to avoid that thus far. I'm just very alone, and it's awful.
    It's the worst when you're alone, but having a support system around in any format isn't always an option. Like others have stated, keeping yourself distracted is a good way to fight the thoughts. It won't always help, but it's better to try than to do nothing at all. When I'm down, my initial thoughts are generallly to shut down and do nothing, which leads to me feeling worse.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to vent about anything. Good luck mate.

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