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Thread: Mental Health Discussion

  1. #161
     
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    What are GSCE? Is that like UK version of SATs? Because in the US, SAT scores don't mean shit once you're in college. And even then unless you're going to an IVY league school you should be fine.

    I didn't even study or prepare for them at all. I even forgot a calculator lol. But I ended up scoring high enough to get a.scholarship from the school I wanted to go to. Granted my school gives away scholarships like candy on Halloween.

    Now though sometime this summer I have to take the GRE exams. I'm probably going to go into that cold too like I do everything else, but I need a certain score for the Grad School program I'm looking at to consider me so it's a little bit more pressure. I read it's more reading and writing though than math so I should be fine.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    GCSE's are exams people take here at 16. In the grander scheme of things they aren't worth the paper they're written on if you're heading into further education, heck even a lot of jobs prefer hands on experience over what a piece of paper says....I know I shouldn't say that with the line of work i'm in but it's true.
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I know some company's at least look for the standard A-C in Maths and English, but apart from that they're no where near as life or death as they're made out to be.

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    Brick Shithouse

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Even if you don't get an A-C in English or Maths GCSE there are courses you can complete in a couple of months that give you an equivalent qualification.

    GCSEs are really stressful at the time, but in the grand scheme of things they aren't important. Teachers put stress on their importance because they have to meet targets (one of the biggest flaws in the education system in this country because we're not teaching kids skills, we're teaching them how to pass very specific tests). But don't be fooled, they don't matter in the long run.

    Just keep working hard. As you progress through the education system, people that work hard are rewarded and you find that the "smart kids" can sometimes fall off because of complacency.

    Ed put it best, you're juggling 10+ different subjects. Very few people are good at all of them, and you will find a subject you enjoy and do well at. If someone who is bright and gets B's across the board, and you get one or two B's in a couple of subjects, then when it gets to A Levels if you're both doing those subjects it's a level playing field. If you go on to University, your subject is even more specialised.

    I'll give you an example. And I don't want to sound like I'm humblebragging, because that's not the intention. I was one of those "geniuses" you are comparing yourself to. I was constantly told how "naturally smart" I was, which btw is just about the worst thing you can say to someone who is like that. When A Levels came along I was complacent and way underperformed because I had never learned to work hard and revise. I never actually worked hard until my second year at university when I was put in a position where I had to work hard or risk having nothing to show for my uni work.

    Now I look at people from my school who at GCSE level were modest-at-best in terms of grades. But they worked hard and now are doing much better in life in terms of jobs (and probably happiness).

    The point is, don't worry too much about the "geniuses". Some of them will be, and may end up in Oxbridge or wherever, and more power to them. But others could just as easily fall off and underperform. The best thing you can take away is to work hard at the subjects you are good at and you like, and the sky is the limit. But try not to over work your brain and stress out.

    At the end of the day you have worked your arse off by the sounds of things and you can be proud of that.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I can relate massively to the "naturally smart" thing. Did well at GCSE but was pretty bang average at A-Levels before dropping out of uni 6 weeks in. Was constantly reminded of my potential so I went down what I thought was my natural path without really caring about what I was doing, just did what was expected of me.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Realities of it is, it really does depend on what you want to do as a career. Again really shouldn't say that with the line of work i'm in but it's the realities of life.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Suddenly finding myself feeling pretty shitty and questioning my decisions and questioning is it time to move on with certain things in my life. I'm hoping it just one of those phases that lasts a few days then disappears but my word it's frustrating trying to switch off or trying to make the right decisions.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Baldrick View Post
    Suddenly finding myself feeling pretty shitty and questioning my decisions and questioning is it time to move on with certain things in my life. I'm hoping it just one of those phases that lasts a few days then disappears but my word it's frustrating trying to switch off or trying to make the right decisions.
    Not sure if you're religious or like Christian songs or anything like that, but there's a song by Third Day called Revelation that seems to describe exactly that feeling.

    I've had that feeling to where I am in a spot where I just don't know where to go or what to do in a tough situation. Like over a year ago when I left the girl I was with and her five year old daughter. Absolutely crushed me because I was attached to the daughter but I couldn't stay with the woman any longer. I wasn't sure if I should tough it out and keep raising this little girl who over the course of a year became my world, or leave the bad relationship.

    Ultimately I knew I had to leave, but I listened to that song a lot. Not saying it helps clear things because it didn't for me, but it was quite refreshing to hear it seem like it was directly about my situation.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Nah not religious...i'm atheist but I don't shout about it and belittle others opinions on the matter haha.

    No signs of this feeling evaporating. I'm finding myself getting very picky with things which isn't good. Can see it causing bigger issues if I don't get in under control soon. Last thing I want is to be going to the drs just for something I know will pass in a few more days. I really just need to find something to light that spark again then all will be good.

    On a different note, I know too well about attachment with children. I adopted my oldest two from my now wife. We split up for 4/5 months about 7 years ago and it was horrific, especially with that attachment to the kids that you had helped raise to a certain extent. Thankfully we sorted our issues and all is good now haha...as well 7 years later, we're married and have a 6 year old
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    So my older sister who falsely (I'm 85% sure falsely) accused my dad of molesting her and put him in jail for 18 to 42 years wants to get in touch with me. That happened back in 2005-2006.

    I don't really know how I feel about that. She's schizophrenic and also has a lot of other issues, and has been in a mental hospital for awhile.

    Even my mom I'm pretty estranged from. I saw her for the first time in about 8 years just last year, and also let my little sister who was 5 at the time last year. I haven't seen either of them since but I text now and then. My little sister I want to get to know, but my older sister not so much.

    My older sister was manipulated by her grandparents, my mom's parents, into accusing my dad. It was a nasty custody battle that my dad was going to win, and then those accusations came out at the last second and changed everything.

    It's a big story but I'm pretty certain she made it up because I was there the entire time, and she had a tendency of lying when she didn't get her way. She was fine living with us, but after the trial she went to stay with her Grandparents, and that's when she went off the rails. The grandparents are the ones who should be in jail. I had to live with them when I was in 3rd grade, and during that time I was physically, mentally, and verbally abused. I remember being so hungry I'd force myself to stay awake until everyone else fell asleep, and then sneak out and eat ketchup packets from the fridge.

    Luckily my Grandma (dad's mom) won custody of me at the end of that year. My mom had visitations, but I cut her off when I was in 8th grade. And then I didn't start talking to her until I was 18 (My grandma has no idea I even do talk to her, my Grandma hates my mom for obvious reasons).

    I'm not angry at my Mom anymore. She was manipulated by her parents too. And my sister I'm not angry at either...She is definitely lost mentally now.

    But I refuse to talk to my mom's parents ever again. My older sister I really don't want in my life, but as a psychology person I also don't want to do anything that would be anti therapeutic. I do have sympathy.

    I told my mom she can write to me. But she wanted to like make me a blanket or something. I told my mom to let her so it if it helps her, but I don't want it in the end.

    It really turned into a lose lose situation for everyone. We have to visit my Dad in prison, and they visit her in the mental hospital. But the evil grandparents have their new granddaughter to manipulate, and so I worry about her.

    I don't know if I'd even go to my mother's funeral if she died to be honest. I definitely won't go to her parents. I wouldn't feel an ounce of sorrow if either of my mom's parents died. I'd give my condolences to my mother but that'd be it.

    Anyway I don't really know I'm kinda in limbo with my relationship with my mother and little sister. I don't get too close but I at least let my mom text me now. I definitely feel like I have that right.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Wow what a horrid situation you were once in Sully. Really sorry to hear that.

    I'd be a bit conflicted too to be honest. On one hand you and your older sister have this whole thing in common, but on the other hand she, rightly or wrongly had a part to play in what has happened to your dad. I would say have contact with her just because she is your sister, and her reaching out may be a sign she wants things to be different?

    As for your little sister...given what you went through, i'd be doing what I could to ensure she doesn't go through the same stuff. I know it can't be easy with your mother having to be about, but can you imagine that pride etc of having a big brother that's looking out for her would bring?

    Just a thought.
    I have a plan so cunning......

  12. #172
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I haven't talked much, if at all, on this forum about the struggles I'm facing right now and have been for the past few months. In lieu of making a separate thread, I felt this one was appropriate enough after reading some of the last few posts. I only write all of this because it helps. It honest to God fucking helps.

    I struggle with social anxiety. All the time. There are a few "root causes" of it, but the general scope is I compare myself to other people. Are they smarter than me? More attractive? Better at their jobs? A better athlete? Funnier? In the end, "more likable" is the climactic question. "Do my friends want to hang out with Person A more than they do me?" "Am I good enough for Person B?" "Is that person's life better than mine?" Social groups scare me. They always have. And I hate feeling like I'm losing, or I could be losing. Or I could lose. Like it's a competition or something.

    At the root of it is my competitiveness and jealousy with other males. My dad and mom divorced when I was 2. By the time I was 10, my dad was dating his current wife, who had a child from a previous relationship. That child was a boy, age 2 or 3, and got to spend more time with my dad than I did. My mom had custody, and I'd visit my dad. But it wasn't the same. And I didn't get the same exposure to him as Sebastien did. Does everything I struggle with trace back to that? Or is it genetics, some reduced amount of testosterone? I don't know.

    Sebastien, who is my step-brother by blood but my brother by title, was in my life for 20 years. He died almost a month ago due to either an overdose on cocaine or a diabetic coma caused by taking a large amount of the drug. It's been tough. That, coupled with facing the fact that I actually have social anxiety, is a lot. And it's a lot to try and fight off every day, hour, etc. I won't hurt myself or anything. I'd leave my job, get divorced, and/or move somewhere new before I ever took my own life. A complete life overhaul usually does the trick in times like this. I've dealt with it before. But acknowledging it, and accepting that this is part of me, is very scary. It's also exhausting. I don't want to keep fighting off feelings and thoughts of "I'm not good enough because of reasons X, Y, and Z." And I don't want to feel bad for not being there for my family in this difficult time in a larger capacity than I am. My social anxiety can be crippling, and it can lead to bouts with depression. No surprise there, but depression can cause people to isolate themselves. And in times when a family should come together, I've often found myself distracted by other internalized issues.

    I've reminded myself time and time again that a lot of people struggle with anxiety — maybe not to the extent as me, but to an extent — and that I'm not alone. I've also told myself that none of my insecurities and feelings of being "left out" or "forgotten" or "replaced" socially is actually true. It's illogical and I have years of evidence supporting the contrary. But anxiety isn't logical. And it's not something you can just make "go away" or something you can "beat" and that's all. Those thoughts are addictive. Asking your friends what they did during the weekend to see if they did something without you — only to be affirmed that they didn't — is addictive. Wondering if they're talking about you behind your back, or even talking without you, and trying to find a way to look and see is addictive. And it's a daily, even hourly, struggle.

    I'm talking to a therapist about all of this stuff. She says it's all signs of social anxiety disorder. I don't know if this helps anyone else reading but just know that you're not alone. You'd take a five-second look at me in person or on Facebook and think my life is perfect, that I have everything I'd ever want. A wife. A puppy. A full-time, decent-enough-paying job. A loving family. Friends all over the country who would do anything for me. And passions and interests that I regularly partake in. But that's not enough sometimes. I still struggle every day to be happy with and proud of myself. It helps knowing I'm not abnormal.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Awesome of you to share TGO.

    My own MH has been up and down this week but I know that's because i've just come back from having a Vasectomy. In a few days when any pain has gone etc i'm sure my MH will even itself back out too.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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