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Thread: Mental Health Discussion

  1. #381
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Well it's obvious your dad has an issue with accepting your sexuality so for me you are doing the right thing. You've tried talking about it etc so i'm not really sure what else you can to do be honest. I would look at doing your best by your brothers too, could you "put up" with him until he accepts the situation for your little brothers sake?
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Sorry to hear about this man, it must be a really difficult situation to find yourself in. I think you have done the thing that would have the most effect and you’ve left it up to him now and whether he will be willing to change and accept who you are. You just need to remember that you haven’t done anything wrong and you’re allowed to feel how you feel and be who you are.

    However, as Baldrick suggests, is it something that you’d be able to put up with for the sake of your brothers? Only saying this as it isn’t fair to either you or them that your dad’s actions are preventing you from spending time with them.




  3. #383
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I'm not sure to be honest. One part of me is like "you need to focus on yourself and make sure you're okay before dealing with this" and the other part is like "you have an obligation as a big brother to be there for them, even if your dad's a cunt." I don't know, it's a big fuckin mess haha

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaddes View Post
    Hey, so I don't really know if this can be posted here, so I apologise if it's not really fitting. I'm sorry if this is rambling but there's just a lot on my mind right now so yeah, sorry:

    I have recently fallen out with dad because I felt hurt looking back at his attitude towards me. Me and my dad before this were really close, but over the last few weeks I had grown more resentful to the way he would act and say certain things about my sexuality.

    I'm bisexual. Outside of here, I'm what loads of people would consider a stereotypical arty gay. Y'know, listens to The Smiths, adores RuPaul's Drag Race and has bouts of self-loathing I have known about me being bisexual since at least 14-15 years old, but even though I live in a very rough area, I was always more upset about my family finding out than my classmates. In fact, someone tried to make fun of me by calling me gay, and my response was to wink & say "Fuck aye." That was me coming out for the first time.

    Anyway, a section of my classmates tried to rip the hole out of me on Facebook, commenting on my pictures, and I would respond being overly flirty, because it'd piss them off and I can fend for myself combat-wise. My dad read the comments and his reaction was like I stole £1000 off him and spent it all on crack. He didn't speak to me the rest of the day, then when he finally did, he first tried to tell me bisexuality wasn't a thing, and then tried to stop me seeing me girlfriend at the time because he thought that because her brother was gay, it was "rubbing off on me." At one point at a new years party, he got drunk and, out of nowhere starting ranting about f****ts & "ladyboys" and how they should all die. Obviously, I went upstairs crying and needed my older brother to sit with me for 2 hours because I couldn't breathe.

    He apologised afterwards, but occasionally he would make sly digs at me at family gatherings, at one point when I joked to my 16 year old sister about me sleeping with guys (me & my sister would always joke around by calling each other virgins) and my dad said "don't talk to her about that shite." Plus there was little things like fast forwarding 2 men kissing, calling them freaks, and calling my sister's ex-boyfriend a "nancy boy" because he's bisexual as well.

    2 weeks ago, I pulled my dad up about it and explained how I was feeling and that I can't deal with him treating me like that anymore. He first tried to ignore what I was feeling, brushing it off as him expressing his opinion, said I need to learn to "accept other people's worldviews," said that because he didn't disown me he did nothing wrong, then berated me for not having a job. After I left, he messaged me while drunk, accusing me of cheating and again saying he treated me fine because the only form of homophobic parent is the one that cuts them out their lives. I decided that I'm never going to speak to him again until he apologises to me for how he's acted.

    I feel like my own dad hates me. The worst thing is, I have 2 little brothers that I want to be close to and I want to have a relationship with, but I feel like by obligation I need to speak to my dad, which I'd rather not. I dunno. I feel like I'm abandoning my brothers, because they're 5 years and 3 months old respectively, they don't know what's going on. All their going to know is all of a sudden their older brother has stopped coming round. That's not fair on them. But at the same time, my dad makes me hate myself, I can't keep letting him walk over me for something I can't control.

    cheers for letting me rant.
    As a gay man myself I can really relate to the problems you're having particularly with your Dad. Mine was similar at first but his opinions have turned and he is now as accepting as anyone about it all. I'd say be patient and try and reason rather than being argumentative or shouting and screaming about things. At times it is all you're going to want to do but making a logical point in a calm way will hit home a lot more with him I would say.

    It isn't going to get easier quickly but he definitely doesn't hate you. He just doesn't understand it and he is finding it tough to get his head round. He should love you unconditionally but it is tough for older generations where attitudes were very different to just flick a switch and change their attitudes. Time will be key for him. If you ever need to chat I'm here.
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  5. #385
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Hey I just wanna apoligize if I have come off cold or confrational lately I feel like I have had some high anxitey issues lately and shit IDK.

    I get in my own head and I also wear my heart on my sleeves. Im kind just unsure of myself lately.


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  6. #386
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Picked up a ankle injury last weekend. Not as bad as it could have been so only a short layoff required, but holy crap I didn't realise how much exercise is linked to my mental health because my anxiety has gone through the fucking roof this last week.

    Doing my best to make the most of the enforced break, but I'm bouncing off the walls when I'm not out and about. Worse thing is I'm off work for the week too so apart from a couple days away, I've gotta find stuff to occupy my mind asap.

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  7. #387
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    That's common Dave. Being active is brilliant for your MH and when you can't do it...it can set you off.

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  8. #388
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Finally getting medication for my anxiety and got councilling all sorted. Something called Propranolol, dead light stuff just so my doctor can see how bad it is. The jobcentre have surprisingly been really sound about me not being fit to work and have helped me with everything I need help with. Hopefully I'll be okay within the next few weeks

  9. #389
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Excellent news. Like all meds you'll have to give it time to work properly so stick with it. As for the DWP, they are getting better with these kind of issues, however it really does depend on who your "work coach" is I guess.
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaddes View Post
    Finally getting medication for my anxiety and got councilling all sorted. Something called Propranolol, dead light stuff just so my doctor can see how bad it is. The jobcentre have surprisingly been really sound about me not being fit to work and have helped me with everything I need help with. Hopefully I'll be okay within the next few weeks
    Long you been signing on for? Job centre are usually sound with people they can tell aren't lying about shit. I've worked in one before.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Av been signed on for about a month, got my first payment this month that made me feel really good and yaaaaay. A was scared at first cause you always hear horror stories about it

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Hey Chaddes I am glad that you got the help that is always the best first step You got a friend in me if you ever need to talk.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by OMB View Post
    Hey Chaddes I am glad that you got the help that is always the best first step You got a friend in me if you ever need to talk.
    Cheers mate, I've had a lot of people messaging me telling me they're there for me, it's really nice to be in a place where while discussions can get heated, people are there if someone is down y'know? Not that I don't have folk in my personal life to talk to, but it feels really nice knowing that you guys are here too :D

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    We're all here to chat to in this thread. The more the merrier I say.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I feel awkward doing this as I hate bringing attention to myself, but I just need to get shit off my chest and I don't know where else to turn.

    My head is all kinds of fucked up right now. A few people on here know that I was made redundant from my job a few months back. I started there a decade ago when it was one guy working in something of an illegitimate industry, and I basically did all the leg work to turn it in to an actual business, with other employees and P&Ls and all that shit. Honestly, that the company isn't just a guy on his laptop in his pyjamas anymore is all thanks to me. And, because of the company it became, the people in charge decided they don't need me anymore and let me go.

    I've struggled to find work since. By the nature of the industry and that I basically just did whatever that particular company needed at the time, I have a real issue showing what value I have, and no-one is looking at me. Not even getting interviews. I took a company from nothing and made it literally millions, and I'm getting treated like I have absolutely nothing to offer the world. Financially the pay off from the old company means we're covered for a while, but it makes me feel like absolute shit. I'm worried the money will run out and I can't cover the mortgage and look after my boy and all that shit. And my wife is being thoroughly fucking unhelpful about it all, too.

    I had a pretty shitty spell of depression about twelve years ago, and while that side of my personality has lingered, this is the first time I've really felt it come back this full on. I just feel so fucking worthless right now. I'm in my thirties, have a house, a wife, a kid, had a highly paid job... and yet I still feel worthless. I started off being angry at the company, but it's started leaking in to the rest of my psyche. It's tapping in to insecurities and shit and I'm struggling to keep it together. I was cleaning my cat's litter tray earlier and suddenly just flipped, smashing the litter tray up with pent up anger. And let me tell you, nothing taps in to your feeling of worthlessness like cleaning cat shit out of the carpet. The absurdity of it would make me laugh if I wasn't so fucking pissed off with everything at the moment.

    The added problem with this, and it's when I can tell that my depressive side is becoming too overwhelming, is when I start feeling guilty for having these thoughts. Makes me feel like I'm a bad husband or father. Like it's unfair on them for me to not have my shit together. Or when I hear about real, "actual" problems that people have, or I see people with a lot less than me and I feel like I should be grateful. It makes me feel like such an arsehole, so self-indulgent to get caught up in this stuff when really I'm lucky to have the life that I have. Intellectually, I know there's no such thing as "real" problems or anything like that, but when the depression starts kicking in it's so hard to remember.

    I don't know why I even wrote all of this. Just wanted to get it out of my own head I guess. Sorry for ranting. Thanks to Baldrick for starting this thread up all that time ago, it's a great idea to give people that outlet.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Thanks for sharing Keef. I imagine it's tough right now, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. These things will make you stronger when all is said and done

    I know it's easy to say from the outside looking in, but try not to attach your worth to your job. At the end of the day, we're all so much more than what we do for a living.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    All credit to you for sharing, Keef. Hope that putting it out there helped a bit.

    I can empathise on a personal level with some of the things you’re saying, having been and currently going through some similar feelings, so drop me a PM if you want to talk about it more mate.




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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Thanks for sharing your story Keef, this is exactly what this thread is for, it is to let people get things off their chests when they need to.

    As I work in on organisation that helps people find employment, I can sympathise with your struggle there. Have you tried listing down everything you did in the company? I know it sounds a tedious task at this moment in time, but that list could help build whatever it is you're missing in your quest to get back into work. There are also many organisations that will sit with you to go through this stuff if it's something you can't face doing on your own. I am happy to help if you need an objective view.
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Thanks guys. Tbh as soon as I hit send I was mortified that I opened up like that, so the support makes me feel a lot better. I feel much better already just for having gotten it off my chest as well. Stuff just gets too much sometimes and you kinda lose sight of how to deal with it, you know?

    But just by opening up on here, it did feel like a bit of a weight lifted and like I could take things in to my own hands a little. I told my wife about it and her role in how I was feeling, so already making small steps to feeling better. So thanks for letting me vent on here, because until I did that I felt overwhelmed at where to even begin.

    And TWG - thanks for the offer of chatting by PM. If you're feeling some of that stuff yourself, right back at you, mate.

    Thanks all for the support, really means more than you'd know.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Keefmoon View Post
    I feel awkward doing this as I hate bringing attention to myself, but I just need to get shit off my chest and I don't know where else to turn.

    My head is all kinds of fucked up right now. A few people on here know that I was made redundant from my job a few months back. I started there a decade ago when it was one guy working in something of an illegitimate industry, and I basically did all the leg work to turn it in to an actual business, with other employees and P&Ls and all that shit. Honestly, that the company isn't just a guy on his laptop in his pyjamas anymore is all thanks to me. And, because of the company it became, the people in charge decided they don't need me anymore and let me go.

    I've struggled to find work since. By the nature of the industry and that I basically just did whatever that particular company needed at the time, I have a real issue showing what value I have, and no-one is looking at me. Not even getting interviews. I took a company from nothing and made it literally millions, and I'm getting treated like I have absolutely nothing to offer the world. Financially the pay off from the old company means we're covered for a while, but it makes me feel like absolute shit. I'm worried the money will run out and I can't cover the mortgage and look after my boy and all that shit. And my wife is being thoroughly fucking unhelpful about it all, too.

    I had a pretty shitty spell of depression about twelve years ago, and while that side of my personality has lingered, this is the first time I've really felt it come back this full on. I just feel so fucking worthless right now. I'm in my thirties, have a house, a wife, a kid, had a highly paid job... and yet I still feel worthless. I started off being angry at the company, but it's started leaking in to the rest of my psyche. It's tapping in to insecurities and shit and I'm struggling to keep it together. I was cleaning my cat's litter tray earlier and suddenly just flipped, smashing the litter tray up with pent up anger. And let me tell you, nothing taps in to your feeling of worthlessness like cleaning cat shit out of the carpet. The absurdity of it would make me laugh if I wasn't so fucking pissed off with everything at the moment.

    The added problem with this, and it's when I can tell that my depressive side is becoming too overwhelming, is when I start feeling guilty for having these thoughts. Makes me feel like I'm a bad husband or father. Like it's unfair on them for me to not have my shit together. Or when I hear about real, "actual" problems that people have, or I see people with a lot less than me and I feel like I should be grateful. It makes me feel like such an arsehole, so self-indulgent to get caught up in this stuff when really I'm lucky to have the life that I have. Intellectually, I know there's no such thing as "real" problems or anything like that, but when the depression starts kicking in it's so hard to remember.

    I don't know why I even wrote all of this. Just wanted to get it out of my own head I guess. Sorry for ranting. Thanks to Baldrick for starting this thread up all that time ago, it's a great idea to give people that outlet.
    Hey dude we been there it can be rough but you aren't alone. Keef you are a good guy you been nothing but nice to me on here and I wish you nothing but the best I remember few months ago I typed on here and it felt good just to get the words out how I was feeling and felt like a weight off my chest.

    This is whats nice about this mental health discussion area you got people who can lean on each other and help out on our darkest days. You ever need anything hmu man.


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