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Thread: Mental Health Discussion

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim View Post
    Welp.

    So I found out I might be mildly autistic. So that's something to wrap my head around.

    I've also been looking to see a therapist to get myself diagnosed for potential social anxiety or depression, so that's fun too.
    I've speculated whether I have ASD as well due to some social things I do as well as my sensory processing disorder.

    However, I'd recommend fully going out and getting a more advanced diagnosis. ASD has been overly diagnosed over the last 10 years ago in some cases where it's not needed, especially with adults.

    The fact of the matter is, it is a spectrum. So everyone has some autistic traits. You could ask anyone how autistic they think they are on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd probably give myself a 4 or a 6. Some people might be a 1 or a 10.

    But an ASD diagnosis isn't a bad thing. I think you should wear it as a badge. People with autism are some of the smartest in the world. I almost want to congratulate you on the diagnosis. Hopefully it gives you a lot of clarity and self understanding.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Sully View Post
    I've speculated whether I have ASD as well due to some social things I do as well as my sensory processing disorder.

    However, I'd recommend fully going out and getting a more advanced diagnosis. ASD has been overly diagnosed over the last 10 years ago in some cases where it's not needed, especially with adults.

    The fact of the matter is, it is a spectrum. So everyone has some autistic traits. You could ask anyone how autistic they think they are on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd probably give myself a 4 or a 6. Some people might be a 1 or a 10.

    But an ASD diagnosis isn't a bad thing. I think you should wear it as a badge. People with autism are some of the smartest in the world. I almost want to congratulate you on the diagnosis. Hopefully it gives you a lot of clarity and self understanding.
    Definitely agree with all this.

    I remember being embarrassed and upset with my diagnosis(es) as a kid and teen, and thinking it was a load of BS and just didn't get it. Now a days, I realize my quirks and sensory things are really just part of who I am, and the diagnosis was pretty spot on. I know it's got some things that make things a bit rougher for me, but I figure everyone has something that works as a disadvantage to them. Plus, like you said, some of the smartest people in the world have autism. It's all about learning how to cope with things and use them to your advantage, even.
    Everything will surely be alright.



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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Sully View Post
    I've speculated whether I have ASD as well due to some social things I do as well as my sensory processing disorder.

    However, I'd recommend fully going out and getting a more advanced diagnosis. ASD has been overly diagnosed over the last 10 years ago in some cases where it's not needed, especially with adults.

    The fact of the matter is, it is a spectrum. So everyone has some autistic traits. You could ask anyone how autistic they think they are on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd probably give myself a 4 or a 6. Some people might be a 1 or a 10.

    But an ASD diagnosis isn't a bad thing. I think you should wear it as a badge. People with autism are some of the smartest in the world. I almost want to congratulate you on the diagnosis. Hopefully it gives you a lot of clarity and self understanding.
    It's funny, I've thought about this myself. Like I joke with my friends that as a kid I was just the weird kid. If I were growing up today, I'd probably be called autistic.

    Realistically, I don't think I am. Probably more OCD/ODD, with random bouts of anxiety.

    I should seek therapy, so I applaud those who have. Like I'm not far off from 40, and can barely hold a girlfriend longer than 3 months before I just turn into an asshole. I just ghosted a girl after 3 dates, that my friends set me up with because she bored me, which has turned me into the enemy... but in that ODD way I justify it with, "they knew what they were getting into."

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Sully View Post
    I've speculated whether I have ASD as well due to some social things I do as well as my sensory processing disorder.

    However, I'd recommend fully going out and getting a more advanced diagnosis. ASD has been overly diagnosed over the last 10 years ago in some cases where it's not needed, especially with adults.

    The fact of the matter is, it is a spectrum. So everyone has some autistic traits. You could ask anyone how autistic they think they are on a scale of 1 to 10. I'd probably give myself a 4 or a 6. Some people might be a 1 or a 10.

    But an ASD diagnosis isn't a bad thing. I think you should wear it as a badge. People with autism are some of the smartest in the world. I almost want to congratulate you on the diagnosis. Hopefully it gives you a lot of clarity and self understanding.
    Sully is right here Grim. You cant let something hold you back no matter what.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Anyone ever get frustrated with people doubling down on their wrongdoings? Making excuses and saying it was deserved and okay? It kinda hurts the mind the amount of gaslighting they do to me.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim View Post
    Anyone ever get frustrated with people doubling down on their wrongdoings? Making excuses and saying it was deserved and okay? It kinda hurts the mind the amount of gaslighting they do to me.
    It goes back to the beginning of time where people can't take accountability, and the rest pretend bad things don't happen so they victim blame instead.

    For a long time in the US, domestic abuse was this way. A taboo topic that was shoved under the carpet. Child abuse also was, specifically child sexual abuse. Sigmund Freud attempted to shine light on the child sexual abuse problem when he studied hysteria, but he got so much backlash he had to retract his theories and come up with the ridiculous Oedipus theory instead.

    In the current political climate, victim blaming seems to again be reading it's ugly head. When will we ever start holding the perpetrators accountable and not pretending like no crime happened?

    Don't let these people get you down man.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Oh wow.

    Just found out today a family friend committed suicide by gun. He was 37, had a kid starting 6th grade this month, and was a serviceman.

    Absolutely awful and it really hurts to hear about that, especially since my mother had to take the call and be on scene after it happened. She was visibly shaken after she came home so I knew something was wrong. Nothing like this I would have imagined.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    So.....on the too much info side of things. I've been struggling since retirement.

    I've told everyone here I was medically retired, but like most things....there was a little more to it. My body is a wreck. No getting around it. I've suffered from chronic pain for about 12 years now, but it was getting much much worse near the end of my Army career. I was pushing harder to get better and being in my mid-40s it just wasn't going to happen. I needed rest and surgery and the Army wasn't going to allow a Soldier that close to retire that much time. If a Soldier can't deploy, he can't do his job. So....after almost 15 years of serving, I was medically retired.

    Serving as a journalist during the Iraq War put me in a lot of dangerous situations. All told, I was involved in about 15 IED incidents where the vehicle I was in ran over one of those damn things. Most didn't "hurt" me seriously. Honestly, I'd say only 2 (maybe 3) really rung my bell or left me unable to move. The accumilation, however, did start having effects. My left side, particulary my shoulder and foot, have all had major surgeries and I'm looking forward to a few more down the road.

    Now...the uncomfortable part. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. In all honesty, as long as I'm busy and engaged none of these are a problem. I've become very adapt at compartmentalizing things and putting things away. And then one day....I had nothing to do, but think. So all these things that I've had to ignore now are strating at me in the face. Being combat, watching people die, covering memorial service after memorial service, losing my support system as my career advanced, etc. It has had more of an effect on me than I'd care to admit. I'm 45 and I feel like a depressed teenager some days. Now, I have a wife and two kids.... they depend on me. I can't afford to quit or curl up in a ball and stop living.

    I've been waiting three months to start a job that I got when I first got out. Watching my bank account drain and not getting a phone call were kicks to the groin. This may come off as arrogant, but I've been a rock star in my field for a long time. I was well known by a lot of people in DoD service wide. I've been mentors at workshops, spoken at places like Syracuse and been asked to cover things that really did involve top secret type missions. To go from that to not getting a phone call back was heatbreaking. In short, I'm not a big deal anymore. I never thought of myself as egotistical, but I can't lie..... I really enjoyed being an important guy in the room.

    I'm not sure where I go from here. I start my job next week (finally), but I won't be teaching the class I helped build. When I left others moved into my spot and have made it clear they do not want to leave. They are still using all my lesson plans, handouts and teaching aides, but somehow thats there course now. Now, I've told the school I'm fine with that. I'm not, but I need a job. I have no doubt I'll be teaching that course again, but I now have former students that view me as some sort of enemy/competition. I get it. It is business, but I'm really raw emotionally and its hard not to feel a little betrayed by two people that used to sing my praises and called me their mentor. We met up today for lunch and both of them were so friendly and nice (not knowing that the third instructor they work with has told me every thing they say when I'm not around.)

    In short, at a time when I need people....I'm now in some sort of faux-competition and I have to play nice. I know all those other factors are just magnifying this situation, but I'm in a really bad place mentally. To be honest, being a Soldier gave me a lot of self-worth and motivation. Not being one is different. Being on the outside and not getting "the scoop" is tough. Everything I've worked for came 5 years earlier, but I was not prepared. In all honesty, I find the civilian world both fake and empty. I know 99 percent of you live in this world and have no clue what I'm talking about. It may even seem conceited. I don't think civilian life is "lesser" or petty. I really don't. I do find it has a lot of free time and posturing. In the service, if there was a problem I could go to any NCO and get it fixed. Not in the VA...not at my contracting company...not anywhere really. I get a lot of double talk designed to push me off to the next person who then pushed me off to the next.... all in some attempt to frustrate me and cause me to quit.

    This really doesn't lead anywhere. I'm still living it right now. I have the scary feeling what I won't be able to trust people like I did to the men to my left and right out on mission. In that world, trust is neccesary. In this new world, it just not there right now.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Sounds like one viscous circle for you. Looking at the positive side of things, you have a job to go to, which will eventually lead to you getting back into a good routine and as crazy as it sounds, will bring a bit of normality back for you. As hard as it is, that will have to be your focus point during this hard period.

    I can't pretend to know what it's like going through what you went through and seeing what you did, and I know it's a massive kick in the teeth the way others are behaving, but what stood out to me in your post was the fact you know you'll be back to the level you were previously doing things at and that is amazing!

    As with for anyone else, if you ever feel like you need to rant, rave and just get things off your mind, please let me know.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Maybe it's just me, but I feel like most would agree with this? "I find the civilian world both fake and empty. I know 99 percent of you live in this world and have no clue what I'm talking about" Or perhaps I'm too cynical or you mean something different than I'm thinking? I think 99% of the civilian world as you might call it is performativity to suit people's purposes which is unfortunate because it's hard to ever be genuine with other people, and it feels like most people aren't being 100% genuine to you. Just a ton of micro-politics.

    While I can relate to some things your experiencing, I obviously cant relate to it all. I'm glad you've got a wife & kids to give you the motivation to keep working through the current deluge of shittiness you're living in. I feel like you've probably already watched it but I think you might enjoy the show Community or even rewatch it. People in various stages of life trying to get a fresh start in community college and sort of going out of their way to be supportive of each other even though they're all pretty different. Unless it would make you feel like you're missing out, in which case nvm.

    Anyways, I'm also always here to talk if you need a distraction or a wall to bounce off of. I think if you're feeling down and with too much free time, you should focus on those hobbies you haven't been able to concentrate on (trying to get that comic book written, perhaps). Hope you feel better <3

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Last night was a tough night for me. I was in a desperate state of frustration and fear. (This isn't uncommon with my anxiety)I use medical cannabis and last night was one of those nights I should have, but chose not too. I'm not a big fan of "crutches" and have always had this supreme faith in my ability to roll with adversity. I think its pretty clear that last night my emotions got the better of me. The numerous spelling and grammar errors sort of show how frazzled I was.Being away from my comfort zone and support system have really thrown me for a loop. I appreciate those who reached out. My head space is much better this morning after a good nights sleep, but I do think it illustrates just how up/down things like depression and anxiety can be. Just when you think you are turning a corner, you can have a bad night. Nothing triggered it, per se'. My mind just wandered into some bad ground and I got stuck there. This is going to be a challenge moving forward. I understand that, but nights like last night are tough obstacles.


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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    So I had a coworker commit suicide this week on Monday. Most things dont bother me much but this has been bothering me since I found out. He was childlined (Sully knows what that is) over something at work and always suspended until it was resolved. He was 23 and just had a little girl that was born in July and just found out they was expecting another. I know he suffered from anxiety and depression and this isn't make things any better. His sister works with me as well and she is pretty torn up over this. Pretty rough time considering I have been working to cover shifts because of it and being short staffed. By the end of the week I will have worked 140 hours which will be mice in the bank but the stress and rest department not so much.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Wang Chung View Post
    So I had a coworker commit suicide this week on Monday. Most things dont bother me much but this has been bothering me since I found out. He was childlined (Sully knows what that is) over something at work and always suspended until it was resolved. He was 23 and just had a little girl that was born in July and just found out they was expecting another. I know he suffered from anxiety and depression and this isn't make things any better. His sister works with me as well and she is pretty torn up over this. Pretty rough time considering I have been working to cover shifts because of it and being short staffed. By the end of the week I will have worked 140 hours which will be mice in the bank but the stress and rest department not so much.

    it's the fastest tap a junk in the galaxy
    That sounds awful. I hope those two kids are able to live relatively healthy and secure lives, and that their mother is able to bounce back and adequately provide for them or get the support to do it :/ Also hope you're able to get some much needed rest over time. <3

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Wang Chung View Post
    So I had a coworker commit suicide this week on Monday. Most things dont bother me much but this has been bothering me since I found out. He was childlined (Sully knows what that is) over something at work and always suspended until it was resolved. He was 23 and just had a little girl that was born in July and just found out they was expecting another. I know he suffered from anxiety and depression and this isn't make things any better. His sister works with me as well and she is pretty torn up over this. Pretty rough time considering I have been working to cover shifts because of it and being short staffed. By the end of the week I will have worked 140 hours which will be mice in the bank but the stress and rest department not so much.

    it's the fastest tap a junk in the galaxy
    Knowing exactly what it's like to work in a facility like this (I returned by the way) I can't imagine how difficult that's been for everyone. The environment is stressful enough, but add in this sort of collective disturbance and I just can't imagine the conditions. I'd suggest utilizing PTO, but if you're covering shifts like you say it would probably get denied or discouraged. But self care, self care in some way!

    I don't know whether the childline was legitimate or not. With the population you work with, it's more often false than true. And the kids don't understand the impact it has on staff. It jeopardizes their life, and in this case costed this young man his. That tragedy now falls on that girl's shoulders, deservedly...assuming it was inevitably unfounded.

    I'm not in the business of discouraging childlines, because that leads to a victim blaming sort of mindset. But I DO believe we need to treat both the victim and the accused fairly until something is founded, and when unfounded the accused needs to be treated like it. Because I've too often seen an unfounded or still investigated chidline where the accused is treated like they were guilty, and that is by no means how it should be.

    In some instances where I work, we have to do things that aren't crisis intervention protocol, just because in that case it's only option. For example, when escorting an unsafe kid in crisis, we have to do an official therapeutic crisis intervention escort. This involves two staff take a kid by each arm (in the exact procedure training shows) and walking them to the designated area (usually a CDR/Calm down room). Sometimes however, we don't have the staff for an escort. Sometimes you're the only staff down an entire hallway of kids, and sometimes you have to physically hold a kid by yourself to prevent them from attacking another kid (Like a 12 year old attacking an 8 year old little girl). Everyone who works on the unit understands that this is necessary sometimes. But when HR walks in, or someone from higher up, they'll write you up or childline you on the spot with no hesitation or no consideration about the crisis that's happening. These people don't get it in and help themselves, but they'll judge you in an instant. And it's so frustrating.

    I'm thankful right now because in my current position I've moved into the school program of the building and am no longer on the unit (unless I choose to pick up a shift), I'm acting as a 1:1. Which means I'm in ratio for just one kid, and I stick with this kid for the entire school day. I'm basically his bodyguard. All day every day. This kid isn't usually aggressive either, so I'm pretty much never going to have to restrain him. I just chase him around the hallways and try to get him back in class. When a TA position opens up I'll move there and be in charge of an entire classroom, where I will probably have to deal with a lot more crisis situations.

    As male staff, we're vulnerable to be childlined every day. But if I go about my job worried about that, I'll never be able to get anything done. I do make sure I do things per our TCI training. Sometimes you can't, but I try my best.

    The most important things are self care, and having coworkers and supervisors you can talk to for support.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    So, like that guy you hate at a party, I'm gonna bumble into the chill room, interrupt all the deep and meaningful's and be loud and obnoxious about myself. Mostly because I've not been here in an age and while I hope everyone in this thread is doing okay mental, I can't focus my mind long enough to read through all the replies I've missed in my time away. Sorry guys.

    I'm currently in that mental space where you can con yourself into thinking your okay because you're not down about one particular thing but in reality you're just using self-destructive coping methods to get by. I was doing pretty well, just ticking over, and then about six months ago I got confronted by some harsh realities that I don't particularly want to go into deeply right now and since then I've been bouncing around the inside of my brain trying to work out how to deal with it all, which means I'm not dealing with it at all and it's just this constant niggling obsession in the back of mind that just sits there whispering doubt in my ear and reaffirm how terrible a person I am.

    The thing is, you'd think in six months (even with the epic levels of avoidance skills I have) I'd have managed to come up with some way of making it work out to where I can at least feel like I've tried to deal with this issue, but I got nothing. Zip. I'm legit lost on how to move forward from it all.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Hiya JT...don't worry about hijacking it's what this thread if for. Without knowing what the issue is it's hard to give suggestions on how to help you move forward if that makes sense?

    6 months isn't a long time in fairness, for some people it can take years to get out of a certain mindset, so try not to dwell on that too much.
    I have a plan so cunning......

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Hey Raiz, long time since I've seen you here buddy.

    Try not to keep those thoughts bouncing around inside of yourself too long. Speak to someone (not necessarily here), because you may find simply saying them out loud will give you a lot of clarity

    Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Baldrick View Post
    Hiya JT...don't worry about hijacking it's what this thread if for. Without knowing what the issue is it's hard to give suggestions on how to help you move forward if that makes sense?

    6 months isn't a long time in fairness, for some people it can take years to get out of a certain mindset, so try not to dwell on that too much.
    Quote Originally Posted by Postman Dave View Post
    Hey Raiz, long time since I've seen you here buddy.

    Try not to keep those thoughts bouncing around inside of yourself too long. Speak to someone (not necessarily here), because you may find simply saying them out loud will give you a lot of clarity
    Thanks guys.

    I know my being vague doesn't lend itself to gaining any actual advice but my vagueness is largely due to the issue bouncing around my head not actual being my own. What's bothering me is my personal inaction regarding someone else's bad behaviour. I don't like to think of myself as that kind of person that does nothing as others do bad things but I can't deny that I'm not very good with confrontation, so calling someone out on their bullshit is difficult for me. I tend to do it in the end but this is a whole other level of uncomfortable because this person is someone I've been very close to and respected who's now essentially outed themselves as a hateful person and I genuinely don't know how to deal with it. I have spoken to other friends of mine about it and for the most part I've got platitudes or nothing at all because it makes them uncomfortable too.

    Honestly, I think my only real course of action is to sit down with this particular person and actually call them out on their bullshit, I'm just really stuggling with how to do that without getting angry about it, which I know they will then use against me as me being irrational.

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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    Hey, so I don't really know if this can be posted here, so I apologise if it's not really fitting. I'm sorry if this is rambling but there's just a lot on my mind right now so yeah, sorry:

    I have recently fallen out with dad because I felt hurt looking back at his attitude towards me. Me and my dad before this were really close, but over the last few weeks I had grown more resentful to the way he would act and say certain things about my sexuality.

    I'm bisexual. Outside of here, I'm what loads of people would consider a stereotypical arty gay. Y'know, listens to The Smiths, adores RuPaul's Drag Race and has bouts of self-loathing I have known about me being bisexual since at least 14-15 years old, but even though I live in a very rough area, I was always more upset about my family finding out than my classmates. In fact, someone tried to make fun of me by calling me gay, and my response was to wink & say "Fuck aye." That was me coming out for the first time.

    Anyway, a section of my classmates tried to rip the hole out of me on Facebook, commenting on my pictures, and I would respond being overly flirty, because it'd piss them off and I can fend for myself combat-wise. My dad read the comments and his reaction was like I stole £1000 off him and spent it all on crack. He didn't speak to me the rest of the day, then when he finally did, he first tried to tell me bisexuality wasn't a thing, and then tried to stop me seeing me girlfriend at the time because he thought that because her brother was gay, it was "rubbing off on me." At one point at a new years party, he got drunk and, out of nowhere starting ranting about f****ts & "ladyboys" and how they should all die. Obviously, I went upstairs crying and needed my older brother to sit with me for 2 hours because I couldn't breathe.

    He apologised afterwards, but occasionally he would make sly digs at me at family gatherings, at one point when I joked to my 16 year old sister about me sleeping with guys (me & my sister would always joke around by calling each other virgins) and my dad said "don't talk to her about that shite." Plus there was little things like fast forwarding 2 men kissing, calling them freaks, and calling my sister's ex-boyfriend a "nancy boy" because he's bisexual as well.

    2 weeks ago, I pulled my dad up about it and explained how I was feeling and that I can't deal with him treating me like that anymore. He first tried to ignore what I was feeling, brushing it off as him expressing his opinion, said I need to learn to "accept other people's worldviews," said that because he didn't disown me he did nothing wrong, then berated me for not having a job. After I left, he messaged me while drunk, accusing me of cheating and again saying he treated me fine because the only form of homophobic parent is the one that cuts them out their lives. I decided that I'm never going to speak to him again until he apologises to me for how he's acted.

    I feel like my own dad hates me. The worst thing is, I have 2 little brothers that I want to be close to and I want to have a relationship with, but I feel like by obligation I need to speak to my dad, which I'd rather not. I dunno. I feel like I'm abandoning my brothers, because they're 5 years and 3 months old respectively, they don't know what's going on. All their going to know is all of a sudden their older brother has stopped coming round. That's not fair on them. But at the same time, my dad makes me hate myself, I can't keep letting him walk over me for something I can't control.

    cheers for letting me rant.

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  20. #380
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    Re: Mental Health Discussion

    I am so sorry you have to go through that man. The thing is its 2019 you should be able to accept your son or whoever for whatever choices you wanna make. I would say don't let it get in your head. I been down the road of people mocking me for things that made me... me... So you got to hold your head high. I think one of the things you could do is rant and let out some feelings. This is a good place to do that. It sounds to me as if your father is in this old school state of mind living in the past not thinking about the future now I am sure your dad loves you and you love your dad maybe try and talk to him again? Im not exactly sure. I do wish you the very best in everything


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