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Thread: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

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    Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Discuss promos here. Please use constructive criticism.





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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Extension requested please. Won't have net access til Wedensday but I'll be able to work on it all day.

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    sure thing, granted.





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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    My PC crashed and I lost my entire post.

    Might I humbly request an extension as I burn things?

    You're welcome guys in the title match
    The most amazing thing about this recent conversation is that I've learned AON is even more of a waste of space than I thought he was previously

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    sure bud





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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by An Original Name View Post
    My PC crashed and I lost my entire post.

    Might I humbly request an extension as I burn things?

    You're welcome guys in the title match
    I would cry if I lost 12k

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Didn't over exert myself for this PPV. SuperSaiyan is currently busy with real life stuff so we may need an extra grader - my first choices are either Cyrus or Jimmy. Or Tom or Jiggy if they are up for it. If not, will need someone else.

    Due to SS being busy and me not really feeling comfortable with taking control of his character, I gave a crap promo. I could have wrote a long Sanada development promo, I guess but it is what it is. Will give out small reviews tomorrow when grading.





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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Stan Weaver: Not a bad start, but check out how some others set their promo up. More description of the scene, where Weaver is talking from, how it correlates to what you're saying about him. For instance, in this case, a flashback to the ranch hand being beaten years ago, and then Stan talking while thinking back to it and giving us the readers a vision of what it looked like. That would've been a nice set up. Just one route you could take. But it's best to have some introduction and a scene description before you dive into the bulk of the promo and the monologue.

    The monologue itself wasn't bad. The tie-in between Randall, a fighter who doesn't back down, and the old ranch hand was good. Calling Randall "bleeder" also was pretty good. I wish you had stretched it out a little bit, though, because it was short. Think of writing a promo not so much as WWE style but more of a creative writing exercise. You're telling a story. You have to pull us in, make us invested, and then knock us on our asses with the climax. Every individual promo is a chapter in a book, and every chapter is one short story amid a much larger one being told. It was a good start to get into the mindset of promo'ing and jawing at an opponent, in the traditional sense. Now you have to expand the box/circle a bit to make it bigger.


    Zachary Kazadi: Usually, I tell people to steer clear of stories from other e-fed/wrestling companies — or even stories from years ago in the FWA — because 90 percent of the readers either won't know or won't care. In the case of another company, it's probably 100 percent. But when you can do it like THIS, it's fine. You explained the Maple Leaf Wrestling match versus Villain in such a way that the reader doesn't need to know of it from before now. It's any cheap-tactic win. Name any of them from wrestling history. You explained every dirty trick Villain could pull and one final cheat to win the match, and then connected that to Watkins' win on Fight Night. It's a great correlation drawn, showing Kazadi isn't new to being screwed out of a win. It also shows Kazadi takes a dirty loss as nothing more than a loss. He takes ownership of it, saying he fucked up and he's responsible. He doesn't shed blame to the ref — at least not on the surface — and doesn't even put blame on Watkins. Only himself. And that's good. Trey even acknowledged this. True sign of a babyface, an effective babyface character, too. But then Kazadi switches to his heel-ish side during the pre-show interview. Very strange how you have Kazadi in private versus public. Not a bad strange. Not a critique. Just interesting.

    Overall, I thought it was a strong promo. Sometimes promos are done in 45 minutes. Might not be to your liking but this was a solid, wrestling-based promo. And when everyone else is going to do deep dives into their past, their personalities, their childhood family issues, it's nice to have a change of pace like this.


    Jason Randall
    : A solid promo and I liked using the cowboy hat as a prop to delve into your opponent. It was a workable — albiet, somewhat-cheesy — touch. Touching on the losses is good but I'd love one time to see Randall really go through the gamut of emotions after a big loss. I feel too often you pick yourself up and dust yourself off like it's nothing. Maybe for next time. As for this match, the shouts at Weaver were the standard stuff, talking about his character bio and coming from Texas and such. Nothing out of the ordinary. The ending piqued my interest, and I know you like to use the unknown character style for cliffhangers. Looking forward to who the hooded female is, but I hope you can get more on a role with Randall, too. You are much better now than, say, a year ago.


    More later.


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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Cyrus Truth: My one gripe is I feel like you plant Cyrus in very similar settings a lot of times. I get this one is much darker than, say, your Carnal Contendership promo. But it also has quite a lot of similarities, and that was my main critique. I do think you did a STELLAR job of depicting a clear-cut, different mindset for Cyrus versus his challengers. You stressed how much this was not the type of match for glory or honor and instead a dangerous one for Cyrus' title reign and the health of the three challengers. I thought Cyrus' mentality changing through the course of the promo was very good, too, because it showed Cyrus is developing as a champion. That's a good thing. I like you gave each of the three challengers some hype and put-overs as individuals while not giving them TOO much. My only gripe, like said above, is the setting seeming a bit redundant.


    Mike Parr: I thought this was brilliant. And mentioning my character's Mile high moment certainly rubs at my jollies. But aside from that, the article and Parr's reaction to start was an extremely good setup. The story about Parr's loss to Mac at Mile High 2015 and the backstage anecdote was really captivating stuff. The only issues were small spelling/grammar errors and saying you're going to walk out the same exact locker room as last year when Mile High is held in different cities — and, thus, different arenas. But those are minimal issues, and aside from pacing or the order and structure of the promo, this was all positives. Either good or excellent. And you hit a near-home run. This was not the emotional stuff like the letters from months ago or anything that touched at the heart-strings. This was a different type of emotion. More of an angry emotion. I liked reading it. Carried the promo in a very captivating way. Mike Parr felt very real. This guy would be cheered like crazy in real life.


    James "Eyesnsane" Hughes
    : The structure of the promo was extremely intriguing. I didn't expect your back-and-forth with Gabrielle to carry 70 percent of the promo. And, while the beginning confused me talking about guys from other companies and feds, you SOMEHOW still segued it into those guys not wanting to fight women. Thus, enter Bell Connelly discussion. So that worked, even if it was slightly sloppy. The Gabrielle-Eyesnsane communication was stellar, and I think you did great using that as the vehicle driving the promo. Honestly, I don't know if you really needed the second part of it, at the podium doing a monologue speech. I think Gabrielle and Eyesnsane was enough. Everything you brought up was solid. My complaint is just that you seemed to shift so much talking about each of the three opponents, sometimes not even identifying them by name, that it got slightly confusing. Once, I think you only referred to Mac Michaud as "that guy." Which was LOL but still not great practice.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Bell Connelly: I'm gonna be pretty blunt with you on this one. The only reason you wouldn't win my grades is due to sloppiness. What I mean by that is misspellings. "I’m doing it the ring way." When you meant "right way." Calling him Eyesnsare when it's Eyesnsane. In the beginning, for some reason, you kept switching back and forth between referring to Bell as a him/he and a her/she. Those types of things sort of tainted an otherwise-splendid promo. The thing is: the metaphor of Dante's Inferno was absolutely perfect. Most think of his layers of hell, but you went with the more-classical three levels of the afterlife: hell, purgatory, and heaven. And the idea of starting in hell and sort of rising up to heaven, that fits nicely with the concept of a ladder match. Heaven would be the belt hanging high above that requires climbing a ladder to retrieve. And the breakdown of which opponent is which level is exactly how I'd do it, which shows you went about this setup in a very logical manner. Your strongest part, without a doubt, was saved for Cyrus Truth. talking about heaven and "belief" and not succumbing to the idea that Cyrus is truly perfect or "a God," when you labeled him such for this metaphor, was very strong stuff. Great promo monologue stuff. The stuff of a World Champion.

    The overall structure of the promo was the stuff of a World Champion.

    The sloppiness, though, might hold you back. Another read through would've stopped it.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

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    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    That name was literally the hardest thing about that promo. I just couldn't remember the name, just total blank.
    The most amazing thing about this recent conversation is that I've learned AON is even more of a waste of space than I thought he was previously

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Thank you for the review. I'm a bit annoyed with myself over the locker room thing, I was a bit tired by the time I was putting it together and what I meant and what I wrote are two different things. It was meant to be painted as the same left/right decision but it does read that it was the same locker room repeatedly. I'll put that one down to fatigue!

    Stan Weaver
    I can only echo what was said in the previous review. Try and flesh it out a bit more. You start with a small description of the situation, try and elaborate and paint a better picture with it. Then with your words, space them out much like you would if you were saying them yourself. The idea behind what you are saying is great in that you implement a bit of a backstory and then weave into talking about your opponent. Main thing I would suggest is trying to flesh it out, add a bit more of each element.


    Jhunha
    Regardless of character I always love the style with which you write. This, of course, was basic in that it there wasn't a lot to it. Some insight into the character and his mindset, nothing wrong with it or to criticize but nothing to blow me away.

    Zachary Kazadi
    I really liked it. I liked how the character reacted to the loss, I liked the story that you told within the promo and it kept me entertained. I also found the dialogue and the subsequent insight to the character interesting. It was one of the more enjoyable reads, seemed like a perfect length for the message that you wanted to get across. Two small points, first is that I'm not a big fan of dropping the 'f' bomb unfiltered into promos but that's just a personal preference.The second is the editor's note, it left a sour taste. It seemed like you were reviewing and telling me not to enjoy what I had just read because you couldn't be bothered and just put something out there. I would have left it out, even have put it in this thread. It's just that instead of coming off reading that thinking about the first points I made, I was thinking about the last part I read.

    XYZ
    A bit peculiar! I'd be interested to see how you could sustain this and retain interest going forward. I saw the sign up and saw the promo and that compelled me to read, but I don't think I could handle this every week. Again I liked what was written, but I'd say it was like the warm up with the main event missing. I mean the build up about the trash on the ground, relating it to Jhunha's feelings, having the kid pick the card but then the payoff is over in a matter of a paragraph. It felt like it just ended. Although part of me feels it was written in an unconventional style with a irregular sort of rhythm to it to match the character, and if this is the case then I would consider it job done! The rhythm of the promo reflects the abnormality of the character.

    Jason Randall

    I hate trying to write against a character I don't have any familiarity with or any backstory to play off, I always struggle, so major props for doing what you can with what you know. I also think we have a lot of similarities (i hope you dont take that as an insult) in that if I was to sit and write a promo it would come out 90% dialogue because that is when I get into my rhythm best and that's when I feel I'm at my best. I use description mainly to break up what I'm saying as opposed to trying to "paint a picture". It's what I've tried to develop and it's the one thing I'd say would help this promo as well. Loved the ending providing there is a payoff next promo.

    Ryan Rondo
    First part was absolutely necessary and was extremely well written in terms of giving context to the actions of Fight Night and motivation for the subsequent match. The rationale behind Rondo's actions made perfect sense behind what I know of the character, and frankly added more intrigue to a contest that I didn't have a significant amount of interest in prior to your promo.

    Cyrus
    This promo absolutely pisses on the one from Fight Night a few weeks back. I'm particularly annoyed at myself that I did not pick up on the fact that we are all champions and play on that more in my own promo. I found the route that you took the character on very interesting, in that he exudes confidence but he also appreciates the challenges posed, it's a fine balance between appreciating opponents and betraying the confidence that your character should have that you have hit perfectly.

    Kaizen
    Much like I said with the earlier promo, I absolutely love how you tell a story. My favourite section by far was the monologue by the grave section at the end. It was a completely understandable mental state for the character, and knowing this mindset almost makes me want to back him to come out on top. It was really clever, and frankly isn't a surprise given what is produced each time I read something from you. I also loved the length, there have been times where I felt some things you've written can err on the side of being too long, or overdeveloping a section of the promo that goes too long, but each of the three sections here were perfect.


    Will complete more tomorrow

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    my reviews/two stars and a wish will be edited in here over the coming days and after the show actually goes up. Which should, hopefully, be tonight. If not, it'll be tomorrow.





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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by TheProdigy View Post

    Jhunha
    Regardless of character I always love the style with which you write. This, of course, was basic in that it there wasn't a lot to it. Some insight into the character and his mindset, nothing wrong with it or to criticize but nothing to blow me away.
    Kaizen
    Much like I said with the earlier promo, I absolutely love how you tell a story. My favourite section by far was the monologue by the grave section at the end. It was a completely understandable mental state for the character, and knowing this mindset almost makes me want to back him to come out on top. It was really clever, and frankly isn't a surprise given what is produced each time I read something from you. I also loved the length, there have been times where I felt some things you've written can err on the side of being too long, or overdeveloping a section of the promo that goes too long, but each of the three sections here were perfect.
    why thank yew~~ i know i have a tendency to go long without editing myself to be concise. each time i point to someone else being too wordy i feel like a huge hypocrite lololol



    Stan Weaver - as others have noted, it would benefit from incorporating other elements of RP/efed writing, but i found the base monologue to be convincing and authentic, very believable as something you would hear in an actual backstage segment. i hope over time you stick with this character and flesh him out a little more, as he is very different from the other wrestlers on the roster atm.

    Kazadi -
    i agree that the situation with JLW is kind of put Kazadi in an awkward spot as whether to go balls out on a promo or not. as the next titleholder im pretty sure a new avenue and perspective is going to open up for Kazadi and thats a good thing. regarding this promo specifically, i didnt think it was as strong as your last two promos, not like anything has changed about your style and structure, it just didnt feel as committed as say your QFTB ones. not like it altered how i view the long-term prospects of this character though, the arrow is still firmly pointed up.

    XYZ - this was super trippy and promising, like a scene you would see out of those new-age Netflix serials. interesting dichotomy between XYZ seeming to have good intentions yet also not seeming 100% there in the head.

    Jason Randall
    - WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS WOMMANZZZZZ

    Ryan Rondo - i'm not sure how to rate this one as clearly a significant portion is being held back, and the given explanation for Rondo interfering against Garcia is fairly generic. Not much to say about this besides wait and see.

    Cyrus Truth - i really liked this promo, as the regal and more calm version of Cyrus was starting to get overly formulaic. Breaking down the logical pitfalls of being forced to defend during this type of match was the right way to go in my book. im not sure if the cuts to the violent imagery turned out how you wanted it to, but i also do appreciate them more in the context of we dont see cuts like that a whole lot in the current lay of the land for promos. Amid all this, the strengths of all Cyrus promos, the monologues, is kept intact.

    Bell - it seems like happy-go-lucky Bell is gone, and for better or worse itll lead to interesting pivots along the way. i guess this has been mentioned already, but the lack of edits in the writing has gotten tto the point where its too much of a distraction to ignore. the comparison on the heaven and hell and the middle was clever, but ill admit this hard turn towards this type of imagery has shorn a lot of the charms that made Bell a unique entity in the first place from my perspective. also, caution on using Katie Lynn as a foil too many times in a short span.

    Mike Parr - this was a very good mix of cuts and a strong traditional-style promo to bring it home. excellent thematic use of past details to bring things into full circle towards what could be a monumental event, where all the male singles belts are held by one person. the big takeaway i got from this one too is that it really feels like Parr is on the cusp of turning face despite the cocky attitude because of the appeal to logic and legacy, which are traditionally face talking points. i feel like the chances that we see a triple champion is tantalizingly high.

    Eyesnsane
    - This was a step above recent Eyesnsane promos, and the 2nd half with the actual promo is by far the strongest part and highlights the strengths of the Eyesnsane character. One big miss for me though was that the characterization of Gabrielle was so different from how ETE traditionally writes the character that i found it entirely distracting.

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by KAIZEN View Post

    Eyesnsane
    - This was a step above recent Eyesnsane promos, and the 2nd half with the actual promo is by far the strongest part and highlights the strengths of the Eyesnsane character. One big miss for me though was that the characterization of Gabrielle was so different from how ETE traditionally writes the character that i found it entirely distracting.
    Thank you for the feedback. With Gabrielle my thinking was as she was largely off camera was to show her non kayfabe side. Of course when on camera I would steer her more towards how we have all come accustomed to seeing her but using on and off camera I like to give both sides that's all. I'll keep an eye on that usage though as it realates to her persona and their relationship as it evolves over time.

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    Re: Mile High 2016 Promo Discussion Thread

    Thanks very much for the review K. As always my fatal flaw is my eye for correction. I would like to point out that this isn't the start of serious Bell I agree that would be a bad move I just thought that given the match it should be a rare lucid moment for her plus I thought the metaphor was great and it wouldn't sounds right otherwise
    Last edited by An Original Name; 12-01-2016 at 01:41 PM.
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