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Thread: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

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    FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Discuss promos here.





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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Just finished work, time to write a promo

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Going to leave reviews soon.

    Just want to make something clear before anyone points it out - me and Jon's characters have some things in common with each other with regards to backstory. We both communicated via PM to iron some things out. He writes about an incident where his character is humbled in the gym - and I have referenced it in my promo but it was discussed beforehand and isn't 'responding' or whatever. It would make no sense if my character didn't mention it tbh. Just preventing confusion.

    Had a reader over Kazadi and KAIZEN's promos as i'd been in discussions with both guys about the QFTB and some stuff. Will provide and indepth review later on but they're both extremely solid efforts. Everyone in the final four has such a different character and unique personality and I felt them come out during these promos - although they all clearly want to win. I'm not grading - and thank god i'm not. I can't decide who I like more. Kazadi's attitude is perfect and he is definitely going to be a massive heel in here one day. KAIZEN's promo had some subtleties here and there but his will to win being expressed was clear. I find it funny that Kazadi's promo was all about respect and yet I feel like KAIZEN gave none in his... but Kazadi's still the bad guy? Weird how that shit works. Regrettable that SS couldn't get in something better with Anzu but sometimes life just gets busy. I really look forward to the outcome of this tournament.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 10-03-2016 at 06:23 AM.





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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    So guys, I made a decision.

    It came at the strangest time - I was reading Shannon O'Neal's promo and even though I know it's in character, the things she was saying started to ring true. I ain't committed. Not that I don't enjoy the FWA - I do, and when things get going (TNT, EE etc) I really enjoy it. It's not even a lack of ideas or writer's block, I just don't feel the urge to get the promo done, I inevitably leave it til the last minute and come the weekend it's a choice between staying at my birds/going on the lash with the lads or writing ... There's only ever one winner. I've been efedding for maybe 6/7 years now and although not my longest tenured character (Twista XL is) Danny Toner has been far and beyond my fave and I feel I've wrote some good shit with him. Decent career too; two tag title reigns, Executive Excellence, great showing in the rumble, a well noted feud with Randy. Can't overly complain, even if I never quite got to where I could potentially be. It was great to work with the likes of ETE and Shake in EE. EEL, Shawn and TheMonarch deserve a shout from me too. I'm not closing the door/retiring as I know down the line I'll want to come back. I may hit CWA for a stretch due to their extension policies but then again, I may just stop completely. This is a top top fed and it's been amazing to be apart of it. I didnt make my own thread for this cause there's no need. Just to reiterate; I love FWA but I'm not showing it the attention it deserves and it's unfair to be no showing opponents on PPV. I'll send in a promo to tie up loose ends at the Anniversary Show.

    Cheers fellas.
    LUCHA! LUCHA! LUCHA!


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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Motherfucker stealing my thunder...

    I could just say "what he said" ... but I've really lost the drive to roleplay, that and having extremely limited time to do so.

    I'd like to find another way to contribute, maybe a "Miz TV" style show or something once a month or when I have time to do so... idk... I love being here, and don't want to disappear, but I think it's time to hang up the roleplaying boots. Sorry to everyone who I've let down, but mad props to Eel, Tig, Shake, TGO, Grim, Garcia, Jimmy King, Matt, Jiggy and everyone else who has made my time here the best time I've ever had while roleplaying.


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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    I was drunk as hell when I wrote my promo. I just read it back and god damn it's fire in that monologue.

    To Tig and Shawn, I hope y'all can find time down the road to devote more energy to the FWA. You guys are fantastic writers, and a lot of my promo rings true. Each of you has the writing chops to be an FWA World Champ. I am somewhat disappointed it won't happen now — when the opportunity is ripe for someone to step in — but I understand if your heart isn't in it, then your heart isn't in it. No reason to force it any longer, you're doing yourself and us a disservice. Just know that we love you two to death and you guys will be welcome back down the road, if we're still here and kickin' the bucket, because y'all are FWA family and I still believe the writing chops will be there in a few years.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Fuck I thought I still had today. I'm working lots and moving so no net. Sorry eyes, I may need to step away as well for a Lil bit.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    To Tig and Shawn, it comes back. I know just as well how you can just get gassed out. The best thing to do is take a break, so take time off and rejuvenate. You will eventually get the itch again. At least that's how it always is with me.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    this isnt the best time for FWA to be losing talented, good writers, but as mentioned, if youre not feeling it youre not feeling it. im sure the door will always be open to you guys when you get the itch to come back. and when that itch comes, please scratch it~



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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Just wanted to post in here to apologise/justify my piss-poor promo(s) this week. A friend of mine passed away last weekend, stupidly young, and I went out to Holland on wednesday for the funeral. I still had the weekend but had to pump out three promos in total, and the Anzu one I did in less than an hour. Hopefully that reads more of a reason than an excuse. Apologies to Jon, Shake, Kai, and Prodigy specifically.

    Tig, Shawn, that's disappointing (purely because I've enjoyed the work of yours I've read) but understandable. Hopefully you'll still be active in the OOC threads and we'll get to see a return at some stage in the future.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperSaiyan View Post
    Just wanted to post in here to apologise/justify my piss-poor promo(s) this week. A friend of mine passed away last weekend, stupidly young, and I went out to Holland on wednesday for the funeral. I still had the weekend but had to pump out three promos in total, and the Anzu one I did in less than an hour. Hopefully that reads more of a reason than an excuse. Apologies to Jon, Shake, Kai, and Prodigy specifically.

    Tig, Shawn, that's disappointing (purely because I've enjoyed the work of yours I've read) but understandable. Hopefully you'll still be active in the OOC threads and we'll get to see a return at some stage in the future.
    No need for apologies. Hope everything works out for you <3 Even at your lowest, your Anzu RP was still a short & sweet read.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    I still have four promos to read (Kazadi, KAIZEN, Sanada, and Parr, so my opponents) but the quality of the stuff so far has been high. Particularly enjoyed the Hughes promo. Here's some feedback, I'll probably get to the others later in the week.

    Jason Randall – I liked this promo, it was short but effective. The opening section was something a little bit different – not the standard on-screen monologue that I’ve come to expect for Randall. It was nice to see something different from him and to hear him address his upcoming match in a different manner. The on-screen part was straight forward and a bit brief for me, but it built the match well and there was enough emphasis on each of your opponents. I think the stuff about Gingy Eastwood is most effective, which is what you’d expect given that he has produced the most material to go off. I think it’s pretty obvious that you’ve won this match so I’m looking forward to Watkins v Randall II!

    Eyesnsane – I think this is comfortably the best Eyes promo I’ve read and one of the best posted for the card. I really enjoyed the flashbacks – exquisitely written stuff and very atmospheric. The description of the hat game is really vivid and put me in the scene. I like both Wong and Lilly as characters and would like to see more of them. The on-screen monologue is good, but as you allude to yourself you and Mac have said so much about each other already. The allusions to history were interesting and the added dynamic of the tag championship situation made it feel fresh enough. The grammar could’ve done with an extra proof-reading but I really enjoyed the content.

    Bell Connelly – The opening sections of this promo were fantastic. It felt really different and unique but at the same time quintessentially Bell. The on-screen section was good too, if maybe a little long. The content and pop culture references were fun – particularly liked the Pokemon trainer analogy. I loved Bell’s sticker story. I thought that was a really nice character touch. I think maybe we faded out of the interesting set-up a bit too abruptly into what began as a quite straight forward on camera. You’ve been hinting at a dark history for a while and I would’ve loved to see more of that. Spelling and grammar was fine but not perfect. I enjoyed this, although it was maybe a bit on the long side, and it’ll be really interesting to see the result.

    Shannon O’Neal – The content of this was really well written and felt like quite a passionate monologue. I liked the focus on your opponents and the bits about the women’s division allowed the triple threat to feel more important. The spelling and grammar was good and I love the inflections within the dialogue to suggest Shannon’s accent. It’s a bit short and it felt like it was over as it was getting going, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.

    Cyrus Truth – This is such a creative promo and I love the metaphor running through it. It felt really grand and made the match feel big. I particularly enjoyed the various fantasy caricature representations of recent champions. It was good how there was lots of focus on the match and its implications on FWA as a whole rather than direct attacks and thoughts on your opponent (well, until the very end). It made it feel like you were approaching the challenger in a unique way. It was pretty much perfect from a spelling and grammar point of view. Cyrus could be really quite dominant if he gets over this hurdle.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Thoughts on some promos:


    Jason Randall - This was fine. You are a consistent RPer and that's all that really matters to me - right now the FWA needs consistency over everyone splurging their load on quality promos. Is this the best promo in the world? No. But it probably would have gotten the job done in the match and that's all that is needed. You write dialogue fine but I feel like you're missing out by not expressing the character enough. Randall says he hated giving up - do something to express that. You could have had him hit the wall in frustration or something. Dialogue can only express your character so much and it becomes wooden after a while if the characters just saying things and not doing anything. That being said there were times when you got the character expressions over so I can't fault it too much imo. I agree with SS the opening was different - a good kind of different. The second half of the promo is a little bit too short for me and I think you should focus on trying to flesh it out a little bit more. In my opinion, you could have spoken a little bit more about the title shot and what it would mean for Randall - you didn't mention Watkins at all, you should have mentioned him and how you want revenge against him, you've taken out his bodyguard so you know you are ready for a clear shot at him etc. Just little things really. It's a fine promo and as I said, you're consistent.

    JL Watkins - I enjoyed this promo - it had a solid amount of character development as well as speaking about the match. Typically arrogant too. Nice womens classic tie in too although ultimately it doesn't score any more points to a degree, lol. Just cool to see some universal linkups and whatnot. That's what I appreciate about a lot of promos nowadays - I like promos that have supporting cast and in general a universe built around the character. It makes it feel more realistic rather than feeling like each promo exists solely in a vacuum. You could have got stuck and wrote out a lot more for the first half but that would have hurt the promo IMO. I think you could have maybe squeezed out a little more in the second half though but Parr/Watkins isn't exactly an established feud so I can understand why. You spoke enough about him anyway to the point that the promo didn't come across as you completely ignoring the match or giving it a second thought in anyway. All seemed in character too. Good job. Watkins is going to take some beating to lose that belt.

    Bell Connelly - I'm super conflicted about this promo. I agree with SS regarding the opening - that stuff was a good read and I think the first half the promo was far, far superior to the second half. Secondly, this promo was long and it felt like it. It got to the point that I was questioning whether some stuff was in there just to make it long for the sake of it and that's not a good sign IMO. There are some weird dips in logic too that I just find a bit out of place or a bit 'eh?' Like when you explain that Bell has nothing to say after waiting for her moment... but she's somehow able to rattle all that off immediately afterwards? As for the womens division stuff - it was fine, it's good to toot your own horn but if you're going down the route of trying to prove the women in the company are better than most think then pointing out you've ruled the roost for over a year is more damaging to that cause IMO. I'd say that's slightly more Shannon's thing though so. I didn't particularly dig the pokemon thing, it made me tune out somewhat and I'm not a fan of metaphors being spelled out for people, some of it felt like we were going round in circles when the point about how Cyrus had to prove himself and be a champion etc had already been hammered home. I'll also add that I felt conflicted about this promo because it felt slightly out of character at times and almost heelish and I think that hurt the promo more than it helped it. In my eyes, anyway. Again, the logic of Bell being a bit loopy yet being able to speak about everything in such normal terms kind of struck me as off - it felt less unique in my eyes. As for the ending - it was jarring to me. I don't know what to think of it at all - the promo could have ended way before it and it'd have been fine but now Bell's insane again after speaking so normally? She's possessed? It felt like something that was just there for the title promo occasion rather than something that you could have led into normally and built up but it feels like a sudden twist with no real buildup in the promo for no reason. But maybe i'm way off and just don't 'get' it. These are things that make me very conflicted because there's no doubting it's a good promo and the first half of the promo is super strong. You raised a lot of good points and you spoke about them very well - and you made sure to speak about Bell's history and how it felt to be women's champion whilst making it all very unique to her. The way you narrate is a very good strength too. It might seem like I see alot more negatives in the promo than positives but it's not the case. I think you just overindulged yourself a little bit too much and wrote a bit too much. I think if you cut out the ending and slim down some things without the tendency to overexplain... you'd have a really really great promo but as it stands, it's just 'great' to me. The promo proves that Bell can be a main event talent though and anyone who beats her for the womens title is going to get a massive rub from it. It's solid work as always but there's issues with it for sure.


    More indepth thoughts coming soon but quick summaries for people who want the gist of it:

    Eyesnsane: I think this is a promo that proves you belong in the main event. I enjoyed it alot. Solid backstory in my eyes and a good length. Will break it down later.

    KAIZEN: Already PMed you my thoughts for the most part but it was solid as usual. As I said, the setting could have been different but it kind of tied into KAIZEN. There's a good amount of subtleties in this promo and I like the sort of cliffhanger at the end - who's on the phone? I'm gonna take a stab and say it's someone familiar.

    Shannon: Very short and very kayfabe bendy but it worked for me and I could understand what Shannon was saying. Disagree with her not getting a chance at something big though - she was in the QFTB just like Toner and Ramon and also had that big angle with Gabrielle which is arguably bigger than anything Toner/Ramon done. In terms of the present though and maybe without looking back, yeah, it seems like she's taken a bit of a backseat.

    Cyrus: It was a very consistent Cyrus esque promo. Come to expect these things from you. I agree it was creative and unique and very Cyrus like. A solid read and something I'll break down later. Think you might prove some doubters wrong with this one even though you've proven your salt already in my eyes.

    Mike Parr: Enjoyable and funny at times. I liked the digs at Watkins. Felt like the flow may have been a little bit off at times though going from each segment to the next but nothing too grand. Again, felt creative and unique to your character. It's a solid read and good work. I had the match graded as a draw fyi. Too difficult to choose a winner.

    Kazadi: Gave you my thoughts. The first half is better than the second (and I feel this is true for myself also) - it was a very... anti-face promo rather than heel imo. Kazadi's a disliked figure and you can clearly take a dislike of him away from this. It was cool to see him humbled though and the idea that he has been through all the humblings to get respect kind of builds into how his character acts - he won't respect anybody who he feels hasn't worked as hard as he has or hasn't consistently proven themselves. You've explored that in such a way that he doesnt seem like the typical heel and his backstory is interesting (to me)...


    More thoughts later though. Sore head and just wanted to give everyone a small tidbit. I'll edit proper thoughts in though.





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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Bell Connelly - I'm super conflicted about this promo. I agree with SS regarding the opening - that stuff was a good read and I think the first half the promo was far, far superior to the second half. Secondly, this promo was long and it felt like it. It got to the point that I was questioning whether some stuff was in there just to make it long for the sake of it and that's not a good sign IMO. There are some weird dips in logic too that I just find a bit out of place or a bit 'eh?' Like when you explain that Bell has nothing to say after waiting for her moment... but she's somehow able to rattle all that off immediately afterwards? As for the womens division stuff - it was fine, it's good to toot your own horn but if you're going down the route of trying to prove the women in the company are better than most think then pointing out you've ruled the roost for over a year is more damaging to that cause IMO. I'd say that's slightly more Shannon's thing though so. I didn't particularly dig the pokemon thing, it made me tune out somewhat and I'm not a fan of metaphors being spelled out for people, some of it felt like we were going round in circles when the point about how Cyrus had to prove himself and be a champion etc had already been hammered home. I'll also add that I felt conflicted about this promo because it felt slightly out of character at times and almost heelish and I think that hurt the promo more than it helped it. In my eyes, anyway. Again, the logic of Bell being a bit loopy yet being able to speak about everything in such normal terms kind of struck me as off - it felt less unique in my eyes. As for the ending - it was jarring to me. I don't know what to think of it at all - the promo could have ended way before it and it'd have been fine but now Bell's insane again after speaking so normally? She's possessed? It felt like something that was just there for the title promo occasion rather than something that you could have led into normally and built up but it feels like a sudden twist with no real buildup in the promo for no reason. But maybe i'm way off and just don't 'get' it. These are things that make me very conflicted because there's no doubting it's a good promo and the first half of the promo is super strong. You raised a lot of good points and you spoke about them very well - and you made sure to speak about Bell's history and how it felt to be women's champion whilst making it all very unique to her. The way you narrate is a very good strength too. It might seem like I see alot more negatives in the promo than positives but it's not the case. I think you just overindulged yourself a little bit too much and wrote a bit too much. I think if you cut out the ending and slim down some things without the tendency to overexplain... you'd have a really really great promo but as it stands, it's just 'great' to me. The promo proves that Bell can be a main event talent though and anyone who beats her for the womens title is going to get a massive rub from it. It's solid work as always but there's issues with it for sure.
    -
    Yes, that's exactly it you don't get it. You don't understand my genius. Feel bad. but yeah thanks for the feedback man, I agree with you on some points and I feel like I failed to communicate somethings effectively, I learned early on that, I can't always go goofy all the time so I needed Bell to have moments of clarity. When's she's talking about wrestling she's fine but with everything else she's....odd. The way she kind of switches back and forth is my attempt as making someone unpredictable. As for the ending I recently read that poem and I thought that wold be a really good metaphor for this match, what I was trying to imply was Bell getting lost in her own mind due to the tension of the night and her emotion and the red textI used was meant to underline how oddly intense she's being, showing a more.....I don't want to say manic side to her...but I've always wanted to get across that Bell is nutty, her insanity just manifests itself in good ways.....but for that brief window it didn't.

    In short: Tried something a little artisy, could have communicated the idea better
    Last edited by An Original Name; 10-05-2016 at 04:56 AM.
    The most amazing thing about this recent conversation is that I've learned AON is even more of a waste of space than I thought he was previously

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Going to review some once I get through the last couple.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Hey guys.. I'm back from the dead. First of all just want to apologize for disappearing on you all a while back.. especially to toner Randy and ayla. My computer broke/was moving/had a lot of personal stuff going on.

    But, I've been lurking around a bit lately and I've been working on a new character who I think I could get more content out of. I want to have a good amount of ideas and show myself that I'll be able to commit before officially coming back.

    And of course right when I start visiting here again I see toner and Randy are leaving. That sucksss but hopefully you guys stick around or come back... anyway I will keep you guys posted on when I want to fully return (should be soon) if I am welcome back.

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Long time no see brother


    For sure, you are welcome to return any time you want. You know the drill - just post a signup and we will take it from there.





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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Monarch View Post
    Hey guys.. I'm back from the dead. First of all just want to apologize for disappearing on you all a while back.. especially to toner Randy and ayla. My computer broke/was moving/had a lot of personal stuff going on.

    But, I've been lurking around a bit lately and I've been working on a new character who I think I could get more content out of. I want to have a good amount of ideas and show myself that I'll be able to commit before officially coming back.

    And of course right when I start visiting here again I see toner and Randy are leaving. That sucksss but hopefully you guys stick around or come back... anyway I will keep you guys posted on when I want to fully return (should be soon) if I am welcome back.
    That .gif is the image I have of KAIZEN fighting the bear from his BIB promo.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread



    This is what I pictured

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    Re: FWA 11th Anniversary Show Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Monarch View Post
    Hey guys.. I'm back from the dead. First of all just want to apologize for disappearing on you all a while back.. especially to toner Randy and ayla. My computer broke/was moving/had a lot of personal stuff going on.

    But, I've been lurking around a bit lately and I've been working on a new character who I think I could get more content out of. I want to have a good amount of ideas and show myself that I'll be able to commit before officially coming back.

    And of course right when I start visiting here again I see toner and Randy are leaving. That sucksss but hopefully you guys stick around or come back... anyway I will keep you guys posted on when I want to fully return (should be soon) if I am welcome back.
    did this guy just ask if he was welcome back??


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