Two things before I write anything else: 1) This is not some crazy/scandalous/deceptive post and 2) I really don't want to take up people's time, so here's the tl;dr version - I'm retiring.
For those interested in whatever crap I have to say, here goes.
I really, really, REALLY wanted to come back and do something "serious" with PASSION and The Bedlam. I really, really, REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to come back and have a non-controversy filled/solid run with Ayla El. And to be honest, I would still if I could. But I have the one thing that not even the best rp can beat against me - time. I've been rp'ing for nine years. I was a dumb teen when I started and now I'm a dumb adult. The difference between the two is obvious, one has loads of free time and the other, well, doesn't. Seeing ETE go, then Jiggy, it made me really think to myself - what am I still doing here? Granted, I am nowhere near their level of legend in FWA, but deep down inside I always wondered that. My main goal in FWA was always to win the Women's Championship. I didn't care about any other title. That's why I never actively had Ayla go beyond the women's division. Sometimes I was tempted to see how far I could go with her, but I'd remember conversations I had with Neva, pockets, Stratusfaction, and Chris about the women's division in FWA and how different and great it was. In LOW, I owned that division for almost two years straight. If I wanted, I probably would have gotten to two years. But FWA's Women's Division was this shiny, new plaything that I wanted to sink my teeth into and see where I stood. My first run, it seemed like I was on my way to the title after scoring a 9-0 in Ayla's debut (losing her first match to Jenny). However, time struck me. It wasn't anything major like today, back then it was deciding which e-fed to dedicate time to: LOW or FWA.
I thought I could make things work and Ayla came back for a very brief run on CrossFire. That was me being too overzealous. So, I left quickly and didn't do anything at all. A very forgettable time, some may not even remember it - I barely do. When I came back for the third time, that was the time I wanted to finally achieve my goal - women's championship. And I did. I did even more too, I actually beat Gabrielle. Of course, that's where my trademark "controversy" began. I was a dick and screwed up Back In Business plans, messed up the women's division and basically robbed myself and ETE of a great feud and match between Ayla and Gabrielle at BiB. I also robbed myself of a great way to close Ayla's story. I probably robbed myself of the match that I always wanted against Stu. That is what really drove me to Ayla's return (after the death/DIVINE crap). I felt like there was more to Ayla's story. And thus RevEL was born. Working with Shawn was one of the best times I've ever had in rp'ing. It really made me excited to see where things could go, and well, I was going far until the controversy returned. There's no one to blame, but myself.
Anyway, this isn't supposed to be a sad recap of my ups and many downs in FWA. This is my goodbye to FWA and e-fedding. For those who don't know, the FWA staff were truly amazing to me. Besides the controversies on here (and PWS) and the way they dealt with them and me, they stood by me even after all of it. There was drama on the other forum I was a member of where an insane man-child (the admin) screwed my over big time. The class that the FWA staff had when I came on here, even after the crap I did, I will never forget that and will always appreciate that. Even though I may not know them personally, their actions definitely showed who they all were and from my dealings with them, they are all great people and I feel like a gigantic ass for all the crap that I've pulled here. So thank you all for putting up with it, thank you all for putting up with me, and thank you all for working so hard on this legacy. I wish I could have done more to help it grow. To the members that I've worked with over the years and just the ones that I've talked to or reviewed stuff, thank you guys. You all made this community fun and continue the legacy, something that I can't do anymore. Some people I want to especially thank: Shawn, AON, Tig, Eyes, ETE, Wolf, Jiggy, TGO, Shake, Tom, Mac, Matt, Chris, Neva, pockets, and Stratusfaction. The people I want to apologize to, well, I guess that's everyone. I was a piece of crap - many times. I screwed things up - many times. But apologies go out especially to Sayer, Alt, and Grim.
E-fedding has been a quite unique outlet for me for almost a decade. I grew from a teen to a man doing this. It's kind of hard for me to remember what it was like before e-fedding. This provided me the perfect mixture of my two loves - writing and wrestling. Bringing to life a character out of nothing - there really is no comparison anywhere. FWA does that miles better than any of the e-feds that I've been a part of or the ones that I've looked at. It feels strange to be done with e-fedding. Yes, there will always be the urge. I have the urge right now, as I type, to delete this and resume as regularly scheduled. But things have changed and I have to move on. I would have loved to do what I was planning: Have Ayla get a solid run (drama free) to BiB and end it there. Or have PASSION be taken seriously. I would have loved to close the book properly on a character that I've been writing for years. Unfortunately, in life it's not about what you would love to do, but rather what you have to do. For me, that's saying goodbye to e-fedding and closing the book on something that's been a constant in my life for nine years. It's funny, I actually did my first rp for FWA (amidst controversy) and my last was here. After everything that happened between me and FWA, I'm honored to say that FWA was the last fed that I worked with.
Thank you. Everyone. It's been unreal. It's been crazy. It's been fun. As of today, Ayla and PASSION and any of my other characters are officially done. I'm going to miss it all. Have a great future FWA.
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