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Thread: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

  1. #21

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    It's that time of evening again:

    NOTE: ALL JANKEN AND PAJAMA PARTY RECAPS WILL BE SPOILER TAGGED - this is so people dont have to scroll through a plethora of screencaps or dumb shit.

    Spoiler:


    JANKEN-PON!!!

    Up first (and judging by the length of the video, this match is going to be insane, it's triple the length of Fuka vs Io!) ... we have the "Real Banana" Kairi Hojo against "Rookie Schoolgirl" Hiromi Mimura!





    Kairi is straight out there with the shit talking - not only does she shit talk but she speaks like a robot! What chance does the rookie schoolgirl have against a goddamn motherfucking robotic banana!?



    Hiromi responds by saying that she simply will not lose to Hojo. She's an absolute picture of concentration as Yuzupon begins the match... someone chooses paper... someone chooses rock... Hiromi Mimura takes the first fall! Metal Gear Banana Hojo pretends that she is malfunctioning and spazzes out whilst Hiromi points out something rather... weird.



    That's right, she's sweating goddamn bullets and must be feeling the pressure... but at least she is up 1-0 and she's fucking glad about it, just look at that big goofy ass smile. In the background, Io is clearly amused at the perspiration and so is Fuka and Act - it's nice to see them cheered up after their crushing defeats. I also imagine that's Io's reaction to Jon thinking he could bed her. Alright it's time for the second fall - just look at the seriousness in the face of Kairi, she ain't fucking around anymore!



    Yuzupon braces them - and we're off.... Hiromi goes for scissors on Kairi (and HoHo FAINTS) but Kairi pulls out the rock! It's 1-1! Kairi does some sort of dance to celebrate whilst Yuzupon again pulls the 'mindblown' face. God bless this woman for refereeing under such tense circumstances, a true saint!



    Hiromi pulls her skirt up to her chest ... I guess to try and show she means business but Kairi gives no fucks as she signals Yuzupon to get the next janken underway... Who will win?


    Spoiler:




    BOTH GO FOR ROCK! A TIE! SCENES IN THE GYM! HIROMI CAN'T BELIEVE IT! KAIRI CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, MADNESS! YUZUPON'S FACE SAYS IT ALL!




    This is quickly becoming the tournament of Yuzupon reaction faces. I swear i've got enough screencaps to just respond to people with. Kairi takes a moment to compose herself and Hiromi also - she obviously wipes the sweat from her shirt... she's perspiring furiously, this is a high pressure environment! We take a small break as the ladies once again find themselves amused at Hiromi's expense. Even the ref joins in this time.



    After the ladies collect themselves, we get ready... both ladies choose their weapons (or whatever)... and it goes to...

    Spoiler:



    ANOTHER TIE!



    In the immortal words of Mike Goldberg, UFC commentator extraordinaire, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? Scenes again! Both ladies chose rock AGAIN! They're besides themselves and once again nobody is more shocked than Yuzupon! Unbelievable, Jeff.





    Alright here we go again. Surely there will be a winner this time. The ladies line up...




    Spoiler:





    THAT'S RIGHT ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING TIE AND THEY BOTH GO ROCK AGAIN! INSANITY!



    Alright, enough fucking around ladies. Sort this shit out. I'm predicting that someone is going scissors and someone is going paper next. Surely the final showdown is this one. Hiromi can't bare to look at her potassium-rich mechanized opponent whilst Kairi is struggling not to laugh at something... a lack of concentration may cost her.... she clearly has decided that rock is her go to move - perhaps in honour of one of her favourite wrestlers... STONE cold steve austin of course! (lame joke, it's the Rock incase you can't detect sarcasm/or im shit at this)



    Well my prediction was wrong.... BUT WE DO HAVE A WINNER! THE SMACKDOWN HAS BEEN LAYETH'D

    Spoiler:





    HIROMI MIMURA CHOOSES ROCK WHILST KAIRI GOES WITH THE SCISSORS!! IT'S ALL OVER! METAL GEAR BANANA HAS MET HER SOLID SNAKE! RIP IN PIECES! SHE KILLED HER BAH GAWD SHE KILLED HER! THAT BANANA HAD A FAMILY!



    It's a sweaty schoolgirl swerve as Hiromi derails the Kairi Hojo's bid for glory at the first hurdle! The Banana clearly didn't know her role! Look at how proud Hiromi is of the blood, sweat and tears she's lost in this match (mainly sweat... ok, entirely sweat!)


    In a shocking post match revelation, Hiromi makes all the girls feel stupid for laughing as she announces something about her sweat:



    You just couldn't make this stuff up! Unreal. Congratulations to her! She needs bottle that shit and start selling it if it's magic, she could make a killing! Io clearly found this entire match amusing but she needs to take this shit serious, if Liger is the Beast God of Thunder then Mimura is the Schoolgirl Demon of Sweat!


    ------------------------


    Our Next matchup is between two gaijin - we already have a limited number and with the elimination of Alpha Female, we're cutting down even more! The numbers game is definitely in favour of the Japanese ladies but at least passage to the second round for at least one gaijin is secure.




    That's right, "Wonder Woman" Santana Garrett takes on the Trump's Arch Rival and "Future Mrs Dakstang" Diosa Atenea! Santana makes Trump proud as she declares "USA ALL THE WAY BABYYY!" whilst making a heart with her hands. Not quite sure what the fuck is going on with that but we'll build a wall around it and move on. Diosa even responds with some shit talk of her own but unfortunately the only Spanish I know is "Una mesa para cuatro por favor" and so im useless as fuck at translating. I'll just assume she said "Chat shit, get banged." Diosa decides to use a mocking loveheart of her own and the crowd let out audible gasps of SHOCK! It's on now!



    They ready up and Diosa declares that she's keeping a close eye on the ref - obviously doesn't trust her judgment, clearly she's a bit mad because Yuzupon has been Michael Jordanesque in her refereeing tonight. I'd trust her over most of the football refs in Britain at this point! HERE WE GO...



    Spoiler:





    BOTH LADIES CHOOSE ROCK! ANOTHER ROCK-ROCK TIE!

    Both ladies aren't panicking yet though - Yuzupon is, again, surprised at the tie. She even busts out the incredibly rare Pai Pai finger wiggle as she motions her fingers and makes a facial expression that I can only describe as SHEER SHOCK! Is it a secret signal? Who knows!? The ladies get right to it, no fucking around, they line up their hands and we're off....



    ANOTHER ROCK-ROCK DRAW AND YET ANOTHER PAI PAI FINGER WIGGLE AND SHOCKED EXPRESSION FROM THE REF!! PANDEMONIUM IN THE STANDS!! Ms Garrett simply exclaims AGAIN!? - she's pissed. She's not choosing rock this time for sure. Both ladies go straight back at it once more - janken pon shouts the ref!



    Diosa Atenea takes the first fall with paper to Santana's rock! Holy shit i'm an incredibly bad Janken analyst. Santana is pissed at losing that - she knows that was a rookie error!





    Honestly I can't tell if Santana is wearing a blue thong or if it's just a part of the attire. Onto more pressing matters - can Santana make America great again? She's got to win the final two falls! Her back's against the wall. There's a small applause for Diosa's first fall heroics but Santana brushes it off and the ladies gear up again. Yuzupon asks Diosa if she is ready, she says Ok - Santana then openly mocks her speech and imitates her "ok" - some top level mind games here but is it all a facade? Has Santana cracked? Or has she cracked Diosa? Janken roots out the weak minded you know...

    Spoiler:





    SANTANA WINS THE SECOND ROUND! YUZUPON BRACES HERSELF FOR THE NEAR CATACLYSMIC EXPLOSION FROM THE CROWD - THEY CAN'T BELIEVE IT! SANTANA'S BACK IN IT!



    She's damn ecstatic about it that's for sure.



    You have to feel for Diosa, she almost had it... but a famous quote comes to mind here...



    Alright, Santana shouts that this is it - the crowd watch with baited breath as Yuzupon readies the participants. Diosa Atenea mumbles to herself in what I can only assume is fluent Japanese. But it doesn't matter what you speak in the game of Janken! This is where dreams come to die ... or live... or something incredibly deep and foreshadowing. Here we go, the final showdown...

    Spoiler:





    THE ROCK-ROCK DRAW COUNTER REACHES SIX! SIX DAMMIT - THAT'S ALMOST 5 PERCENT OF THE AMOUNT OF SUPERKICKS THE YOUNG BUCKS ATTEMPT IN A SINGLE MATCH! The crowd aren't even surprised anymore! At this rate, we're going to be here all night. Alright, everyone's fed up at this point. Let's get this over with. Yuzupon readies the ladies, using the force to keep their hands locked in position until the time is ready, stellar force manipulation from the jedi master.



    IT IS ALL OVER! DIOSA WINS!



    DAKSTANG'S SOULMATE HAS WON IT! SANTANA IS ABSOLUTELY SEETHING - SHE CAN'T STAND TO FACE HER OPPONENT! Diosa gives zero fucks though. Goddamnit Santana! She chose ROCK for every bout! In the words of the legendary Vince K. McMahon "Santana screwed Santana."





    "Bride of Dak" Diosa Atenea signs off with an "adios barbie" - an ancient chinese idiom that means 'victory' i've been told! The crowd pop - what a round of matchups we've had tonight! How do you feel about that, Joe?



    Thanks, Joe.



    Join me tomorrow as "Midget Gangster" Azumi takes on "More like a King" Queen Maya. Also, the secret fourth member of BABYMETAL "I am Fourteen" Arisu tries to defeat "Shakespeare" Mayu Iwatani in a true battle of wits. I don't think anything can top this - some legendary Janken going on here and both big upsets without a doubt!
    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-26-2016 at 12:30 AM.


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  2. #22
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    You sir, are the second best poster on this forum next to Cade right now.

  3. #23

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Thanks Jon, much appreciated. I will just pretend that the fact Cade made you a champion doesn't factor in your statement whatsoever.

    Coming up later, i'll potentially post a recap of Pajama Party... or rather just some screencaps that highlight the sheer hilarity of Mayu Iwatani.


    But the card for Stardom Shining Stars 2016 at Shinkiba 1stRING on 29th May 2016 has been announced - it features a couple of debutants/new faces as well as some returns!

    Spoiler:
















    So we have the debut of Arisu Nanase against Momo Watanabe... most likely she will lose but it will be cool to see what she can do. Kris Wolf against Starlight Kid is an interesting matchup - I imagine we'll potentially get some Oedo Tai shenanigans but then again, Wolf is strong enough to beat Kiddo by herself. The Yonex (Yoneyama + Alex) wing of Azumi's Army team up to take on their leader, Azumi, and the yellow ball of cuteness that is Natsumi Maki! Expect Maki to be the one put in the armbar spot and probably take the pin too. I haven't seen Shanna before but she comes highly rated according to cagematch. She's almost certainly picking up the win over sweat machine Hiromi. Co Main features the return of CANDY CRUSH! Chelsea (not Chelsea Green) is back, yaaaay! Hopefully she has improved somewhat but Kairi will hide her weaknesses anyway. Very interesting team of Hiroyo and Kato. Interesting indeed... Kato vs Chelsea would be an interesting future match but looks like Hiroyo might be challenging Kairi soon. And of course, the main event features Thunder Jungle Rock taking on Oedo Tai in the form of Kagetsu and Diosa Atenea along with a newcomer in Leah Vaughan - not sure if she will be a new member or not but she's not as highly touted as Shanna it appears. Kyona will probably take the pin in the matchup and I imagine this match functions as a way for Kagetsu and Atenea to challenge for the tag belts.



    Also, i'm going to watch the very first Stardom show (again - already seen it but forgot most of it) and leave a review here. Will try to find DM links or something so I can link matches in my reviews but most shows won't be anywhere but on Stardom World. I suppose I could rip them off of youtube and upload them to a private DM for you all to check out but that'd be dickish of me.



    Also, just saw on SenorLariato's twitter that he's retweeted from STRIGGA (Zero's podcast co-host) information that Stardom World is changing platform from YouTube soon. I'm not exactly sure what's going on or what the plan is but I hope that it means an all encompassing puro streaming platform shared by the promotions - there's information that other promotions will be using a streaming platform (perhaps NOAH, DDT, Ice Ribbon etc?) - exciting. Zero will know more. Probably just means Stardom World is moving off of YouTube and getting their own proper place.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-25-2016 at 02:35 PM.


    ~~ WE ARE ALL ONE~~
    Spoiler:






  4. #24
    Mr. Victory Through Guts

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Both of those girls are great additions and I can't wait to see how Shanna handles herself in Stardom. Vaughan is a solid hand too that will help the midcard. Still wish it was Evie.

    Chelsea coming back is good on the eyes but in the ring...at least she's got some super capable wrestlers around her. I am SO HAPPY to see Kato back! Please give her a push, please don't let her lose to Chelsea. *fingers crossed*
    C'est Magnifique~



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  5. #25

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    I love Kato. She's weirdly endearing and I don't know why. I'd like to see her and Maki team up. I think i'd explode seeing them together. Really loved Kato's match against Alpha Female, was hilarious... Kato has the greatest forearm smashes in the world!


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  6. #26
    Sangre por Sangre
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    I never seen something more entertaining than this Rock, Paper, Scissors Tournament. I can't wait to see your thoughts on the Pajama party, get creepy with it if you need to.

    Also found this on tumblr added to to my rotation. I love this girl more and more, that pose after her win lol.

    Last edited by Kairi HoHo; 05-25-2016 at 09:39 PM.

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  7. #27

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Alright... well, Janken has just been uploaded... so i'm not sure what to do first.




    Fuck it. I'll do PP first. Let me just say that firstly this is jokes and anything said is for a laugh. May as well have fun. Any explicit jokes are not meant to degrade anybody mentioned and are for the lolz. If you get offended then you can complain at this link where a member of my team will guide you to a form to fill out: The Shake is an asshole complaint center


    There isnt much screencap worthy in all honesty. Also there are some match that the ladies speak about that should be checked out

    Io Shirai vs Viper: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k3VCz7ikpzumbAfLmnc

    Mayu Iwatani vs Evie: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k64M65QCPoLMpJfLt15

    And we have recently seen Santana vs Kairi, but here is a link to another one of their matches: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k4e6yEiouRLIdMfLzBU



    Spoiler:


    PAJAMA PARTY YAY *pyro explodes*





    Our topics this week are: The Irish (read: Scottish) wrestler "Randy Orton" Viper, New Zealander pokemon Eevee and "Wonder Woman" Santanahashi Jarrett (or as Yuri pronounces it Suntunah Guhrrit)

    As always - Yuri, Io, Mayu and Kairi are present:




    Opening title pics of each girl - as you can see, Mayu has taken Jon's advice on board and has hidden her face. Fuck you Jon go back to Winnipeg, you idiot. Io is pretty tired after a long day of winning every single belt in existence. Kairi is being Kairi:





    Mayu as always is happy to see us (Jon excluded):



    And as it turns out, so are the other girls. They hold up their hands and all try to guess the size of HoHo's penis (in mm) - Io obviously going with 0. Yuri's looking at Kairi and thinking she's a fucking idiot for suggesting it's anywhere near 10.



    Swerve as Yuri actually tells them the correct answer. Kairi looks absolutely enraged whilst Io obviously doesn't care. Mayu doesn't have a fucking clue what's being said.




    We then play a quick game of rank the ladies in order of who is most likely to be the next president of the United States:




    First up is Viper or as the team say BAIPAHHHH - they repeat this a couple of times like some sort of incantation. Io says she is soooo big (read: fat) and Mayu backs her up with the solid "VERY BIG" (all caps for Mayu because she actually shouts)
    Mayu is super nice and says she has a cute face, all ladies then repeat this and say she has a very cute face. How nice. Kairi is clearly preoccupied and busy daydreaming - probably stuck thinking about how she got REKT in the Janken tourney. Io is staring a hole through my soul and i'm glad about it. Senpai noticed me. The ladies then say Viper's power is monster (you can't disagree) and then the ladies are asked who thinks Zero is an idiot for saying Viper is Irish:



    Io asks Mayu what she thinks and she pretends to think about it as if she knows what the fuck is going on. We are then shown some highlights of Io vs Baipah but first we get to see the lethal wrestler from London take out Mayu.


    Cleavage for HoHo that I worked hard to obtain for him:

    Spoiler:





    TROLOLOLOLOL you thought I meant Kairi?



    Io then tells us about their match (linked above) and, verbatim, says "I win but so...I....have so damage because she is so hard-hit hardhit! Also, fuck Jon Snow" - she then goes onto explain that if Viper splashed her, she would have died. In other words, she's calling her a fat fuck again. Look away now islamic extremists as this may make for squeamish reading: Io then goes onto bless herself which to me confirms that she loves the Pope and is therefore a Celtic fan. The perfect woman. Yuri then translates for Io even though we have subtitles thus making the entire point of Yuri existing worthless. But she is cute so I guess there's that. There appears to be rings on her fingers though so we're all shit out of luck. After Yuri explains that Io thought she would die if she took a splash, Io then confirms this by saying "I'm die, i'm die." - she's a liar because we all know Io has more lives than Jon Snow, Voldemort and 500, 000 cats combined as well as the fact that she's already revealed to us her name is Io and not die.

    In seriousness though - the strength of this woman is fucking sheer insanity. She's stronger than Cesaro on 50 different kinds of steroid. The women then do the motions for a german suplex multiple times before Io confirms what we've known all along: I can German Suplex. That's a swerve that Vince Russo would love to take credit for (and im not even joking) - you can see the famous German Suplexin' Hooters Queen Io Shirai in the link above. It's truly wonderful and I I am fully convinced that Bork Laser wouldn't stand a chance.

    Spoiler:








    Kairi then says Viper is over 100 Kilos, Io says she doesn't know but she's heavy (read: fat) and then tries to cover up by saying she's a good wrestler (which she is) - the Japanese are amazing at backhanded compliments.

    They move onto speaking about Santana Garrett (Yuri pronounces it differently this time - she's clearly mastered the English language) Io then explains the number you should call if you spot HoHo on the premises - Kairi is shocked, probably because she has found a way to end her suffering. Mayu adopts "The Thinker" pose to hide the fact that she still hasn't a clue what's going on. Io is trying to explain to her that if she spots a hispanic guy with a 3mm wang, she has to run.

    Spoiler:

    this is the number for the Police in the UK so the joke makes sense to me dammit:





    The ladies then complain about losing to Santana - "Kairi lose" says Kairi. "Me lose too" says Io. Clearly they're both roleplaying as cavemen. Mayu as stoic as ever. Io then tells us what she thinks of Jon's Funko Pop collection (thumbs down) ... either that or she is pointing to her tits (HoHo faints once more).



    Io then explains Santana is famous in the USA and then says something (a single word i shit you not) in klingon which Yuri succesfully translates as meaning "she has passion, she has records, she is really strong" - fucking amazing translation technique, expect to see her on Star Trek soon. They all discuss something about Santana whilst flicking their hair and smiling like the princesses they are - they've reverted to Japanese mode though so unfortunately I can't translate. I'll just go with JUSTICEEEE!!!!!! - obviously in reference to wonder woman and the justice league. Mayu then farts. This amuses her and the crew greatly.



    Io then compares what she thinks the size of Jon's dick is with the size of what it actually is. She's fucking good at this. What can this lady NOT do?




    Mayu is then asked if she just farted again:




    Io then informs us that her parents told her she could grow up to be whatever she wanted to be and she decided to be Toru Yano:




    The ladies then discuss how Santana has beaten them all (these matches took place during World War 2, go figure) - they clearly aren't happy about it. Mayu probably still doesn't know what's going on to be honest.



    Alright im running out of anything half witty to say and screencaps to grab so i'll just move right on and say they speak about Evie next and they all take a turn trying to pronounce New Zealand... New Je-land is the closest we get. Anyways, who thinks Jon is a turd? Also, apparently you need to press Esc to exit fullscreen, who knew?




    Yay for Kairi! Io clearly shocked she has found someone who agrees with her on the matter - I'm sure Mayu would defend you Jon but again i'm not quite sure she actually knows what is being said. In seriousness, Kairi may have been pointing out that her and Evie are the same age (unlikely since Jon is factually a turd). Io then responds that Evie looks alot younger.... Kairi just got fucking rekt m8. Kairi threatens to beat the shit out of her but Io reminds her that she actually beat the shit out of her in January so she can shove that up her ass (this is legit what she said - the numbers don't lie and they spell D1545T3R for YOU at Sacrifice!) and then says Evie is cute and all that stuff i'm sure you already think about her. They basically say she has "big smile" and whatnot. They're clearly loving life whilst Mayu looks ready to hang herself - all because Jon hates her. Kairi clearly thinks she's taking a shit of some sort.



    Io then says Evie is famous in Japan and she capture fan heart. Excellent. Yuri then makes herself useful by saying Evie has alot of men... and then quickly says guy fans to cover up the fact she thinks Evie's a big ol' slut. Io then demonstrates the double dick tug technique that Evie taught her.



    We are then shown highlights of Evie vs Mayu where it appears a new Bullet Club member has been revealed?



    Oh wait never mind, turns out she was just practicing for the Janken tournament that she's not in. What a fucking idiot.



    Io then sums up her feelings on Minoru Suzuki, Captain New Japan, Manabu Nakanishi, Eva Marie, Scott Steiner, Adam Rose, New Jack, Cheeseburger, Donald Trump, Jamie Vardy, Southampton FC and Bran Stark:





    And just before we wrap, Kairi unveils that she is infact the main playable character in the next Assassin's Creed game:




    And that is a wrap. We have learnt alot about the ladies today - Mayu is flatulent, Io has received some masterful tutelage under Evie and Kairi thinks Jon is a turd. Join us next week where no doubt Mayu will fart again, Io will most likely say something amazing, Kairi will continue to think Jon's a turd and Yuri will teach us some more klingon. peace. Up next is Janken. May be up later than expected cause im tired as fook.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-26-2016 at 12:32 AM.


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  8. #28
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion



    I CAN NEVER UNSEE THIS EVER AGAIN.

    That was such a marvelous post Shake. I mean, talk about my dick aside (she probably thinks I'm asian due to my skin color when really I'm black, that should change her pov on my dick size).

  9. #29
    Mr. Victory Through Guts

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Shake stop giving Jon so much publicity for his offensive Mayu takes. Such lowlifes who try to brag about their size down there don't deserve to be catered to.

    God I love Io so much on this show.
    C'est Magnifique~



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  10. #30

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Lol, Jon! It's fucking amazing. I never knew I wanted Io and Toru to team up until today. It's hilarious because she was actually speaking about losing to Santana and there was zero mention of the guy.


    And Zero, we have to out Jon for the fraud that he is! Unfortunately, i've given him more publicity in the upcoming Janken recap but I swear it's for a good cause. He's also the easiest to make fun of along with HoHo (not in a sinister way chaps) - I agree about Io, I want to give her a big hug whenever she stresses out about not knowing a word lol

    Anyways, onto more... important matters.

    Spoiler:




    JANKEN-PON!!!

    PART 4: THE FINAL FIRST ROUND MATCHES


    Alright, welcome to the final first round matches in the Stardom Janken Tournament! Up first we have:


    "I Am Fourteen" Arisu Nanase vs "Shakespeare" Mayu Iwatani



    This is going to be fucking amazing, I can tell already. If the above image is anything to go by then we can safely assume that Arisu is infact a ghost. But i'll go with her as my pick because she clearly shows that she thinks I am awesome with her S for Shake pose. Eat shit, Jon.



    Mayu with big talk. We can confirm she has been training hard for this - we saw that there was some Janken in the Evie match, Evie was a good practice partner and chose scissors. So we can fairly assume that Mayu is going to open up with rock. Although keep in mind, I have a staggering 0% success rate at predicting the moves of these ladies and that's exactly why i'm the man for this Janken analyst job.



    Arisu can't help but giggle - the occasion is already getting to her head. She's just fourteen you know. She says she's been practicing but would you believe a fourteen year old when she says she has done her homework? I doubt it. We'll see how this turns out.



    Yuzupon lines them up and both contestants stare each other down - I swear it's nuts. Just as they ready up we witness a tournament first - Yuzupon has to ask Mayu if she is ready again for reasons not known at this time. It may be because, as shown, Mayu doesn't understand a word of english. I think Mayu may have the power of inducing laughter through contact, the wrist guards clearly protect Yuzupon from this effect but Arisu isn't so lucky.

    AND WE'RE OFF....

    Spoiler:




    WOULD YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? A ROCK-ROCK DRAW!



    Yuzupon again pulls out the Pai Pai finger wiggles whilst Mayu shouts at the youngster Alice. Yuzupon quickly gets the tense situation under control and brings both ladies in for their second bout. *Note I actually guessed Mayu's opening move correctly which is a milestone in my Janken analysis career i'd like to thank Snoop Dogg and Cypress Hill. Anyways, back to the match - the ladies ready up and....



    MAYU TAKES THE FIRST FALL WITH PAPER
    whilst Yuzupon looks like she's surfing a tricky wave - Arisu's brain hasn't registered that she has lost yet, just look at that face all smiley and shit, so unaware of the reality of the situation. She has it all to do now. Mayu wheels away in jubilation - Yuzupon again pulls out the mindblown face, the mindblow is so powerful that it has caused her entire form to blur. A glitch in the system.





    We go again - there's no fucking around from either of these young ladies and that's what the crowd like to see. It's all business and they line back up... what's the result going to be this time? Well before I say that, I have to say it's the first bit of slack refereeing from the usually reliant Yuzupon - Arisu was definitely late in revealing her hand (she definitely opened her hand after Mayu - she chose rock originally....) ---- but we can forgive the lovely ref because its easy to get drawn into the heat of the moment. Personally, i'd have given the Fourteen year old a yellow card...



    IT'S A SCISSORS TIE! I came extremely close to making an inappropriate joke but then I realised that Arisu is infact only just fourteen years old and that would make me a huge creep so i'll let HoHo make the joke instead. As a sidenote, perhaps Yuzupon realised her mistake in not making Arisu stick to rock - and is hoping the young rookie doesn't call her out on it



    SUCCESS - The ref casts a glance over at Arisu to make sure she doesn't say anything (after all, she actually broke the rules) but Arisu is too busy smiling like the little fourteen year old goofball she is. Yuzupon is pleased with herself and cuts the Mr Burns pose.... EXCELLENT



    They ready up again - and both scream FUS RO DAH! as they unveil their hands - It's unbelievable....




    we have another DRAW! It's PAPER-PAPER this time! They've completed the draw hattrick, i'm not sure i've ever seen anything like this in my Janken analyst career. The ladies all react as you'd expect - Yuzupon is losing the plot as usual, Mayu is seething on the inside and Arisu is well... smiling (what a surprise!)



    Alright, we go again. THIS TIME there has to be a winner? It'll be interesting to see if someone sticks with paper...

    ....

    SUDDENLY A COUNTDOWN APPEARS ON THE SCREEN

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBWEeQf2pZg


    ~671 Hours, 9 minutes and 46 seconds later~

    Spoiler:





    ARISU TAKES THE WIN AS SHE SELECTS PAPER OVER MAYU'S ROCK! IT'S ALL KICKING OFF! IT'S 1-1!! Mayu lets out a huge scream in anguish after having to wait that long to play her hand whilst Arisu continues to smile - the real story is behind them as it appears i've telekinetically/telepathically given the referee an orgasm at the exact same moment the hand was played! She's the real winner here!

    "The Smiler" Arisu Nanase celebrates her victory by double fist pumping whilst Yuzupon tries to compose herself after enduring what I call 'The Shake Experience' aka the SEX - but back to the important thing, IT'S ALL SQUARE!





    Mayu quickly composes herself and throws her hand out, Arisu does the same - these girls are Janken mad. It's all to play for... Arisu? Or Mayu? Make your pick - if you choose the right one i'll get HoHo to suck your dick.



    SCISSORS TIE AGAIN!!! INSANITY! This is just an incredible performance from both competitors, neither are willing to give each other the room to breathe. And I believe we were about to witness a pai pai finger wiggle but Yuzupon caught herself and then in what has to be the greatest moment of my life, she closes her hands and begin to pray! She loves the Pope just as much as Io Shirai (see Pajama Party)



    Neither lady is willing to give each other space to breathe... They ready up again... Surely this time?



    ANOTHER ROCK-ROCK DRAW! THIS IS MADNESS! Brb it appears Gerard Butler is at my door with some information for me... here is a mid match interval song since i'm running out of ways to colourfully describe the fourteen year old Arisu smiling. On the plus side, Yuzupon looks happy as it appears news has reached her with regards to my availability.





    And i'm back... Here we go again... the fans are just hoping for a winner at this point, this could go on forever....



    ANOTHER SCISSORS SCISSORS DRAW! MAMMA MIA! WILL IT EVER END!? THE TRIO CAN'T BELIEVE IT
    (well Arisu is smiling as usual - im being serious she's going to need to learn to not smile, put her in a handicap match with Maya and Alpha and Viper and we'll see who's smiling then!)



    Mayu Iwatani - the Shakespeare of Stardom - showcases that she's not only just an English buff but she also has Einstein-levels of mathematic ability with her display of having lost count with regards to how many ties there has been. She finally is able to count up to six and declares "ok ok, time that I took this fourteen year old hunchback bitch ass down!" and they match up... Yuzupon gets the contestants ready...



    ANOTHER SCISSORS TIE!
    This is beyond outrageous! There quite clearly cannot be a winner in this! The crowd are pleading with Yuzupon just to let the both of them advance... but she's having none of it! There can only be one winner in the ruthless world of Janken and one winner there shall be! Great refereeing to control the crowd. They have some small talk where Mayu, just like in pajama party, insists that HoHo's penis is 2mm in length... Arisu laughs at the silly suggestion (this is her automatic response to everything I believe) whilst Yuzupon tries not to sneer because she knows Mayu is wrong as fuck - as Yuri previously established, it's 3mm!



    Yodapon uses the force to line them up for what must be the final showdown...



    Spoiler:






    I'll let my future broadcast partner, Mike Goldberg, sum this one up for me with his well known catchphrase:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbYzaCmlBx8

    Incase you didn't catch that.... IT IS ALL OVER! MAYU IWATANI HAS GONE FROM ENGLISH MASTER TO MATHEMATIC STUD TO SENSATIONAL SPIRITUALIST AS SHE HAS EXORCISED THE GHOST OF ARISU!!! "ROCK BEATS SCISSORS HOMIE" EXCLAIMS THE FLATULENT SUPERSTAR!



    She has one final message for her ex lover (Jon sneers as he doesn't believe such a thing exists for her) - must be something that was on her mind during this match and has affected her play... but NOT ANYMORE!





    This was one for the history books - Jon in the crowd can't believe what he's just witnessed - either that or he can't believe Mayu has an ex:

    Spoiler:










    -----------------------------------



    Alright. That was legitimately the most exhausting Janken match I have ever seen. Hopefully the next one isn't like that! It's the final match of the first round -

    it's the "Military Midget" Azumi up against "Her Manliness" Queen (King) Maya!



    Just look at the fucking height difference! Azumi starts off the shit talk by declaring that she doesn't lose at Janken. Tough words from such a small girl. She knows she can shit talk Maya because this is literally the only fucking thing she will ever be able to beat her at.



    Maya responds with Italian. I don't have a fucking clue what she is saying so i will just leave this picture of the google translation here:

    Spoiler:





    I did catch "Veni. Vidi. Vici." in all seriousness and we all know that is a famous quote from the Latin version of the movie Ghostbusters that means "I came. I saw. I kicked Azumi's ass!" - tough words considering that shit hasn't even happened yet. She then strikes a pose that i'm sure probably works on HoHo but I can confirm that I've suddenly become gay.



    AND THE MIND GAMES START!
    Maya wants Azumi to get on her level! The crowd boo and Maya raises her hand again - WHEN MY HAND GOES UP, YOUR MOUTH GOES SHUT! - bet you didn't think i'd quote the fucking Miz, well since he's a better wrestler than Okada, Goto and Shibata according to the Best Wrestler Tournament on this site, i'll do what i want!



    Azumi shows that Asian Girls can infact jump as she meets the challenge... not sure what this has to do with Janken but I say that she has scored back a psychological point leading into the first showdown.



    Yuzupon gets them ready - and then closes her eyes because she can't bare to see another fucking draw today.



    Spoiler:




    BOOM! AZUMI TAKES IT WITH SCISSORS TO PAPER! 1-0 TO THE DEVILISH DWARF! THE QUEEN IS IN TROUBLE!


    Just look at how happy she is! It's a victory she will never be able to celebrate in an actual match so she may as well celebrate it for all its worth! Sidenote: Just look at those muscles, watch the fuck out HOSS wrestlers, Azumi's coming for you. Crowd cam: Jon is pissed that this girl has bigger muscles than him.



    Maya can't believe it - she has it all to do now. Yuzupon tries to hide her smile but the referee is clearly showing some bias here. I don't give a fuck though cause I want Maya to lose anyway!




    Azumi has the chance here to complete a double giantkilling for the act of Mini-Sta - can she hold her nerve? Let's hope that she can keep the lead better than she can back bump - if not, she's fucked! Maya can barely look at her as they are lined up for the second match. Azumi is losing concentration slightly... perhaps Maya is attempting some mind game? Sidenote: Just look at the size of her fucking fist! I hope Silk never encounters Maya because she's in for a rough time if they go to the bedroom. Another sidenote: Maya's thighs are MASSIVE, they're bigger than Yuzupon's and Azumi's head! Just compare Yuzupon's thighs to her thighs! Insanity! They don't call her the Queen of Thunder Thighs back in Italy for no reason!



    Spoiler:





    GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY IT'S A DRAW!!! MAYA LIVES!

    The Queen fans herself whilst Yuzupon is clearly losing the will to live with these draws. I don't think she can deal with the tension much longer...




    It's still all to play for - the combatants compose themselves and Yuzupon draws them in. The ref goes for an interesting angle for this Janken - sloping her hands to ensure that the force is still balanced. Maya needs the win here... can she get it?



    Spoiler:





    NO! NO SHE CAN'T! SHE'S OUT! MINISTA HAVE BEATEN THE TWO GIANTS! SCISSORS BEAT PAPER! SCISSORS. BEAT. PAPER! AZUMI WINS THE LAST FIRST ROUND MATCH WITH EASE!


    Obligatory Yuzupon reaction face - she also appears to repeat the Mr Burns pose from earlier. She's clearly just as happy as me that Maya is out!



    What a time to be alive!! FUCK THE QUEEN!!! AZUMI'S ARMY KEEPS MARCHING ON! She's so happy!

    BUT WAIT... SHE'S SO HAPPY SHE'S EVOLVED INTO.... SETH ROLLINS!?!?!?!?!? IT'S A FIRST IN JANKEN HISTORY!!!!!!




    ALL HAIL AZUMI THE ARCHITECT OF MAYA'S DESTRUCTION!



    Azumi then grabs the mic and reminds of what she said at the start - she's right... she didn't lose a single fucking game, Nostrazumidamus is the real fucking deal people! She's so fucking good that her text is unique as fuck - I bet she told Stardom what font to use cause she'd knew I'd do this and just by sheer luck I had the font downloaded AGES ago!

    Spoiler:





    and shouts CAN YOU DIG IT SUCKAAAA!?!?!? before nodding her head violently at her hand on one knee and doing the spinaroonie! INCREDIBLE SCENES -

    Spoiler:










    And there we have it! The first round is over! What a fucking tournament already this has been sensational.... but what does former IWGP Heavyweight Champion and all around big shot motherfucker Kazuchika Okada think?




    Well fuck that guy... what does Joshi Princess Miyako Matsumoto think about the tournament so far?

    Spoiler:





    That's the spirit!

    Well, shit. Looks like the ladies will have to step it up in round two!

    Assuming the entire draw was made when the first round matches happened, I think it is fair to assume that we will have:

    Spoiler:


    "Demolition Woman" Starlight Kid vs "The Lying Motherfucker" Jungle Kyona
    "Invincible Hooters Queen" Io Shirai vs "The Money and Meat Eater" Kris Wolf
    "Sweaty Super Saiyan Schoolgirl" Hiromi Mimura vs "Dak's Delight" Diosa Atenea
    "Jon Snow's Arch Nemesis" Mayu Iwatani vs "The Janken Architect" Azumi


    I'll be back with a seeding list soon! Well it turns out we have a hostage situation developing at Janken HQ.

    The Janken must continue demands Miyako Matsumoto.... or SHE'LL SHOOT (and she fucking means it) - she's just taken hostage some of our officials! Goddamn the Japanese are mad for their Janken!

    Spoiler:















    -------------


    And now back to serious mode - The Stardom Europe shows will be on Stardom World eventually and the rumours about Stardom World moving off of YouTube are true. Intriguing.











    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-26-2016 at 06:27 AM.


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    Spoiler:






  11. #31
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Starlight Kid vs. Azumi - The Rematch We Never Thought We Needed. It's going to happen.

    Also pretty sure teh "S" stands for Hope... or Snow. Either or.

    And finally. I've never met a lady with smaller muscles than I.

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Azumi vs Starlight Kid for the finals would be fantastic - turns out my predicted draw was right as Kiddo vs Kyona has now been uploaded. I'll post a recap of that in the coming day or so.

    Lol, i think the S actually stands for Stardom but I can buy it meaning Snow, Arisu was obviously on your side because she was facing Mayu... but just like you, she turns out to be a loser

    That's not a good thing to admit Jon.


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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by Chat Shake, Get Banged View Post
    Azumi vs Starlight Kid for the finals would be fantastic - turns out my predicted draw was right as Kiddo vs Kyona has now been uploaded. I'll post a recap of that in the coming day or so.

    Lol, i think the S actually stands for Stardom but I can buy it meaning Snow, Arisu was obviously on your side because she was facing Mayu... but just like you, she turns out to be a loser

    That's not a good thing to admit Jon.
    My special ability is my absolute lack of pride.

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Man thanks for the caps Shake. Caps=Wallpapers for my Laptop. I like the idea of the ladies putting their hair down and answering all kinds of questions. Not sure who convinced them to do it Pajamas, but it's a good watch. I saw the other day, a past one with Kairi talking about her love for the People's Elbow. She was saying in English, and it's a good chuckle.

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Alright, first half review/recap of

    STARDOM - BIRTH OF NOVA - 23rd January 2011 (Stardom World playlist link - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...VTLs2_DxQ3U-f7)

    The first ever Stardom event! What a time to be alive! First things first - this event is pretty short, you can probably watch it in under an hour. There's zero sign of the likes of Io Shirai, Kairi Hojo, Kyona, Act etc. However, there is a couple of familiar faces on the show - a debuting Mayu Iwatani (yay) and Yuzupon. Not only that but we also have Yoko Bito - who was mentioned at the end of Stardom Gold as making her return... well now I get to enjoy her original run! She is also making her debut on this event!

    Let's get cracking. Unfortunately, i can't make GIFs from the videos which is pissing me off. I think it's the fact that Stardom World is stuck behind a paywall or something. I can't be assed going through the process of downloading the videos to make GIFs so my descriptions will have to do. I also apologise if this is long, I don't really write reviews often and I imagine I will be able to become more concise with time. If you want to know my thoughts on the match rather than a breakdown of the action, just skip to 'Thoughts'. A difference between these old shows and the new shows is that there aren't any promos or segments or anything, just the matches.


    Tag Team Match
    Yuzuki Aikawa & Natsuki☆Taiyo vs Iris & Nanae Takahashi

    Spoiler:





    Stardom co-founder Nanae Takahashi features in this match - she was Yuzuki Aikawa's opponent in her debut in October of 2010. Nanae is no longer with Stardom and this mainly stems from the incident which led to Act Yasukawa's retirement. More info on that later. Nanae now has her own promotion called SEAdLINNNG - I don't pay attention to it for a reason that I will explain later. I'm calling her 'Big Nana' from now on cause I feel like it. Taiyo is a veteran (and is now retired) - she has interesting attire. You can tell by looking at Taiyo that she is going to be a very fast paced, high flying wrestler. Takahashi is massive compared to these two and i'm convinced she won't need help from Iris in dealing with them. Iris has a weird look - I guess the sombrero is to signify she's from Mexico... Also, note Fuka not wearing her trademark red gear.

    It's hard to believe that this is only Yuzupon's second ever match (to my knowledge) - but it shows you just how much stock Stardom have in her on the basis of her being involved with the vets. I should point out that Yuzupon is who Stardom was originally going to be built around. She was a gravure model (if you've seen her google pictures, you get the idea - just imagine that but in a film, no nudity - KANA/Asuka also has done this.) before becoming a wrestler and I believe she or rather a part of her anatomy was popular. Stardom probably benefitted from those two fountains of popularity to a certain degree. But I imagine that people actually paid attention to Yuzupon for her wrestling ability eventually. She was never considered the best but considering she was 26/27 when she started training (she is 27 at time of this match) she did well. If she had started training as a pro wrestler when she was the same age as the likes of Azumi then she would have been very, very good. Right onto the match..

    Recap: Starts off with the usual handshaking - everything goes swimmingly aside from Taiyo and Big Nana who dont do the customary two handed shake, instead they shake hands and slap each others hands... I'm not a joshi buff but I imagine there's some history. Yuzupon and Iris start the match off - Iris looks clumsy when she runs and I can already tell i'm not going to enjoy her. Nothing spectacular between the two - Iris looks sloppy doing some moves, Yuzupon looks less sloppy and actually capable as she lands a few stiff kicks here and there. Taiyo is tagged in eventually and she and Iris have some nice moments here and there but nothing worth noting. Big Nana comes in and this is where you can instantly notice a shift in quality. Some excellent straight jacket holds from each women which leads to Taiyo eventually getting a crossface... which Iris comes in and tries to break up by stomping her.. but she leaves the ring having stomped and not broken up the submission. Excellent logic. Then we get the super awesome trading forearms followed by a big headbutt, leg drop and dropkick from Nana - great sequence followed by an even better one as Taiyo is thrown to a turnbuckle, jumps on the ropes to avoid Nanae, runs to the other turnbuckle and jumps up onto the ropes and lands an awesome somersault senton (?) to take out Nanae - leads to a near fall. Yuzupon is tagged in and kicks the shit out of Nanae for a few moments. She goes for a suplex though and to the surprise of nobody, she can't lift her - Nanae goes for a german but Yuzupon counters it with a nice kicking spot from off of her back on the ground before getting a much more fluid armdrag. Taiyo shouts for some teamwork and they deck Takahashi at a corner and both of them kick the shit out of her. Awesome. Yuzupon elbows Iris off of the apron... who falls off half heartedly before climbing back up literally a second later. She is infuriating to watch. We get a near fall on Nanae who goes onto take control after reversing an irish whip. She slaps Yuzupon hard and then kicks her in the gut... that looked painful. Yuzupon is hung up on a corner, Iris comes in and lands the shittest elbow i've ever seen (she is giving Eva Marie a run for her money atm with regards to being the worst female wrestler i've watched). Funny moment when Yuzupon is in a crossface, Taiyo comes in and just kicks fuck out of Nana... who just looks at her as if to say "what the fuck do you think you're doing!?" - Taiyo disregards her and then dumps Iris to the floor like a piece of shit. It's hilarious.

    Iris is tagged back in. Nanae then dumps Taiyo to the floor with ease. Yuzupon is then double teamed against the ropes as Nanae and Iris slap/chop her tits (yes) before putting their feet in her face. Iris actually manages to botch this as she goes for the foot to the waist originally. Yuzupon gets beat up some more, submission attempt from Iris... more interesting is the bruise Yuzupon has already developed on her chest. Yuzupon takes control and lands a fuckton of kicks (she has a background in taekwondo hence the kick heavy offense) - Taiyo is then tagged in and lands a sweet dropkick. Iris manages to weather the storm though and lands a rather nice springboard elbow drop (imagine a springboard stunner but instead its an elbow drop) - near fall then a lazy ass spinebuster from Iris. We then get a frankensteiner which to no surprise is sloppy as fuck. We do get a nicer looking hurricanrana later though as well as a springboard crossbody. Taiyo takes a bit of a beating from the tagged in Big Nana who blocks slaps and responds with her own. Eventually Taiyo gets one in, then another, then another before missing a kick, Nana goes for a kick, Taiyo catches it and lands a sweet powerbomb for a nearfall. Taiyo goes up top, Iris distracts her and Nanae makes the comeback with a superplex, near fall. Nana goes up top, Yuzupon kicks her in the ass a few times before shouting at Taiyo to get up, she does and then jumps up on the ropes and lands a nice armdrag, she then jumps up top and hits a dope dropkick footstomp sort of move. Another near fall. Taiyo then instructs Yuzupon to attack Iris. Instead they just awkwardly grapple at Iris' corner whilst Taiyo goes for a sunset flip move... but it's reversed into a cradle back to belly piledriver from Nana. Near fall and it looks like Aikawa may have missed her cue to break the pin. Eventually we get another hurricanrana pin attempt from Taiyo, near fall though. Iris fails to break up the pin too... then stomps Taiyo a bit. Then shes gets shoved by Yuzupon before she leaves the ring. This is fucking odd.

    Yuzupon back in. Kicks the shit out of Nana again and backs her into a corner. She misses a move and Takahashi climbs up top but Yuzupon catches her with a kick that causes her to keel over... then lands another super stiff kick that knocks her down, the crowd like that one. Yuzupon appears not to have learned her lesson as she goes for a fisherman's suplex... but have no fear, Taiyo struts in casually, kicks Nana's backside for good measure before helping Yuzupon. And still they can't lift Nana. Iris does nothing. Good. Nana reverses the duo and lands her own suplex on the pair. Nana then hulks up and throws Yuzupon in a corner but Yuzupon kicks her before she can land any sort of move... Taiyo then comes out of nowhere by jumping on the ropes and landing a crossbody - sweet! We then get a double team kick before Taiyo blocks off Iris and Yuzupon finally lands the fisherman's suplex! Bridges into a pin but it's a near fall! Yuzupon lands more kicks... Nana then hulks up again and slaps herself, basically telling Yuzuki to bring it on.. Yuzuki goes for her Yuzupon Kick Red (Axe Kick) but Nana catches it on her shoulder. She then scoops Yuzupon up and transitions into a stunner (looked fucking great) Near fall! Yuzupon manages to land a kick as Nana bounces off of the ropes and Taiyo comes in out of nowhere again and german suplexes Takahashi. Yuzupon then lands a spinning heel kick that backs Takahashi into the corner and follows up with what I can only describe as a scissors axe kick. It looked like it didnt connect well but it was still cool. Yuzupon then lands a few kicks to Nana against the ropes after a near fall but ends up reversed after an irish whip and eats a double lariat combo from the team of Takahashi and Iris before a diving kick hits her in the back of head from Big Nana. Near fall again. Yuzupon is then dragged towards a corner, Nana goes up top.... big splash... Yuzupon is surely dead... but Taiyo breaks up the pin with an excellent save! She then helps Yuzupon as she lifts Nana up into a powerbomb position... Yuzupon then jumps up using the ropes to land a sweet kick to the back of the head... Iris breaks up the pin attempt that follows. Taiyo then deals with Iris whilst Yuzupon goes for her axe kick again but Takahashi ducks and lands a nice shining wizard/enzuigiri (whatever it is, its cool) - Taiyo then takes her out with a dropkick before Iris comes to her aid. Iris then forces Taiyo out of the ring and goes for a suicide dive which she just about hits - she almost botches it. We then get a great slapping match between Yuzuki and Nanae... you can tell who slaps harder based on the fact Yuzupon is almost shitting herself to throw a slap back in response. Eventually Big Nana slaps the shit out of her, lands another huge slap then grabs her for a belly to back suplex, lands it for the win at roughly 21 minutes.

    Thoughts:
    Yeah, long recap. Not a bad first match for Stardom. There is a reason why Nanae was in the ring for her team most of the time - because she can actually wrestle. Iris was dogshit. There's no better way of putting it. She was downright awful save for a few moments. You wouldn't think she had 9+ months more experience than Yuzupon at this point but she does. She was just sloppy and showed extremely poor ring awareness and psychology. Simply put, she's a disaster and I am not looking forward to seeing her again. Yuzupon was a little unpolished but for her second match, this was a really good showing from her. Her kicks are looking good already. I doubt you will find a '2nd match' from anyone that is as good as this. The real starts of the match were Taiyo and Nanae. They're both excellent and you can tell from how they perform here. I'm already big on both of these ladies just based on this performance and that's why i'd recommend giving this a watch. Plus you really need to see Iris just for how bad she is. There wasn't a period in the match were a wrestler super dominated, it was more like a back and forth and I enjoyed it. Taiyo is a superb high flyer and I know i'm going to enjoy seeing more of her. Nanae was a powerhouse but she moves surprisingly quick too. I'd liken her to Hiroyo Matsumoto but a little more agile. This is most likely going to be the best match on the show and it has done well in getting me interested in the likes of Taiyo, Big Nana and Yuzupon. Hopefully Trump builds a wall to keep Iris out of Stardom. I can tell the main three will be permanent fixtures and i'm hoping to god that Iris is one of these gaijin who perform at a couple of shows then disappears. I'm perhaps being harsh though, maybe she will become more confident as time goes on.



    Singles Match
    Mika Nagano vs Eri Susa

    Spoiler:






    Mika "Future Princess" Nagano was a MMA star in Japan at the time of this match (she is now retired) and was actually the first female MMA fighter I ever had a crush on (a crush that still exists to this day) - but she had only had one pro wrestling match before this one... and that was in 2009 in Ice Ribbon. I imagine that she will most likely resemble a MMA fighter in this match rather than a pro wrestler but we shall see. This is Susa's debut and she appears to have the gimmick of a schoolgirl. She's now known as Eri I believe but for her run in Stardom, she was Eri Susa.

    Recap: Well instantly I can tell Mika is going to be MMA-like since her attire resembles what she wore during her MMA career. They circle each other after a handshake and Mika instantly shoots a takedown, Susa falls flat on her back. This is very MMA-like as Mika instantly advances to side control and then looks for an armbar... she falls backwards and Susa tries to fight it. She manages to get out of it and pulls Nagano to her feet but Nagano holds onto her arm and does a flip before armbdragging her. Nice stuff although Nagano lost her balance and fell as she attempted the armdrag - it still came off looking ok though. Mika then puts the knee on the back and yanks on the arm of Eri... but she loosens it up, brings Eri back up and drops her with a quick slam. She looks to pick her back up but Susa snaps out of it and starts going for forearms... landing a few in quick succession before bouncing off of the ropes, jumping up into a wheelbarrow position on Mika before rolling through and going for the toehold/ankle lock. Mika flips and reverses it and gets her own ankle lock/toe hold locked on - it looks tight to me, Susa then pulls out the joshi stereotypical screaming and makes the ropes before Nagano can do any damage with the sub. Nagano lets her back up and Susa attemps a takedown but Nagano stuffs it and gets a front headlock and transitions into a standing guillotine choke - Susa battles frantically, even grabbing Mika's hair slightly before forcing her towards the ropes. She then delivers closed fist punches to the torso until the referee tells them to break. (Sidenote: Closed fist punches are now banned in Stardom)

    Eri than delivers huge forearms as Nagano leans against the ropes - she then shoots for a takedown and gets it! Nagano is flat on her back... Susa then looks to turn Nagano over for a Boston Crab but she can't do it so she lets go of her legs and proceeds to slap the shit out of her. Nagano then responds with a massive slap of her own (off of her back no less!) that forces Susa to get up and bounce off of the ropes - she then lands a dropkick that is freakishly reminiscent of Eimi Nishina's... she then lands another... and another... wow a moveset just like Nishina's too, it's all dropkicks! One count. Susa then goes for the crab again but Nagano still won't budge - she goes for a slap, misses and pays for it as Mika hooks one foot around the arm and the other around the head, flips her and gets an armbar in a crucifix position... if this was MMA, the crowd would be marking out at that... that was fucking cool. Susa makes the ropes though whilst screaming her head off. Nagano then goes for double underhooks and lifts Susa up - she struggles and manages to land on her feet as she breaks the hold... Nagano then slides under any attack from the onrushing Susa. Eri then turns around and Mika shoots a takedown... but instead barges Eri straight into the corner turnbuckle - that was a sore one. Mike then grabs her and gets the double underhooks again, lifts her up and slams her down... near fall though! Susa has heart. Mika then looks for something as she bounces off of the ropes... Susa counters with a kick then a DDT! She then bounces off of the ropes and gets lifted up by Mika and hits a hanging DDT! Nice! Near fall for Susa! Mika gets to her feet, shoots in again and throws Susa over her shoulders - she tries to repeat this but Susa counters it into a pin and gets a near fall. Mika's fed up of playing games though as she bounces off of the ropes and gets a wonky looking flying armbar and elicits a tap at around 4 minutes.

    Thoughts: Pretty short match but that's all it had to be. Susa is a rookie, Mika is not experienced and is more of a MMA fighter so both of their movesets are fairly limited. I know that Mika is definitely talented from her MMA career and knows what she is doing when it comes to grappling, she's most certainly being careful to avoid causing any real injury. That crucifix armbar was fucking sweet though. Susa looks like she has the heart for wrestling and didn't look bad by any stretch of the imagination. A short match... but not at all a bad match in any regard. Certainly forgettable by virtue of the fact that nothing much really happens other than some grappling exchanges and a few slaps here and there but it's perfectly fine the way it is.


    Up next, it is my understanding that there is a promo of 8 year old Haruka (not to be confused with Haruka Kato who was most certainly not 8 in 2011. If she was... then holy fuck puberty hit her like a freight train.) Anyways, I believe there is actual kickboxing footage of the little Haruka shown. Nuts.

    Special Singles Match
    Haruka the 8 Year Old vs Passion Naki
    Spoiler:






    Little Haruka makes her debut in a 4 minute time limit match against the enigmatic Passion Naki who is absolutely NOT Natsuki☆Taiyo in a mask. Don't believe the dirtsheets. Don't believe Meltzer. Don't believe what metsfan posts on reddit.

    Recap: As per usual, handshake. Haruka wishes her opponent luck. That's adorable. She opens up with leg kicks until one is caught, the mysterious masked Naki then grabs her arm and twists it but Haruka shows her wrestling chops as she turns the tables on Naki and gains control of her arm. She stomps and brings Naki to her knees whilst keeping a hold on the arm - she delivers hard kicks to the back of Naki. Naki eventually decides she's had enough and rolls forward and reverses Haruka so that she has her arm wrapped behind her back... but Haruka reverses it again. She stomps and brings Naki down to her knees once more... but Naki gets her arm out then grabs Haruka into a headlock before dragging her down to the canvas with the lock still applied. Haruka uses her legs to kick at Naki's head and the masked wrestler is stunned enough to give up the hold. Sensational wrestling from the 8 year old, she's actually miles better than Iris. Naki gets on her knees and Haruka runs at her and starts throwing a ton of closed fist punches into the chest of her opponent - BRUTAL.

    Spoiler:





    Naki then shoves the 8 year old hard and sends her flying back into the ropes and she lands on her ass. The crowd boo... but hey, you gotta take what you put out, this is wrestling after all. Naki is shocked at the crowds response - she grabs Haruka by the leg and tries to yank her away from the ropes but she holds on for dear life... and her opponent grabs both legs and starts yanking violently as the crowd react in shock... but Haruka manages to keep her grip on the ropes. We then get the move of the match as Naki starts tickling her opponent! It works out well as Haruka lets go of the ropes and is dragged back by Naki to the center of the ring and then tickled some more. Haruka is in danger as she is rolled around into a crab submission... but almost instantly she pops back out and is safe... Naki then turns her over again... but she pops back out AGAIN and the same sequence occurs. Naki's not fucking around now as instead of going for the crab, she lifts Haruka off the ground completely and starts shaking her from side to side... and then we get the cesaro swing! Haruka goes the most horizonal i've ever seen someone in a swing... it's majestic as fuck. Naki reckons she's done enough to get the grab now as she stops and goes for it... but Haruka no sells and pops out again. Naki's fed up with it and tosses Haruka's legs away before stumbling away herself... must be dizzy from the swing somewhat. Forearm from Haruka is responded to with a forearm/shove from Naki that grounds her... and again.... Haruka slaps the ground in frustration and hits Naki again... who responds with a quick slapjab that knocks the eight year old down. Haruka responds by hitting the mat, getting up and firing three forearms into the chest of Naki... who then replies with a huge gut punch before bouncing off of the ropes and going for a lariat but Haruka ducks... Then on the rebound, Haruka makes Naki pay by hitting her with EXTREMELY STIFF leg kicks. Enough to cripple 50 elephants. Katsuyori Shibata better watch the fuck out. Haruka then kicks Naki in the gut and sends her forward with a snapmare.... and then another two... she goes for the pin but Tai- I mean Naki, kicks out with ease. Haruka then tries to irish whip her larger opponent but to no success so she starts to kick her... but Naki slaps her hand away and goes to Irish whip her... Haruka reverses it and manages to whip Naki back into the ropes, tripping her so that she's sitting on the ropes... and then Haruka hits the 619! Haruka then bounces off of the ropes, gets the wheelbarrow position and then armdrag on Naki! Incredible stuff. The eight year old is fired up and goes for a crossbody... Naki catches her but Haruka manages to spin around and goes for the rollup.... near fall! Haruka slaps the mat in frustration... She then runs up and copies Yuzupon's alternating kick spot from the first match before unleashing a howl of defiance and booting Naki straight in the face just as the bell sounds to signal a draw! The ref holds both competitors hands up high... nobody is a loser today. Except Jon.

    Thoughts: Well, the match succeeded in a sense. It was supposed to be for fun and it was definitely funny watching Haruka's offense. This was never going to be serious and they were wise to give it a small time limit and make it a draw... nobody wants to see the eight year old get beat but nobody believes she can actually win. It works both ways. I'm not joking when I say that this little girl can wrestle better than Iris and Eva Marie. That is simply astonishing. I don't, for one second, think that Eva Marie could pull off a wheelbarrow armdrag as fluid as Haruka. Passion Naki did well in the match and the big spin spot was funny. It didn't feel like they were going from spot to spot in this match, it felt organic and it all gelled well. This is probably the greatest 4 minute match i'll ever see that actually feels like a complete wrestling match. That's not too shabby i'd say.


    I will post my thoughts on the final two matches tomorrow, the Janken recap will be on Monday as I want to do 2 matches at a time for that and unfortunately that means waiting until then. Here's what we can look forward to tomorrow:

    The Professional Wrestling Debut of "Jon Snow's arch nemesis" Mayu Iwatani as she takes on another debutant in the form of Arisa Hoshiki. I'll provide more information on Hoshiki tomorrow, but here she is with what looks almost like a legitimate KO of Haruka Kato (with what is known as a Question Mark kick) in one of her matches: https://streamable.com/54qk

    And the main event also features two debutants - "The Returner" Yoko Bito takes on Yoshiko (henceforth known as Y*****o or fat bitch)... the less said about her, the better.

    It'll also be interesting to see what Jon thinks of the attire in these matches as we all know he takes his wrestling attire seriously.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-27-2016 at 07:20 PM.


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  16. #36
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Did I just see a Eight year old Wrestling, start them early haha. In America we have our kids learning how to throw a Football or hit a Baseball, but in Japan they how to learn how to wrestle at a young age wow. Shake I can make gifs from Youtube vids especially, but yeah I'm sure the converter I use to download the vids weren't able to go through. Jon takes costumes and attires seriously so do I, hmm I wonder how he thinks on Io outfit? She does have quite a revealing outfit compared to Mayu and Kairi.
    Last edited by Kairi HoHo; 05-27-2016 at 07:02 PM.

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    I'm sure Zero will know the lowdown on Haruka but she was actually a common sight during the early days of Stardom. She's not around anymore though. Probably decided to pursue a normal life... she could come back in future though, never know.

    Also if you are interested in seeing her wrestle rather than reading about it, here's Haruka going up against none other than "The Cleaner/Zero and Ed's favourite wrestler" Kenny Omega:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acjPWVvSy2g


    Yeah, I know how to make GIFs from youtube using the likes of imgur as well as other sites but they all require the URL of the video and when I put it in, it doesn't work. It's a bit of a pain. I know that the paywall is an issue because other youtube videos work fine. I wanted to make GIFs of certain moves and stuff but just can't find a way to do it. Such is life.

    Io's outfit is... something extraordinary indeed. Ain't PG that's for sure.


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  18. #38
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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Oh man that is one of the most exciting matches I've seen. Haruka gave no fucks about Kenny Omega's legacy and who he was. She showed alot of toughness for a eight year old, and Kenny didn't pull no punches either. Lucky the time ran out, because Haruka was going to German Suplexed into Heaven. Also got a chuckle seeing Omega wanting to shake her hand, and instead getting a slap. The walk to the back by Omega was even more hilarious.

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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    The next part of my review will come later but news about tomorrow's show for Stardom - the supposed tagger of Yoneyama + Alex Lee vs Azumi and Natsumi Maki has become a 3 way match as Alex Lee is not able to make it. Hopefully there's nothing serious with regards to Alex missing the show:

    Spoiler:






    Also, Yoko Bito will return on the June 16th show at Korakuen Hall. I imagine we'll get a good show there as the Korakuen shows always tend to be good fun. Sort of anxious to see Bito, thought she had been ok from what i've seen of her but I know she had a spine injury that led to her retirement initially so hope that isn't still a potential thing...


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    Re: Official Stardom and Friends Joshi Discussion

    Just watched some highlights from today's show which will be uploaded throughout the week so i'll give my full thoughts on friday but from what I saw:

    -Arisu Nanase looks like she graduated from the Eimi Nishina school of dropkicking. Her attire looks good though and she appears to have had a good debut.
    -Kris Wolf is still awesome.
    -Maki continues to showcase her gymnastic ability. Don't let Vader see her.
    -Shanna looks fun.
    -Matsumoto and Kato looked like a good team against Chelsea and Kairi. Sidenote: Kato won't be wrestling for a while after this for some reason. Sucks, really enjoy her matches despite her limited offense and ability - she's still super fun. It appears she actually announced she is retiring due to issues with asthma
    -Looks like Leah Vaughan is now a part of Oedo Tai. They continue to grow. and continue to be pesky.
    -Of course the most important thing to note from the show is that Fuka appears to be wearing new attire (!)

    Seemed like a solid show. Kagetsu is challenging Mayu for the High Speed title next week whilst Io defends the SWA title against Shanna the day before that match. Bito also takes on Kairi in her return match. So those are three big matches to look forward to. I don't think Bito vs Hojo is a title match though. I'm going to guess that we're getting a new champion in the form of Kagetsu whilst Shanna will probably lose to Io. Don't see them giving her a win over Io that easily.




    And here is information regarding Stardom World moving from YouTube:


    Last edited by RainShaker; 05-29-2016 at 09:10 PM.


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