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Thread: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

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    Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Give a review of an RP before requesting one for your own. La de da de daaaa!


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    I am going to review promos this time around. If you want one you have to ask and remember that I ain't a nice guy.

    DIVINE will get a review one way or another once EeL promos with her.
    "You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang."


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    I better get an unabashedly harsh promo from you wolf! it's the only way to go!

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Really dug that Shannon O'Neal promo, love the way you've used Gabrielles heel turn in Shannons promos and brought out so much emotion in the character.

    Also ahead of time, apologies for not getting up an A.A.Williams promo, going to be out of town for a couple of days from tomorrow and will only be able to get a Gabs promo up before I leave.


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Youre




    FIIIIIRRRRREEEEEDDDDDDDDD

    BROTHER


    ~
    ~ THE KING OF KINGS ~~
    Spoiler:






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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Uh-uh. I quit yo.


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    The site is REALLY pissing me off today. I had to re-format my promo six FUDGING times to get it to take. AGGGGGHHHH. But it's up. I went a different route, trying something different and more creative. Let me know what ya'll think. I'll do my best to return any review favors.


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Lucian: I thought this was a compelling read. The way you went at Stuff, IMO was a great way to approach the whole thing. I really did not catch much to critique per say. There was a time or two where I found myself wondering if he was using slang, that aside. I felt the "flow" of the promo and it came across very well. There's something I like about the character personality here also, good work.





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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Hey guys, due to the late start that I got on doing my rp (been sick), I am doing review for review. If I get extra time however, I'll try reviewing more.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    I'll do review for review tomorrow Night for anyone who reviews my promo.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Nameless: I really like this promo. Starting off with the mask comparison and then leading to the masks that your opponents wear was a great transition. You've basically hyped up The Movement as such a dangerous force here in FWA, I'm proud to be a member in the CWA! I like that you've basically told Toner and Quinn that nothing but pain awaits them, something they're clearly unaccustomed to. I also like that you're telling Quinn and Toner that none of their possesions will win them this match. Great work and I'm glad you're with The Movement!

    Alessandra Allure: I like that this is not only an introduction to the character, but also a separation of the relatives. She's quick to let everyone know that she's not her sister and she has no desire to be, only craving competition and nothing else. In the process of separating herself from her sister, she's also separated herself from every other woman in the FWA by declaring that she's here to become a World Champion. Great job and can't wait to see more of her.

    Eyesnsane: I was a little confused about why the beginning part with the plane was added. It may be because I don't know your character extremely well or the history behind him, but it seemed unnecessary as the promo went on. Nevertheless, your promo was great. I like that you're not only reminding Jolson that you're no one to screw with and why, but that he also doesn't have the heart to screw with you. You've humbled yourself and you're going to make sure that he's more than humbled during your match. Great work on this one, but what was the plane bit about?

    Humanity: Only Humanity could have a conversation with Death during a promo! At least, it's possibly Death... WOW! Humanity having a conversation with himself before he even existed! NICE! I like the fact that you've shown Toner and Quinn exactly what they're dealing with, which is someone who exists because, in part, of them and people like them. This was a really huge story development for you man and it was awesome to read it! Now make sure to take it to Toner and Quinn to get a shot at the titles! Who knows? Someone might even be coming over to the other side to join you...again...

    Adam Bonnie: I like the fact that he's such a pure fighter that he doesn't have some overhyped promo. Just him and the camera with him talking is a great way to go with him. I also like that he highlighted the history between himself and The Movement. But I think he stayed on The Movement and Lucian way too long. He spent most of the promo going into his beef with The Movement and barely made mention of his opponent, almost like his match against him is only a pit stop to The Movement. I think you should have spent more time talking about your opponent, but that's just me I guess. Great job though.

    Shannon O' Neal: YES! SHE'S FINALLY SNAPPED OUT OF IT!! This was a great journey into just how far she'd sank into her depression and her journey out of her funk, just in time to basically defend her legacy! She also managed to show Zoey that even with all of her success, she's still not on O' Neal's level. Awesome job on this one!

    Randy Ramon: I don't know why this is, but the opening description of where you are sounds just like the beach that Jodie Foster ended up on in Contact when she spoke with...whatever it is she spoke with. This was a great backstory promo that was a really interesting and cool journey through facing your demons. I was a bit confused though as to how exactly it went to your promo and your opponent. Even after it was over, I truthfully had to go back to the card to see who you were facing! It's a very great introspection into why their connection is so deep though. Great work, but I was just a bit confused because of no mention of your opponent till the very end.

    Drew Stevenson: I'm not sure if it's inadvertent or planned, but I like how you've basically continued your war theme from the last promo you did and basically showed how Stevenson may have appeared to lose the battle, but he has not lost the war and is determined to fight, injury be damned. The visual representation of that along with his words are great. It paints the most vivid picture of someone who's ready to defy the odds and the numbers against him as he goes through anything and everything just to get out the other side alive. The visual of Stevenson readying for battle against Princeton while still holding his wound is an awesome picture. It's great work man.

    Michael Garcia: First off, I really appreciate the glimpse into the history of your character. As someone kind of just starting here, I do like when people make their histories available for me to see. And it appears to make your character a bit more vulnerable to the people in the room, so that's cool too. Opening the floor to intros and then shutting it down Garcia-style was hilarious! I really appreciate the introspection into your character's drives and motivations as well. Your promo basically shows that Garcia is a man that's grown up in the conditions of his upcoming fight, so he's going to come out on top because of it. The whole group meeting thing was a great comedy break between the seriousness of it all. Overall, I'd say you did one hell of a job.

    I'll be reviewing more into the weekend, so watch this post for updates. And Wolf's Rain, I'd like a bones honest review if you don't mind
    Last edited by Kilik; 02-27-2015 at 09:14 PM.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    And I want an honest Wolf promo.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    I added reviews for Ramon, Garcia and Stevenson for your perusal.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Yeah DIVINE's rp was seriously garbage because this week was just horrible for me. Way too many things came up that I had to dedicate time to, and I couldn't do the rp that I wanted to do. Still excited for the Wolf review (I wish it was for the Pokemon one).

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Cryos: Perfect. The whole time I was picturing Mr. Perfect. It started of pretty good with diamond since diamonds > gold. You went on with a simple yet strong scenery of Cryos shooting arrows. The addition of William Tell story and the way you used it for your advantage made me go with you. A lot of guys should go and look at your promo to learn how this shit is done. You made yourself look strong and all but you should have talked more about Devin Golden. But you still told a great story.

    Garcia: The description was good and the promo had a good start, but oh boy it went to hell right after that. You started with a cheesy story that wouldn't he told by the cheesiest faces. Garcia is heel, right? You realized that and went on to bully an old women. It is something a heel from 90s would do. After that you went on to tell another story and another story and you never even once mentioned o tied up Blackbird into dialogue. One story is good but you can never tell more of them in one promo + I really feel like I was reading this the other day. Garcia came out of this looking like a crybaby.

    DIVINE: I can see by the time it was posted that it was a rushed one. You had seven days for the love of god and you still left it for the last minutes prior to the deadline. As for promos I like DIVINE. The one thing is that random, forced crap like last weeks putting a lollipop on DIVINE's nipples. You try too hard sometimes to DIVINE controversial and creepy. It doesn't come off as you want it comes off as forced. This could have been a great promo if you would start working on it sooner. As a huge anime fan I had a lot of problems with your promo last week, but they are based on my opinions and not on promo writing.

    Humanity: On one hand I like this origin story because it is an entertaining read, but on the other I hate it since you are going to do it three weeks in a row. It is a way too long to wrap a promo. You are telling a story about and you forget that wrestling involves more than just yourself. When it comes to grading we take more than just a character into consideration. There is also selling your opponents and storytelling. Did you sell/assaulted your opponents with your words? Not really. Have you told a story other than that of Humanity? Not at all. I don't know what is Humanity up to or who is he facing. At the end you should have added a monologue with Humanity talking about Quinn/Toner without it it has more holes than emmenthal.
    Last edited by Wolfs Rain; 03-01-2015 at 12:00 PM.
    "You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang."


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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    i love u wolf ty

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfs Rain View Post
    Cryos: Perfect. The whole time I was picturing Mr. Perfect. It started of pretty good with diamond since diamonds > gold. You went on with a simple yet strong scenery of Cryos shooting arrows. The addition of William Tell story and the way you used it for your advantage made me go with you. A lot of guys should go and look at your promo to learn how this shit is done. You made yourself look strong and all but you should have talked more about Devin Golden. But you still told a great story.

    Garcia: The description was good and the promo had a good start, but oh boy it went to hell right after that. You started with a cheesy story that wouldn't he told by the cheesiest faces. Garcia is heel, right? You realized that and went on to bully an old women. It is something a heel from 90s would do. After that you went on to tell another story and another story and you never even once mentioned o tied up Blackbird into dialogue. One story is good but you can never tell more of them in one promo + I really feel like I was reading this the other day. Garcia came out of this looking like a crybaby.

    DIVINE: I can see by the time it was posted that it was a rushed one. You had seven days for the love of god and you still left it for the last minutes prior to the deadline. As for promos I like DIVINE. The one thing is that random, forced crap like last weeks putting a lollipop on DIVINE's nipples. You try too hard sometimes to DIVINE controversial and creepy. It doesn't come off as you want it comes off as forced. This could have been a great promo if you would start working on it sooner. As a huge anime fan I had a lot of problems with your promo last week, but they are based on my opinions and not on promo writing.

    Humanity: On one hand I like this origin story because it is an entertaining read, but on the other I hate it since you are going to do it three weeks in a row. It is a way too long to wrap a promo. You are telling a story about and you forget that wrestling involves more than just yourself. When it comes to grading we take more than just a character into consideration. There is also selling your opponents and storytelling. Did you sell/assaulted your opponents with your words? Not really. Have you told a story other than that of Humanity? Not at all. I don't know what is Humanity up to or who is he facing. At the end you should have added a monologue with Humanity talking about Quinn/Toner without it it has more holes than emmenthal.
    I love this. It's exactly what I wanted from Wolf and I appreciate that. Much better than everything is awesome.

    However, I still feel the need to defend/explain some things.

    1) The bit about bullying the old lady...I feel is totally off-base. Kilik understood what I was going for there, rather it being a moment of comic relief. It's how Garcia has always operated. The moment the conversation sways away from what he finds to be important, he shuts it down or ignores it completely. He opened up the conversation, only to find that he wasn't the subject, so he shut it down quickly.

    2) Yes, Garcia is a heel. But he has a troubled past. Much like the way most comic book villains anymore, there is a backstory of how/why he became the way he is. WHat made him a villain. What made him such a bastard. And the stories were there, not becausae he was crying about them....he never once said he wished they never happened....he embraced those experiences. He explained that each of those experiences, prepared him for this specific fight. Street Fight - Fighting the kid on the corner/Beating down on the gang member, Cage Match - The Prison Yard.And how through it all he remained the Last Man Standing. He embraced those stories. At one point, he even laughed.So maybe a little elaboration on how he came across as a crybaby would help me understand this a bit more....

    Every other point, I completely agree with.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Having said all of this, I want to say that there definitely wasn't the heart in this promo that it deserved. Through a series of unfortunate events, which were partially our own fault, we got left without a story for the final month and what was supposed to be a big final month, was left to fall to nothing. SO I was struggling to really find a proper motivation for Garcia here.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Could I have some feedback Wolf you can choose whichever character....





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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    The Nameless

    1) Love the description early on. Leaving it to the reader's imagination.

    2)I didn't like what I interpreted to be depreciation of the championship belts.

    3) Liked how you mentioned that Quinn/Toner would have looked down upon the Movement as outcasts

    4)Also, like how you put over Humanity as much, if not moreso than you did yourself, and the Movement as a whole.

    5) Your segue back to Toner from Humanity came off very segmented.

    6) It was somewhat clear that you are very unfamiliar with Toner's character.

    7) The beginning focused so much on the mask that I was expecting a tie in at the end, and I felt like it never came back full circle.

    Lucian W. Ace

    1) Descriptionsa t the beginning were SO damn good.

    2) I'm not much of a length guy but the promo overall read really short to me. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I do feel that the beginning could have been expanded on more just a tad.

    3) "Whoever created the concept of future" reads to me like Lucian is trying to sound deep, rather than actually having a deep thought.

    4) "My past made me who I am" - The crux of my very promo.

    5) Love the focal point being about Stu being stuck in the past. Can't emphasize that enough.

    6)I "get" how the beginning ties in with the end, but at the same time, I do wish a more clear concise connection would have been made.


    Cryos

    1) Descriptions were incredibly well done.

    2) I thought pointing the arrow at the camera was a tad bit cliche.

    3)I didn't like the comparison to Gessler for not bowing before his hat. It seemed baseless.

    4) The part about "Talking about me alot" sounded like Cryos was a 15 year old girl on Facebook.

    5) Overall, a great theme, and your potential is fucking sky high.

    6) Bringing up the loss against DUne and blaming it on a distraction REALLY sounded like whining.

    7) The promo flowed together amazingly. The theme was present from beginning to end, and nothing felt fragmented.

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    Re: Winter Wasteland promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilik View Post
    Nameless: I really like this promo. Starting off with the mask comparison and then leading to the masks that your opponents wear was a great transition. You've basically hyped up The Movement as such a dangerous force here in FWA, I'm proud to be a member in the CWA! I like that you've basically told Toner and Quinn that nothing but pain awaits them, something they're clearly unaccustomed to. I also like that you're telling Quinn and Toner that none of their possesions will win them this match. Great work and I'm glad you're with The Movement!

    Alessandra Allure: I like that this is not only an introduction to the character, but also a separation of the relatives. She's quick to let everyone know that she's not her sister and she has no desire to be, only craving competition and nothing else. In the process of separating herself from her sister, she's also separated herself from every other woman in the FWA by declaring that she's here to become a World Champion. Great job and can't wait to see more of her.

    Eyesnsane: I was a little confused about why the beginning part with the plane was added. It may be because I don't know your character extremely well or the history behind him, but it seemed unnecessary as the promo went on. Nevertheless, your promo was great. I like that you're not only reminding Jolson that you're no one to screw with and why, but that he also doesn't have the heart to screw with you. You've humbled yourself and you're going to make sure that he's more than humbled during your match. Great work on this one, but what was the plane bit about?

    Humanity: Only Humanity could have a conversation with Death during a promo! At least, it's possibly Death... WOW! Humanity having a conversation with himself before he even existed! NICE! I like the fact that you've shown Toner and Quinn exactly what they're dealing with, which is someone who exists because, in part, of them and people like them. This was a really huge story development for you man and it was awesome to read it! Now make sure to take it to Toner and Quinn to get a shot at the titles! Who knows? Someone might even be coming over to the other side to join you...again...

    Adam Bonnie: I like the fact that he's such a pure fighter that he doesn't have some overhyped promo. Just him and the camera with him talking is a great way to go with him. I also like that he highlighted the history between himself and The Movement. But I think he stayed on The Movement and Lucian way too long. He spent most of the promo going into his beef with The Movement and barely made mention of his opponent, almost like his match against him is only a pit stop to The Movement. I think you should have spent more time talking about your opponent, but that's just me I guess. Great job though.

    Shannon O' Neal: YES! SHE'S FINALLY SNAPPED OUT OF IT!! This was a great journey into just how far she'd sank into her depression and her journey out of her funk, just in time to basically defend her legacy! She also managed to show Zoey that even with all of her success, she's still not on O' Neal's level. Awesome job on this one!

    Randy Ramon: I don't know why this is, but the opening description of where you are sounds just like the beach that Jodie Foster ended up on in Contact when she spoke with...whatever it is she spoke with. This was a great backstory promo that was a really interesting and cool journey through facing your demons. I was a bit confused though as to how exactly it went to your promo and your opponent. Even after it was over, I truthfully had to go back to the card to see who you were facing! It's a very great introspection into why their connection is so deep though. Great work, but I was just a bit confused because of no mention of your opponent till the very end.

    Drew Stevenson: I'm not sure if it's inadvertent or planned, but I like how you've basically continued your war theme from the last promo you did and basically showed how Stevenson may have appeared to lose the battle, but he has not lost the war and is determined to fight, injury be damned. The visual representation of that along with his words are great. It paints the most vivid picture of someone who's ready to defy the odds and the numbers against him as he goes through anything and everything just to get out the other side alive. The visual of Stevenson readying for battle against Princeton while still holding his wound is an awesome picture. It's great work man.

    Michael Garcia: First off, I really appreciate the glimpse into the history of your character. As someone kind of just starting here, I do like when people make their histories available for me to see. And it appears to make your character a bit more vulnerable to the people in the room, so that's cool too. Opening the floor to intros and then shutting it down Garcia-style was hilarious! I really appreciate the introspection into your character's drives and motivations as well. Your promo basically shows that Garcia is a man that's grown up in the conditions of his upcoming fight, so he's going to come out on top because of it. The whole group meeting thing was a great comedy break between the seriousness of it all. Overall, I'd say you did one hell of a job.

    I'll be reviewing more into the weekend, so watch this post for updates. And Wolf's Rain, I'd like a bones honest review if you don't mind

    I occaisionally add things like the plane scene, because Alana and James started out together and formed Over the Edge with Killemall. It was more so to show the kind of bond still between those two who are on different paths and shows, right now. james is a bit of a sentimental touch, and I keep or try to keep his feelings in everything. Plus I thought it was a nice way to travel from the states to Russia.





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