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Thread: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

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    Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Discuss promos here. As said before, promo reviewing etiquette is to give in-depth review of other people's works before asking for reviews of your own work.


    "The Golden One" Devin Golden

    3x FWA World Heavyweight Champion
    2x FWA X Champion
    4x FWA Tag Team Champion
    Final record: 94-58-10


    Shannon O'Neal
    2x FWA Women's Champion
    1x FWA World Champion


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Is the rp limit 1 or 2 for PPVs?

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    We go with the one RP system and if the opponent post a promo before you do you can't respond to it. It is always better to read your opponents promo after you post yours.
    "You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang."


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Dune: Good promo. You went at your opponents and you certainly detailed your character's strengths. Could have been a little more descriptive in terms of environment, but other than that, no gripes. A good place to start.

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfs Rain View Post
    We go with the one RP system and if the opponent post a promo before you do you can't respond to it. It is always better to read your opponents promo after you post yours.
    Unless a person is booked in more then one Match, then it can be more then one Promo, but it would still be one Promo per Match.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Sometimes you can have one RP overall thats used for two matches

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Dune: This was a great introduction promo to the character of Dune. You started off strong with a simple but well written setting that conveyed Dunes presence and darkness more than the scene itself.
    At his back is darkness; in front, the light and its heat. He stares into the fire with an icy gaze so cold as to give the illusion that it’s keeping the flames at bay.
    That in particular I really liked. Your writing style/his speech pattern is very ominous and foreboding, speaking in grand but well thought out terms. Even the introduction of the dog was good and the way you used that, building up its presence and its viciousness then basically proclaiming that Dunes bite is even worse. How you're incorporating the Dune name/moniker as well is brilliant. Talking about the harsh winds, desert sands, etc. it lets the reader know that there's a reason behind why he's called Dune. When you spoke of Dunes opponents you used their gimmicks against them very well, in particular Alistair's, who thanks to this promo now has a tough debut ahead (damn you). This was definitely a promo that made me want to see more of the Dune character, and look forward to his future. So I'll be paying attention for sure. And again I really like Dune's speech patterns. Only real negative that stands out to me for a promo like this is the colour choices, I don't think green and orange compliment each other very well.


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Thanks Grim and ETE, I appreciate the feedback. I read through some promos when I first signed up and right away it was clear that I couldn't post a total crapper and come away with a win. This place is full of amazing writers. When I saw that me and Alistair were debuting together I was a bit intimidated because let's face it ETE, you're better at this than me . That's probably why my heart was racing a bit when I saw you'd provided some feedback. Naturally I expected the worst, but to my delight you enjoyed it. Right on brother, looking forward to reading Alistair's. Your Gabrielle promo was solid. Strong intro, meaty middle, and a nice closer. Great flow and you never lost my interest throughout. Best of luck to all your characters at TBF!

    Admittedly the orange/green looks kind of shitty on a white background. I have my theme set to 'WC After Dark' and it looks a little better with a black background.

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Some notes


    Dune: This is a good start. Got some good insight into Dune and you made your words fit your character very well - it conveys personality. You're not repeating the same old plain jane stuff. I am a big fan of monologues and the final paragraph was my favourite part. A solid introduction promo and I can see big things in your future. We've had some big prospects come here and then leave cause they lost or thought we would book based on fantasy booking and not RP grades and stuff.


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Dune: Impressive, very impressive. This character and the way the roleplay was written reminded me of the days long gone when I was writing Wolf and competing with him for X/NA titles. I am damn sure looking forward to see your progress here in FWA. You have a great speech pattern that definitely stands out in FWA. I like your use of idioms, but the references to sand were way overdone in matter of the fact I was like "Why won't this guy marry the sand? They would make a great pair." I know what are you trying to do and I dig the character, but you need to look in to the future. You can base your promo about sand in the hourglass one week and the next you can build it around a sandstorm. The gimmick is great I love it as it is simple yet genius.
    "You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang."


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Randy Ramon:

    In all seriousness though, your promo feels very personal. Which makes a lot of sense considering all these years of the love/hate relationship of Randy Ramon & Syn. It was very well done, and yes, good on you for seeing the mystery of Humanity. Going to the past seems to be a common theme of some of these Promos, which I guess Trial By Fire is a time of looking at the past I suppose. Overall, well done.

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Shannon O'Neal: Simply put this is a promo that makes me want to see Shannon win. Its made me feel for her fight/plight and want too see her come out on top, and make all her plans come true. You've written her into something more than just a generic wrestler, she's fighting for more than just a win here. This was a more philosophical Shannon, one looking at everything and using everything against Gabrielle. I liked her back story and the way it fleshed her out and also provided a great way to tie the whole promo together and keep it flowing nicely. Its something that didn't seem forced in being used to insult Gabrielle, here's Shannon a poor girl growing up and now figuratively a poor girl in the FWA facing the same status hurdles. This was basically a face promo cut by a heel, she's talking about her struggle and her wanting to overcome it all and fighting for everyone, but it fits the feud really well. I think in any other situation it could come across as wrong with Shannon registering as such a sympathetic face here, but it suits. It's her ammo against Gabrielle, its how she hopes to unseat her by showing she's not the only one. That paragraph centered around Chris Stallings is what stood out to me the most, its something I've never seen brought up before against Gabrielle. But again it fits really well. Gabrielle was one of the characters that kayfabe and real world wise Chris really liked. Using that against Gabrielle to demean Gabby's rise to the top while constantly reminding about how much Shannon has had to struggle her entire life is what really puts this promo up there in my opinion as one that rivals your very best. I'm really looking forward too seeing who wins this, I think either way but particularly if Shannon wins that can set up some big things in the future. Great work and good luck Goldy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dune View Post
    Thanks Grim and ETE, I appreciate the feedback. I read through some promos when I first signed up and right away it was clear that I couldn't post a total crapper and come away with a win. This place is full of amazing writers. When I saw that me and Alistair were debuting together I was a bit intimidated because let's face it ETE, you're better at this than me . That's probably why my heart was racing a bit when I saw you'd provided some feedback. Naturally I expected the worst, but to my delight you enjoyed it. Right on brother, looking forward to reading Alistair's. Your Gabrielle promo was solid. Strong intro, meaty middle, and a nice closer. Great flow and you never lost my interest throughout. Best of luck to all your characters at TBF!

    Admittedly the orange/green looks kind of shitty on a white background. I have my theme set to 'WC After Dark' and it looks a little better with a black background.
    It does look better on black. And dont worry too much not a lot of material for Alistair (yet).
    Last edited by ETE; 01-09-2015 at 01:48 PM.


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Dune: This was a very awesome promo. Your description is top notch and you didn't miss a beat. You not only covered why every opponent should fear potentially facing you, but you also covered why your upcoming opponents should each fear you. I like the touch at the end that you included, saying they should be honored to be the first to fall to you. I also enjoyed your comparison to the dog and to animals in general. I felt like I could really see the character doing everything in this. This is a very excellent promo from you that I thoroughly enjoyed.

    Lucian Ace: Your promo has a very analytical feel to it and I like that. The definitions that open the promo, followed by solutions to the problems was a very nice touch. An interrogation of a suspect is definitely a new way to get your thoughts about your match across! I also like that your promo basically made fun of itself by doing the same formula as a crime drama when the interrogation started to drag on. After you killed the generic criminal number one, you went on to speak specifcally about your opponents. It was a really cool way to get everyone's attention before getting to the real important parts. Awesome promo.

    Ghost: I like how authentic this promo feels. It's just Ghost in a locker room. No bells or fancy whistles, kind of like the character. He's just saying how he feels about his opponents and even going on to take digs at Garcia, calling himself the last hope for the X-Division. I guess we know what side of the fence he stands on! Ghost makes you feel that these two shouldn't be in his way in the first place and that his true goal lies elsewhere. But at the same time, he's not looking past them or anyone else towards a title until he gets where he needs to be. Really nice promo.
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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Kilik: My man, your promos are as strong as ever, keep up the good work and the story that's being told is an interesting one. You totally made several great points about Jolson and how he can't hold his own in a fight. It was interesting how you said he still had the advantage and LOST an unlosable fight.

    Jimmy King: Fine and dandy promo. Very well constructed. Your character definitely is fleshed out, and certainly has been shafted for too long. He deserves a feud after this!

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim View Post
    Kilik: My man, your promos are as strong as ever, keep up the good work and the story that's being told is an interesting one. You totally made several great points about Jolson and how he can't hold his own in a fight. It was interesting how you said he still had the advantage and LOST an unlosable fight.

    Jimmy King: Fine and dandy promo. Very well constructed. Your character definitely is fleshed out, and certainly has been shafted for too long. He deserves a feud after this!

    We haven't shafted Ghost at all. Everytime something comes along, it disappears. Me and Jimmy have already PMed about this and he knows that we aren't ignoring his character at all. This is the problem with newer and lower card guys - booking feuds is difficult because some sign up then disappear or do one promo then disappear.


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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Reviewage

    Shannon: I like it. I always know you plan big feuds and have big promoes in mind and this delivered. It makes you show you deserve your place in the main event. The ideas conveyed in the promo were so very relevant to the story of this matchup and I like how the entire promo centered around actual wrestling and all the facts. There was no droning dialogue that had no mention of anything - it hyped the match well. Good work

    Lucy: The beginning of the promo was nice I thought but a bit superfluous. I get that it ties in with the promo but I feel like it'd be a stronger promo for Lucian if that was cut out. However, it does add to creativity so keeps your grade up and whatnot. Nice work, decent length - and in particular the dialogue was super strong breaking down each opponent. Very good. Excited to have this character back.

    Zoey: Shorter promo here but it works because you go from A to B and its linear. You understand everything and nothing is too hazy or implied. Concise. I like it. Kristen Bell fits Zoey perfectly and I am looking forward to seeing more. I like that you mentioned trial by fire and had this theme of water. Good jarb homie

    Ghost: Again, a short promo but I feel like you've developed Ghost alot. You've given him a character (Jane) who can now act as a devil on his shoulder and something to have his face side shine through. This is interesting. You've made me interested in your character now too. You've given Ghost some uniqueness and made him sound passionate. This is a good start to tweaking his character. Nice one BROTHER

    Gabrielle: As always, very descriptive from you so that's expected. You always pull out the big guns descriptions for big matches and this was nice. It made me want to read it all. And all I can think of is outstanding this is awesome this is the shit, OHHH YEAHHHH BROTHER GABBYMANIA RUNNIN' WILD WOOOO. It was as smooth as JJ and as heroic as Perry Saturn. Truly nice work by again referencing history and then talking about how this is making history before going into the personal things with Shannon. Effigy was a great word and that was part of a great line. Great work. Tough match to decide between you two motherfuckers.

    Ramon: Awesome work. I love it and you're doing well at building Ramon up. This is a great RP in my opinion and will probably be in my top 5 promos from this show. I like the history referenced with Syn and using his real name - you taught us a bit about previous. Again referencing the PPV was nice too and keeping the current storyline in the reader's minds was a job well done. Big RP, absolutely one of the best RPs i've read in a while in the tag division.

    Cryos: I think i'm a Cryos mark. He's awesome - super arrogant and comes across as a beast. I like the little back and forths he has going on with Goldsmith and Ronnie often too - adding some dimension to the character and letting his personality shine is working wonders. I'm liking it. I can say though that eventually I'd like to see some sort of variance instead of constant interviews with Katie etc. It'll wear out eventually but I am sure you know that. Good work.

    The Movement: I like it... although what is a man? Not Randy. Ok cool. What is Randy? a one MAN comedy act... it felt weird reading that. I am interested in Syn's dark side.... is it like GSP's dark place? I feel like the Cyb3r stuff could have been kept for a Cyb3r promo. I also think that the promo feels like its fractured and not totally fluid. I do like the creativity for each scene though and you spoke about the match alot which is good. I like the dexpected detailed history with Randy and the question of friendship. It was a good promo and solid showing from The Movement that means the stock is rising.

    Stevie: Weird promo concept. Far out with the woman giving birth and relating to it with the dialogue. Nice work. I love the style of this promo where you are breaking the fourth wall in a way basically saying you should be promoted to the main event scene and not be the NA title holder as it is above your level. Very heelish shoot there but I think it'd also come across as fan favourite promo because in kayfabe, the fans probably agree. Stevie is quite literally a Cesaro right now. I love how you spoke about Eyesnsane being brought into your world... not by choice. excellent. I loved it. Very strong promo that definitely will get the ball rolling for Stevenson's potential world title hunt in 2015.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 01-11-2015 at 01:29 AM.


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  17. #17
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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    I'll preface this by stating I've never considered myself being very good at providing insightful feedback. Nevertheless I figured I at least owed the people who responded to my promo some feedback of my own. And with that...

    LUCIAN: Right away your knowledge of your opponent is apparent. I liked you use of definitions, reminded me a bit of my (brief and unsuccessful) stint in high school debate. I got a chuckle out of "castration" and "stoning" as being solutions to the problems your opponents bring about. I thought your incorporation of crime novel characteristics into your promo was interesting and well done. You tied them together nicely. It's clear to everyone that Lucian was screwed out of the title, at least in his eyes. You addressed your opponent directly, claiming he isn't worthy of holding the title like you are. I liked the line that more or less said, "you froze when you saw the card - when you saw me you were covered in ice." Good stuff. Also, I have to say your character reminds me of Viserys Targaryen but only in his appearance. I doubt he's such a bitch though.

    GABRIELLE: I, too, wish to experience those curves. Are you trying to induce lengthy masturbatory sessions with your detailed descriptions of Gabrielle? If so...success (jk). Your descriptions are top notch. Throughout your promo I never struggled to envision the setting, or your character for that matter. As I continued to read I fell more in love with this Gabrielle. I thought your shout out to all the other women in FWA history was pretty cool, and it was also informative for a n00b like myself. I liked how you detailed what it means to be a champion. Your intro/outro were strong and...dat middle. The only qualm (slight as it may be) is that you were a bit redundant in stating how far you've come and what you've had to do to become champion. Even so, very strong and this promo doesn't make me feel any better about my upcoming match with your new character Alistair.

    RONDO: First of all, I need to thank you Shake for turning me on to this Bayley. Holy shit...anyway. Right off you had me with the nickname "the last star in the sky." For some reason I really like that. Good shit. It's clear to the reader that Ryan is out to right a wrong. Solid descriptions, never did I struggle to picture the scene of the empty arena save one. Like you said, it would have been pretty easy (and cliche) to spew some lines about card suites and what not and you're avoidance of it shows you're striving for more. I'm sure it's been done to death when people are facing JOD and company...not that it shouldn't have been...but I thought calling attention to the fact that you were going to avoid it was a good play. Your comparison of your team (one of equals) vs your opponent's team (master/slave relationship) was effective (affective?) in showcasing the camaraderie that's so necessary for a tag team to experience success. In the end your message is simple and effective (...): your opponents are doing down and you're eagerly awaiting the chance to sack them. Nice job.

    CYROS: Nice little interview segment. I chuckled at the secretary being kind of a bitch to Ronnie (poor Ronnie..). Once more your descriptions make it easy to envision the scene. Katie's fascination with Cyros was humorous, especially at the slight expense of Ronnie (poor, poor Ronnie..). You must watch a lot of interviews because both the interviewer/interviewee's voices were strong and believable. Of course you bashed your opponent and addressed him specifically toward the end. Nothing wrong with ending on a bold note by predicting you'll cripple your opponent.

    THE MOVEMENT: Right away you've made the feud more personal by bringing in one of their original trainers. Nice touch. The back and forth dialogue between Syn and Humanity was strong and I felt the transitions between them were smooth. The line, "man is a miserable pile of secrets," had me nodding in approval. Good one fo sho. You provided a little insight into the complicated relationship that Syn and Ryan Rondo share which helped someone like me who doesn't know much (anything) about historical feuds/whatnot in the FWA to get a better grasp. At first Cyb3r's appearance seemed a bit forced but I felt like it definitely sets up future events/angles nicely. Humanity's reveal of how he's been "pulling the strings" with regard to Syn's relationship with Rondo was pretty cool and adds another layer to their own relationship (syn/humanity's). You did a good job of displaying their personalities in each of the 3 segments. If I had to point out a flaw it might be your punctuation, but really it was only early on that I noticed it. It didn't detract anything from the promo and the message you were successful in getting across though.

    Phew...that took a lot longer than it probably should have. I doubt my comments will help any of you down the line but in all honesty none of you need it. I'm super impressed with the level of writing going on here. Very glad I stumbled upon this site. Best of luck to you all (and everyone for that matter...except my opponents..) at TBF!

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Dune: I will admit, this definitely caught me by surprise but in a very good way. Your description was simple but very effective, much like what I use and you tied your dialogue into your setting perfectly. I think that you had wonderful character development and I am definitely looking forward to see what the Dune character brings to the FWA in the future.

    Shannon: I have to say, I really, really enjoyed this promo. This had so much character development and was so perfectly weaved with her history that the whole promo simply made sense. The one thing that I really noticed, at least from my perspective is that Shannon actually came off as the face. I mean, if the FWA was a real product? I would actually be going for Shannon in this match due to everything that she had to say regarding Gabrielle. There was so much passion in this promo and the character came off so genuine that in my opinion, this is arguably one of the best promos that you have ever put out.

    Lucian: I thought that this was a very interesting promo. You chose a unique setting which you managed to use your dialogue well in and you hit a lot of key points that made sense regarding your opponents. I definitely want to see more from you, especially against Devin because I think that the story is just beginning between the two of you, well, figuratively speaking. Good work, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what you have planned for the future.

    Zoey: This was a rather good promo. I have always liked the Zoey character and this was a great example as to why. When she was talking about how all she wanted was someone to look at her? That was very well done, because it really screams realism and shows just how bad that she wants to be here and to beat Sally in general. You had a very simple but highly effective setting work, which as you know, is something that I also utilize so that is a huge compliment and not a bad thing coming from me. I will be honest, this makes me really want to see Zoey get that chance against Shannon. Fantastic work!

    I will be doing more reviews later, and thank you to Shake who reviewed mine; I will be getting to yours here in just a little bit.
    Last edited by Drew Stevenson; 01-11-2015 at 03:27 PM.

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    Gabrielle: Once again, what can I say that has not already been said about you? Each and every time that you role-play, it's almost as if you just keep getting better and better. Your detail work and setting the scene is pretty much flawless, you have that down to a tee and I really like how you utilize the different font colors to really make everything stand out as if we were actually there. Your dialogue was fantastic, you really came at Shannon very hard and showed just why you are the champion. Gabrielle has so much passion, you can tell just how much that she loves being the champion and how proud she is as a champion and that is something that really sets her apart from many other people in the past in my humble opinion. There's not much else that I can really say about you that hasn't already been said, or that I won't say in a week or two from now - amazing work, as usual and you always show us why you are the champion.


    Rondo: The one thing that I always love about your work is just how passionate that you make the character. Ryan is a guy who never gives up, he is a guy who always tries to do the right thing and that is very admirable, even when the "bad guys" knock you for doing so and try to spin the story. Your dialogue is always incredibly strong, the way you have Ryan speak, it's as if he is never really in front of a camera but more or less just talking to a bunch of people which I like, it shows just how genuine and realistic that the character comes across. You have been one of the strongest in the FWA for a long time now and I don't look for that to change anytime soon.

    I am going to try to get to some more reviews later on, but I have a very busy day ahead so no guarantees for tonight anyway.

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    Re: Trial By Fire 2014 Promo discussion thread

    I had really intended on getting a promo done much earlier, but a flu and a fever of 102 put me out of commision for most of the week, so I'm happy I got something in as is (first time i had even booted up my laptop in a week)
    It's starting to get more into the vision i had for what I want to do with this character. More of an episodic, dramatic thing. Even thinking of fleshing out the backgrounds of some of my other characters (Paddy's past is a big one coming up). The formatting still illudes me, but is what it is. But I'm not sure I'll ever write a "traditional" promo with the Toxic series. Never say never.
    I'd love some feedback.
    But I'm not going to beg for it. Even if I don't get any, I'm determined to get better at giving some of my own
    ..soon..





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