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Thread: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

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    Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Discuss promos here. Huah!

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Huah!


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Drew - I gotta up my game if I want to beat you. That was a good promo.


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Beating drew was one of the more difficult things i had to do in fwa so dont sleep on him grpyh cuz them grades sneak up on ya lol
    Last edited by The Mac; 05-31-2014 at 12:22 PM.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    TGO: This was a fantastic rp. I like that many are beginning to "stray" or see the proverbial light in things that were black and white. With Thunder starting to get agitated, it kind of makes a lot of my stuff as Drew seem like it is coming true; hence like Nostradamus. With some of the once heroes now beginning to stray, it makes me wonder what exactly will happen. I think this is the time for new faces and heroes to be born per se.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    I went with something very short, sweet and simple.... After about 4 attempts! I kept writing stuff I felt was better then something I could use against a jobber. So I chopped and kept the bits I thought were good, left in stuff like the Happy Train and went with the generic debutant speech in the ring. Hope people still find it somewhat amusing but definitely bigger and better to come for Heatmaker

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Just a basic little promo from Danny Toner, hopefully it allows you guys more of a look into his mind-set.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Drew Stevenson: This was a very very very good RP. Maybe not your best, as I think you've done better, and the one against Gabrielle sticks out. But this one was still extremely strong. It had the story-telling aspect you sometimes miss, and kept with the unique shoot-from-the-hip, straight-ahead approach Stevenson often uses in RPs. That wasn't lost. Your grade for "does it get to the point" is always extremely high, because you never ever ever dance around the topic for long, if at all. Even when using a bit more literary themes and grandeous style, you kept what makes you you. The grandpa, great grandpa Gryphon, being blind both literally and metaphorically, was a very nice example of those literary techniques. And focusing on Gryphon's development into a cult-like persona, and the dangerous tendencies that could result and already has, compared to Stevenson's factual and in-your-face character...another good focus. Could it be longer? Maybe. Could you have focused on the fact you and Gryphon seem to be developing quite a rivalry in the FWA? I think so. But it still was an extremely well-done RP.

    Beatrixx Black: I think my favorite part about this RP and character is how different it is from most. You have a character with a gimmick unlike most others, and one I personally enjoy since I have a music-based gimmick, too. And you have a style that is so different. The bullets are a nice touch, because no one else uses bullets. I love the development and insight into the character, just a pretender like everyone else with bigger balls than everyone else. And all the examples of that. Comparison between yourself to Dinorah also was strong. "All dem tattoos" was really funny. I love the speak-type for this character. You're making it believable, and easy to imagine even in words. That's a HUUUGE plus. Tough draw for Dinorah. I think we may have found the true future of the Women's division.

    Heatmaker: First off, I'm a big fan of this character. I love the song. I played it, listened to it at work and was bobbing my head back and forth. This is like...the FWA's version of Adam Rose, right? The kiss-blowing and lollipops made me think of Rose. Just a character who trolls with happiness and smiles. It says "To Jewbert Jackson, never give up, rise above hate. Your best friend in the whole world - Heatmaker"
    You're going to make it very very very far just on the trolling alone. If you can flesh out the character, use more storytelling aspects and find a way to mesh that with the troll style, you're going to hit a home run because we don't have anyone quite like that. Chris Kennedy is the closest...at times...Sunrise-Sunset at times back in the day...but no one ever on this level.

    Danny Toner: This is the new version of Thomas Princeton, a millionaire, powerful sorcerer-like character with the power of ambition, greed and whatnot. I like it. Just a jobber match, so it's tough for me to critique anything because you obviously wrote it with the intention of introducing the character and his personality traits, etc. I'll say that the setting, which seems rather dark and mysterious, doesn't fit all too well with what I understand Danny Toner's character to be. Then again, maybe I'm missing the mark. Either way, a solid intro promo. You're good with color coordination, neatness, separating speak from description and your ability to get the high-horse character style over through his self-promotion.

    Lord Vincent Takaab: I was critical via FB message of your Aftershock promo, more so because I felt you missed the mark of what it could've been. Anyways, so as I'm reading this RP I still am trying to wrap my mind around Anna Kendrick dating an FWA wrestler. I assume this is more a personal enjoyment, sort of a mental getting-off toward a celebrity crush, and whatever. Jermaine Johnson tried doing an RP at a mansion with The Rock and Biggy. So whatever. Anyways...the backstory about Jethro being the kid in the back seat is a good connector, even if a little too "out there" for an FWA storyline. I mean...the FWA is about wrestling. Theoretically, it's about beating up your opponent but ultimately a competition, just a little more violent than other sports. Bringing in assassination organizations and murder and whatnot is kind of heavy for a wrestling storyline. I know the Undertaker-Kane-Paul Bearer thing was kind of similar. Maybe that's what you're going for, something along those lines. Anyways...it's a nice connection, I guess, other than the fact you saved Jethro's life and I don't get why that would lead to a feud/rivalry. I feel the basis of the rivalry SHOULD stem from Jethro being...a sadistic MoFo and stealing Amber and Tracy, and Vincent's seeking revenge. The assassination stuff sort of adds a completely separate dimension to it, and I'm not entirely sure it really helps build on top of it, if that makes sense.

    The actual content about Caspian is decent enough. Jokes about his failed porn scenes kind of lend themselves to RPs against the character, so that's not entirely surprising. The back-and-forth dialogue is, at times, awkward. Same thing for me. It's tough to make it realistic-sounding the entire way. There were times it came off kind of robotic and matter-of-fact. But Lord Vincent kind of seems like that. I've never taken him as someone I could have a long, interesting conversation with at a bar. Nonetheless, average promo that, again, seems somewhat jumpy and robotic, but still wildly creative and ambitious.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post

    Lord Vincent Takaab: I was critical via FB message of your Aftershock promo, more so because I felt you missed the mark of what it could've been. Anyways, so as I'm reading this RP I still am trying to wrap my mind around Anna Kendrick dating an FWA wrestler. I assume this is more a personal enjoyment, sort of a mental getting-off toward a celebrity crush, and whatever. Jermaine Johnson tried doing an RP at a mansion with The Rock and Biggy. So whatever. Anyways...the backstory about Jethro being the kid in the back seat is a good connector, even if a little too "out there" for an FWA storyline. I mean...the FWA is about wrestling. Theoretically, it's about beating up your opponent but ultimately a competition, just a little more violent than other sports. Bringing in assassination organizations and murder and whatnot is kind of heavy for a wrestling storyline. I know the Undertaker-Kane-Paul Bearer thing was kind of similar. Maybe that's what you're going for, something along those lines. Anyways...it's a nice connection, I guess, other than the fact you saved Jethro's life and I don't get why that would lead to a feud/rivalry. I feel the basis of the rivalry SHOULD stem from Jethro being...a sadistic MoFo and stealing Amber and Tracy, and Vincent's seeking revenge. The assassination stuff sort of adds a completely separate dimension to it, and I'm not entirely sure it really helps build on top of it, if that makes sense.

    The actual content about Caspian is decent enough. Jokes about his failed porn scenes kind of lend themselves to RPs against the character, so that's not entirely surprising. The back-and-forth dialogue is, at times, awkward. Same thing for me. It's tough to make it realistic-sounding the entire way. There were times it came off kind of robotic and matter-of-fact. But Lord Vincent kind of seems like that. I've never taken him as someone I could have a long, interesting conversation with at a bar. Nonetheless, average promo that, again, seems somewhat jumpy and robotic, but still wildly creative and ambitious.
    The feud started out as a chance situation with Jethro trying to make a point to Vincent to not ignore him... but then they both realize there's much bigger stakes... Long story... we're getting around to explaining it rofl. the broad majority about it is the main situation between Vincent and Jethro, and Jethro attempting to destroy his life... this is sort of extra value of Jethro sticking around and putting so much effort into destroying him...

    Inside the wrestler's studio.... *cue fruity music*

    Anyhoo... All in all Vincent, love your promo man... It's the next chapter in this story, so maybe I see it a little differently... On the other side, to be purely on the critical side of things, as always there's tons of character development, and you have the ability to put forth the storyline, put forth the character in an entertaining way that endears you to the promo... and that's most of the battle... If anything, the dialogue could use a bit of work... Sometimes it comes off as more "written," than it does as spoken word... Don't be afraid to be a little grammatically incorrect... nobody really speaks perfect english these days... and putting forth more realistic dialogue against grammatically correct sentence structure would help your writing more than anything.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Thank you Maxxy and yeah like you said, our feud started off as Vincent not giving Jethro the time of day and then it, well, to put it frankly. It blew up and our characters are connected from days before the FWA, our characters are more connected then they knew with Vincent essentially killing everyone in Jethro's family and Jethro taking Vincent's former bride on their wedding day. So at this point, after everything that they've been through, Vincent and Jethro don't just want to kill each other, but to make each other suffer the most excruciating pain imaginable. So much pain inflicted, that Death would only be a welcome relief.

    And for your Promo Maxxy:



    Last edited by The Altyrell; 06-03-2014 at 01:17 AM.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    Heatmaker: First off, I'm a big fan of this character. I love the song. I played it, listened to it at work and was bobbing my head back and forth. This is like...the FWA's version of Adam Rose, right? The kiss-blowing and lollipops made me think of Rose. Just a character who trolls with happiness and smiles. It says "To Jewbert Jackson, never give up, rise above hate. Your best friend in the whole world - Heatmaker"
    You're going to make it very very very far just on the trolling alone. If you can flesh out the character, use more storytelling aspects and find a way to mesh that with the troll style, you're going to hit a home run because we don't have anyone quite like that. Chris Kennedy is the closest...at times...Sunrise-Sunset at times back in the day...but no one ever on this level.
    thank you TGO I appreciate the feedback!

    Heatmaker as a character is a combination of Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Bo Dallas and even a aspects of John Cena. It's basically a nit pick combination of every generic wrestler that annoys me for one reason or another. But I am very pleased people have taken to him and are boarding the Happy Train hahaha. The best is yet to come

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    My gran has just passed away , I won't be completing my promo.

    i accept after my issues last week this way seem a bit questionable but I assure you this is the truth. As she lives in Jamaica I don't know what will happen with funeral arrangements but I shall let everyone know ASAP to try avoid disruption, which I know is unfortunate based on my position at the moment
    ~The Ace of Diamonds~
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzaleanShake View Post
    may have been too high to English at one point. My bad.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Very sorry to hear that man, my condolences to you and your family.

    Just take care of yourself and your loved ones.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    I'm sorry for your loss Hifo. I know what it is like to lose a Grandma.


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Carter/Kennedy have asked for an emergency 2-hour extension, which has been granted.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Sorry to hear that Hifo .

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Quote Originally Posted by Hifo View Post
    My gran has just passed away , I won't be completing my promo.

    i accept after my issues last week this way seem a bit questionable but I assure you this is the truth. As she lives in Jamaica I don't know what will happen with funeral arrangements but I shall let everyone know ASAP to try avoid disruption, which I know is unfortunate based on my position at the moment
    Very sorry to hear that Hifo. Thoughts and prayers are with you.



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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Very sorry to hear this, Hifo. Hope everything gets better. Thoughts are with you.


    Jethro Warren
    - I think it's, at times, too near-sighted to say stuff like, "That was your best promo ever" or something. You've probably had others, maybe even one since coming to WrestlingClique, but I'll say this. I can't think of three you've done that I'd put above this one. It was a VERY good RP. It felt real, it developed the character and kept the focus on something tangible and recent I could understand about your rivalry with Lord Vinnie. The scene felt realistic, as if this would be the natural reaction for someone who had a sword cut open his chest. I think, more than anything, that gripped me. Second, you obviously put a good bit of effort into this RP. You perfected the dialogue and Jethro's reactions, it was neat and organized and appealing to the retina, and it made sense. If any complaint, it's that it took too long getting to Dave Sullivan's part. As much as I love the RP and love the focus and, quite frankly, love the feud, I can't overlook that for this particular match it took a bit getting to it. That's about the only complaint I could have for this RP. This was a North American title-quality RP. I know you're a veteran in the FWA, but I always tell people, it's amazing the quality of RPs and the level people rise when they get in a really really good feud.


    Jason Gryphon
    - If you read my review of Jethro, then you should know what I'll say about this one. As much as I love the direction you're taking Jason Gryphon, and as much as I think you pull off the cult activist character better than any person executes his/her character right now, there was a bit "too much" of the building the followers and advertising Gryphonism before we got to Drew Stevenson. Like with Jethro and Sullivan, you took too long getting to the match at hand. Once you got there, it was effective stuff. And a good bit of it. But that still made for a long RP, maybe longer than it needed to be. I think the Gryphon father stuff, before and after Gryphon's first rant, could've been combined into one train of thought instead of split in two. Just a personal opinion, and maybe I'm wrong there. I don't really think Gryphon's dad did much to enhance the RP, other than he's the opposite of Gryphon. Really, he just seemed like a bridge. You needed a way to start with Gryphon in jail and end with Gryphon out of jail. So the father can bail him out. And there's his use. But I think you had alternatives. Part of this RP was to show how effective Gryphon has been in building his followers, right? He had them outside the jail, and two more signing up in the prison. Why not have the followers come together and post his bail? I've posted bail for someone before; you don't need to be a blood relative. So if he had hundreds of followers there, they could feasibly organize a bond pool and get him out. I think that would've been more effective than the father, but that's just me. In all, I think this was an extremely ambitious RP, and a creative one and one that makes the most of your current storyline with Ryan Hall, the apparent mental snap at Aftershock and the setup with the Aftershock promo and the ensuing arrest. So, good job executing a well-thought-out plan, and furthering this cult-figure image. But it was too long, too long-winded, at times too cheesy and unrealistic of dialogue, and took way too long to reach the subject of the match and Gryphon's opponent.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Drew Stevenson: Drew has always been an arrogant bastard and that came out here, but man this promo was sinister and I'm not sure if it was in a good or bad way. But it was well written and the commentary as well as descriptions was well placed and effective. Drew is definitely evolving as a character and I like that he's becoming more fleshed out and this feud with Gryphon and FWA MGMT has made him stand out. That being said don't become a "Nemesis" where your promos get so dark and over the top that you can't come back from it. Overall good job.

    Beatrixx Black: I am loving this character, my cousin works in the underground rap scene and so I hear about this kind of lifestyle and I like how you have infused it into an FWA character. This definitely paints a bright and competitive future for the FWA Womens' division and I cannot wait to see what other rps you bring to the table. Once Beatrixx gets a proper feud she's really going to start coming out as a 3 dimensional character. P.S. like the bullet points style.

    Whyte Thunder: I am very intrigued how the Thunder character is developing now and this kind of shift in perspective. It makes perfect sense and fits with the character and you are executing it brilliantly! It's a good point if I was a fan of the FWA watching this on TV I'd be like "yeah Whyte is soft for what happened with Rondo" but this would be an rp that got at least me as an individual back on his side. Not sure I can say how the rest of the world would react, but this was a simple but well executed promo that is clearly leading to something big! Though that "hustle, loyalty, respect" line was way too John Cena haha.

    Heatmaker: Jewbert sounds like a religiously insensitive muppets character lol But this is a nice intro promo. Funny, quick and too the point. This guy is going places I feel. And Happy Train t-shirts are gonna be a big seller for the FWA over the summer

    Danny Toner: Danny seems like the kind of guy you'd see in a high class whiskey commercial. That's not a good or bad thing yet, just want to see where this character goes. I like the gimmick which is one you can do a lot with and liked his final line at the end. Want to see more from you within the coming weeks, though, and really flesh out this character.

    More reviews to come later, will review for review!



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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 6/6/2014

    Hifo brother, this is a fantasy league... Don't worry about us, Family comes first every time... God be with you and your family.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    Jethro Warren - I think it's, at times, too near-sighted to say stuff like, "That was your best promo ever" or something. You've probably had others, maybe even one since coming to WrestlingClique, but I'll say this. I can't think of three you've done that I'd put above this one. It was a VERY good RP. It felt real, it developed the character and kept the focus on something tangible and recent I could understand about your rivalry with Lord Vinnie. The scene felt realistic, as if this would be the natural reaction for someone who had a sword cut open his chest. I think, more than anything, that gripped me. Second, you obviously put a good bit of effort into this RP. You perfected the dialogue and Jethro's reactions, it was neat and organized and appealing to the retina, and it made sense. If any complaint, it's that it took too long getting to Dave Sullivan's part. As much as I love the RP and love the focus and, quite frankly, love the feud, I can't overlook that for this particular match it took a bit getting to it. That's about the only complaint I could have for this RP. This was a North American title-quality RP. I know you're a veteran in the FWA, but I always tell people, it's amazing the quality of RPs and the level people rise when they get in a really really good feud.
    Yeah, the amount of time it took to getting to Dave was something I was really kicking myself over today, Monday morning quarterbacking myself. Purely from an objective standpoint... I don't think I've written a promo of this depth, meaning and quality since Bapho was feuding with Stu over Jenny, and the overarching storyline with Jenny. I know that's how I felt writing it. Long story short, my promo is Alt's fault for giving such an amazing moment to work off of lol. A day early and a decent "FWA" length lol

    More reviews, review for review cause I'm interested in hearing some feedback for this promo.

    Whyte Thunder: I love the feeling of internal conflict you brought to the promo. I feel this is the promo that you should've and maybe we're attempting to totally turn to that totally fed up with the fans heel turn. I would love to hear a reply but I read it and it just feels like you didn't commit one way or another. The beginning he's genuinely affected, goes to the ring, tells the fans to fuck off, vents, specifically bringing up the vileness of the fans that want to see you destroy Wolf, then you say you want to appease them by doing the same thing to Mist... To me, It's like telling that crazy girl to fuck off, but still wanting to put up with her bullshit. If anything, I feel you should've stayed with your convictions given the beginning. A great heel always feels what he does, no matter the severity is always justified... and a great babyface always sticks to his convictions no matter the circumstances surrounding him. And I feel Whyte does neither... Obviously this is more of a critique moreso of the psychology of your promo, than the actual work. Frankly, as it stands, it's a fantastic piece. You FEEL for Whyte, no matter what I feel about his thinking, I, as a reader, feel for his situation... his frustrations. And I love his speaking style... You really walk that fine line between a gripping, realistic promo without getting too robotic or too verbose. Frankly, it's a smooth, very easy style to not just read, but hear, so to speak, in the mind's eye. If that makes any sense. Fantastic promo, need cliff notes rofl.

    Beatrixx: I love this chick... totally offbeat, and just a unique character that brings something special to the table without having to develop it over a long brutal feud or storyline. Not to mention, same with TGO above, you have a great speaking style for the character, totally unique for the character. Fun, easy to read, and you can hear the promo in your head. The only real flaw I could mention is your opponent is only mentioned superficially in the promo. You mention Dinorah to set up for more hijinks with your character than using your hijinks as a framework to write a promo against your opponent. But beyond that, love Beatrixx... Top notch work man.

    Sally: Exactly what I was talking about above using your situation as framework for an opponent and not using your opponent as framework for your situation... *Insert sexualized baseball innuendo here* Love the promo Matt. It's dripping with raw sex appeal and his a hoot to boot. Love it love it love it...

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