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Thread: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

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    PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Discuss promos in this thread. Do not ask for a review without giving one. "Wowza," or similar one-sentence posts giving all positives and zero negatives, does not constitute a proper, thoughtful review. Give thoughtful analysis/insight to a person's creative work, mixing praise with constructive criticism, and you will receive the same from me in return.

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    Discuss promos in this thread. Do not ask for a review without giving one. "Wowza," or similar one-sentence posts giving all positives and zero negatives, does not constitute a proper, thoughtful review. Give thoughtful analysis/insight to a person's creative work, mixing praise with constructive criticism, and you will receive the same from me in return.

    LG: Wowza.





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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Amazing.

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    @Wake - Despite the remarks towards Vincent and the X Championship, I liked this Promo mostly because both you & Vincent essentially agree on Mist, though from different angles. And while, in my opinion, you're above Mist, I could see you guys having a good feud together. My only real negative, would be that you should've broken the speaking parts into paragraphs or something.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Promo sent in. However I forgot to make clear that the dialogue is Rondo's thoughts so try to keep that in mind. I was going to edit in a key or go back and add in that he was thinking to himself. My bad but I sent it before I realised. C'est la vie. Looking forward to the show guys!

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Altyrell View Post
    @Wake - Despite the remarks towards Vincent and the X Championship, I liked this Promo mostly because both you & Vincent essentially agree on Mist, though from different angles. And while, in my opinion, you're above Mist, I could see you guys having a good feud together. My only real negative, would be that you should've broken the speaking parts into paragraphs or something.
    Your words are hurtful you know... *Cries in corner*


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Alright, here it goes, my first attempt at doing a promo review.

    Jethro Warren-
    I liked this promo, you were able to say a lot in a short amount of time, which is often difficult to do. However, like I said it was in a short amount of time, if you had kept going with what you were going with and made it longer it would've been great. 6.5/10

    Lord Vincent Takaab Blackbird-
    This was a good promo, the length was good and was pretty much all dialogue, you made a good length and were able to say a lot of stuff without repeating yourself that much. I don't know what it is, but there is something holding this promo back. I can't quite put my finger on it, regardless, 7/10 Also this grade would have been and instant 10/10 if that Fine Ass Chair you were sitting in got more character development.


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Heads up it will say that my rp was in a few minutes late but that is because when I posted it I walked away from my laptop thinking it had sent but something went wrong with the connection and I had to copy and paste it back into the forum and re-post it. I give you my word the Saddle Sally promo was written well before the deadline I walked away from my computer around 11.50pm and came back and realized it didn't go through. Below I have posted the error message that I got just in case you all need verification.


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Beatrixx: I can tell I'm going to like your character a lot. You are like the female version of the Rebel Bad Ass in a lot of ways but I like your focus and how your gimmick comes off. Can't wait to see more from you.

    Caspian Campbell: Sorry to hear you are sick but you did a decent job with this I am already starting to understand what kind of character this is though some of the formatting though unique was a tad hard to follow at times, but eventually I got used to it.

    Stu St. Clair: Great atmosphere maybe a tad melodramatic for the situation but I enjoyed it quite a bit. I am forever envious of your ability to write an rp in such an enticing manner, it's so magnetic despite it's more dark atmosphere. Well done as always.

    Dave Sullivan: I lol'ed if you're going to write a super short promo this is the way to do it.

    More reviews to come, will review for review.

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    No Hallpass promo :o


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Mist View Post
    Your words are hurtful you know... *Cries in corner*
    lol that's how Vincent feels. How I feel personally, is you are definitely doing a good job and a feud against Wake, for example, would be or could be interesting to see as it would be somewhat of a underdog story where the moment you get the victory over him [unless he no-show] would be monumental and would be good promo fodder on his part calling your victory a fluke or that you had gotten lucky. That said, how Vincent feels is that Mist had gotten lucky in winning the X Championship and that Mist hadn't had a proper title defense like he will have at Aftershock against two [unbiased comment incoming] talented promo'ers in their own ways.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Mist View Post
    Lord Vincent Takaab Blackbird-This was a good promo, the length was good and was pretty much all dialogue, you made a good length and were able to say a lot of stuff without repeating yourself that much. I don't know what it is, but there is something holding this promo back. I can't quite put my finger on it, regardless, 7/10 Also this grade would have been and instant 10/10 if that Fine Ass Chair you were sitting in got more character development.
    No I know what held it back, as it is pretty much the same thing that holds the majority of my promos back, and that is description. Describing my scenery, describing, as you said, that Fine Ass Chair, once that is nailed then my promos can be golden. But thank you for the feedback. In a few moments, I will give you feedback on your Promo.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    @Mist - "Your breath quick." I think you meant something like "Your breath quickens." or "Your breath deepens." This "You feel the rain drops falling on top of you." got the song "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" stuck in my head, thank you for that. "follow to the floor." should be "fall to the floor." and "You sat up, looking to your side" should be "You sit up, looking to your side". "You and your ho" damn straight Amber is a ho, but "Alester with come" should've been "Alester will come". You forgot the "need" here "I don't to worry" and there is a word missing here, but I'm not sure which word is supposed to be here "The fades into darkness." and for the beginning part, perhaps a different blue or color then the sky/light blue for the speaker "You".

    All of those said and despite you causing the song "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" to become stuck in my head momentarily, it was an enjoyable piece, though I can't speak for Jethro, Vincent doesn't mind getting his face bloodied as his face has been bloodied before, more recently & not counting the First Blood Match that never begun, his face (iirc) was bloodied in the Quake With Fear Death Match at the Back In Business PPV last month.

    @iMatt - That should've been "COSMOS A Spacetime Odyssey with Saddle Sally's Ass" and what undergarments? We ALL know that Saddle Sally doesn't wear undergarments I love the Double Entendres and for me it didn't matter if the Promo didn't really go that much into Shannon because after your BIB Promo forcing me to show the clip of this infamous scene, I can't help but think
    Last edited by The Altyrell; 05-24-2014 at 07:04 AM. Reason: Edited in iMatt's feedback and corrected the PPV Name.

    [I WIN]


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    formerly TE
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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Son a bitch. I could of swore it was Saturday night. I planned out my whole Saturday to write this.

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Some impressive efforts from the Up and Comers....

    ....some pretty pathetic and borderline non existent efforts from most the veterans.

    Will review each and every promo today and I am not going to be nice about it.





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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Was the same too TE, double checked on my phone lying in bed and wrote my promo on my phone and sent it in via email.

    Have to say, this promo thread has been somewhat lacking I think. But in all honesty, I do thinj alot of people have given some very good work.

    Sent from my C5303 using Tapatalk


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  17. #17
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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Quote Originally Posted by The Altyrell View Post
    @Mist - "Your breath quick." I think you meant something like "Your breath quickens." or "Your breath deepens." This "You feel the rain drops falling on top of you." got the song "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" stuck in my head, thank you for that. "follow to the floor." should be "fall to the floor." and "You sat up, looking to your side" should be "You sit up, looking to your side". "You and your ho" damn straight Amber is a ho, but "Alester with come" should've been "Alester will come". You forgot the "need" here "I don't to worry" and there is a word missing here, but I'm not sure which word is supposed to be here "The fades into darkness." and for the beginning part, perhaps a different blue or color then the sky/light blue for the speaker "You".

    All of those said and despite you causing the song "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" to become stuck in my head momentarily, it was an enjoyable piece, though I can't speak for Jethro, Vincent doesn't mind getting his face bloodied as his face has been bloodied before, more recently & not counting the First Blood Match that never begun, his face (iirc) was bloodied in the Quake With Fear Death Match at the Back In Business PPV last month.
    Thanks for the feedback, most of those grammatical errors are because I was like half asleep when I finished writing this, so that is never good. Also at the end it was supposed to be "The scene fades into darkness."


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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    I understand I greatly missed the deadline (started writing at 10PM, finished around 3 and realised I couldn't connect to the Internet.) After 8AM I knew it would not count, but I went in to my work to collect my laptop just to post it, so hopefully I can at least be graded to see how I would have done

    Apologies to the other guys and congrats to whoever becomes new champion
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    may have been too high to English at one point. My bad.

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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    BEATRIXX BLACK- For a debut promo (against someone who is practically a jobber) this was a tremendous effort! Probably the most unique rookie I've seen in a while. Even if Zoe had promo'd (lol) I doubt she could have beat you. If this is your jobber promo i'd really like to see what happens when Beatrixx turns up. The only thing she needs is attacking the core of her opponents, exploiting their weaknesses, but that is not your fault, it comes with longevity and you haven't been here long enough to learn the back story of every FWA'er. For instance, you could talk about how Zoe had been under FWA contract since 2012 and has only won 2 matches. You could attack her for being a career flake that no one takes seriously, hit bubbly style over substance promo style, all that. But like I said, you are still new here so its very understandable that you don't know all that, it comes with time. Great job all around. 6/10

    ZOE-
    Wowza 0/10

    Caspian Campbell- Caspian's birthday is December 7th. My birthday (and my character Chris Kennedy's birthday) is December 8th. If zodiac signs have anything at all to do with ones success in the FWA, you'll do just fine. The middle part of your promo was an entertaining read, though I wish it gave me more. I can only hope it alluding to something in the future happening with the female fan, and that's it's just an encounter with the fan. Her using your name breaks kayfabe so I would hope it plays a significant role in Caspian's story to come. 5.5/10

    Stu St. Clair -
    Did Stu St. Clair possibly turn in the best promo of the night? Is this 2008? I was stunned. Easily your best work in YEARS, tremendous job. You really cut at the core of everyone involved in the whole feud, even taking shots at Chris Kennedy and Brian Carter for taking the titles from Stu and Ashley at an opportune moment. This promo felt very personal, and Stu did a great job making Gabrielle look like a joke and making Ashley look like a fool, every single paragraph is informative and captivating, shining light on the history between the 3 of them. All be honest with you, Stu/Gabby, on paper, is a feud staler than old bread. Yet, you turned out a heck of a promo that had an end of an era feel. 9/10

    Dave Sullivan -
    Amazing

    Vincent Takaab Blackbird -
    Two consecutive Pay Per Views that you've turned in better promos than Ryan Hall. You should be #1 contender to the FWA Championship. I like that you've turned down on the slapstick nature that Vince used to have, he seems more mature and much less cheesy than he did circa 2012. He has grown up, and is turning into a hell of a competitor. This promo, if it was a couple paragraphs longer, could win the North American championship, let alone the X-Title. 6.5/10

    Thomas Princeton - Kind of just felt uninspired. It's fine doing a standard "guy walks to the ring and cuts an in-ring promo" thing but I can't recall anyone who has done it more than Princeton. The part where Princeton tries to bury Duke Drazin also seemed seemed to work against you, in my eyes anyway, Princeton trying to call Duke Drazin obscure is basically the same thing as The Miz trying to mic-bury the Undertaker. Those are my gripes with it, but those are my only gripes with it, this was not a BAD promo. The concept of Princeton comparing Wake Walker to failed "It Guys" of years passed was brilliant and it was all executed very nicely. All in all a good promo, but no where near as good as you can pull off. 5/10

    Wake Walker - This was a main event quality promo. One of the best promos of the night. A central theme of this promo was Princeton not being as good as he once was, and you did a good job backing up all your points. The intro was a little tongue and cheek and you could have done a better job setting the a serious tone for your promo, but you made up for it with the final paragraph, which really did well to put an exclamation point on the entire promo. 7.5/10

    Saddle Sally - Being that I am a huge fan of Cosmos, I marked out for this one. Seeing the effort you've put into this one its understandable your other promo fell to the wayside. I enjoyed this one. 7/10

    Dinorah Redgrave - Im reviewing my own promo because its shit. I fell asleep before starting it and woke up in a haze, threw some text on there and hit enter because I am sure my opponent would no show. I was right. 1/10

    Ryan Hall - Wowza

    More to come later
    Last edited by Jiggy; 05-24-2014 at 03:59 PM.





  20. #20
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    Re: PROMO DISCUSSION THREAD Aftershock 2014

    Alty: Purely for brevity's sake... Why hope for a less than brutal and literal betrayal from Amber on Jethro? I would think Blackbird would want... at least... a nut cut off or something lol. All in all, really digging your promo. I just love the fact that you went straight dialogue and I went straight scene without even having to sync up for that lol. Fuck... in a lot of ways, our promos are just polar parallels of each other. Very nice, short, sweet entertaining promo. The only gripe I could have is maybe a little more description framing the scene. But I love it. Great promo man.

    Mist: I've never really been one put much stock in proper grammar for promos... Hell, my buddy Rebel's promos were some of the best at one point, even though half the words were misspelled lol. I really think Mist has the potential to be a devastating monster, with the creepy backstory, and your delivery, and how Alester is involved in all this... I think the promo is a little disjoined... Pt. 1 (so to speak) really doesn't flow as smoothly as it should into Pt. 2. It's transitioned, but dropped immediately after that. I would've liked to see Mist speak of blood and destruction beyond the confines of a hardcore wrestling match... to tie into his destructive past. Beautiful how you turned my analogy from our last PPV match back on Jethro and Blackbird... Easily my favorite part of the promo. Great promo man... Can't wait to see what'll happen in the match and how the chips will fall.

    Matt: Oh my god, Matt... lol. Brilliant promo... Probably one of the best you've done in my opinion... Great, original premise. Excellent delivery... Great stuff brother. I'm with Alt though... There are no panties in Sally's Wild West...

    Kinda sad to see some of the greats didn't promo... and only a few matches had everyone show up for their match...

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