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Thread: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

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    Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Gabrielle- Lately, everyone has been saying your work has been better than ever, acting as if you are finally coming into your own. I disagree with this and say you have always been amazing, people are just now only paying attention. About 2 years ago, there was a discussion in the PWS Shoutbox about Matt Boudreau. I said that Boudreau was incredibly overated and that he had only held the title for so long because he didn't have any competition worthy. Matt asked me who I thought was better. I said, in this order, Gabrielle, Wolf, Stu St. Clair but only in his prime, and of course (in pure JD fashion) "Chris Kennedy by a mile". In retrospect, I would add Ryan Hall post-2012 and MC Fromage to that list. Matt initially question why I named Gabrielle, let alone put at the top. I compared your career to his, and compared your title reign to Bordreau's (to which Matt said "I never thought about it like that") I personally enjoyed your 2011 work above anything else you've done since, but what you are offering now is a clear cut above the rest of what everyone else is currently offering. I liked the route you took, Gabrielle and Princeton being two sides of the same coin. I especially liked how you declared there is not better way to face your past than defeat a reflection of yourself. Great job all around ETE. 8/10

    V&V- Usually, I'm not a fan of banter promos. But the fact that you both contribute to the banter (I assume) makes it flow more naturally than say an APAB promo. This was an enjoyable read from top to bottom. There are a few discrepancies in your promo (The Kennedy/CWA angle was abandoned, Kennedy never actually performed in CWA) but nothing to really cripple this for me. Jabberwocky is on point as always with on par with Ashley O'Ryan, though I wish we would have gotten more out of him. It was mostly Stu talking with Ashley chiming in, until the end when Ashley takes over. Right as Ashley picks up momentum in the promo, it ends.The promo is still above average because the banter is that good. 7/10

    Jason Gryphon- The was a fantastic promo, just a tremendous read from top to bottom. While I thought it could have been slightly longer, that is just my personal promo preference and not the measuring stick for a great promo. I am impressed with your progression since my last run. You spent a great deal of paragraph 3 on Shane McLean but spent the remaining paragraphs focusing on the church of Gryphon, which is great for the character development mark but a missed oppertunity in terms of going after your oponnont, exposing and exploiting their weakness while comparing and highlighting your strengths. Stand Up! Join or DIE! BE A GRYPHON! 7/10

    Vincent Takaab Blackbird of the Clan Blackbird of the 3rd ward in the 7th circle of the Deeper Well of Fate- I thought the beginning timeline was fantastic. And it would have been an AMAZING way to start the promo. But it was practically the entire promo, because once this ended, I was expecting to be carried away by the majestic story telling only Vincent could provide. What I got was 6 sentences. I've seen your mind in action, I know you can offer more. 4.5/10
    Last edited by Jiggy; 05-09-2014 at 07:51 PM.

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    Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Vincent Taakab Blackbird: Length isn’t everything, writers like Jabberwocky have shown us this. But I still feel that to convey the character, create a setting, portray any character evolution, address the match at hand and speak about your opponent 1000 words is about the bare minimum to really convey all of that in this environment. But reading your promos I get the feeling that more than anyone else you write simply to express your creative ideas with freedom, and simply craft a story. In my opinion the abundance of death/killings in Taakabs world doesn’t flow in the wrestling world, I’m not a fan of death in efeds for storylines sake, it put me off the Hall-Wolf feud a bit. But technically speaking there’s nothing wrong with your writing, you got across all you seemingly intended too quite well, it was written well, but as a wrestling promo reading it I never got any idea of who Blackbird is facing, what the match is, etc. But as I mentioned earlier I see this (and maybe I’m wrong) as you simply crafting a story with Maxxy, maybe not the best story for wrasslin though.

    As an FWA promo I’d give this 3/10, but as a part of a novel, as a part of a bigger story an 8/10 maybe 8.5/10.
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    I intentionally did the promo that way due to Maxxy not being able to promo, as we are going with a storyline match. I didn't want to do something big because he isn't able to promo and I honestly would've felt awkward not promo'ing something. So, I went with a Promo that brought a previous Promo to somewhat of a conclusion with it being somewhat from the Scientist's perspective along with showing that Vincent & Jethro were destined to face each other.

    This Promo was always my intention for this Match, the main difference between it's current incarnation and what it would've been like if Maxxy was able to Promo, would be a further conversation between Anna Kendrick and Vincent about his 3 on 1 Handicap Match, about how Anna hates Amber for what she did to Vincent, and how she (Anna) wants to be in Vincent's corner just so she could have the chance to kick Amber's ass.

    My next Promo for the Triple Threat X Championship Match at Aftershock, will be back to my usual Promo'ing style.
    Last edited by The Altyrell; 05-09-2014 at 10:25 AM.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    That makes more sense.
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Thanks JD, I'd agree and put my 2011 work with Gabby above my current writing, I don't think I've consistently gotten back up to that level once Gabby had her maternity leave, but at the same time the addition of Carmella lets me use my own little ladies as inspiration at times and write some deeper promos.

    And its a sheer coincidence JD and I are scoring our promo reviews.

    Vodka and Venom: I really enjoy the Vodka and Venom dynamic, and always have, its not a tale of two perfect friends, its two people who've had plenty of differences over the years. Feuded, tagged, feuded, tagged and each sway of the relationship just adds to the new dynamic, gives it more strain, and makes it real. Even the best of friends in real life wont always agree with each other. This is definitely a more natural discussion between the two of them, which is something that's very tricky to work into a genuine promo setting. To jump back and forth between realistic conversations and a good promo on the match/feud/opponents at hand can be tricky, but its one that VnV has mastered or at least does better than anyone else. Back on the dynamic aspect which is a huge part of this promo, I really like what Gabrielle as a wedge has added to the pairing with Stu pleading how its all for a greater good and playing the role of motivator to Ashley who is more concerned with Gabrielle and where his friendship with Stu is heading. The only thing that really lets it down in my mind is some of the descriptive passages are a little jerky. 7/10

    Dinorah Redgrave: Your best promo since returning in my opinion. Dinorah really returned with a bang, and at the right time too, Women’s division really needs some more numbers simply to keep things fresh more than anything else. I cant really pick out any flaws here, written well as expected, got the Dinorah character over tremendously well to old and new readers alike, spent plenty of time on the match/Sally and more than anything else gave everyone a reason to care about Dinorah and her return. It worked as a Dinorah history lesson, where she took a few not so subtle digs at just about every other female wrestler, which is something I like and am trying to incorporate more, basically namedropping; it helps flesh out promos and the FWA universe as opposed to making it seem like the character is in their own little world. Great to have Dinorah back, I think she should be the breath of fresh air and the motivation to up the game of the other women the division needs.7.5/10
    Last edited by ETE; 05-09-2014 at 08:10 PM.
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Jiggy: I appreciate the kind words about my promo, especially coming from someone like you. As for your promo as Redgrave, it was just fantastic and I cannot wait to see what you take the character next. I'm looking forward to reading your promo as Kennedy for your title match.
    Last edited by JasonGryphon; 05-09-2014 at 11:12 PM.


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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Mist has been granted an emergency 24-hour extension. His Internets be out.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    Mist has been granted an emergency 24-hour extension. His Internets be out.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    Mist has been granted an emergency 24-hour extension. His Internets be out.
    What does this mean for his opponents? Nothing? We still have the same deadline to abide by?

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    Great turn out so far guys. Loving it. Awesome to see you back on the reg' JD.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wake Walker View Post
    What does this mean for his opponents? Nothing? We still have the same deadline to abide by?
    If his opponents really want the same extension they can have it. Only fair.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by King Epicity View Post


    Great turn out so far guys. Loving it. Awesome to see you back on the reg' JD.



    If his opponents really want the same extension they can have it. Only fair.
    I want to go ahead and confirm that. Wake Walker and Dave Sullivan have the same 24-hour extension meaning that roleplays for us would be due on May 11th at 3AM EST. Is that correct?

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Sure guy.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by King Epicity View Post
    Sure guy.
    Thank you.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    You see, it was funny because it was a cool starry bra.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Jason Gryphon: To Gryphonisim! If wrestling didn't work out for him then he'd make a great motivational speaker, makes me want to go do heroic deeds. Its been said many times before but you write a face so well, its impossible not to root for Jason Gryphon, I doubt he's ever even littered or if he has he felt so bad about it afterwards he adopted an orphan, that's how good a guy he is. Even when he's taking credit for the landscape of the FWA, theres something about it, the way he preaches it not as a condescension but as a message of strength of Gryphons. It is a tricky line to toe though and you're writing continues to improve, as do your promos, just a few rough edges here and there, but Jason is a great example of really creating a gimmick, a character, a personality and sticking to it, never wavering from Jason being that true hero. The repetition of his name in the descriptions I mentioned last week are gone and its a more naturally flowing promo as a result. That final lasting image though of the blood stained gryphon is where it really wavered into that diabolical cultish territory though, perhaps a crack in the good guy perfection or a mere symbol of his devotion to his cause.
    Credit to Comeback Kid for the GFX

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by JiggyJohnElway View Post
    You see, it was funny because it was a cool starry bra.
    *A weak chuckle and some coughing is heard from the audience*

    So my internet is back up, so I'll be getting to work on that promo now. Wake Walker, I'm excited to see what you're going to say in your promo as you said you have a lot of ammunition on the Mist, should be interesting.


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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    Fuck Rick, Danny and Jared for trying to kill Al. I'm glad they're dead.

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    Re: Fight Night 5-16-14 Promo Discussion Thread

    no, totally

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