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Thread: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

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    Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Discuss promos here. Wubs.

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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Drew Stevenson: It was a good follow up to last week. Good way of addressing the new 'landscape' of the FWA and Hall no longer being Champ. From the outset the promo oozed that Stevenson arrogance and he seemed to just get cockier and cockier as it went on. A fact really exemplified with Drew taking all the credit for Shane being FWA Champ. One thing that lets it down though, is at times the descriptive sections don't flow as smoothly as Drews speech's. Can actually sort of feel like a disconnect there between how Drews words are written and how his actions are written. I think that can come down to overusing words like him/he, can bog a promo down a little. The scene at hand was really well done, and fit Drews main point of a new era, and the destruction of the old era. All the jibs at your opponents were written just as well too. All in all I'd put this up there as one of your best promos, you continue to get better and better.




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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Promo emailed

    Sent from my C5303 using Tapatalk


    ~
    ~ THE KING OF KINGS ~~
    Spoiler:






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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    @Shaun - yeah, she literally, not just figuratively, but quite LITerally with a capital "LIT". Amber literally stabbed Vincent in the back. I'm actually glad that I decided to include that element of Amber's betrayal to not just be figurative or metaphorical, but literal with stabbing Vincent in the back with the Kama. That said, I was a little worried and hesitant at handing Amber over to you, as I was worried at how you would have her work/be/etc but after reading this promo, I'm actually happy with your use and portrayal of her. And the picture at the beginning is icing on the cake in my books.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Jason Gryphon: A cult for the most uberface of all the uberface characters is certainly unique. It’s a tricky balance to get right, it could very easily turn heelish, even just displaying Jason as a heel if he condescends to his followers or has them do his bidding, but you’re toeing the line well so far and keeping the cult from changing Jason. He’s still the superface, he just has super loyal fans. I do like how you really use that fan connection and play off of it. As I continue to read the promo any fears of it playing out like a sinister cult quickly vanish, you’re writing that face cult so well. I’d give the same advice as I gave to Stevie though; at times in your descriptions you overuse “Jason”, just avoiding using the same term/word over and over can really change how well a promo reads back, there were also a few spelling errors too.

    Vincent Blackbird: You’ve always done a good job writing Taakab, and really promoting who/what he is. I felt like the promo was slightly awkward; but a double edged sword. On the one hand having Vincent’s thoughts amongst the chatter between he and the shrink be the part of the promo about the match made for sort of jerky reading, but it also detailed where Vincent’s mind is and how little he cares about any ‘intervention’. I think the pictures were too big as well, overuse of images doesn’t usually go to well, but in their use, for what they were it worked well showing the ink blots, they were just oversized. All in all, it was a good idea, I think maybe just drowning out the shrink and just referencing him talking may have worked better in really keeping the focus on the match at hand.

    Ryan Hall: Typical Ryan Hall, and I don’t mean that in a negative way. As always brilliantly written, full of smart wordplay and written to really create a sense or feeling; in this case a mixture of dread, disgust and emptiness. I loved how you really built this promo on the back of Back In Business as well, that feud is over, Wolfs gone but you still made that a big part of the emptiness to this promo. Ryan’s lost his ‘crown’ and lost someone he looked at both jealously and as his greatest rival. For just about any other promo/match I would possibly bemoan how little the promo actually focused on the match at hand but in this case, really focusing on Ryan wallowing in despair was better than a typical promo. There are certain matches; Carnal Contendership is #1 on this list where with so many opponents it can be better to not simply run down the list, and I think 6 man tags fit the bill as well. And I’ll direct this to Gryphon, PAJ, McLean, Rondo, Stevenson as well; but in multiman feuds like this, especially in a case where there’s multiple matches between the lot of you, it can be best off to focus on character building (in my opinion, graders may differ) as opposed to following the formula of dissecting each person one after the other, or even just finding a unique way to bring about the discussion on each person as opposed to every passage/paragraph simply having a different subject. But back on Hallys promo, I have to praise the word play again and just the way it’s all written, you have a certain voice with your writing, its not so much being a unique style, it’s just a voice, I can’t think of another word for it. The way everything is written to be as strong and poignant as possible. There’s so much calculation to it all to make the way it’s written really stand out. You’re a smart writer, you avoid all those issues of repeating words I’ve mentioned in other reviews, and clearly think up unique and descriptive ways for Ryan to get his point across both verbally, and physically.
    Last edited by ETE; 04-28-2014 at 10:54 AM.




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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Would I be able to edit and fix the title of my promo, I accidentally put "Part Two" instead of "Part Three."


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    Re: Fight Night promo discussion thread 5/2/2014

    Sure, although grades are already in. I knew what you meant, though.

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