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Thread: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

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    Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Discuss promos in this thread. I will (attempt to) review the promo(s) of each writer who gives his/her predictions for Back in Business IX in the predictions thread. Do not ask for a review unless you have already reviewed multiple RPs.
    Last edited by The Golden One; 03-29-2014 at 10:46 PM.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Shannon O'Neil: An entertaining promo from perhaps the most foul mouthed female in the FWA. Simple scene but I feel it was chosen well to really allow for Shannon to get angrier and angrier as the tattoo process causes her some pain. Good, easy avenue to increase how angry she is basically while she complains about everyone else. Nicely done Goldy.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    I accidentally posted my promo twice in the promo thread, would someone mind deleting one of them?

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    @Mist - interesting return promo, though, who is this "Amber" you mentioned?

    @Drew - Okay, you're a dick. That said, excellent promo and I loved the title.
    Last edited by The Altyrell; 04-03-2014 at 06:16 PM.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Altyrell View Post
    @Mist - interesting return promo, though, who is this "Amber" you mentioned?
    Amber was a frequent character in my promos at the old site that FWA was hosted on. Rather than make all of the same promos I did there to reintroduce the Mist's character, I just did a sort of brief summary of all of them, though I guess I could have taken more time to explain that in the promo.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Ryan Rondo and Christian Quinn will have an emergency 24-hour extension.
    Last edited by The Golden One; 04-06-2014 at 01:32 AM.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    I owe a review to Gabrielle, Jason Gryphon, Lord Vincent and Drew Stevenson. I also will review The Mist and Wake Walker since they recently joined and Jethro since Maxx recently did me a solid. Those will come tomorrow. If you want a review from me, go to the predictions thread and give them for the matches.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden One View Post
    I owe a review to Gabrielle, Jason Gryphon, Lord Vincent and Drew Stevenson. I also will review The Mist and Wake Walker since they recently joined and Jethro since Maxx recently did me a solid. Those will come tomorrow. If you want a review from me, go to the predictions thread and give them for the matches.
    I will return the favor tomorrow as well. Thank you!

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Ryan Hall: I really, really loved this promo Ryan, I haven't read every promo yet but this is the standout so far and I cant see any other topping it. Its just such a strong promo, Ryan as Wolfy is the standout for me. You created this beautiful world, an amazing existence for Ryan and Sarah and then ripped it all away to mock and belittle Wolf. But the beauty of his life with Sarah still rings out after that, making the loss even more profound. Having the same scene in two realities, the darkness of Ryan Hall and the light of Ryan/Sarah was another great touch, it really allowed the two different scenes to play off one another. You mentioned to me on FB you were worried about how it would come across jumping back and forth between the different scenes but you handled it well, and it never came across as messy. That second mini scene really stood out to me as well, where Ryan comes out of the alternate reality, faces Sarah's death and puts the blame on Wolf. Its a mixture of basic humanity, not wanting to blamed for someone's death and a great heel pointing the finger elsewhere. You added yet another dynamic to this feud as well, its not just CWA vs FWA, World Title match, in Sarahs memory, that jealousy from Ryan over what Wolf had and what he experienced in the alternate reality was a great touch. It helps make Ryan more complete more than anything else. He's not just a mindless wrestler out for gold, he's an uber successful wrestler who still desires something as basic as love. And as I mentioned it adds to the feud as well, Ryan despises Wolf further for having had that happiness. Then Ryan taking ownership of Sarahs demise, against that backdrop of emptiness punctured by the alternate reality was beautifully written, and you toed the line between simply bragging about it in that cruel Inferno fashion and accepting what it means just as well. The ending couldn't be better as well, emotional, beautifully written and after taking ownership of Sarahs death he casts it back on Wolf out of sheer spite for him and his former happiness.

    I want to find fault with this promo simply to give a thorough review but I cant, I'd easily put this as one of the top 3 greatest Ryan promos ever. Even killing of Sarah Wolf, something I haven't really liked, as honestly to me it just seems cheesy using death to further a wrestling feud but this promo made me forget that line of thinking and enjoy everything the feud offered while I read it, that's how good it was. You took Sarah's death and made it more than just a reason for Wolf to be pissed, you used it to really flesh out Hall.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Sorry guys I fucked up, my Quinn promo is going to be sent to Wolf by email and Rondos will be sent to FWACEO.

    Both have been sent on time.

    Sent from my C5303 using Tapatalk
    Last edited by RainShaker; 04-07-2014 at 08:31 AM.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    I'll do review for review peeps.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    I'll try to review but I'm on my phone so will take a while,

    Sent from my C5303 using Tapatalk


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Gabrielle Montgomery: Without a doubt, your best writing attribute is your ability to describe our senses reaction to the setting. As the reader, we fully understand every intricate detail about the scene thanks to the description of colors, sights, smells. Everything. The color coordination also helps, since color is a sense propeller. After that, I loved the setup of Gabrielle talking to the younger version of herself. Talking about her dreams in the FWA before starting, the way those dreams have turned from pure to tainted due to the mysogony and sexist nature, being looked over in this new era starting in the FWA. Just the back and forth Gabrielle has with the pure version of herself, where everything is about one little kick to PAJ and it's that simple. I loved that part. The ending was expected since Gabrielle needs to show signs of reinvigorance. Maybe it took a little long to begin talking about PAJ, but it still didn't seem like too long of a promo, which is great. One of my favorites from this show. Easily. There's no reason Gabrielle should be left from the FWA World title scene with RPs like this one.

    The Mist: Going through the past scenes was a very smart way of reintroducing the character. I specifically remember the scene with Amber dying from the gunshot wound, so when I read tis promo, that's where I knew it was a flashback to everything you did before the PWSForums.com crash. From there, I loved the talk with Alester, who I believe to reember worked as half a psychiatrist and half the owner of the orphan house for The Mist (?). Alester serving as a balance for The Mist's explosive personality works well. The RP could be longer in terms of The Mist actually talking, but you spent a good bit of space re-catching us up on everything about the character's past, which was easily the best part from back in the day when you first joined, and you also don't know much about Iceman Jones and can't spend a lot of time talking about him. These types of RPs where the opponents don't know one another well are always a bit tougher to lengthen, so I can't criticize that too much. Very good promo right here, in my opinion.

    Lord Vincent: The flashback to The Order of the Solar Temple was somewhat disfunctional with the rest of the promo/feud. I think you did a good job describing it, but I'm unsure how it fits. It shoul fit. It shouldn't be two separate puzzle pieces not for the same puzzle. They should connect with one another in some way. Maybe they do and I just didn't see it. I'll say the talking about Jethro was pretty good, although again, I'm not sure what the "1-2 Fuck You, 3-4..." thing was. I believe your getting better as an RP'er and trying different things, which is good. I think the disjointed feel is my only criticism. Other than that, I'm atually growig on the straightforward style of your scene setting and character introduction. It's different from those of Ryan Hall and Gabrielle who use elaborate settings and ways to introduce characters.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Gabrielle Montgomery: I have been in FWA for about a year and I have to say this is one of your best promos to date. It really shows that you character is evolving and your issues with PAJ are continuing to drive you to knew heights.

    Ryan Hall: Your feud with Wolf is one of the things that I love reading in your promos and PPV results. I think that your promo work continue to be a work of steady perfection.

    Wolf: If anyone does take the title from Ryan Hall, it is going to be you. This promo showed your angry and your fury towards Ryan and it really wants me to root for you, which is good.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Drew Stevenson: The fresh appeal of posting your promo away from "FWA.com" has worn off a lot. At first I added creativity points but like all things when something becomes repetitive it no longer is creative. I still think your promo style is one of the best things we have in the FWA. No flash and all substance. As for the context, I think you could've done a better job going after Divine for the things Ayla El said on the last Fight Night. I still think you did a fantastic job diminishing the value of this match and the opponent amid your push. Basically throwing it back in our faces for putting you against six a lowly foe. I usually don't like that approac but it fits the character right now so it's necessary. I think more storytelling is needed for that next level but you already have shown in past promos you can do that.

    Jason Gryphon: A lot of mixed feelings with your promo style right now. The best promo I very saw you do was at last years RWB when you won the X-Title in the triple threat match. The theme of the Declaration of Independence was awesome and you delivered it on point. You received an average in the 67 range, and rightfully so. But I am missing the theme in a lot of your promos. I'm always someone who feels a big-match promo needs some sort of metaphorical tie to the RPs message. It doesn't need to be obvious or extremely literary like Inused with Civil War. You can do something a bit more low key like Gabrielle did with a child's dreams of success and pure outlook versus an adult with real-world pessimism. I get the sense you're relying a lot on the relationship between Jason and the fans. At times, that can become a bit too vanilla. At the same time, I also like how you're giving Gryphon a bit of an edge with the unforgiving view of Shane McLean at Ace's High. From an outside standpoint, it makes sense for Gryphon to want payback from McLean eliminating him but in an everyone-for-themselves match I also can see the heel side of "needing" that payback above all else. That inability to let it go shows another layer for Gryphon I hadn't seen before. In all, you always show hard work in your RPs but sometimes they are a bit too simple and vanilla for my tastes. You are certainly good enough to be the best but you need to get more creative and OK with taking more risks.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    TGO 1 - Tis was a good Promo despite being against Jobbers

    TGO 2 - I personally thing that Whyte vs Rondo will be a close excellent Match and drawing connection between the civil war and the betrayal/feud between Whyte & Rondo was a unique anecdote

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Jethro Warren: I love the theme of safety, and the lack of it with these two characters and this feud altogether. It worked extremely well and tying chaos to the Seattle rain was a nice touch. But the part I loved the most was who you directed the RP toward. You didn't go down the normal, status-quo route of talking to your opponent. Instead, you talked to Amber, the prize of this feud and match and the third party making this a personal vendetta for Vincent. I think that was AWESOME. It was a little short, but you've always said you aren't someone who enjoys writing 3,000-word RPs with elaborate settings and metaphors. For the length, this was an incredibly good RP and one that blended creativity with your growing character. In my opinion, this feud will only add more depth to the Jethro character, win or lose.

    Wake Walker: Using Sara Wolf as a way to make the reader/viewer/fans dislike Wake Walker more than they already do was a good start. And that also tied into the run of events, characters, returns and whatnot that Wake deems unimportant in the FWA world. You get the sense Wake Walker is incredibly of the self and arrogant about his skills and destiny. Even when I felt you may begin building a relationship with Brian Carter, you tore him back down as unequal. I'm always more a fan of shorter paragraphs, especially when it comes to speaking. I like catching a breath and like thinking the character catches one, too, preferably at the same time I do. But that's a very subjective thing. Urinating and calling it "praying" for Sara was pretty funny, and kicking the tomb was good, too. The creativity was solid but this was definitely an RP driven by establishing the character, a necessary thing for anyone new or returning. Aka, The Mist's RP.

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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Gabrielle: I don't know if anybody has ever done a promo quite like this. Usually it's done just done in flashback but what a great use of metaphysics for a promo! It was sweet and gentle in some ways but still very much a Gabrielle promo it was fun to read and charming yet in some simple but poignant terms you made it clear why Gabrielle needs to win against PAJ. This was a superb promo and there isn't really anything else I can say about it. Just splendid to read.

    The Mist: Nice refresher of the Mist character and got me back into his vibe and what drives him very quickly. I almost instantly connected with the character. Funny enough this promo reminded me of the 1990's Batman the Animated Series cartoon where Two Face first becomes a villain and how he breaks down during a hypnotherapy session. This is a good promo that is worthy of the character coming back to the FWA. Look forward to reading more from you.

    Drew Stevenson: Pretty salty language in this rp, may not have been such a potty mouth since The Rebel Bad Ass. This was a mean spirited and determined promo and you really went after DIVINE in a big way. This is the kind of rp that if I was watching this on TV I would have gone like "Oh snap! He said it!" You did about as much as you could given the limited history between your characters and I feel like post BIB Drew is gonna have a lot on his hands. Could have hyped up the BIB aspect a little bit more but other than that well done.

    Vincent Blackbird: Creepy backstory you are adding in here and loved the picture you used. I do think you didn't talk about Jethro and Amber nearly enough for such a big moment that this match clearly is. Vincent could lose amber the love of his life, but I didn't feel like that was necessarily at stake in this rp. You did get your point across but I think there needed to be more meat on this bone it felt like Vincent was still in the test tube and they had implanted enough emotion in him. I felt the rage, but didn't feel the fire.

    Wolf: Beautiful promo. The novel descriptions of what was happening and allowing us into Wolf's mind was a bold choice, it could have backfired but you made it work for Wolf. The superhero analogy and the folly/logic flaw of the superhero was a wonderful blend to the match and why Wolf is motivated to do what he does. Just because he feels he needs to and there is something heroic about that. And I take back what I said to Drew, this was a potty mouth filled promo! But I really enjoyed it and liked how it felt so natural and fitting for the character the whole way through and in a sense it was a silently heartbreaking promo.

    Jason Gryphon: Good promo! I'm looking forward to seeing who comes out on top during our match.

    Whyte Thunder: It's rare to see a rp where the person in the fight doesn't want to be in the fight. This is about Whyte struggling with fighting his own friend and it stays to that message while still offering up a more than effective promo that goes at the core of what is wrong with their relationship and why the match is so important to him. The civil war theme is a tad heavy handed at first but by the time you reach the end the theme is so clear and brings it all home in an emotional way. I appreciate that after all this Thunder just wants to be friends again but has kind of given up hope. It's an emotional promo in all the right ways.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    Goldy: You might be using the moniker of Whyte Thunder in this promo but it felt more like it was Devin Golden. I knew we would have similar ideas in different ways. Like we both tried to express how the friendship is totally decimated. I know we were going to try and connect promos with the themes. But I didn't have enough time to research the civil war really cause of dumb real life shit so I thought fuck it, if we both do civil war theme then yours will be much better and I'll disadvantage myself. I was right in the thinking as the civil war story was fantastic. Although I thought the pacing was iffy at the start but Thunders speeches were excellent. A very descriptive promo and extremely insightful into the Devin Golden mindset. I think you set up for what happens next as well. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I think on this showing, Whyte Thunder still has a lot to give.

    Lucian Acehole: Wow I'm glad you're my tag partner, that was outstanding in my opinion. Although the actual part where Lucian is speaking is just too damn good, I genuinely forgot the message you conveyed at the start of the promo with the little story so I don't know if I'm just too high or if it was lost in translation. I think you have captured the same sort of essence Quinn has and shown perfectly the influence he has put on Ace. The arrogance is amazing, Lucian Ace is a master troll. The pure childishness mixed with his own ego is magic here. You also tore down Vodka and Venom a lot at the same time and pushed Ace furthered into heel territory. Great job!

    More to come.

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    Last edited by RainShaker; 04-07-2014 at 07:35 PM.


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    Re: Back in Business IX promo discussion thread

    PAJ: I always appreciate heel promos that humanize a character. I've done quite a few with Princeton myself and this really made PAJ a 3 dimensional character it may have been a tad cliche but it was well executed and it gave him wonderful motivation and made me feel for PAJ in an odd way even though if I was a fan watching the fWA on TV I'd probably hate him. But he's become such a cool character and that final scene where he is marching on was well written. Damn didn't expect so many emotional rps this BIB.

    Shane McLean: First of all love the little text graphic you put at the end. Nicely done, I'm jealous like Christian Bale of a business card in American psycho. Anyway this is another good promo from Shane McLean. Let's burn the house down in this match!

    Brian Carter: I've always wanted Carter on the BIB stage properly and this is a great opportunity for him. You definitely got across that Carter is an ambitious man and that he's adaptable to every situation that comes his way. I liked this promo and you put a lot in there for a guy pretty much having to jump in mid stream. Good use of passion here, maybe could have used a tad more ferocity but that's being super nit picky. Overall this was a solid promo.


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