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Thread: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

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    Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Here you shall debate/critique/review your fellow role players promos. As usual please be respectful and give out a review if you ask for one, don't be that guy. Even if you don't think your reviews are good enough or in depth or insightful enough, they are. Everyone likes to have their promo acknowledged and even a few thoughts can be enough. Of course there are exceptions, please feel free to ask me for a review if you want one, I will try to get to everyone in the order asked.

    Have fun.

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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Sokolov: Okay, um... This wasn't a bad rp but it didn't grasp my interest much either. I felt that it needed more dialog referring to your opponent (I'm an old school promo guy so I'm biased) but I understand that's hard being a guy who can barely speak English. I feel that Sokolov needs a mouthpiece (just my opinion) to really help him get his promo out there even further. As I stated, not a bad rp but didn't grab my interest.

    Wolf: This was a great rp filled with a lot of intensity and passion. I am a huge fan of the promo so kudos on that instead of a long drawn out story. The meat of the rp was the promo and you did it very well. I enjoyed the fact that you walked the line regarding the fourth wall on Ashley being over and I really like the fact that Wolf promo's as if he is just talking to people instead of a staged/planned promo. Great work as usual man.

    Ayla: Well, I'm assuming that you're facing a jobber? Hard to review this, no offense!

    Ashley: I'll admit, I really like your work and this rp was very good. The psychology that Ashley utilized was fantastic against Wolf. The whole we need to stick together ordeal to war King is a great touch with the current angle yet you still acknowledged that there was a war between the two of you. I think the accent is very well done and this war between the two of you has me to believe that Wolf will be the third member of King's whole ordeal.

    Gryphon: This was a pretty good rp. I don't always mind conversations between two people but it sometimes comes across as strange to me. This was a strong rp from the dialog standpoint and I liked that Jason covered everything needed and things coming up. Was a good rp overall.

    Gabby: What can I say? Starting off things with shoving things into Gabby's mouth; great touch! This was a very good rp and the description was strong, the dialog was super strong and I'll admit that I was skeptical on Gabby as a face but you pulled it off well. Gabby talking about putting the venom back into Stu's fangs was a nice touch, her addressing her success and accolades was a nice touch since everybody is trying to kind of impress King and Gabby then trying to patch things up and move on with Stu is an even better touch. Very good rp ETE!
    Last edited by Drew Stevenson; 12-02-2013 at 06:27 PM.

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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Whoever wants a review, let me know and I will get it done. I can only ask for one in return.


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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    I lost my entire promo went to go post it and it said I hadn't logged in which i crazy because I was logged in I tried to go back and get it but it was no use it was gone all 2,500 words gone. So I'm just bummed I am at work I stayed 2 hours late just to write the damn thing and now I have 20 minutes to get to my highway exit before they close it for construction I probably won't make it which takes me to a thirty minute detour. So I'm screwed sorry guys. I'm really pissed Tom Princeton is going to go out like this on his first match back.


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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Drew - I just love the intensity of your promos. You don't make them too wordy or over the top, you just use a very realistic vocabulary and the vibrancy to make an impact with it. Which is what makes your promos pop, in my opinion, compared to others. Either they're too wordy or verbose or just don't pack the punch needed. You're quickly becoming one of my favorite promos to read week-to-week.

    Alexander Sokolov - I get the gist of the character and it takes guts to write a character that doesn't speak perfect, colloquial American English. I admire that in a promo writer, but I do have to agree with Drew above. I think a mouthpiece who did a good part of the dialogue for Alex would really get some more milage out of the character. Also, one thing I do tell to a lot of the newer guys. Play with the presentation of the promo abit. The first thing when I see when I read a promo is it visually pleasing... Is it bold, dynamic... Is it interesting to look at even before reading the first word. I see you kind of beginning to do it... but fuck it... Have a little bit of fun with the visual presentation. It really goes a long way.

    Wolf - Love it, straight to the point. Doesn't get bogged down or repetitive...

    Alya El - Dammit Eel... facing a jobber again... Hate fucking two line promos lol...

    Ash - Passion... Passion Passion Passion. I love the war references... Love the concept and setup... Plus major kudos for finding a new way to end a promo without fading the scene out or any other traditional tropes. Love it man.

    Jayson - Kinda torn on this promo... You can weave a scene together and get your point across in an good, enjoyable way. The dialogue needs some work. The promo comes across very script like... Jayson and Jaimie conversating back and forth, not really talking in a realistic way. It's kind of like... You're watching a scene being acted out with a script heavy in verbose dialogue instead of a couple taking a holiday in the mountains. And at the end of the day, it really hurts the realism... There's two ways to write a character, on camera and "on" camera... It's cool to be that dynamic and verbose when the character knows they have a camera on them or they're talking into a character, but when its those slice of life kind of things (like this, couple up in the mountains) the dialogue needs to be toned down to less mechanical and script-like.

    Gabby - Tease! I knew that was coming!!! Lol Nothing I could say that I've already said earlier... Awesome promo.

    Stu - You know I love you, and your promos are great... but I can't disagree with your promo more... "Those demons I once fought are gone. I am one with myself through the battles with myself." I dunno what it is... Your promo is great, fucking brilliant and up to your standards... I just can't disagree with that line more... Maybe it's me... Need to hit you up on AIM.

    Mackenzie - Kind of a weird, disjointed way to open up a promo, if you ask me... But it works... Brilliant way to open up a promo by a egotistical ****. Sorry for my language. You touched on everybody, props for that. Just a fun promo all in all.

    Vincent - I like the promo... Your storyline with Sokolov is shaping up to be an interesting outside the box sort of feud. Dialogue is good, the scene's just kind of there... I wish there was a bit more description to fully flesh out the scene. And not to mention, what I tell most people... Don't be afraid to play with the visual presentation. Little to no formatting makes it very uninteresting to look at and read. Best of luck to you man.

    PAJ - Love your comparison to Edward Snowden. Bringing up just traitors, in general. Judas and Benedict Arnold, definitely heel traitors... Edward Snowden on the other hand... He's probably going to go down in history in a Guy Fawkes sort of way... Really deep intellectual point to bring up. Awesome promo... It's almost night and day seeing your promos now compared to when the last time I was really active. Great stuff.

    Alexander Askerov - Kinda torn on it... It's a jobber promo you put more effort into than a standard jobber promo. Personally, I hate jobber promos... Really wish you delved into the feelings more... Introduced the character... Even mentioned your opponent. There's really not much to critique though.

    Carmine - Son, if you're feeling sour grapes about me coming within striking distance of beating you. It doesn't have to end with one match lol. Nah, all kidding aside KS. Your promos have always been interesting for Carmine. I like the diary concept... but man. If every entry is an outright burial. Regardless babyface or heel... It hurts the character in the long run because if you win, it was a pointless win. If it's a loss, it damages your character. I know it's not a matter of disrespect or anything, don't get me wrong, but I've always been of the promoing mind that if you don't put value into your opponents, your character has a hard time retaining value. Going back to the point above. I can see it being desperation from the character to win the match or get on a winning streak. I understand that on the psychosomatic level, but again, even from that point of view... It's more damaging to lose and wins don't mean as much beyond winning.

    Quinn - Solid promo... maybe a bit too wordy in some spots, but you really let the character shine in this promo. That's easily the best thing about this promo... You can really sink your teeth into and really get a feel for the character in this promo. Same thing I said about PAJ... between then and now... You've grown tremendously.

    That's everybody I think up until my post... I'd like to here some feedback on my promo if y'all get a chance.

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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    As we used to say on PWS, the no extensions clause can be overruled for those crazy, out-of-body emergencies that happen once in a blue moon. Matt, if you want it, you can use a 12-hour one.

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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Thanks TGO but honestly I'm pretty washed out after that I'm super tired, and tomorrow is gonna be an even busier day. I truly appreciate it though, it's my fault. I always write my rps on word and today I didn't and paid a price for it. I'm just going to go to bed now and hope tomorrow is better. I'll try and squeeze in some rp reviews after I'm done grading. Once again thanks for the offer


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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Shaun - It was definitely a good promo, and if you lose I'll write it as you get arrested on the way to the ring :p nah just kidding lol. It was a solid promo and despite Vincent not being the Pres of the Miami Charter of the Sons [my fault really by not fixing the Intro Promo of his Bio in the transition to this site] the interaction still works because Vincent and the Sons left on somewhat good terms so the message and what happened would find its way back to Vincent.

    [I WIN]


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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    reviews will be edited in here in a little bit.


    Stevenson: Trying to review this with no bias. Excuse me if you do get offended or disagree, trying my best. Firstly, I am not too big of a fan of past tense when you have dialogue in a promo - mainly because the whole set up implies that it is happening in the present. It's confusing. I think if you were to put everything in present tense in your descriptions, your promo would feel less difficult to read for me. It's a minor thing really though. Some people are just comfortable with certain tenses. You convey the arrogance really well, and you're definitely making Drew out to be a douchebag - especially with the comments regarding Mexicans. If that is your aim, kudos. You've obviously played this character for a while and are comfortable with what you said - you seem almost tweenerish. It reminds me of Shane from The Walking Dead. You seem to want what is best for the FWA (to become known as a top WRESTLING company) but at the same time, you're pretty much bagging on everyone. (The parallel for Shane is that he wanted his group to survive but eh, he was an asshole.) So to put it bluntly, your dude is like an asshole with an honorable mission. That's what I got anyway. It was intense and you ran through your opponents - what I expected. Although, where is Stevenson? Is he just levitating in thin air infront of a camera mouthing off about dudes? I think your descriptiveness for scene setting needs a little work - that said, you described Drew pretty well and got his emotions down. Personal preference is that I don't like it when cameras etc are acknowledged. Some people do, some people don't. Just a personal preference that doesn't take away from the actual promo IMO but in some cases, it can cheapen it.


    Sokolov: I think bright green has to go, it was sore on my eyes. I absolutely love the broken english, I can genuinely read it in a russian accent and it sounds awesome, i don't know if that's deliberate on your part or not but it works. I find the whole vodka thing hilarious with Russians, it's just funny how they can drink it as if it ain't shit yet I cannot drink a sip or i'd die pretty much. You have the Russian part nailed pretty well. Although if you want to make it seem more authentic, i'd add random Russian words in with the english for example Chyort! would replace Damn! and so on. Just random Russian words. It is a little thing though - i find i am a meticulous person. The ending was intriguing but overall, the promo was a bit short and not as grasping as it could have been. You could have spoke more about Gryphon and ran him down more. But it's all part of the learning process, nobody here was busting out masterpieces when they started. It was a good little taster promo for your character but i'd expect to see alot more in future. That said, you had a tough match against someone who is improving at a ridiculous rate in Jason Gryphon.



    Wolf: The opening quote is awesome. It is along the lines of what I would say about Ashley if I was a heel/anti-hero character promoing against him. Of course, my thoughts regarding Ashley in the real world are much different. There's something that is very inviting about your promos, it is easily to be drawn in with your use of language and setting up the scene. Of course when I read your promos, I expect a mandatory line of Wolf smoking a cig and blowing smoke out - wasn't disappointed again. Also expect the mandatory CAPS LOCK PARAGRAPH OF TOTAL FEROCITY AND DOMINATION. Which happens of course. Now, personally, I find it awesome because I always feel that as I am going through your promos, you build up and up to a point where Wolf goes nuts. Always. The intensity conveyed is awesome. Wolf is awesome. Every promo has some sort of gem locked away in it, this was my favourite line, "Gidda-gee-gidda-gah-gidda-SHUT THE F*CK UP!" hilarious. As always, a very good promo that is tough to beat as usual. Very nicely done.


    Ayla El: Matt Boudreau couldn't handle this.


    More soon.
    Last edited by RainShaker; 12-04-2013 at 06:37 PM.


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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    Quote Originally Posted by The Altyrell View Post
    Shaun - It was definitely a good promo, and if you lose I'll write it as you get arrested on the way to the ring :p nah just kidding lol. It was a solid promo and despite Vincent not being the Pres of the Miami Charter of the Sons [my fault really by not fixing the Intro Promo of his Bio in the transition to this site] the interaction still works because Vincent and the Sons left on somewhat good terms so the message and what happened would find its way back to Vincent.
    Being arrested is one thing... Jethro might be holing up in the locker-room all night if some Men of Mayhem come looking for him.

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    Re: Fight Night 11/29/13 Promo Discussion

    *I* am the big bad Wolf who is about to blow this house down...”
    "You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang."


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