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Thread: Eddie Von Gunner

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    Eddie Von Gunner

    Name: Eddie Von Gunner
    Nickname: Top 40
    Date of Birth: 14-10-1970
    Place of Birth: Dubois, ID
    Currently Residing: LA
    Height: 6'0ft
    Weight: 195lbs
    Gimmick: Washed-up narcissistic glam rocker who shows many signs of delirium and being stuck in the past.
    Disposition: Heel

    Entrance Theme: Nitro - Machine Gunn Eddie
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=537hCRIhQKw

    Wrestling Style: High-Flying, Dirty
    Wrestling Abilities: 1. Speed, 2. Charisma, 3. Technical, 4. Brawling, 5. Power

    Signature Taunts/Poses: Flicking his long hair back in Maryse-like manner. Walking with his microphone like he is on stage. Screaming really loudly and really high when either something good, bad or painful happens.

    Basic Moves:

    Hurricarana
    Sunset Strip (Sunset Flip)
    Spinning Leg Drop
    Top-rope moonsault
    Low blow
    Reverse DDT
    Running bulldog
    Top-rope leg drop
    Screaming in his opponents ear in a high-pitched squeal

    Signature Strike Moves:
    Dropsault
    Missile Dropkick

    Signature Submission Moves: N/A

    Regular Finishing Moves:
    Sliced Bread #34 - Shiranui

    Submission Finishing Move: N/A

    Injury History (If any):
    Once injured his hand because of a pyro accident at a show in '86
    An unfortunate crotch-related incident after a show in '86

    Name of character representative: Jim Gillette
    Picture:

    Manager: No
    Last edited by That Dude; 12-17-2010 at 10:42 AM.

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    *'Machine Gunn Eddie' by Nitro plays over the speakers as Eddie Von Gunner, in a zebra-striped full spandex body outfit (as well as his incredibly high and effeminate platinum blonde hair.) walks out from behind the curtain. He girlishly skips to the ring with a purple mircophone stand in his right hand.*

    Jim Taylor: Who's this guy?

    *He leaps up onto the apron, and in Diva-esque fashion, steps under the second rope into the ring. He then sprints to the closest turnbuckle, jumps on the second rope, and belts out an ear-splitting banshee wail into the microphone. This wail lasts well over 20 seconds. When he stops the scream, he throws the microphone stand into the center of the ring and then does a Paul London-like backflip onto his feet and onto the mat. He picks up the microphone*

    Eddie Von Gunner: Hello WYOMING! I know you all recognise me.

    Dr. Jack Adams: Nope

    Eddie Von Gunner: I am, of course, Eddie Von Gunner. I was the leader singer of the Machine Gunns, the band known for our acclaimed Top 40 hit in the 80's, 'Swallow My Love'. I wouldn't have to tell any of you though, I know you all pleasure yourselves to my album covers anyway YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    *The ear splittingly high 'yeah' lasts for a further ten seconds. The crowd boos*

    Eddie Von Gunner: Tonight I face Kyle Crosby, for a quick show who who is the ultimate superstar in the X-Fly division. Well believe me, Canadian Cobra, they don't call me 'Top 40 Excellence' for nothin'. I am the quickest, most talented, and youngest guy on the roster!

    *Eddie shoots the camera a cheesy grin that shows many, many wrinkles.*

    Dr. Jack Adams: Youngest?

    Eddie Von Gunner: Tonight I'm here to show all you inbred hicks that I have more talents than just composing brilliant Top 40 hits. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    *The scream lasts several seconds once again, and afterwards, he shoots the camera another cheesy, wrinkly grin.*

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (July 13, 2010)

    Quote Originally Posted by That Dude
    *We open to a shot of a bright pink room with 'Machine Gunns' posters scattered all around as well of a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Eddie. The real Eddie then pranced into the shot. He is in a tiger-striped spandex stretchsuit. He also has his pink microphone stand. He begins talking through the mic*

    Eddie: For those who are yet to know me, I am Eddie Von Gunnahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *screams for several seconds*! Last week I got defeated in a rigged match against the Canadian Cobra, Kyle Crosby. Obviously the ref was a fan of The Machine Gunns' all-female rival band, The Revolvettes. May I wish him to go to hehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *screams for several seconds* llllll!

    *Eddie, carrying the mic stand, prances around the room effeminately with the camera following him. The crowd boos. He stops with the camera behind him. Then, in possibly the gayest moment in pro wrestling, Eddie slapped his spandex'd ass, jumped and did a 360 so he was facing the camera. He was till clutching the microphone stand in a creepily gay way.*

    Eddie: Tonight I face the debuting El Luchadore Grande. I don't speak Japanese, but I was told by one of my advisors *Eddie points to a nearby lamp as if that was one of his advisors* that it means 'The Grand Luchadore'. I still didn't know what that means so I asked my advisor and he told me that it means 'a guy from another country who wears a mask and runs a lot'. Man from another country who wears a mask and runs a lot, prepare to be beaten by Top 40! Eddie. Von. Gunnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh *The scream goes louder and higher than before and by the end of it, the fans are booing*.

    *Eddie then walks over to a desk, picks up a CD and shows it to the camera*

    Eddie: And don't forget to by my new-------

    [PROMO ENDED]

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Esperamos tener una revancha senor, sería para mí un placer

  5. #5
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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (July 27th, 2010)

    Quote Originally Posted by That Dude
    *A barrage of pink lights hits the 1st Mariner Arena as 'Machine Gunn Eddie' by Nitro starts playing over the speakers, much to the chagrin of the Baltimore crowd. Eddie Von Gunner runs out energetically to the entrance stage. He is wearing a leopard-spotted Spandex stretchsuit. He is carrying his pink microphone stand. He skips around energetically (and effeminately) to the ring . When he is in the ring he skips around some more and then motions for the music to be cut. The music stops and then Eddie lets out an ear-splitting scream into his microphone. This scream lasts about 30 seconds and sends the crowd into a booing frenzy. The camera shoots to people in the crowd covering their ears in pain. Eddie then skips around the ring with a huge smile on his face like nothing happened. He stops the skipping (and smiling) after about 10 seconds though and he poses to the camera in a model-type way, with a serious face. He blows the camera a kiss and then goes back to his normal expression again. He clutches the microphone and begins to speak in his regular annoying high-pitched voice*

    Eddie: Tonight, people, I face Robertooooohhhhhhhhhh *soaring scream lasts for several more seconds* hhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Needless to say, since he is a former two time CWA World Champion, so I might have my work cut out for me. But did he have a Top 40 hit in the 80's? I think not! And sure, he may have an impecable taste in clothing and style, which happens to be very similar to yours truly, but that doesn't mean that he can match the skill of Eddie Von Gunnnaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh *scream lasts for around about 20 seconds. Eddie is clearly puffed out after the scream* hhhh!

    *Eddie prances over to the other side of the ring poses, then walks back to where he was standing*

    Eddie: Roberto. It's obvious you were influenced by the Machine Gunns' music. It's obvious you were influenced by me, Eddie Von Gunner. Therefore, it would only make sense to lie down, let Eddie Von Gunner mount you and let the sexy referee *Eddie looks at the ref who is standing outside the ring, and shoots him a wink, before turning back towards the camera* count the 1-2-3.

    *Eddie smiles and soaks in the boos from the pro-Roberto crowd*

    Eddie: Or you can of course, choose the other path. The path that so many have come to regret taking. Do you want to know what that path is? That path is the path that leads to Eddie Von Gunner kicking your ass! Tonight I will prove that when it comes to Top 40, he is never the underdog!

    *Eddie tosses his microphone stand outside the ring. When the mic hits the ound is makes the usual 'pop-fizzle' sound. Eddie then starts stretching in preperation of Roberto Superstar's entrance*

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from Five Star Attraction Pre-Show (December 29th, 2010)

    *Backstage, Lacey is standing by with a microphone*

    Lacey: Here I am with "Top 40", Eddie Von Gunner

    *Eddie smoothly walks into the camera shot, with his bright pink microphone stand in hand. The crowd boos when he appears on screen. Lacey noticeably distances herself from Von Gunner, who's spandex has an even more noticeable bulge in the crotch area.*

    Lacey: Tonight, you have a spot in a fatal four-way dubbed an 'X-Fly Rankings eliminator', how do you fancy your chances in a match where you have such tough competition?

    *Before speaking, Eddie snatches the mic off of Lacey and places it in the holder of his microphone stand*

    Eddie: Listen here, little Lacey, the boys I'm facin' tonight are hardly what you would call tough competition. Tough competition is fightin' for a opening spot for RATT against a Whitesnake cover band and an all-female Quiet Riot A Capella tribute choir! Tough competition is
    three idiot bouncers not knowing that your band is playing in the bar that night! Tough competition is showing up to a record executive's office with only a tube of Chapstick and realizing the band before you had K-Y jelly!
    In this match tonight, we have two rookies and a masked hack from uh, Europe or something.
    This masked hack, El Luchadore Grande. I'll beat you so badly you will go cryin' back to your Mama in Mexico, wherever that is. I'm not sure, I was never that good with Geology.

    *Lacey, who was handed another microphone, butts in*

    Lacey: I believe what you mean is Geography, not Geology.

    Eddie: SHUT UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *high pitched squeal lasts several seconds HHHHHP! Woman you better shut your mouth or else you will feel a punch that will easily be among the top 40 punches you have ever been hit with in your entire life, do you hear me?

    *Lacey sighs and then nods*

    Eddie: That's a good girl. Now quiet your mouth as I run down the other two competitors.
    The Exingcutoner or whatever your name is, I'm not sure I didn't have my reading glasses on when I read the sheet, but whoever you are, hiding behind that ridiculously out of fashion mask won't shield you from the dreaded Sliced Bread #34!
    And to the last dude, Makeshift. When I'm done with you, you will need a makeshift wang because of how hard we are gonna go at it. I'm gonna go out with there, we will grapple, but it will eventually end with me on top of you!

    *Eddie does a pose to the camera, completely missing the gayness of his comments that has Lacey giggling*

    Eddie: And one last thing, something has to be said about my opponents self-esteem. All you boys are afraid to show your faces. But I guess when you are facing someone as attractive and young as me you will want to hide your flaws too.

    *The segment ends with Eddie shooting the camera one of his trademark 'Top 40' cheesy grins, showing many many wrinkles on his face and bringing into the question his claim of being 'young'*

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (January 11th, 2011)
    *Backstage, in the interview area, in front of a flatscreen TV that has the High Voltage logo on it, Lacey is standing with a microphone.*

    Lacey: Here I am, with one of the eight participants in tonight's New Year's Gauntlet, 'Top 40' Eddie Von Gunner

    *Eddie, dressed in a full-body bright pink spandex stretchsuit, skips into the scene and poses towards the camera. The crowd boos loudly.*

    Lacey: Eddie, in your match at the Five-Star Attraction Pre-Show, you were the last person eliminated, when El Luchadore Grande pinned you. That's twice that the Luchadore has defeated you in the CWA. Do you wish to get retribution tonight in the New Year's Gauntlet?

    Eddie: Listen up, bitch lady! Gauntlet matches are all about cardio and endurance, and they are two attributes that epitomizes Eddie Von Gunner. Back in the 80's, I was playing a 3-hour gig every night of the week at The 'Whisky a Go Go' Nightclub in LA!

    Lacey: But, Eddie, this isn't the 80's anymore. This is 2011. You are much older now.

    Eddie: DID YOU JUST SAY THE 'O' WORD TO ME? ROCK DOESN'T AGE, BITCH, AND I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THAT TONIGHT WHEN I GO THROUGH 7 OTHER GUYS, WIN THAT $100,000, PUT OUT ANOTHER ALBUM, AND DITCH THE CWA FOR THE SWEET LIFE AS A TOP 40 POP STAR!!!

    *The crowd gives the thought of Eddie bringing out another album a discouraging boo*

    Eddie: Tigre Santos, Mr. Willis, Peter Jacobs, Kyle Crosby, Clint Shepard, NovaKain, El Luchadore Grande... especially El Luchadore Grande. All you listen here. I am due for a win in the CWA, seeing as I am 0-5 in competition currently.

    *The fans in attendance laugh at Eddie's abysmal W/L record.*

    Eddie: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UHHHHHHHHHHHHH *the 'up' coincidentally goes higher and higher until it reaches a womanly falsetto, which he holds onto for several seconds* HHHHP!

    *The crowd once again boos Eddie*

    Eddie: Tonight, that 100,000 dollars is mine! And there is nothing any of you can do about it!

    Lacey: Okay, okay! Just don't do that scream again!

    Eddie: Who are you to tell a musician with a Top 40 hit what to do? You just stand there and hold the microphone for me, like you are paid to do!

    *A frazzled Eddie takes a deep breath, fixes his hair a bit and then looks deep into the camera for another diatribe*

    Eddie: El Luchadore Grande, you are the new number one contender for Kyle Crosby's X-Fly title. Tonight, I will show both of you who truly deserves a shot at that title when not only do I eliminate you, but I beat him too and rub my winnings in your faces!
    Speaking of faces, I recently went to an LA Beauty spa and got myself a facial. I look even more youthful than usual.

    *Eddie shoots the camera one of his trademark 'Top 40' cheesy grins and winks at the camera. In both cases, a fair amount of wrinklage was shown.*

    Eddie: C'mon Lacey, touch my skin, you know you want to.

    Lacey: I'd really rather not.

    Eddie: Yeah, you'd really rather not not touch my skin! Ha! You just got double negatived!

    *Eddie jumps and in mid-air does some David Lee Roth-esque splits*

    Eddie: Well, I best be off. I have an important match tonight. To all 8 participants tonight, you better all get ready for a Top 40 beatdown, delivered by the one and only:
    TOP FOURTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *the 'ay' lasts several seconds, and by the end of it is a note that even Mariah Carey would be proud of* AAAAAY!

    *The crowd boos some more*

    Eddie: EDDIE. VON. GUNNAH!

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (January 25th, 2011)

    *'Machine Gunn Eddie' by Nitro plays over the speakers as the CWA galaxy deliver a chorus of boos to Clique Wrestling Alliance's resident has-been, Eddie Von Gunner comes skipping out gleefully to the glam metal goodness tht is his entrance theme. He is wearing a tight hot pink spandex strechsuit that accentuates his... ahem... man parts. He is also carrying trademark leopord skinned mic stand where a CWA-branded mic sits atop. After he rolls in the ring, he looks around evilly and then delivers one of his usual banshee howls that could smash a wine glass. This scream lasts several seconds, and reaches what could be the highest note to ever come out of a PA system of the wonderful Bismarck Civic Center. When he finally does stop howling, he recieves (instead of the standng ovation that modern countertenors usually get) a sea of booing North Dakotans. It takes him several moments to regain his breath. When he finally does he poses slightly for the diatribe he is about to deliver*

    Eddie: Hey there, you stupid hicks. I don't know why this god-forsaken company sends us to all these one-horse states, but dear lord am I getting sick of it!

    *The crowd boos Eddie some more, as he adjusts his pose slightly to resemble a superhero of sorts*

    Eddie: You see, unlike me, this state isn't Top 40. You guys are 48th in population in the US, 47th in population density. You guys have only had one guy who has reached the top 40 song charts in the US! You idiots out there are like Blaze, my so called opponent for tonight. By opponent, I think they mean 'next un-Top 40 guy we are feeding to the future of the CWA, EDDIE... VON... GUNNNAAAAAAAAAAA *his scream lasts several seconds* AHHHHH!'

    *The crowd boo some more after Eddie damn near bursted their eardrums*

    Eddie: I saw this guys little debut promo last week when I was taking a break from kicking people's asses in the gauntlet. He thinks he is all that. He thinks he can make it in this company. And furthermore he thinks that you guys give a crap about him!
    We all know how it flies in South Dakota, you would much rather cheer for the hot guy in pink than the cutting-edge daredevil. And they say San Francisco is the gay capital of America.

    *Eddie shoots a wink at the camera as the crowd begin booing loudly at the cheap insults from EVG*

    Eddie: Tonight I will dispose of this little peasant, and I will do it the only way I know how. By giving him a Top 40 beating!

    *Eddie does some air-karate moves before moving back to the mic*

    Eddie: Because I am Eddie VAAAAAAAAHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *he holds this 'o' for several seconds until the crowd is almost full booing him by the end of it* OOOON!

    *Eddie pauses for a brief moment before the camera zooms in on his face*

    Eddie: ...GUNNER!

  9. #9
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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (February 8th, 2011)


    *The set for The Majestic is laid out in the ring. The crowd are already booing as King Johns is wandering about the ring with a smile on his face and a crown on his head. He has the microphone in his hand and tries to shush the crowd*

    King Johns: Quiet, my servents!

    *That line riles up the fans more and they boo the house down. King Johns calmly inhales before speaking once again*

    King Johns: Quiet, peasants!

    *Once again. the crowd boos King Johns who seemingly snaps and breaks his 'King' persona for a moment to yell at the fans*

    King Johns: Seriously shut the hell up I'm trying to talk here!!!

    *The fans give him another dose of boo juice as Johns takes a couple of steps back, inhales, shrugs and starts talking through the fans' booing*

    King Johns: Tonight, in another brilliant edition of The Majestic, we have a rising prospect in the CWA, Eddie Von Gunner.

    *The fans boo at the mention of the washed-up 'superstar'*

    King Johns:: But first I want to address you, the CWA Galaxy.

    *The fans give off a mixture of boos and cheers. It was pretty much just noise*

    King Johns: You peasants are starting to get on my last nerve. Therefore anymore of this mindless negativity from you people, and there will be consequences!

    *The fans boo some more as Johns angrily tries to ignore it and move on*

    King Johns: Now let me read this introduction, written by Mr. Von Gunner himself.

    *Reuben pauses and unfolds a bit of paper. He then begins reading off of it*

    King Johns: Four score and five years ago, a legendary piece of music was lauched to #34 on the Billboard Hot 100. This legendary piece of music was of course, 'Swallow My Love' by the memorable 1980's glam metal band, The Machine Gunns. The Machine Gunns' mix of delicious guitar licks and crunchy vocals made for a critically acclaimed and globally revered sound, all of which was spearheaded by one man.
    This man was no ordinary man. He was, and still is, above each and every one of you in the crowd in every facet of life, especially in the fields of hair size and attraciveness in Spandex.
    This man, is Eddie Von Gunner.

    *Reuben folds the paper and looks back up at the crowd, who are booing after hearing Eddie's name mentioned again*

    King Johns: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome, Eddie Von Gunner!

    *'Machine Gunn Eddie' by Nitro starts playing over the speakers as the crowd begins booing straight away. Eddie Von Gunner runs out to the stage in a bright yellow sequined spandex stretchsuit. He has his bright pink microphone stand with him, and is flaunting effeminately on the entrance stage, before he does a kartwheel and sprints down to the ring with his mic stand above his head. He slides under the bottom rope and stands next to Reuben in a posing stance. The music is cut and Eddie is handed a mic, which is places in his mic stand*

    King Johns: Eddie, welcome to The Majestic. How are you tonight.

    Eddie:: Lemme tell ya somethin' Mean Johns! Lemme tell ya that I am pumped up tonight to face off against my opponent, although I still haven't been told I'm facing.

    King Johns: I'm sorry Eddie, but you don't have a match tonight. You were given this interview segment with me instead.

    *Eddie squeals in anger and jumps up and down in a tantrumy way*

    Eddie: BUT I GOT READY TO WRESTLE! WHY WOULD THEY DO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *the note lasts several seconds* IIIIIIIIIIIIS?

    *The crowd boos loudly at the horrible squealing of Eddie*

    King Johns: Quiet, you peasants! This man is rightfully sad and you boo him? Shame on all of you!

    *The crowd boos some more*

    King Johns: SHUT UP YOU SCUM OR I'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP!

    Man in Crowd: How about I make you shut up?!?!?

    King Johns: What? Who said that?

    *The camera pans into the crowd where a built, biker-looking guy with a beard and skull cap has his hand raised.*

    Man in Crowd: Me!

    King Johns: Come on then! Make me shut up because I'm getting pretty damn tired of this!

    *The crowd cheers as the biker man, walks up to the security barricade and climbs over it. Security men walk up to him and step in front of him but King Johns tells them to step away. They abide and the biker man rolls into the ring. He steps up to King Johns, who takes a big step back*

    King Johns: Easy there big guy, don't want to do something you regret here.

    *The biker has a scowl on his face and continues walking slowly towards the self proclaimed 'King of Wrestling'*

    King Johns: Eddie, do something!

    *Eddie grabs his microphone stand and hits the big man in the back with it. The biker pretty much no sells it and turns around and Eddie, who immediately drops the mic stand and begs for mercy.
    Meanwhile, the King retreats and escapes through the crowd, watching as Eddie is grabbed by the throat by the biker, and is picked up for a devistating Chokeslam Backbreaker. This gets a huge pop from the fans as Eddie lays on the canvas, unconcious. The mystery big man then picks up Eddie's mic stand and snaps it over his knee, before scowling once more at the camera and rolling out of the ring and back into the crowd while the crowd cheer wildly and the show cuts to a commercial*

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (March 8th, 2011)

    *Backstage, in front of a big screen with the 'High Voltage' logo on it, Katie Shields is standing there, facing the camera with a mic in her hand*

    Katie: Here I am, with Eddie Von Gunner

    *The crowd boos while Eddie struts into the shot with his microphone stand. He is wearing an all-red spandex sretchsuit and his hair is, as always, large.*

    Katie: Eddie, tonight you will take part in a 6-man tag team match, where you, along with The Sunshine State's Finest, will face the team of Ralph McCoy,
    Zakk Force and Matthew Summers. What is your opinion of the match-up?

    Eddie: They are in that ring with me trying to score a victory over my team and the team I am on is trying to score a victory over their team!

    Katie: ...uh Eddie we already know that. What we are asking is---

    *Eddie starts looking around him in a paranoid type way*

    Katie: Eddie are you okay? You are acting strange...er than usual

    Eddie: OKAY! Wanna know the truth goddamnit? That big bald biker guy is following me around! The same one who attacked me on The Majestic! I don't know
    how he keeps getting past security but I see him around here all the time now. It's scary!

    Katie: Eddie, didn't you read the match card? He's one of your opponents tonight, Zakk Force!

    Eddie: What? Oh No! Oh Nooooooooooooooo *the 'no' gets higher and higher and is carried at the peak note for several seconds* oooooo! I knew I shoulda
    taken those reading classes at the learning annex!

    Katie: You don't know how to read?

    Eddie: With looks like these what is the point of reading?

    *Katie just shakes her head and moves on*

    Katie: Well tonight you have some very good back-up. Hunter & Koran are one of the CWA's best tag teams.

    Eddie: Well have they had a song hit number 34 on the Billboard Hot 100?

    Katie: No but...

    Eddie: THEN THEY ARE NOT GOOD! NO ONE IS AS GOOD AS ME! NO ONE! AND IF THAT BIG ZAKK FORCE IDIOT HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT HE CAN KISS MY YOUTHFUL AAAAAAAAAAA...

    *the note keeps climbing and climbing until all of the sudden Eddie's falsetto is cut short by a had off-screen grabbing him by the throat. The camera zooms
    up to show Zakk holding Eddie by the throat. A minor pop from the crowd erupts when this happens. Zakk lets go and shoves Eddie back into Katie. Zakk
    snatches the mic off of Katie and faces in screen with a scowl on his face*

    Zakk: Let me tell you all out there who I am! I am Zakk Force and I kick ass. Enough said on that matter. Now to the matter of this little washed-up pissant!

    *Zakk turns to face Eddie, who has fear in his eyes*

    Eddie: Easy big guy, don't do anything you will regret!

    Zakk: The only thing I regret is letting go of that choke! You are lucky I am a man of my word, and I promised to keep the ass-kicking in the ring!

    Eddie: You couldn't kick an ass if there was an ass right in front of you that was in kicking distance!

    Zakk: Okay now I'm pissed!

    *Zakk goes to grab Eddie by the throat but Eddie hits Zakk in the crotch with the microphone stand. Zakk drops to his knees. Eddie does a war-squeal and then cracks
    over the head with his mic stand. He then sprints away as the camera cuts to Zakk in pain on the ground, looking as angry as ever.*

  11. #11
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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (March 22nd, 2011)

    *Backstage, in the interview area, Katie Shields is standing in between Eddie Von Gunner and Zakk Force. The latter of the two is surrounded by security.*


    Katie Shields: Eddie, Zakk, you two are facing each other one-on-one for the first time. One at a time, tell me how much winning the Ruler of the Ring contest would mean to you.


    *Katie hands the microphone to Eddie*


    Eddie Von Gunner: Ruler of the RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING would mean so much to Top 40. It's time for a new, young, fresh star to rule the ring of CWA. Who better than Eddie Von GUNNNNAAAAAAAHHHH!


    *Katie snatches the mic before Eddie's note can reach any higher.*


    Katie: Thank you Eddie. Now, Zakk, CWA Management have made sure that you can't lay a finger on Eddie until tonight's match. Therefore you have 5 of the CWA's best security employees restraining you from any contact before tonights match.
    Now, back to the point, how much would, after only just signing a CWA contract, winning the Ruler of the Ring tournament mean to you?


    *Katie hands Zakk the mic*


    Zakk: I don't give a crap. I just wanna beat the lead out of this little wash-up pansy.


    Eddie *yelling off screen*: We'll see who the wash-up is when your bald ass is beaten!


    Zakk: Okay you're dead!


    *Eddie runs away as Zakk is held back by the security. However he roars and one-by-one, shoves and pushes each of the security guards onto their asses as he storms off in pursuit of Eddie. The scene closes as Zakk pushes the camera over*

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    Re: Eddie Von Gunner

    Promo from High Voltage (April 5th, 2011)

    *The shot opens in a bright pink room. There are shelves on each of the walls with assorted trophies and medals. After a few seconds of just showing the room, Eddie Von Gunner slithers into the shot (much to the chagrin of the now-booing Austin crowd). He is wearing, instead of his usual loudly colourful spandex, a black suit and a tie. His hair is large but is tamed into a ponytail. His attire indicates that this was a pre-taped segment. He lets out a banshee howl of Axl Rose-esque proportions before he begins speaking:*

    Eddie: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Texans and Non-Rednecks, there is not a lot you don't already know about me. You know that I HAIL FROM LOS ANGELEEEEEEEEEEES, CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    *This little squeal draws boos from the audience, as did the prior Texas 'Redneck' joke.*

    Eddie: You know that I am the fresh young age of 28

    *Eddie conveniently smiles after he says this, and once again, his wrinkles say the opposite to what his mouth just did*

    Eddie: You know that I recently qualified to the Ruler of the Ring tournament after defeating that idiot, Zakk Force!

    *Eddie looks behind him after that insult to Zakk Force, just in case he was hiding behind him or something*

    Eddie: And you ALL know about my hit song hitting number 34 on the Billboard Charts a few years ago.

    *Eddie begins to sing a snippet of the song*

    Eddie:
    Sw-Sw-Sw-Swallow my Love! Baby, Swallow My Love! You laid on the bottom, now it's death from above! SW-SW-SW-SWALLOW MY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *the note lasts about 10 seconds before he ends it* VVVVVVVE-AAAHHHHH!

    *The crowd for some reason boo at his incredible singing ability*

    Eddie: But one thing, I doubt you people know is that I was a former lucha libre wrestler.

    *Eddie reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out a pink mask. He holds it out so the camera can get a good look at it*

    Eddie: I was known as 'La Chica Gran Hombre', which, according to my translator, translated to the 'Greatest in the World', but he could've been lying, on account of me paying him in stale taco shells. But the point is, my experience in Mexican Mask-wearing Grappling means that I have an answer for everything Grande can throw at me.

    *Eddie slowly walks over to one of the shelves*

    Eddie: But he has that title. That X-Fly title. The title that takes you from Undercarder to Upper-Midcarder in a quick three count! I haven't got anything on this shelf remotely close to having that power. Have a look at some of these trophies

    *He grabs a trophy of the shelf. It is pretty much a Guitar Hero Microphone spray-painted white*

    Eddie: This, I won after winning a karaoke competition in a small town mall. The runners up were 12 year old girls so it made it even easier to steal these:

    *he points to two trophies, pretty much the same as his, except one was spray painted silver and the other was spray painted bronze*

    Eddie: This is a very impressive, well-earned award. But it pales in comparison to the X-Fly title.

    *He puts the trophy back on the shelf and walks over to the other wall and grabs a wooden plaque*

    Eddie: This, I won at a hot dog eating contest. I was facing three fasting-Asians, a fat guy from Milwaukee and Joey Chestnut's younger brother. I was the smallest guy there, but I used my love of sausage shaped-foods and my lack of a gag reflex to grind out the victory.

    *Eddie puts the plaque carefully back on the shelf*

    Eddie: Impressive, but no X-Fly Title.

    *Von Gunner moves over to the last wall, and grabs a small framed document off the wall*

    Eddie: And this, is my pride and joy. This is the page from the June 7th, 1986 edition of the Billboard Magazine. It is a list of the TOP 40 sselling songs of that week, and look at that. Number 34, 'Swallow My Love' by the Machine Gunns.

    *He carefully places the frame on the shelf. He admires it for a few seconds before talking again*

    Eddie: It is a huge achievement in the world of music. But still, it doesn't quite equate to winnin' that sweet, sweet title draped around Grande's sexy waistline. Thats what I will aim for at In Exile, in that Championship Scramble for the X-Fly Title! Tonight, I face the champion in a non-title match, we I will weaken him to the point where he may as well say 'Here ya go Eddie, the title's yours, you musical genius'.

    *Eddie moves away from the wall and moves towards the center of the room again.*

    Eddie: So tonight when I face Grande in a non-title match, I don't intend on just winning. I intend on beating him so badly that the title is given to me!
    I have an answer for everything you have, Grande, you're going down tonight.
    Here's me, signing off, Eddie. Von. Gunnnnnnnnnaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !

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