Application

Angelique

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.


NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
__________________________________________________ ___________
__________________________________________________ ___________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ __________________

__________________________________________________ __________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
G. Pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend __________________________________________________ _
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
__________________________________________________ ____________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
__________________________________________________ ____________
C: A woman's place is in the:
__________________________________________________ ____________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
__________________________________________________ ____________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
__________________________________________________ ____________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's
Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State
Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back).