This is a discussion on Joke Thread within the Pictures & Jokes forums, part of the Non Wrestling Forums category; A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment
arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided ...
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A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment
arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on
himself
first.
So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the
switch
and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more
pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he
quickly
realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to
disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but
still
without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot
Line
with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works
fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will
release automatically once it's collected two gallons
A married man is having a beer at a bar before going home to his wife. A few of his friends show up, one thing leads to another, and it's 1:00 am by the time he decides to check the time. He's fall-down drunk, but realizes he's in deep shit with his wife.
On his way home, he goes to a 24-hour grocery store and picks up a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He gets home, walks quietly through the front door, and heads to the bedroom. He cracks the bedroom door and sees the familiar leg of a soundly sleeping woman sticking out of the blankets. He decides to earn some extra brownie points.
He sidles over to the bed, sticks his head under the covers, and proceeds to orally service her like he's never done before. When he's finished, he steps into the adjoining bathroom to wash up, and, to his surprise, sees his wife standing at the sink.
"What the hell are you doing in here?!", he screams. His wife replies, "Shhh, you'll wake your mother."
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lanny Poffo
You can't be kind without spilling some of it on yourself.
A married man is having a beer at a bar before going home to his wife. A few of his friends show up, one thing leads to another, and it's 1:00 am by the time he decides to check the time. He's fall-down drunk, but realizes he's in deep shit with his wife.
On his way home, he goes to a 24-hour grocery store and picks up a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He gets home, walks quietly through the front door, and heads to the bedroom. He cracks the bedroom door and sees the familiar leg of a soundly sleeping woman sticking out of the blankets. He decides to earn some extra brownie points.
He sidles over to the bed, sticks his head under the covers, and proceeds to orally service her like he's never done before. When he's finished, he steps into the adjoining bathroom to wash up, and, to his surprise, sees his wife standing at the sink.
"What the hell are you doing in here?!", he screams. His wife replies, "Shhh, you'll wake your mother."
A married man is having a beer at a bar before going home to his wife. A few of his friends show up, one thing leads to another, and it's 1:00 am by the time he decides to check the time. He's fall-down drunk, but realizes he's in deep shit with his wife.
On his way home, he goes to a 24-hour grocery store and picks up a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. He gets home, walks quietly through the front door, and heads to the bedroom. He cracks the bedroom door and sees the familiar leg of a soundly sleeping woman sticking out of the blankets. He decides to earn some extra brownie points.
He sidles over to the bed, sticks his head under the covers, and proceeds to orally service her like he's never done before. When he's finished, he steps into the adjoining bathroom to wash up, and, to his surprise, sees his wife standing at the sink.
"What the hell are you doing in here?!", he screams. His wife replies, "Shhh, you'll wake your mother."
A young wrestler is trying to make his way up the ranks. The current champion is a masked man by the name of 'The Spider', and he has beaten everyone he's faced with 'The Spider Hold'. No wrestler he's faced has ever found a counter to that hold.
The young wrestler finally works his way through the ranks and earns himself a #1 contendership. His next match is with the dreaded Spider. His trainer is preparing him for the match, reminding him constantly of the most feared hold in wrestling: The Spider Hold. Every day of preparation for the big match, the trainer reminds the young wrestler, "Beware of the Spider Hold. The human body was never meant to be in the positions that The Spider will put you in. Stay away from him."
Finally, the night of the big match is here. Before the match starts, the trainer reminds the young wrestler of the Spider Hold. "Nobody has ever escaped the twisted Spider Hold. Don't let him grab you!" The young wrestler confidently shrugs off the advice of his older manager, and locks up with The Spider when the bell rings.
After a long back and forth match, The Spider has the young wrestler in the dreaded Spider Hold. Just as the trainer is about to throw in the towel, his young protoge escapes the hold and pins The Spider for a three count, earning the World Championship! The crowd goes ape-shit!
Back in the locker-room, the trainer is talking to the new champion. "Nobody has ever gotten out of the spider hold. I have to know. How did you do it?" The young wrestler replies, "Well, you were right about him. He twisted my body into positions I couldn't even imagine. Just when I was about to give up, I saw a testicle hanging out of a pair of tights, so I reached up and bit it..."
"...and it was mine!"
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lanny Poffo
You can't be kind without spilling some of it on yourself.
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