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Killswitch · 01-06-2007, 01:15 AM

This curmudgeon tries to keep open mind on uniforms

For NHL uniform traditionalists, whose views tend to be pretty uniform, the unveiling of the Apocalypse will come in Dallas at the All-Star Game later this month. That's when CCM/Reebok and the league will show off next season's style of uniforms, which will be more formfitting, tucked in and, most potentially objectionable, all but rule out the most traditional horizontal striping and design schemes.

During CCM/Reebok representatives' tour through the league and dressing rooms, teams have worn plain prototypes of the sweaters/jerseys at practices, and unadorned, they don't look that much different. Some of the loose talk would have you believe that Sidney Crosby, whether he's in Kansas City or Pittsburgh, sartorially will look more like Spider-Man next season than like the Penguins' Orest Kindrachuk or the Scouts' Simon Nolet, but that's an exaggeration.

Although there has been some grumbling from individual players during the CCM/Reebok tour, company representatives attended NHLPA meetings last summer and received player feedback, which has led to some modifications during the tryout process, and will probably lead to some more before the leaguewide rollout next season. The chances of this becoming a fiasco along the lines of the NBA's failed switchover to the composite ball seem slight, given the union's involvement and the continued liason work of NHLPA executives Mike Gartner and Vincent Damphousse.

Major changes of these types, in all walks of life, almost always generate initial widespread revulsion. Hatred. Disdain. The NHL knows that's what will happen. The league is bracing for it and undoubtedly briefing everyone about a need to ride out the storm. And that involves both the functionality -- tighter fits over pads, moisture-repelling material which overall might be a good thing, but cause some drips -- and aesthetic design aspects of the uniform.

From this corner, the scariest thought is a 311-pounder in Section 311 wearing a replica or authentic jersey that's waaaaaaaay too tight. But make no mistake, there's a component in this of middle-agers hoping that they catch the attention of a younger demographic group and further draw them in, on television or at the sporting goods and souvenir shops.

But take solace: Nothing -- nothing -- could be as ugly as those Canucks pajama uniforms of nearly 30 years ago.

I'm a curmudgeon about most things, but I'm going to try to keep an open mind. To me, the most potentially objectionable aspect of all this will turn out to be the discouragement of traditional horizontal designs, because anything stretching across the front of the jersey could be a problem and thus archaic.

The Sabres' new outfits this season are shaky on their own merits, but if they're the leading edge of the new designs -- the logo seems to foreshadow the revolution, even if it might have the University of California-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs pondering their legal options -- that's even worse.

And I'd still like to see the NHL, which has gone back and forth on this, go back to having the home team in white. The only reason it went to the current format, the road team in white, was to sell more "third" jerseys and to lessen the need for teams to take more than white uniforms on the road. In this sport, it makes more sense to see the road team's full colors for variety's sake.

So as the revolution (Armageddon?) is about to take place, for the sake of nostalgia, here's a rundown of NHL uniform rankings.

It is completely subjective, with no reliance on shootouts to break ties; no consultation with either Brett Hull or Alexander Julian (who would want all teams in teal and purple); and no consideration of "third" jerseys, which in most cases don't deserve much consideration, anyway.

1. Canadiens
Club de Hockey. Traditional striping, though different on the road and home sets, and you swear they still smell like real sweaters.

2. Red Wings
The winged wheel is timeless, perfect and universally recognizable, probably even in Munich or Minot.

3. Maple Leafs.
The best accommodation between traditional and modern. There have been tweaks, but not ruination.

(See a pattern here?)

4. Blackhawks
The PC-NCAA might not want the Blackhawks to host a regional, but this is another logo and design that stands the test of time. Maybe it's because the Wirtzes didn't want to pay anyone to come up with something new, but old works.

5. Bruins
A spoked Bear just wouldn't be the same. And these are the right colors, too, because it's impossible to picture the B's in UCLA blue and gold (though kicker Zenon Andrusyshyn, the one-time Bruins' great, probably would have played left wing in this era).

6. Flames
It's funny how the historical background of the name doesn't really seem to matter any longer, but it still works with the "C" replacing the "A."

7. Flyers
The only problem this year is that the "P" stands for "putrid."

8. Kings
Anything would have been better than those original Jack Kent Cooke-era monstrosities, and this is the best redesign, in a new color scheme, that didn't go overboard. The best of the new wave.

9. Blues
The Blues have screwed up a lot over the years, but the "note" now looks great.

10. Rangers
The ties. The diagonal, simple lettering. At times, you want to leave the Garden and look for Jackie Gleason holding court in Toots Shor's.

11. Panthers
Fierce logo and good colors, if folks can find them way out there in the suburbs, halfway to Atlanta.

12. Oilers.
Some color touch-ups, but the uniforms still are sufficiently reminiscent of the dynastic era.

13. Penguins
Switching over from the blue to join the Steelers and Pirates during the "We Are Family" era might have been a lame copycat move, but it's held up as an improvement.

14. Avalanche
They have to grow on you, but not bad considering how rushed the designing was in the move from Quebec -- and the fortunate rejection of the trial-balloon first choice for a team name, the Rocky Mountain Xtreme.

15. Senators
The Roman-themed logo sure looks a lot better than something based on a fat guy in a suit in the upper house of the Canadian Parliament.

16. Islanders
Uh, OK, well, I suppose it would be impolitic to say that the Gorton's fish sticks logo was not that bad? If so, never mind. Regardless, the return to the traditional was a wise move.

17. Stars
They should have called them the South Stars, but otherwise, the scheme works.

18. Devils
Once they got rid of the Christmas-sweater colors, they looked a lot better.

19. Canucks
Another radical change from the old colors and the stick logo, this hasn't been as trashed as the Islanders' ill-fated innovation. Now all they need to do is to someday sign a guy named "Ahab."

20. Capitals
The new logo is busy but effective, and, again, the new scheme is an improvement on the red, white and blue that played out in the dark building in Landover, Md.

21. Hurricanes
Yeah, that's supposed to be the eye of the storm, but...

22. Wild
The logo is indecipherable. At least adopt the Wild Man of Borneo (or Bloomington) or something like that.

23. Ducks
Another foreshadowing change. Give them credit: At least they didn't copy any of Oregon's football uniforms.

24. Blue Jackets
Ulysses S. Grant would have to have been drunk to consent to wearing one of the jerseys. So maybe he did wear one.

25. Coyotes
They should change their name to "Werewolves of London."

26. Sharks
Teal should go the way of the Nehru jacket.

27. Predators
Could those teeth be any longer?

28. Lightning
They still look like homemade jerseys, with lettering done by hand with a Sharpie.

29. Thrashers
Did they and the Hurricanes have the same designer? It's hard to spot the bird at all.

30. Sabres
Go Slugs!

Source: ESPN.com

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