Old QB vs.Young QB

Slimdust

NICK BAKAY'S TALE OF THE TAPE:
OLD QB VS. YOUNG QB



NICKNAMES :
OLD QB: "The Gunslinger"
YOUNG QB: "The Bed Wetter"
ADVANTAGE: Old QB

POCKET POISE :
OLD QB: Can read defenses in his sleep.
YOUNG QB: A JUCO transfer to an SEC school, so there's a good chance he can't read.
ADVANTAGE: Old QB

MOBILITY :
OLD QB: All the escapability of John Goodman.
YOUNG QB: Runs like the wind, which would be great if his team used the option.
ADVANTAGE: Young QB

RECENTLY TESTED POSITIVE FOR :
OLD QB: Centrum Silver.
YOUNG QB: Mountain Dew Code Red.
ADVANTAGE: Push

THINGS THAT CAUSE DOUBT IN THE HUDDLE :
OLD QB: He puts his bifocals on to read the play off his armband.
YOUNG QB: He's drinking Gatorade from a sippy cup.
ADVANTAGE: Push

TOUCH :
OLD QB: No longer has enough arm strength to throw the long ball.
YOUNG QB: Throws his screen passes so hard they break orbital bones.
ADVANTAGE: Push

PLAYBOOK :
OLD QB: Learning his 43rd offensive system in 12 years.
YOUNG QB: Can only remember formations if they're named after SpongeBob characters.
ADVANTAGE: Old QB

HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE :
OLD QB: Actually played for the Houston Oilers, the L.A. Raiders and the Baltimore Colts.
YOUNG QB: Thinks the Browns are an expansion team.
ADVANTAGE: Old QB

DISTURBED TO LEARN THAT :
OLD QB: He's older than the head coach.
YOUNG QB: His new teammates aren't playing as well as they do on Madden 2007.
ADVANTAGE: Push

SPENT BONUS MONEY ON :
OLD QB: A donut pillow.
YOUNG QB: A Hummer with a PlayStation mounted in the dashboard.
ADVANTAGE: Push (both can only spell trouble)

JUST LOST :
OLD QB: His prostate.
YOUNG QB: His virginity.
ADVANTAGE: Young QB

GOT ... :
OLD QB: Some new ligaments from a cadaver.
YOUNG QB: Homesick at training camp.
ADVANTAGE: Push

DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO :
OLD QB: Hang it up.
YOUNG QB: Slide.
ADVANTAGE: Push

So there you have it, it's all so simple when you break things down scientifically. In a training camp showdown that can only lead to a lingering controversy, the advantage goes to ... Old QB, in a squeaker! But hang in there, Young QB -- it's only a matter of weeks before the home-field crowd starts chanting your name after a drive-killing interception.

Until next time, I'm Nick Bakay, reminding you the numbers never lie ...

nfl.com

PS3 Online Name: xJimmyx23

www.haulingkings.com

Dr. Giganto

Sports Moderator

I generally find Nick Bakay's work to be contrived and devoid of genuine humor. This is no exception...

Slimdust

yeah, its all in fun.

he is not serious or anything.

PS3 Online Name: xJimmyx23

www.haulingkings.com