The Truth About Sean Sherk

Dakstang

WC's Resident Redneck

Sherk is just more manly than 90% of the population.
That is why his nandrolone levels were so high.

More Facts:


In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the
bulls, but the bulls are running from Sherk.
Sherk uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Sherk once LnPed someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific
Ocean.

Crop circles are Sherk' way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie down.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep
Sherk out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Sherk, not the box
jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous
creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a
human being experiences the following symptoms: fever,
blurred vision, roid rage, tightness of the jeans, and
the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car
windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Sherk has
72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Sherk what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?"
he LnPs you in the face.

Sherk drives an ice cream truck covered in human
skulls.

When Sherk sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms
and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and
ready to attack. Sherk has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Sherk' fist.

Sherk invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret
recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever
mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Sherk Network" to
update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in
real-time.

Sherk can win a game of Connect Four in only three
moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of
creatures Sherk allows to live.

Sherk once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He
spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his
waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Sherk'
victims before they died? His shoe.

Sherk is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Sherk as a Code
45-11.... a suicide.

Sherk doesn't churn butter. He LnPs the cows and the
butter comes straight out.

Sherk doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this
spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact
a warning, that the spot belongs to Sherk and that you
will be handicapped if you park there.

Sherk will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower
will be the Petunia.

Someone once videotaped Sherk getting pissed off. It
was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

If you spell Sherk in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Sherk originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II"
video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because
every button caused him to do a LnP. When asked bout
this "glitch," Sherk replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Sherk once and he
will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan"
is loosely based on games of dodgeball Sherk played in
second grade.

Sherk once shot down a German fighter plane with his
finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Sherk once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without
a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sherk
re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14
states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An
embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor,
and still owes him a beer.

Sherk has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Sherk that LnPs aren't the
best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by
historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a
democracy, it is a Sherktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story:
Sherk once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he
crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had
learned karate.

Sherk is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like
Sherk.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a
locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single
bound... yes, these are some of Sherk's warm-up
exercises.

Sherk is the only human being to display the
Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know
both exactly where and how quickly he will LnP you in
the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then
Sherk turned that wine into beer.

Sherk can hit you so hard that he can actually alter
your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will
occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The
Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Sherk.

Sherk discovered a new theory of relativity involving
multiple universes in which Sherk is even more badass
than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert
Einstein and made public, Sherk LnPd him in the face.
We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Sherk doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Sherk military unit was not used in the game
Civilization 4, because a single Sherk could defeat
the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects
Sherk could use to kill you, including the room
itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native
American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as
anywhere that Sherk walks.

Sherk does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks
them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British
soldiers from the American Revolution who entered
space after the Sherk gave them a LnP to the face.

When Sherk goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Sherk
has breathed on.

Sherk once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has
more testicles?" contest. Sherk won by 5.

Sherk was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the
gift of roids, which he carried with him until he
died. The other three wise men were enraged by the
preference that Jesus showed to Sherk's gift, and
arranged to have him written out of the bible. All
three died soon after of mysterious LnP related
injuries.

Sherk sheds his skin twice a year.

Twist of lEMOn

all of those are true >_> every single one of them

To bad Chuck Norris isnt as manly

Dmac

/Phails hard.