The Clique Rumble

Jayman · 03-11-2008, 03:04 PM

The feed begins with a live shot of Texas Stadium in Irving, Texas. For the past 30 + years, it has been home of the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys. However, tonight it is home of some of the best fake athletes in the world when the Clique Wrestling Federation invade the “Lone Star” State! Tonight we present to you, LIVE, the second pay-per-view: Clique Rumble. Highlighted by a multiple-person over the top rope Battle Royal match, the winner gets a shot at the World Heavyweight Title, which they will challenge for at Cliquemania in about a month or two (whenever I get there). A tag team title match is also scheduled when I-squared defend against the “African Hooligans” in a Best-of-3-falls matchup. Defending his World Title tonight, Simon will be going one-on-one with the Commissioner of the federation himself, Felix. Let’s go ringside where Tyler Durden and Jayman are ready to begin.

*Tyler and Jay are both dressed “to the nines” tonight in tuxedos. Tyler has chosen the classy black and white combination, while Jay has gone the opposite route and is showing off a bright lime green suit. They have their headsets on, and after a wonderful rendition of “America the Beautiful” sung by the Cowboy’s own Tony Romo, we head to the announcers.

Tyler: How beautifully sung by Romo there. And we are now underway with our second-ever Pay Per View event, Clique Rumble!
Jay: I saw Slim humping the leg of Romo before the show. And for whatever reason, )85( was watching and clapping his approval.
Tyler: You’re just jealous. Anyway, we have a lot of action to cover tonight, and we’re getting started with the first fall of the Tag Team Title bout. I’m told we are going live to a bar in Boston, Massachusetts.

*Indeed, the feed switches to Boston, the hometown of our challengers, Rambo and Necro. The Cactus Club is hopping on this night, and Rambo and Necro are sitting up at the bar, chugging some beer. Referee Chewy is sitting next to Rambo at the bar, stripped shirt already on, awaiting the challengers. They look buzzed. In walks Invictus and Inogenius, complete with tag titles around their waists. They look around and have a disgusted look on their face, the surrounding obviously not up to par for the champions. They head in the direction of Rambo and Nec, who don’t see them enter. Invictus grabs an empty bar stool and swings it at the back of Necro. The wooden stool connects with his back, but doesn’t shatter.

Invictus: In cinema, these pieces of furniture always shatter upon impact with flesh and bone. I don’t understand, with the momentum I gave the object, and if you take into account the moment of inertia….

Before Invictus can pull out his graphing calculator, Rambo kicks his stool out from under him, and it flings back to hit Inogenius in the shins, shattering the wood on impact. Ino collapses and screams, clutching his knees. Invictus snaps his fingers.

Invictus: Of course, elementary it is. I had to put more acceleration on the stool in order for shatter to occur. If only I used it as an projectile, and not an extension of my arm, I would have..
Inogenius: Some assistance here!!!!!

Invictus didn’t see Necro run and grab a pool cue before he breaks it over the skull of his opponent. Invictus falls and clutches his head, which is now bleeding. Meanwhile, Rambo splashes some mug of beer into the face of Inogenius, and before a bar patron can scream that it was a waste of beer, Rambo announces it was “Milwaukee’s Best”. The patrons grunt their approval. Ino with a leg sweep and Rambo falls forward, his arm hitting the table. He clutches in pain while Invictus is fighting back Necro near the pool table. Nec picks up the 13 ball and hurls it, but Invictus dodges the projectile in time. He jumps on the pool table and leaps off, body splashing Necro to the floor. Inogenius, meanwhile, unscrews a light bulb overhead from a booth and shatters it on Rambo’s skull. He screams in pain for a moment, but gathers some adrenaline and spears Inogenius to the floor. Some right hands to the face of Ino keeps Rambo in control. Invictus is now smashing the face of Necro on the green felt of the pool table, and laughs as he does so. The bar patrons are clapping and slamming their beverages while watching the action up-close. One particularly drunk patron walks up behind Ino and punches him weakly. Referee Chewy steps in a waves a finger “no”, before knocking the patron out cold. Ino is now up and throws Rambo through the front window, and onto the night sidewalk. Ino jumps through the broken window and goes for a pin. Referee Chewy only counts a 2 before Rambo somehow gets a shoulder up. Meanwhile, Necro throws Invictus through the women’s bathroom door, and into the confines of “the unknown”. They stop in mid-fight to look at their surroundings.

Necro: Wow, these stalls are much nicer than the men’s.
Invictus: You are correct. And look at the upholstery on this couch in here.
Necro: What the fuck?! A couch in a bathroom? That’s bullshit! We don’t get shit like that.
Invictus: In addition to well-manufactured furniture, each of the stall doors are still in tact.

They continue fighting through the bathroom while Rambo is crawling down the sidewalk, looking for something to help him. He finds it: he whips Ino into a parking meter, and quarters a plenty spill out. He goes for a pin, but only gets 2. Back to Necro: he’s giving Invictus a swirley now. Back to Rambo. Inogenius gets up and blocks a clothesline and sets up Rambo for a powerbomb. He executes it perfectly…onto the hood of the Jeep in front of the bar. Chewy counts..1…2….3!

Tyler: And I-Squared have come into the Hooligan’s territory and stolen the first fall. We will clean them up and rejoin the tag teams later when they jump on a bus and head to the Advanced Chemistry Lab at Harvard.
Jay: That was some good action there. The ironic thing is: the bill Rambo and Necro owe for all the damage to the bar doesn’t even come close to their typical bar tab.

*”I Am I Am” plays over the speakers and down walks God (not the supreme being) for his handicap match. The crowd boos him, as per usual, and this time he gets right in the ring and awaits his challengers. No microphone tonight, and the crowd actually applauds that. God, thinking they enjoy him out there, gives a friendly wave and smiles to the crowd in delight. Roddy Piper’s theme plays up, and out walks Lady HotRod in all black. She stands on the stage and gives a wave, and awaits her partners. Next up is the Charlie’s Angels Theme, and Jackie Pies walks out to a chorus of cheers. She blows one big kiss to the crowd. Finally, Emma walks out to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls and joins her teammates on the stage. They all skip down the aisle with their arms locked, although Lady HotRod doesn’t seem too amused to do this. Either way, the thought of those 3 girls arm-in-arm sends one massive dirty thought to all the men in the audience. They collaborate in the ring and decide Jackie Pies will start off against God. A bell ring later and we’re underway. God runs at Jackie Pies, but she gets a quick takedown. She irish whips God into the corner and follows it up with a big splash, which doesn’t look all that bad to be in, really. Jackie follows it up with some swift kicks, but God catches her foot and trips her standing foot, knocking JP down. While still holding her legs, he sticks a foot in between and turns her over, locking in a sharpshooter. JP screams in pain and tries to reach to her partners, but they are out of reach. Lady HotRod runs in and lands a bulldog on an unsuspecting God. The ref starts the 5-count but she quickly gets back to her corner. Now out of the move, JP stands over God and gets a few footstomps in before tagging in Lady HotRod. LHR climbs the top ropes, and when God gets up, he doesn’t see her flying off the top ropes in time to move. So, after a splash from the top rope, LHR hooks the leg, but only gets a 2-count. God is up and now gets a kick to the stomach and a snap suplex in. He covers for only 2 and LHR crawls over towards her corner. God grabs the leg and pulls back LHR, but she kicks with her other foot, only to land square between his legs. God falls down, clutches his little boys, and thankfully for the girls the referee didn’t see that move. She hot tags in Emma while the crowd goes wild! Emma in and she clotheslines God down once, he gets up quickly and is clotheslined down again. Emma sets up for her Roundhouse Kick finisher, and when God gets up he dodges it in time. He scoops up Emma and picks her up overhead. He hurls her in the air towards the ropes. Emma lands backfirst and upside down into the ropes, and bounces off before hitting the mat hard facefirst in a move he calls “Throw N Away” (TNA). God looks at the two other girls on the apron, who have a shocked look on their face and dare not try to enter the ring. God covers and gets the 3.

Tyler: Wow, what a vicious move by God. I’ve never seen a move like that before in professional wrestling. Emma bounced off those ropes like rubberband, and the move happened too quickly for her to block the blow.
Jay: And God picks up yet another victory, although it’s very controversial with a move like that. But how tarnished is this little winning streak of his?

*While Jackie Pies attends to Emma, Lady HotRod watches from the opposite corner. She has a look of disgust on her face, but she isn’t near Emma offering support. Meanwhile, CM Drunk has ran down the ring in horror. He picks up Emma and carts her off to the back, while the other ladies follow.

Next, a video package airs. It shows Erin losing a fight with Simon while Suntan Superman makes his return. Next thing, the Samoan slides in and picks up the beautiful brunette before executing a devastating Dominator to her. Next clip shows SS in the middle of the ring explaining his actions, upset because Erin stole his main event spotlight. After that, another clip shows SS trying a chairshot to Erin, but missing and connecting with God instead. Last week, the clip shows SS almost-hesitantly counting to three as special referee to give Erin and Mr. Cool the win. Afterwards, Erin escapes another attempted attack by SS post-match before running up the ramp. The clip ends and we cut back to Erin backstage, who is being interviewed by a tired Jackie Pies.

Jackie Pies: Erin, your match tonight against Suntan Superman is personal. Just a week after a losing effort for the World Title against Simon, SS returned only to double cross everyone and hurt you. You’ve avoided him for a few weeks, but now the time has come.
Erin: It’s been a scary few weeks. I still can’t get the vision of him picking me up and hitting the Dominator on me out of my head, and my back still feels the after effects. But I have to face my demons, and tonight I plan on doing whatever it takes to silence the beast.
JP: In a strange move, Commissioner Felix has made this a No-Disqualification match. This could either be a blessing or a curse for you. We all saw how hard of a shot that chairshot from SS was that narrowly missed you.
Erin: You’re right Jackie Pies. I just need to use that stipulation to my advantage. But I’m confident, because for the first time, Suntan Superman will be directly in my field of vision, rather than an attack from behind like he is so used to. Without the element of surprise, I’m convinced he’s lost his edge. Now if you’ll excuse me….

*Erin walks off in preparation for her match. Meanwhile, we head back to ringside, where “Banner of Freedom”, the national anthem of Samoa, plays. It can hardly be heard over the boos from the crowd, and SS walks down with a pissed-off look on his face. He ignores the crowd and steps in the ring, keeping his gaze locked on the curtain. Soon enough, Oasis’ “Champagne Supernova” starts up and the boos change to cheers. Erin heads down the ramp, with her gaze locked on SS. When the music dies down and the bell rings, SS quickly leaps at Erin for a takedown. Erin twirls out of the way and SS lands shoulder first into the ring post. Erin quickly gets in a few quick kicks and backs up in a fight-ready pose.

Tyler: Erin is choosing to go with some “stick-and-move” type offense against the big guy, which is a good strategy here.
Jay: Remember, this is a no-disqualification match, so anything goes.

Erin waits for SS to get up and when he turns to her, she gets a dropkick in that makes SS lear back a bit. Erin stands back up and lands another picture perfect dropkick, but SS will not fall. Erin runs against the ropes and SS catches her in his arms, then slams her down in a belly-to-belly suplex. He roars out at the crowd, who boo their disapproval. SS picks up Erin, pulling her by the hair, a legal move in this match. He hits a deadly short arm clothesline, sending the girl down hard. SS stands a foot on her as a pin, but Erin kicks out at 2. SS with some footstomps, but Erin rolls away and out of the ring. SS follows her around the ring, but Erin goes and grabs a chair. She folds it up…and throws it at SS. Not expecting that move, SS doesn’t get his guard up in time and is in in the face with the chair. He falls down and checks his forehead – blood. With a pissed off look on his face, SS gets up and runs after Erin, but she slides in the ring. SS grabs the chair and slides in the ring with it. Erin gets in the corner and stays there while SS lurks at her like a predator after his prey. SS hits her in the gut with the chair, and Erin screams in pain. SS lifts the chair overhead and brings it down to the back of Erin, the steel bending over her. SS throws the chair out of the ring and picks her up over his shoulder, setting up for his Dominator finisher. He flips her down and hard to the mat before covering her…1..2…kickout!!! The crowd goes wild as SS is wide-eyed in amazement. Erin still writhes in pain, and SS goes for another cover, but again only 2. Erin violently kicks and punches the air, some of her blows landing on SS, others not. SS is reeled back onto his ass, and Erin gets off a kick to the face from still on her back. Erin kips up and winces in pain. She runs against the ropes and hits a neckbreaker to SS, who was in the sitting up position. Erin goes up top for her frogsplash, and after slowly making it to the top rope, leaps off in pain. She hits the move though – the crowd goes crazy – and hooks the leg…2 count! Erin lays on her back, sucking in air, gasping for breath and still wincing in pain from the chairshots. SS gets up and smiles devilishly. He picks her up once again over her shoulder, setting her up for another dominator. Erin wriggles free and gets out, and collapses behind him. The Samoan turns around, only to look down in time to see Erin’s arm moving up…right between his legs. Erin connects on a hard low-blow in a last ditch effort, and SS falls down in pain, blood still pouring from his forehead. Erin drapes one arm over him in exhaustion..1…2…..3!! The crowd goes crazy as the referee helps her up before raising her hand in victory. Erin looks around in disbelief, still unsure how she won the match.

Tyler: And someway…somehow…Erin has come off this match as the winner! She managed to land a crucial low blow, legal in a No-DQ match.
Jay: It was only a minor misstep in Suntan Superman’s streak. Both competitors pulled out all the stops here, and I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of the Samoan.
Tyler: I’m told we are cutting back to the Tag Team Title match now, as our cameras are now on campus at Harvard University’s Chemistry Lab. This is the second out of 3 falls to determine the Tag Champions.
Jay: I’m told that this is the university where Inogenius earned 4 out of his 6 P.H.D’s.

*Indeed we cut to Harvard’s Chem Lab on the 5th floor at the Cabot Sciences Complex. In the room are Rambo and Necro, bloody from the barroom brawl. On the opposite side in the lab are Inogenius and Invictus, freshly clean from his swirley. Referee Chewy is in the middle of the room, and a little buzzed still.

Chewy: Here we go with the second match. I-squared are up 1-0 right now, and winning this match will mean they retain their belts. A loss ties this up and we fly directly to Texas Stadium for the third and final match. Let’s go!

Rambo picks up some beakers and throws them in the direction of Invictus and Inogenius. Ino catches one in the arm, and blood pours from his bicep. Invictus charges at Rambo and knocks him over a table. The table breaks and both men collapse on top of it. Necro heads towards Ino and spears him down. He sees a clear liquid in a beaker and grabs it in desperation. With a laugh, he pours it on top of Ino. Necro waits for a chemical reaction, but gets none. The clear liquid just rolls right off.

Ino: My nemesis, take a gander at the label accompanying that beaker of liquid. You will see that the “chemical” is the compound which is abundant in approximately three-fourths of planet: Di-Hydrogen Monoxide. Otherwise known as water.
Necro: Shit…..

Ino smashes the empty beaker of water against the head of Necro, and the hoodlum falls to the floor and clutches his head. Meanwhile, Rambo turns on the Bunsen burners near him, about 4 in total. He grabs Invictus and attempts to throw him onto the table of flames, but Invictus reverses the move and sends Rambo into a cabinet of lab coats. Rambo takes a coat and wraps it around the torso of Invictus before tying a knot in it. Invictus cannot break free of the confines of the coat and succumbs to multiple shots to the body by Rambo. On the other side of the lab, Necro is thrown into the safety shower, and Ino turns it on. A rush of water falls down upon Necro. Soaken wet, he runs at Ino, but doesn’t get far and slips on the wet floor, crashing hard on the tile. Invictus puts on a pair of safety goggles and walks over to the table of chemicals, most marked as various kinds of acids. He begins to slowly mix them together. Meanwhile, Rambo takes the fire extinguisher and shoots it onto a tied-up Invictus. He screams as the foam covers his entire body. Ino hears this and goes to help his friend, but it’s too late. Rambo is pinning him, and because he’s tied down with the lab coat, cannot kick out. Chewy counts the three to send this into “Sudden death”. Necro has gotten up and bumped the table where Invictus was mixing chemicals. The beakers fall over and crash on the ground. Suddenly, the chemicals are set ablaze and the lab begins to catch fire. Chewy and the four wrestlers run out at once.

Tyler: So another match, and another mess for someone to clean up. Rambo and Necro are like those people at a party you always keep an eye on because you’re not sure when they’ll break the vase in the corner.
Jay: Rambo and Necro are those people that MAKE a party.
Tyler: Be sure to invite them to your next “Wine and Cheese” all-nighter. At any rate, this match will be contested by fall #3, which will take place here in the ring in a little while. Next up we have an intergender match.

Another quick clip is shown. It is from Survivor Monks, where Blade and Mikk fought in a “One Night with Gigglypuff” match. It shows Blade coming up on top, with some help, and leaving with the beauty. Another clip shows the date, which featured board games and “games” of other sorts. Mikk rushing in and ambushing Blade with an attack. Another clip shows Gigglypuff egging on Mikk, begging for a match. At first Mikk declined, but last week agreed to a match after enough torment. A reminder that if Mikk wins this match, then he is granted a rematch with Blade. Otherwise, as drawn up in the contract from their match at “Survivor Monks”, they cannot touch eachother.

*”North Country Boy” plays and the crowd is on their feet for the Mikkster. He plays to the crowd a bit, and gets in the ring. “Chasing Car” by Snow Patrol is next, and out comes Gigglypuff to boos. She is without her usual f*** buddy Blade, who has recently changed his name to “Nice Guy Eddie”. But nobody notices. Giggly hops in the ring and smiles at Mikk, who doesn’t return the favor. The bell rings and we’re off. Mikk and GP tie up, with Mikk throwing her down. The crowd cheers as Giggly gets a sad “woe is me” look on her face. Mikk ignores it and rushes at her, surprising Giggly. She is the recipient of a few punches, but squirms out and swipes Mikk’s feet out from under him. They are both back up and Giggly with a kick or two to the gut of Mikk. He falls into the corner, and Giggly with a running knee to Mikk. She climbs to the second rope and gets 3 punches before Mikk brings her down with a powerbomb. He covers, but gets only 2. Mikk continues with a few chops to the chest of GP. After a headbutt, GP goes down. Mikk with another cover, only 2. GP is up first and lands a neckbreaker, and follows it up with a vertical suplex. She goes up top and performs a flying headbutt, but Mikk is out of the way in time! Mikk is up and lands a legdrop or two before picking up GP. She snaps out of the hold and wraps her arms around him, locking him in a bearhug. Mikk is caught in her finisher, and the referee asks if he submits. The crowd is slapping their hands and stomping their feet, cheering “Mikk…Mikk…Mikk…”. Mikk shakes his head quickly and headbutts GP once again, and the hold is broken. He kicks her in the stomach, and sets her up for a Pedigree. Mikk drives her headfirst to the mat with his finisher, and goes for a pin. 1……2…..3!!!! With that, Mikk’s hand is raised in victory, much to the delight of the crowd. He heads to the back and prepares for the Clique Rumble, while GP is helped backstage by the referee.

Tyler: The Mikkster got the job done against Gigglypuff.
Jay: And that bearhug didn’t look like such a bad position to be in, if I may say so.
Tyler: You may not, no. Anyway, we need to press forward, more action awaits! Here we go with a tag match. CM Drunk and Half-Boy have been a makeshift team as of late, and this time Matt has some assistance in his battle with Crocker and Phantom of “Anarchy in the UK”.

*We go backstage where CM Drunk and Half-Boy are backstage, and Emma is in the corner with an icepack or two. They are lacing up their boots and CM Drunk is smiling. HB looks up in confusion.

Half-Boy: What are you so happy for? This night has started off very badly. Already Emma got beat down by God, and you came in and swooped her up before me, her FIANCEE mind you, had the chance.
CM Drunk: What is your problem bro? We have to work together tonight, so let’s just put everything else on hold, okay? I was backstage and saw on the monitor that Emma lost the match. So I ran out to give her some help. That’s it.
Emma: Guys, don’t fight. (Ow, my leg). Just go out there and make this night worth it with a victory over Crocker and Phantom.
HB: (whispering, to CM Drunk) We need to talk later.

*”Anarchy in the UK” by the Sex Pistols starts up, and down walk Crocker and Phantom, with the England and Welsh flags drapes around their necks as capes. They run down quickly, and jump in the ring happily, ready for their matchup. They await the sound of Sisqo’s “The Thong Song”, and out walks Half-Boy with CM Drunk close behind. CM is struggling to catch up to his tag team partner, but Half-Boy is walking too fast. He gets in the ring and looks at his foes, while CM stays on the apron. The match starts off with Phantom and HB, and HB gets the first move in by winning a “feats of strength” contest. HB with vicious stomps to Phantom, and CM is shocked with this violent streak from the apron. Phantom rolls out of an attack and hits a backbreaker. A quick elbow drop to HB only gets him a 2-count. Phantom pulls up HB, but he reverses it into a neckbreaker. HB runs against the ropes and lands a running leg drop. He backs into the corner, and unknown to him, nearby CM. Drunk slaps the back of HB, making him the legal man. HB stays in the ring until the ref orders him out, and CM takes over. Phantom gets a belly-to-back suplex in, and goes up top. He executes a perfect swanton bomb. Phantom covers for only 2, and Crocker is tagged in. Crock with a beatdown to CM, and he narrowly misses another pin by kicking out at 2. CM blocks a shot and gets a bodyslam in. CM with an abdominal stretch, but Phantom is in to break up the hold. Crocker throws a limp CM drunk into his own corner, where HalfBoy happily slaps him to tag himself in. Drunk rolls out of the ring and HB steps in, running at Crocker. Crock dodges him and HB hits the corner hard. Phantom gets a few cheap shots in before the referee breaks it up. Crocker tags in Phantom, who locks in a sleeper hold, but HB hits a low blow with his leg, unknown to the ref. Phantom falls down and HB rolls him over, locking in his finisher, the Half Crab. Crocker jumps over the rope and heads to break it up, but he is not in time and Phantom taps out. Emma runs down in celebration, still nursing her injuries. She jumps into Half-Boy’s arms, who smiles for the first time in weeks. CM Drunk gets in the ring to join the celebration, but HB heads out of the ring with Emma. CM has an empty look on his face, while the referee raises his hand in victory. However, HB is already halfway up the ramp with his fiery redhead.

Tyler: Half-Boy has pulled one over Anarchy and earns his first win against the pair. Of course, he owes some gratitude to his tag team partner, CM Drunk.
Jay: I think right now Matt is enjoying the company of Emma instead. Lord knows I would.
Tyler: Fresh off the plane, hopefully with little jetlag, is the Hooligans and I-squared. We are ready for the final fall in this match to determine new tag team champions. Without further ado.

*The ”Bad Boys” themesong and out struts Necro and Rambo, in hooded sweatshirts. They have a 40 with them both, and take a swig or two, probably to numb the pain they have from the Bar Room Brawl and Laboratory Fight. Next comes “Beethoven’s Fifth” and down walk the champions. After all are at the ring, the match starts. Invictus and Necro start it off and Necro gets an early lead with a flurry of punches. Obviously exhausted, Invictus falls down in exhaustion. Necro tries for the quick and easy pin, but Invictus kicks out. Invictus gets up and lands a European uppercut to Necro before tagging in his partner. Necro tries for the tag, but Ino drags him to the center of the ring. Necro is up, but his left arm is pinned back by Ino before he hits a brutal Heart Punch to the ribcage. Necro collapses and holds his side in pain. Ino with a cover, but only 2. Rambo slapping the post for the hot tag. Necro is up and a side headlock on Ino. He whips him against the ropes and lands a side slam. Necro leaps towards the corner and gets the tag before Ino is up. Rambo in and he hits a legdrop, another, and a third. He picks up Ino and lands a sit-down powerbomb. Two count by Rambo. Ino takes over now and a slingshot to the corner sends Rambo’s face to the turnbuckle. He falls back, and Ino catches him and pulls him around in a schoolboy. He pulls up the “tights”, and forces a wedgie to Rambo as the referee counts 1……..2………3!!! Ino and Invictus hug and hold their titles up to the crowd, but roll out of the ring before Necro can get in and get some revenge on the scholars.

Tyler: Another controversial finish from I-squared, this time with a handful of Rambo’s boxers. Although, one could argue they wear their pants so low with the boxers sticking out, it was an easy target.
Jay: I sense some Jack Daniels will heal all of the Hooligans wounds tonight.
Tyler: With that, we are set for our World Title match. Commissioner Felix goes one on one with the Champ and leader of the Clique World Order: Simon. I understand the World Champion is backstage.

*Simon is in his locker room, signing autographs for a boy, Timmy. The boy is wearing a CWO shirt and is all smiles with the Champ, who seems annoyed.

Simon: Here you go, kid. Your fifth god-damn autograph.
Timmy: Please don’t swear around me in the future. My mom says it could be bad for my mental health!
Simon: Looking at you kid, I’d say you’re mental health is the least of your worries. I’m only doing this because you won the “Meet the Champ” online contest. I have to defend my World Title tonight, do you really think I have time to sit and chat with you?
Timmy: But I’m your number one fan!
Simon: I bet….(looking off-screen) Gentleman, it’s about time you showed up.

*Giganto and Blade “Nice Guy Eddie” have entered the locker room, still in expensive suits.

Blade: The limo got a flat tire on the way over here, Simon. We would have been here earlier, but because the driver was a one-armed midget girl named Trixie, we had to argue with her for an hour that it was HER job to fix the tire.
Giganto: She spent half an hour arguing that she wasn’t physically able to change the tire, then spent 15 minutes actually changing it after crying for 15 minutes. FIFTEEN minutes to change a tire, boss. Who takes that long?
Simon: Who cares. You’re just in time to watch me beat down the boss. This is just the beginning, guys. After I go out and win against Felix, we’re going even higher after that. Next is to take over the CWF. Then we’ll take over my hometown of Boston. And then we’ll take over Congress. Then the United Nations. Then I’ll make my own wrestling discussion board. Then….
Blade: Simon? Maybe you should just concentrate on Felix first.
Simon: …..You’re right. I’m going to do what you two idiots couldn’t: beat Felix one-on-one. Now if you’ll excuse me, sit back here and watch that tv screen and take some notes on how to win a wrestling match. Maybe one of you two can do the same later and win the Rumble match, for a change.

*Simon storms off with his title belt, leaving a pissed off Giganto and Blade in the room. Timmy looks up at the two big men in awe. Giganto “shoos” him away in anger.

Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” starts up and out walks Felix to a chorus of cheers. He waves to the fans and gets in the ring. The CWO theme is next, and out comes Simon to deafening boos. He makes a pouty face to the fans, then laughs it off and gives a “double thumbs up” to Felix, laughing again. After this is announced as a World Title match, Simon and Felix square off. Simon starts it off quick with a superkick that lands square under the jaw of Felix. He is slow to get up, rubbing his neck. A snap DDT later by Simon and Felix is again down. Simon covers but only gets 1. Felix gets up and hits a few shots before executing a fisherman’s suplex. He locks his leg and keeps the hold, but the pin move only gets him 2 before Simon kicks out. Simon gets a piledriver on Felix, and plays up to the crowd, who only boo the champion. He waves them off and turns his attention back to Felix. The challenger has since moved right next to him and flips him over in a schoolboy. Simon kicks out at 2, and Felix is back with an elbow drop. He picks up Simon and brings him down in a brutal looking facebuster. Simon is up just in time to get hit with Felix’s flying lariat. Simon hits the mat hard and Felix covers, but only 2. Felix picks up Simon and keeps him between his legs, setting him up for the finisher. Felix lands a running powerbomb which shakes the entire ring. Felix covers…..1…….2………No!

Tyler: A ton of heavy-hitting moves here, and these two men are giving us everything!
Jay: Neither will stay down though. This title match is not only for the belt, but also dignity.

Simon is now up and in control. A few chops to Felix, and he whips him against the ropes. He lands a flying cross-body block and sets up Felix for his chokeslam finisher by slapping his hand around the neck of the challenger. Simon hoists up the big man, but Felix gets a thumb to the eye in mid-air, and Simon drops him. Simon bends over wiping his eyes, and Felix puts his head between his legs again. Felix hoists up Simon and runs across the mat, going for his running powerbomb finisher again. This time, however, Simon wiggles out the back, and the momentum sends Felix flying into the corner chest-first. Felix writhes in pain and turns out and around from the corner to be met with the massive hand across his throat. Simon hoists him up and lands a hard chokeslam. Simon covers……1….2…….3!

Tyler: And no title change here folks. Simon retains in a back-and-forth match. The CWO are on a roll now, and Simon’s attention turns to the main event tonight, our Rumble matchup.
Jay: Everyone and anyone is included here folks, and the winner will meet the World Champion at Cliquemania in a few weeks time.
Tyler: Onto the highlight and final match of the evening: the Rumble matchup!

*The announcer goes through the rules of the match. Every 90 seconds a new wrestler comes down. The only way to be eliminated is by being thrown over the top rope. Last person surviving wins the match and the number 1 contendership. “Margaritaville” plays on the speakers and our first entrant is CM Drunk. He walks out with purpose, and gives a quick nod to the crowd before slapping a few hands and getting in. “Sweet Home West Virginia” is next up and Dakstang comes out with flannel shirt and ripped up blue jeans. He is missing his usual firearm tonight as weapons are not allowed in this matchup. Dak hands out a few “Vote for Ron Paul” buttons before stepping in the ring.

Tyler: So the relative new face to the CWF and the Southern Veteran will start us off. The bell rings and we’re off.

Dak and CM tie up and play a game of back and forth with right hooks. Dak gets thrown into the corner and CM follows it up with a knee to the gut. Dak falls over and CM hits an elbow from the second rope. Entrant #3 is….Emma.

Emma heads down to “Wannabe” and we see the sultry redhead for the second time tonight. She comes down wincing still from her earlier encounter with God. Emma steps in the ring and looks eye to eye with CM. He gives her a friendly nod and turns his attention to Dak, while Emma leans into the corner watching. Dak with an arm drag followed by a DDT on CM. Emma runs up behind Dak and gets in a clothesline, but Dak doesn’t fall down. Emma backs away slowly as Dak lurks towards her. But CM with a leg sweep in time. Entrant #4 is….Twist of Lemon.

ToL heads out to little fanfare as most people don’t know who he is. He’s wearing a Brady Quinn jersey, and slides in the ring quickly. He runs at Emma, going for a clothesline, but the Brit ducks and flings him up and over the top rope. Twist of Lemon is eliminated. Meanwhile, Emma and CM hit a double suplex on Dak and throw him into the corner. They are trying to lift his legs up and over the top ropes, but Dak is too strong. He grabs on to the ropes to stay in the ring. Meanwhile, Entrant #5 is….Inogenius.

One half of the tag team champions heads out to the soft tunes of “Beethoven’s Fifth”. He slides in the ring and immediately goes after CM. Emma, meanwhile, is left alone with Dak, and she squanders into the corner and holds onto the ropes. Dak smiles and creeps towards her, getting in a few footstomps. Ino with a short arm clothesline on CM and a fireman’s carry as well. Entrant #6 is……Jayman?

Royal music plays, and the color commentator looks around confused. He sees his name appear on the CWFTron, so he removes his headset and slides in the ring. He immediately goes after the southerner, Dakstang. Emma is saved, for now, as Jay lays into Dak with some left hands. CM has regained control and is working on Ino’s leg. He locks in a figure four, which doesn’t do much good in this matchup. Ino screams in pain, but Dak is over there and breaks up the hold. Jayman picks up Emma in the corner and consoles her. Entrant #7 is…..Phantom.

“Anarchy in the UK” is on the speakers next and down walks one half of the tag team. The artist formerly known as Deadly slides in and suplexes Emma to a chorus of boos. Jay has gone and is trading blows with Inogenius, while CM and Dak rekindle their fight from earlier. CM whips Dak into the ropes and lands a hip toss. Ino throws Jayman into the corner and he flips right over the turnbuckle, but hangs on the top rope and stands on the apron outside. Ino goes to clothesline him out but Jay ducks the move. CM and Emma hit a double clothesline on Dak, knocking him down. Entrant #8 is…..Invictus.

The other half of I-squared is out now. He gets in and slaps the shoulder of Ino, and those two are on the same page. Invictus goes right up top and hits his version of the top rope double axe handle to Jayman, the “Clever Cleaver”. Jay is down with a thud and Inogenius picks him up and tosses out the commentator, eliminating Jayman. Dak spears Invictus down to the mat while Ino is tied up with Emma in the corner. Emma manages to get in a flying head scissors to Ino. Entrant #9 is…..Mikk.

“North Country Boy” is next up and out comes the Mikkster to an ovation. Mikk slides in and trades punches with CM Drunk. He whips him to the ropes and lands a roundhouse kick, something unbelievable to see from the big boy. Ino and Invictus are double teaming Emma, something she may not mind. They execute a neckbreaker combination on her, and the girl is out cold. Meanwhile, Dak and Phantom are temporarily teaming up and trying to throw CM Drunk out of the ring, but with little success. Entrant #10 is…Half-Boy.

“The Thong Song” is played and Emma’s boy toy runs out quickly and gets in the ring with little delay. He runs into the corner and immediately helps Dak and Phantom throw CM Drunk over the top rope and they all are successful. CM Drunk is eliminated. Mikk’s right fist meets the face of Ino, and he is busted open. Invictus with a slingshot across the ring to Emma, and she hits the ropes and twists right over them. Emma is eliminated. She and CM Drunk leave up the ramp together, leaning on eachother for physical support. Half-Boy looks on from the ring in anger, but turns to be met with Dak’s foot with a superkick. Entrant #11 is….PeaceSells

PS heads down, intent on winning the Rumble as one of the few relatively unknowns. But he mentions to the crowd he’s a mod, damnit, so show him some respect. Mikk gives him some respect with an airplane spin, and PS is dizzy on the mat. Mikk also falls over. Half-Boy with an atomic drop to Dak, and Invictus goes to clothesline Phantom, but the Welshman ducks and he takes down his partner, Inogenius. Entrant #12 is….Suntan Superman.

After hearing “Banner of Freedom”, SS runs down with a pissed-off look on his face and slides under the bottom rope. He picks PeaceSells over his head in powerslam fashion and throws him right over the top rope. PeaceSells is eliminated. SS makes his way over to Half-Boy and picks him up for the Dominator, and executes it to perfection. SS with a big boot to Invictus, and the blow shoots him over the top rope. Invictus is eliminated. SS picks up a fallen Half-Boy and tosses him over the top rope like a piece of trash. Half-Boy is eliminated. Entrant # 13 is….Tyler Durden.

Polka music starts up and the play-by-play man is also shocked to see his name as an entrant. He slowly removes his headset as Jayman laughs. Tyler Durden takes 70 seconds to get into the ring and looks on. Each remaining participant stops what they’re doing and looks over at TD. Tyler says “fuck this” and hops over the top rope, eliminating himself. Tyler Durden is eliminated. Entrant #14 is….)85(.

“Who let the dogs out” and out walks the Alaskan wonder, with full on parka jacket and snow shoes. He shuffles down to the ring and heads towards Dak. Mikk and SS, meanwhile, are going back and forth. SS hits a back breaker on the big boy and follows it up with a vertical splash. Nobody seems to be able to touch SS at the moment. Inogenius and Phantom team up and put the hurting to )85( with a double back suplex. Entrant #15 is……Rambo.

One half of the Hooligans heads out, still with injuries sustained from his tag title match earlier. Rambo gets in and immediately sets his sights on Inogenius, who doesn’t see his nemesis coming. Rambo with a back-to-belly suplex on Ino. Phantom heads for Mikk, but Dak intercepts him and takes down the Welshman. Meanwhile, )85( is getting pummeled by SS. )85( reverses a clothesline and throws SS to the outside in a surprising move, but Suntan grabs the ropes and holds on, his feet narrowly hitting the floor. SS flips back over in an athletic feat. Entrant #16 is…..Necro.

Rambo looks towards the entryway and smiles and throws up a sign to Necro, who returns the favor. Rambo picks up Ino for the “Keg Stand”, his version of the piledriver. Necro assists by holding onto Ino’s feet dangling up in the air and brings him down with more force. Ino’s head thuds against the mat and the Hooligans pick up his limp body and throw Ino over. Inogenius is eliminated. They slap hands and bump chests before Phantom hits a double clothesline on both members of the Hooligans. Entrant #17 is….Mr. Cool.

“Heartache Tonight” and out comes the Conscience of the group. He takes some time on the ramp down and slaps hands with the fans. Dak and Mikk are trading punches and Dak with a full nelson slam. Dak whips Mikk into the ropes and clotheslines him over, but Mikk hangs on. Dak runs to kick Mikk out, but Mikk runs along the apron to escape. Mr. Cool is now in and sets his sights on SS. The two big men tackle eachother to the ground. )85( runs at Phantom, who ducks his advances and throws him over the rope. )85( is eliminated. Entrant #18 is….Jackie Pies.

Charlie’s Angels theme is next and out comes our favorite backstage interviewer and giant lover. She slides in and Rambo and Necro head towards her, but give her a group huge instead. Jackie Pies gets on her knees and….delivers a double low blow to the men, solidifying the theory that there are no teams in the Rumble. Dak heads over and pulls Jackie Pies up by the hair, and delivers a hard DDT to her. Entrant #19 is…..Zar333.

The Canadian National Anthem plays and out comes the bearded wonder to cheers. He spots a few “Save Us Zar.333” signs and gives a thumbs up to those fans. Zar heads in and heads for Rambo first. SS and Dak hit a 3D on Mikk, immobilizing the big boy. SS turns right around and clocks Dak, sending him twisting around and face first into the mat. Dak rolls into the corner to recover. Entrant #20 is….Blade.

The CWO theme plays and the first member of the Clique World Order has entered the Rumble. Mikk ignores everyone else and awaits Blade’s entry into the ring. Necro uses this to his advantage, and along with Rambo the two get behind Mikk and hurl him over the top rope. Mikk crashes outside in front of an entering Blade, who laughs at Mikk and heads inside. Mikk is eliminated. Blade is met by Mr. Cool, who spears him down and locks in an ankle lock. Blade screams for help and gets some when Phantom breaks the hold. Entrant #21 is….Crocker.

“Anarchy in the UK” plays for the last time this evening and Crocker heads to the ring with Phantom smiling ear-to-ear. Crocker dropkicks Jackie Pies right over the top rope. Jackie Pies is eliminated. The Hooligans go to double clothesline Crocker, but he ducks and the two bounce off the ropes and get clotheslined each by Phantom and Crocker. The UK boys slap hands and turn their attention to Mr. Cool. Phantom throws Cool into the corner and runs at him, but Cool moves away and Crockers chest meets the turnbuckle. Crocker goes for Zar and hits a powerbomb. Dak is finally back up and hits a bulldog on Blade. Entrant #22 is….Lady HotRod.

The Lady heads down to some fanfare, but most don’t know her. Piper music plays as she slides in and heads for Zar. Meanwhile, Blade and Rambo are trading punches. Necro comes up from behind and hits a shoulder block to the back of Blade’s leg. Blade crumples down in pain, but Necro doesn’t see SS come up from behind and throw him over the top rope. Necro is eliminated. Phantom and Crocker are on the same page as they head for Dak in the corner, who has managed to stay alive all this time. Entrant #23 is….God.

“I Am, I Am” plays and out comes God (not the supreme being). Crocker seems interested in eliminating him as he laughs at seeing him walk down. Maybe some differences there. Dakstang escapes the UK boys and spears Rambo down. Blade and Zar double clothesline eachother, and Mr. Cool picks up the pieces by tossing Zar, then Blade right out of there. Zar333 is eliminated. Blade is eliminated. God heads in and exchanges blows with Crocker. Mumblings about TNA and WWE are heard, but are inaudible to the camera sound. Rambo heads to the top rope, but Dakstang runs the ropes going for Mr. Cool. The shaking of the ring knocks Rambo off his perch and he falls outside to the floor below. Rambo is eliminated. Entrant #24 is…..Slimdust.

“I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” is playing next, and out comes the “Horny One”. He shimmies and shakes down the ramp, doing a sexy little dance only little confused boys would find fun. Dak slides under the bottom rope and heads Slimdust off in front of the ring. Dak and Slim are exchanging punches and Dak throws Slimdust into the barrier. Back in the ring, Crocker and Phantom form a temporary alliance and are trying to push God out of the ring via over the top rope, but the “Master-Debator” won’t budge off it. Cool comes to some aid by sliding his arm under Phantom and flinging him over the top rope. Phantom is eliminated. Crocker is pissed off at this, and let’s go of God to attend to Mr. Cool, who eliminated his partner. Entrant #25 is…Gigglypuff

Giggly heads down and immediately goes for Lady HotRod. After a hip toss and a backbreaker, Giggly lifts up LHR and tosses her over the top rope in one quick feat. Lady HotRod is eliminated. She turns to Mr Cool, but Cool won’t have any of that and throws her right out of the ring in quick fashion. Gigglypuff is eliminated. Dakstang, Suntan Superman, Mr. Cool, Crocker, God, and Slimdust only remain right now. Entrant #26 is…Erin.

“Champagne Supernova” by Oasis is next up, and out comes the Bold Brunette. Mr Cool gives her a look, but turns his attention to God. Cool with a shoulder breaker on God, and finally Dak and Slimdust have gotten in the ring to resume their fight. Crocker intercepts them and gives an underhoook suplex to Dakstang. Slimdust turns his attention to Suntan Superman, who proceeds to punch Slim right in the face. Slim rolls around in pain clutching his face, screaming “The moneymaker! The monkeymaker!” Suntan Superman picks up Slimdust and throws him over the top rope. Slimdust is eliminated. Entrant #27 is…A-Bomb.

Down comes the next newcomer to little fanfare. He’s wearing a singlet with a picture of an big black bomb on the front of it. Erin is the first to meet him and she immediately leg sweeps him down and heads to the top rope in a daring move. She successfully hits her finisher though, the frogsplash, on A-Bomb. Mr Cool picks up what is left of A-bomb and throws him over the top rope. A-Bomb is eliminated. Entrant #28 is…Duke.

The newcomer walks out to a few cheers, but mostly boos. He shrugs it off, and instead is deadest on the action in the ring. Erin kicks God in the midsection and throws him into the ropes. Mr. Cool comes out of nowhere and connects with God with a clothesline as he hits the ropes. As a result, God flips right over the top rope and lands down below. God is eliminated. Suntan Superman meets with Erin and is fuming to see her in the ring. Erin smiles and runs to the opposite side of the ring with SS in pursuit. Crocker kicks a leg out and trips SS, sending him to the mat. Erin laughs, but doesn’t see Dak behind her, who locks on a cobra clutch from behind. Entrant #29 is…Yankeesman77.

“Yankee Doodle Dandy” plays and out comes the other newcomer, once again to little reaction. He is wearing a Derek Jeter jersey and NYY hat. Duke and yankeesman are trading blows in the ring, until SS comes up from behind and flips them both over the top rope. Duke is Eliminated. Yankeesman77 is eliminated. Dakstang removes his hold on Erin just in time for a hard clothesline by SS to knock her down. Cool comes to her aid by spearing SS down. Entrant #30 is…..Giganto.

The last man entrant heads down to the tune of the CWO theme. He struts slowly, allowing the action to take place. Giganto gets to the ring and stands next to it, just watching the action instead of getting in. Back in the ring, Dakstang is going to pick a fallen Erin up, but doesn’t see Crocker charging at him. At the last possible moment, Dak ducks down and Crocker slides between the top and second rope, crashing to the floor outside. Thinking he eliminated Crocker, Dak smiles victoriously, but Erin is back up and dropkicks Dakstang over the top rope and to the floor. Dakstang is eliminated. Giganto finally gets in the ring, but Suntan Superman, Mr. Cool, Erin, and Crocker all charge for him and four shoulder blocks into his massive frame send the enforcer of the CWO right over the top rope. The remaining four entrants each shuffle back into one of the 4 separate corners and eye their preys.

Tyler: So here we go, the “Final Four” of the Clique Rumble remain in the ring: Erin, Suntan Superman, Mr. Cool, and Crocker. Dakstang sure did have an impressive showing staying in almost the entire duration of the match, as well. But fatigue played a role there. Who is your prediction to win the thing?
Jay: Erin, without a doubt. She’s a prior winner of the inaugural Rumble match, so she has the experience.

Back in the ring, the four circle around the ring, but Crocker is the first to make a move, diving at Erin. He takes her down, and SS intercepts Mr. Cool in the middle of the ring with a headbutt. SS picks Erin up over his head and heads to the corner, but Cool makes a last ditch effort and sends his shoulder into the back of SS’s leg. He falls, and his grip on Erin loosens, sending Erin crashing to the mat. Crocker looks at the 3 fallen stars and chooses his prey, and settles on Erin. Erin hits a low blow on Crocker, and SS gets up and clotheslines Crocker out of the ring in one quick move. Crocker is eliminated. SS doesn’t turn around in time to see Cool get to one knee and pick up the Samoan. Cool lifts up SS and uses the ropes to fling him right over the top. Suntan Superman is eliminated. SS is outside looking in, with a look of shock! Only Cool and Erin remain, and they stop to look at eachother and assess that they are the last two. They shake hands, but Cool uses the grip to toss Erin in the corner. Cool runs at Erin and splashes her in the corner. Erin falls down and Cool picks her up in a powerbomb. Cool executes his finisher to perfection in the middle of the ring as Erin lays on her back in pain. Cool picks up Erin and takes her to the side of the ring, but Erin gets out and falls behind Cool. Erin begins to lift the big guy up in hopes of throwing Cool out, but he is too much for the exhausted Erin. Cool picks her up by her torso and tosses her over the top rope. But wait! Erin is holding onto the top rope, and maintains her status by standing on the apron outside of the ring, regaining her senses. Mr. Cool goes for a daring move by running against the opposite ropes, and runs towards Erin, knowing this move will either knock her off or she will pull the top rope down and eliminate Cool. The former occurs, and the blow knocks Erin off the apron and to the floor below. Joe Cool drops to his knees in celebratory fashion and takes a few deep breaths out of exhaustion as the bell is rung.

Joe Cool gets his hand raised, and looks down at the ramp to see Erin heading up the ramp in exhaustion, her back to him. He can’t see the look on her face, but assumes their friendship is in tact after this matchup. Cool turns back to the crowd, who are cheering and applauding their hero.

Tyler: Joe Cool has won the Rumble!! The “Clique Conscience” will go to fight at Cliquemania against Simon!!! What a matchup for the ages. The road to the CWF event of the year is taking shape. Join us next time with our fallout from Clique Rumble, and Jay promises to propose to Slimdust!
Jay: What?

Toaster Oven · 03-11-2008, 03:18 PM

Nice work!

Thwarted twice though
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Heels seemingly never go over
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Mikk · 03-11-2008, 03:23 PM

Wow, what an event.

I'm still in shock about beating up a woman! However now i'll get my hands on Blade
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The rumble was excellent too and lets all get behind Joe!

emmathe37th · 03-11-2008, 03:25 PM

Wow, this stuff is brilliant
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Joe Cool · 03-11-2008, 03:30 PM

Excellent writing Jay...reps for you dude

PeaceSells · 03-11-2008, 04:23 PM

Really well written Jayman, nice to see some colour and such added into it. Helps with the reading of the show.

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at me being thrown out so easily though

Brandon · 03-11-2008, 04:36 PM

Awesome read Jayman! I loved it. Very well written.

Balla · 03-11-2008, 05:07 PM

lol i got pwnd...

Jayman · 03-11-2008, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A-Bomb
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lol i got pwnd...

All Rookies do at the beginning of their careers.

I am predicting that A-Bomb will be World Champ by 2010.

Crocker · 03-11-2008, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jayman
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All Rookies do at the beginning of their careers.

I am predicting that A-Bomb will be World Champ by 2010.

He's more likely to become president of the John Cena fan club, great read Jay, last four so I didnt do to bad.

Crocker = Shawn Micheals

The Phantom = Marty Jannetty

The Clique Rumble

This is a discussion on The Clique Rumble within the General Discussion forums, part of the Non Wrestling Forums category; The feed begins with a live shot of Texas Stadium in Irving, Texas. For the past 30 + years, it ...