The Clique is RAW...Episode 7

Jayman

Super Moderator

*The television turns to the MWF logo, but quickly the “M” breaks off and is replaced with a “C”. Images from the last show is quickly ran through for the viewers to see, and include Simon raising his World Title high, Giggly and Blade making out in the middle of the ring, CM Drunk coming to the aide of Half-Boy, and finally Suntan Superman beating the holy hell out of Erin. The arena is shown LIVE, with the crowd on their feet cheering. Signs seen in the crowd include: "I came to see Phantom!", "SS is a TRAITOR!", "I think Tyler pooped in his Depends", and "Where is Zar?". Pyro, lights, you know, the usual. We cut backstage and see an image of the lovely Emma bending over, but we cannot see why.

Emma: Wow, that’s a great size. It fits perfectly!
CM Drunk: (heard off camera) Thanks, Emma. I’ve gotten some compliments from other women before, but I really don’t think much of it. I’ve just been used to having it for so long now.
Emma: Well, I’m happy to help you out. Is there anything else you need from me before you finish up?

*The camera zooms out to see Emma is bent over helping slip on CM Drunk’s wrestling boots. Half-Boy walks through the door with gym bag in hand to see this, and stops.

CM Drunk: No, thanks for your help though. I can lace them up myself (to Half-Boy) Hey buddy! About time you got here, I have some big news!!
Emma: Yeah HB, it’s “HUGE!”
Half-Boy: Alright, clean it up Emma. I come in and see my fiancée bent over and all this sexual innuendo? I’m usually the one “delivering” that stuff to Emma here, so CM….
CM Drunk: Get your gear on! We have a wrestling match tonight!
Half-Boy: Us? As in me and you? We’re not a tag team. Why would I wrestle with you?
CM Drunk: Because it’s an excellent opportunity. Emma and I spoke with the Commissioner earlier and he signed us to wrestle I2 tonight in a non-title match. Us against Invictus and Inogenius! If we win, do you know what that would do to our stock? We could go for the gold next time, HB!

*Half-boy sets down his gym bag with a sigh, and begins to dress for the match. Emma smiles and claps, and hugs Half-Boy, who keeps his gaze on CM Drunk during it all. We head back to ringside with our favorite, by default, announcers King Jayman and Good ol’ TD!

Tyler Durden: So we have only been on the air for a minute, and already one match has been announced. Welcome back folks, it’s been a while since we’ve come to your television screens, and I for one have missed my beautiful face in that camera. We are coming to you LIVE from The Staples Center in Los Angeles, California.
Jay: I want to know why the Laker Girls aren’t here. And where’s my hot wings? And I’d like a glass of chocolate milk to go with that as well….and how about some pop-tar...
TD: While the pop-tart continues his food order, I will let you all know that we are about to start off with Commissioner Felix tonight, who is set to give the “State of the Federation” address to us. And Felix is already in the ring, so let’s get to it.

Felix: Welcome back to the best fake wrestling action you’ll see on this website between now and whenever the e-fed comes to life! I want to start out by saying it’s great to be back after our extended break over the Holidays. For those who don’t remember what we’re all about, be sure to watch (or rather read) past shows in the forum. Secondly, I am happy to announce a name change to our federation. Due to circumstances beyond my control, we are leaving the “Monks” moniker and upgrading to the CWF!! We are now known as the Clique Wrestling Federation! And in case anyone cares, when I sent the fax to the superstars, I was quickly faxed a reply from Simon’s agent that they wanted to now be known as the CWO, or “Clique World Order”. I will say that fax came in handy when I ran out of toilet paper earlier today (cheers). The next piece of business is about the next Pay-Per-View event, formerly called Monks Rumble. It has been renamed to Clique Rumble, and will take place at the end of next month, around February 29th. It will be highlighted by a multiple-man/woman over-the-top battle royal, with the winner receiving a World Title Match against the Champion at Cliquemania. Sound familiar?

*Felix clears his throat, and walks over to the announcers’ desk to compose himself, stopping to grab a wing from Jayman. He gets back in the ring and addresses his next topic.

Felix: And now, onto tonight. Because of the events of the last time we met, I am worried for the safety of our friend Erin. In case you forgot, Suntan Superman ran down and added to the beating already delivered to her by the CWO. Because of this, in order to give them time to cool down, I have BANNED the CWO from this arena here tonight (HUGE Cheers). That’s right, this will be a show without the services of Simon, Blade, Giganto, and Gigglypuff in the arena. Although I’m told we’ll still get the feed of Giggly and Blade’s date, which he won as a result of the match at Survivor Monks, tonight. Now onto tonight’s matches: as already mentioned, we will have I2 taking on the team of CM Drunk and Half-Boy in a non-title matchup. In a rematch from Survivor Monks, Dakstang has requested a rematch against Slimdust, so we will see that. In addition, fresh off his first win, God (not the supreme being) will be facing Erin in singles action. And in our main event, in order to slow down that Samoan who goes by Suntan Superman, I have chosen his opponent to be “The Clique Conscience” Mr. Cool. That is all!!!

TD: So there ya have it folks, a stacked lineup tonight, and we will thankfully be without the services of the CWO tonight. I for one couldn’t be happier. Jay?
Jay: Can you pass the blue cheese….

*The bell rings and “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” by that psycho Britney Spears begins. Slimdust somersaults down the ramp in a pink leotard that would make Richard Simmons blush. He dances to his theme music in the ring, swaying his hips back in forth that causes the camera to turn away quickly. “Sweet Home West Virginia” by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays, and Dakstang emerges from the entryway with flannel shirt, ripped jeans, and muzzleloader with him. He fires some rounds into the rafters, and a crewmember is seen falling far below. Dak shrugs and enters the ring, and quickly ties up with Slim to start this matchup. Slim hiptosses Dak, then mounts him and starts laying punches to his face. Dak squirms and throws Slimdust off, obviously disgusted with that move. Dak hits a quick clothesline and starts with some stomps to his opponent. The crowd boos, but Dak runs against the ropes and lands an elbow drop. The Southerner drags Slimdust in the corner, and heads to the opposite one. He runs to Slims corner and lands a well-executed splash, but Slimdust quickly pulls his arms around Dak and holds him in a Bearhug. Dak squirms once again out and starts kicking the stomach of Slimdust. He lands a neckbreaker on Slimdust and drags him to the middle of the ring. Dak finally sets up Slimdust for the Jackknife powerbomb, and lands it and covers for 3.

TD: And Dakstang evens up the score to 1-1 with a pretty decisive victory against Jay’s boyfriend. You know, the guy Jay wants to bend over and…
Jay: (stops eating wings) I heard you say my name..what were you babbling about?

Dakstang’s hand is raised as the winner, but he turns his attention to his flamboyant opponent and continues to lay in with more footstomps. An exhausted Slimdust just lays there taking the pain while the crowd boos. Dak picks up Slimdust and delivers another powerbomb to the “Horny One” and lays in with more stomps.

TD: My god, why aren’t the referees breaking this up!! Dakstang is so disgusted by Slimdust’s lifestyle that he feels the need to beat it out of him. Get someone else down here to break this up!!! Slim is busted wide open now.

*Jayman removes his headset and stands up, the crowd cheering now. Dak looks up from giving the beating, confused, but continues to stomp away to the face of Slimdust. Jay slides under the bottom rope and hits a flying clothesline on Dakstang, which sends him rolling out of the ring. Jay attends to Slimdust, but keeps one eye on Dakstang, who walks up the ramp, but maintaining his gaze on Jayman. Jay shakes his head and helps load Slimdust onto a stretcher.

*We cut to an apartment, and Blade is at the front door with a rose, and dressed in a tuxedo. Gigglypuff answers the door, in a stunning red dress that hides some things but not others. Giggly leans in and gives Blade a kiss hello, but then jumps into his arms and leads him into the apartment building. The feed moves to the Cadillac-limousine that’s parked out in the street, being driven by Giganto. He shrugs and pulls out a magazine, which may or may not be “Better Homes and Gardens”

TD: Well, I was told this date would consist of a night out on the town, including nice dinner. But instead we were shown Blade and Giggly slobbering all over eachother. Speaking of slobbering, Jay you need to take a breath in between eating those hot wings. What is that now, 12 wings?
Jay: Lucky number 13 actually.

*The bell rings and out walks CM Drunk and Half-Boy, with Emma in tow. They come out to CM Drunk’s tune of “Margaritaville”, with Drunk all smiles for this contest. Emma is holding the hands of both CM and HB, obviously excited for her new team. They get in the ring and await the Tag Team Champions. “Beethoven’s Fifth” plays and out comes Invictus and Inogenius, with tag titles around their waists, to massive boos. They remove their silk robes to reveal their wrestling attire underneath, and jump in the ring to begin this contest. Invictus and HB start off by tying up, and HB throws Invictus in the corner. HB misses a splash in the corner, and Invictus takes over with a snap suplex and a chokehold. CM starts slapping the corner post, urging his partner to try and make his way to the corner. Instead, Invictus moves over to his side of the ring and tags in Inogenius. Ino throws him into the ropes and lands a swinging neckbreaker. Ino pulls up HB, but HB blocks a punch and lands one of his own, sending Ino reeling backwards. CM claps and calls for the tag, but before HB can turn to him, Ino follows up with a clothesline. HB ducks it and lands a reverse neckbreaker. HB goes to the top rope, and jumps off to hit a corkscrew. Ino rolls out of the way and HB hits the canvas hard. Ino covers for a quick 3, and heads out of the ring with Invictus.

On the screen is Rambo and Necro, better known as the African Hooligans. They seem to be in a bar, and are sitting on a couple of stools while people in the background are playing pool, darts, drinking, and so on.

Rambo: Hey, nice victory there Ino, Invictus. It’s nice to see you get a win without a foreign object for a change.
Necro: Yeah Ram, but as usual I’m not really impressed by the schola…the intellec….the smart fuckers. I’m gonna make this short and sweet, kinda like myself. We want a rematch against you two, and we want it fair. So I’m proposing a best 2-out-of-3 falls match at the Clique Rumble.
Rambo: My brother from another mother is right. To make sure there’s no cheating, we’ll fight the first match right here, at the Cactus Club right here in Boston, MA. It’ll be a Bar Room Brawl, anything goes. The second match is at a place of your choice. So a library, a museum..whatever you two want. The third, should it go to that..is a standard wrestling match.
Necro: Yo yo yo…way to crank that shit out Rambo. I2, this way nobody is at more of an advantage than the other. What do you say?

*Back in the ring, Ino and Invictus huddle up, and pull out a piece of paper. They start scribbling down quadratic formulas, triangles, the variable pi, and a human skeleton on a piece of paper before looking at the video screen and nodding their approval.

Rambo: I was hoping you’d agree. If you don’t mind, my boy and I here need to get some practice before our match at the pay-per-view. Peace out, whiteys.

*Rambo and Necro jump off their stools before grabbing some pool cues and proceeding to use it as a weapon against the other patrons. Necro breaks his in half over the back on a large man, Rambo shatters his cue against someone’s shoulder. Necro is now throwing a patron over the bar and through many bottles of liquor. Rambo knocks over a jukebox, which lands on a man. Necro throws darts into the leg of another guy, before a huge brawl breaks out. The camera feed eventually blacks out.

TD: I’m pretty sure that guy under the jukebox is dead. If Rambo and Necro can make bail after that barfight, they might have a chance to compete for the titles at Clique Rumble. But getting back to the match, that was a tough loss for CM Drunk and Half-Boy. The Champions looked strong though, and will have to rest up before their possible 3-match dance with Rambo and Necro.

*Backstage, Emma, HB, and CM Drunk are walking to the locker room after the defeat with their heads held low. HB is holding the back of his neck, and is wincing in pain while CM barely has a bead of sweat.

CM: Man, you didn’t even tag me once into the match. How come?
HB: Listen newbie, I thought I had it covered. I got my wind back and tried a high-risk move up top. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted. Sorry.
CM: But you had an opportunity to tag in…
Emma: Guys, just let it go. We’ll get them next time. Now let’s get back into the locker room so I can nurse both of your guys’ injuries.
HB: BOTH?! CM isn’t even hurt…
Emma: (To a nearby trainer) I’m gonna need some ice packs, strawberries, and vanilla pudding.

*The trio pass by Crocker and Phantom, collectively known as “Anarchy in the UK”, who are laughing and clapping at CM and Half-Boys losing effort. Jackie Pies is trying to catch up to HB and CM for an interview, but is blocked by the UK boys.

Phantom: Jackies, we’ll do the interview. Hi, I’m CM Drunk.
Jackies: Wait, you’re not…
Crocker: Hi, and I’m Half-A-Man…I mean, Half-Boy. Go ahead and interview us….now. (He gives her a menacing stare)

Jackies: Umm…okay…”Half-Boy”, what happened out there against I2?
Crocker: I’m not going to lie Jackies, I stunk out there. I was bloody horrible out in the ring, yet again. My fiancée told me I was only half a man, and I should’ve listened to her. In fact, ever since my first match, I’ve always come out on bottom. I can’t wrestle, and I should….you know what…..I am going to use this opportunity to retire from professional fake e-wrestling. I’m horrible at it, let’s face it. And good looking guys like Crocker and Phantom will always be better than me, so what’s the point really? That’s it, I’m done. Hanging them up.
Jackies: And how about you, “CM Drunk”? Any comments about tonight’s match?
Phantom: Well, I’m a bloody American, so I’m used to losing. It’s in my blood. I am going to use this opportunity to change my official citizenship to Welsh. Us Americans are inferior to the Welsh in every way, so if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em, right Jackies? Yes, from now on I’ll denounce my American citizenship and join the Welsh! Long live Lord Elis-Thomas!!!

*The feed cuts back to Gigglypuff’s apartment, and we are outside watching Giganto approach the front door, in a limo driver outfit. He knocks on the door, and listens to hear screaming and yelling. He bursts in, but instead sees Gigglypuff, with her hair all tousled, and her dress on seemingly backwards. Blade is now just in his boxers, and his hair also tousled about. You can see a line of Blade’s clothes, starting with his shirt and ending with his socks, leading from the front door to the bedroom.

Blade: I can’t believe you sunk my battleship!! Arrggh!!!
Gigglypuff: Hahah!
Giganto: THIS is what the screaming I heard from the limo is? You’re playing board games in your underwear? What kind of date is this?
Blade: Hey man, you missed the best part of the date, which we just got done with. (gestures towards the bedroom)
Gigglypuff: Yeah, although it only lasted about 40 seconds, so you would’ve had to of gotten here quickly.
Giganto: Can I go home now, since my services are no longer required?
Gigglypuff: (To Blade) I want Chinese.
Blade: Hey big man, order us some egg foo yung first, then you can be on your way. Hey Giggly, did you also want the Cream-of-sum-yung-gai?
Gigglypuff: Oh…I couldn’t handle any more of that. Just the egg foo yung.

*Back to TD and Jay now.

TD: I’m going to be sick.
Jay: Me too, these wings are putting a hurting on me. That seems like a great date to me! Battleship is always a date-advancer. Strip-battleship is a favorite of mine.
TD: What a coincidence, I’m reading the wrestler profiles….you know who else also loves strip-battleship?
Jay: Shut it.

*We come back to see God (not the supreme being) in the ring, with a microphone in hand. His theme music “I Am, I Am” eventually dies down so we can hear the crowd booing him, but he waves it off, annoyed. He is in his wrestling attire, ready for action. But first, he addresses all 2 of his fans.

God: I want to give you all a history lesson. The last time we aired, I came out with a pretty decisive victory. Sure, I’ve had a few losses before that, but nothing out of the ordinary. My win last time came pretty quickly, and at one of the best the CWF has to offer, Mr. Cool.

TD: Do we need to remind him it was a win via Count-Out?

And after beating Mr. Cool as easily as I did, who does Commissioner Felix award the main event spot to? Mr. Cool himself. Give me a break. How ironic that a “Clique” does exist backstage, headed by Mr. Cool and Felix. It’s things like cliques in wrestling that led to the eventual downfall of a major (horrible) federation in the mid-90’s. And the other member of that aforementioned Clique in the CWF? My opponent tonight, Erin. Now, I want to address my disapproval of having Erin chosen by the Commish as my opponent tonight. In case you didn’t know Felix, she’s a girl. And may I add that the best wrestling organization out there would NEVER feature a woman fighting a man in the ring. Have you seen the Amazing Kong fight Kurt Angle before? Of course not, other federations have more class than Mr. Felix. But alas I must….

*Thankfully, “Champagne Supernova” by Oasis fills the speakers, drowning out God and his speech. She heads down the ramp, looking all business. She gets in the ring and awaits the sound of the bell before lunging at God. He jumps out of the way and Erin crashes to the mat. God laughs while Erin executes a sweep maneuver, sending the loudmouth to the ground. She locks in an ankle lock to God, but he crawls to the ropes and grabs one. The referee reaches 4 before Erin breaks the hold.

TD: Well, Erin’s frustrations from the last time she was in a ring still are fresh in her mind, apparently. She’s releasing her frustrations over SS’s actions on God here tonight. This might be a tough one for God to win.
Jay: Well, God could string together a winning streak with a victory over Erin tonight, the first of his career! He has something to shoot for as well.

God limps over to Erin and hits a DDT, then wretches her arm back in a submission hold. Erin screams in pain, and manages to roll her body over and break the hold. Erin hits a hiptoss and heads to the top rope, and lands a picture-perfect shooting star press, much to the delight of the crowd. The referee counts to 2 and a half before God gets the shoulder up! The crowd boos the close count. God gets up and clotheslines Erin out of the ring, and follows her out there as well. From out of the crowd, Suntan Superman jumps the barricade with his steel chair in hand, and goes to swing it at the cranium of Erin. She sees this at the last minute and ducks the shot. Unfortunately for God, he did not see the large Samoan and his chair. So, God’s face meets cold steel while Erin hightails it up the ramp and backstage, out of proximity of Suntan Superman. The referee calls for the bell, while SS shrugs at a fallen God and hops in the ring.

Announcer: Ladies and gentleman, the winner of this match by Disqualification, God!!!

*The crowd boos while the referee attends to God, and raises his arm in victory. God has unfolded his steel chair and set it in the middle of the ring. He sits down on it and looks at the announcers, with a smirk on his face. A few trainers come down and carry God to the back while Tyler Durden prepares to interview SS in the ring. A wheelchair, walking cane, ramp, stroller, two nurses, a ventilator, and twenty minutes later, TD has made it up to the ring and speaks with the Samoan.

TD: Suntan Superman, first of all, welcome back. But the question on everyone’s mind here is…why did you assault Erin on the last show?
Suntan Superman: If you can remember back that far old man, I was a part of the first show ever broadcast. I was on the very first card, in the very first match. I fought against Simon, who went on to become the World Champion a few weeks ago. I lost the match, and after that, was not booked on the next card. Then came the card after that, and I wasn’t booked then either. By the third time, I hadn’t gotten a call from the CWF, MWF, whatever it’s called now…and I began to wonder. Did my one loss mean I couldn’t cut it here? Was I not extreme enough? Did I not have enough of an edge? Instead of wrestling every week for fans I used to care about, I sat at home and watched the shows like them. And each week I was treated to the soap opera known as Erin. Here is this girl, who should be at home quilting something, and instead she’s getting thrust into the spotlight, MY spotlight. She’s headlining shows and pay-per-views, she’s getting shots at World Titles. Tyler, that was supposed to be my spot. So after I watched Erin come within one match of being the World Champion, and then still being named in the main event last week, I thought to myself: why? What makes this girl so special that she continues to get the special treatment even after her chance at gold eluded her? So, luckily I wasn’t far from the stadium, and decided to make an impact, whether or not I was booked by Felix to be there. I think I created a buzz, because here I am in the main event, the main event spot I DESERVE, against Erin’s buddy Mr. Cool.

SS stands up and folds his chair, and turns his attention to the entryway, waiting for his match. Two trainers and three referees help Tyler Durden back to his announcing position. Meanwhile, we cut back to Gigglypuff and Blade’s date, where an intense game of Risk is going on. The doorbell rings, and Blade gets up to answer it. When Blade opens the door, a pizza is smashed into his face and he is tripped up by the deliveryman, who jumps on him and starts throwing haymakers. Giggly screams at seeing this and jumps up to intercept the deliveryman. She takes off his hat to reveal Mikk as the deliveryman. Giggly screams and jumps on Mikk’s back, and wraps her arms around the Mikkster.

Mikk: Can’t…..breathe…..let….go….
Gigglypuff: AHH!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO BLADE!! HE’S UNCONCIOUS AND COVERED IN PIZZA!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!
Mikk: Airflow…closing….

Giggly tightens her sleeper hold grip on Mikk, and the big man falls to one knee, struggling to breathe. Giggly whispers in his ear.

Gigglypuff: Go ahead and flip me over Mikk. I know you want to hurt me. The only way you will fight Blade again and exact revenge in a ring is if you beat me in a match first. Go ahead and flip me over. Get some practice in so we can have a 1-on-1 match and I can whoop your ass.
Mikk: I….won’t….hurt…..you…….
Gigglypuff: Of course you won’t. You are a pansy. You’re weak. That’s why I’m glad Blade beat your sorry ass…he would do it again too, if….

Mikk falls down after losing oxygen, and lands on his back. Problem is, he is also landed on top of Giggly, who is screaming and trying to wedge herself free. Just then, none other than Simon has emerged through the front door, with a six-pack in hand, ready to party. He surveys the area: a board game of Risk on the table, Blade’s clothes strewn about the front room, Blade covered in pizza, Mikk unconscious, and Giggly struggling to get free. Simon shrugs.

Simon: Must’ve been some fuckin’ date.

*Back in the ring, “Heartache Tonight” has died down, and Mr. Cool is now in the ring. He stands opposite Suntan Superman, and the two large men stand eye-to-eye together. Bell rings and we’re off. Mr. Cool circles around the ring, waiting for the right moment to strike. He does, and delivers a takedown to SS. Cool follows it up with an armbar, with SS quickly escapes. SS lands some backhand chops to Cool and manages to get him in the corner. SS lands a standing dropkick to Cool, something a man of his stature rarely executes like he did. Cool falls and SS runs in to land a knee to the face, but Cool rolls out in time, leaving SS tangled up in the ropes. Cool lands a punch, moves, lands another punch to SS’s stomach, and lands a third shot to the face of SS. Cool grabs SS by the neck and lands a DDT. The crowd cheers for their hero, who gives a slight nod in return. When Cool returns to SS, he is met with a low-blow that gets by the referee’s field of view. Cool drops to his knees, writing in pain. SS uses this opportunity to land a shining wizard kick to the side of Cool, immobilizing him. SS covers and gets a 1…2….kickout! The crowd cheers, but SS pulls up Cool, and gives him a kick in the gut, and Cool leans over in pain. SS manages to pick up Cool and slams him down with a dominator – the same move he used on Erin last week, and covers for the three. SS has his arm raised in victory, and yells out a loud scream to the crowd. He raises both arms in triumph as he looks down at a fallen Mr. Cool.


TD: Who can stop this mammoth beast? Mr. Cool has come close, but it seems SS is on a tear right now! We’ll be back next time, on the road to Clique Rumble! Jay, anything to add?
Jay: All those wings are starting to mess with my stomach….gotta run!!
TD: And we’re out of time. See you next time!

God

Super Moderator

Woohoo 2 in a row

Joe Cool

Administrator

Nice gentlemen. I enjoy these....

Great job.

Slimdust

I cant believe dak would do that to me

nice show

Mikk

WC's Sexy Beast

Excellent show, i beat up Blade

Crocker

Then got beat up by a girl haha

Mikk

WC's Sexy Beast

I can live with that

Tyler Durden

All Jay's work now, kudos to him