Divorce

Jayman

Super Moderator

We all know the divorce rate is pretty high, especially in the US (over 50% now). My question is: do you think when parents get divorced, it has a big impact on their children?

What I mean is, do children have a better chance of turning out "bad" if their parents get divorced? I'm sure we all have friends whose parents are divorced that turned out just fine...but I'm talking overall.

What kind of effect does it have on children, in your experiences? Are kids more inclined to cause trouble, jump off "the deep end", turn gay.. (keep it civil)???

Slimdust

Well my parents got divorced when I was 9. It was devastating to me. I remember my dad moving out of the house, he moved into an apartment no more then 1 min away so that was alright. I remember meeting my moms bd now my step dad for the first time, I didn't really talk. I was in the van, we were all driving to his hotel. I remember passing my dads apt and seeing him look out on his balcony, looking sort of sad, then I look forward to the fron seat and see my mom and some other dude kissing. Something I will never forget.

Then we moved to pennsylvania moving away from my dad. The hardest thing I will ever have to do. The 1st year or so I would just start crying out of no where. Once I got older though of course you learn to get over it. My relationship with me and my mom did chance a little though. I am not as close to her as I once was. I consider my dad as one of my best friends.

So to me, I think I turned out fine... I do however really do believe that I would of been MUCH better of if they never got a divorce. But to answer your question, I am really not sure. I think it can, I guess it depends on the person and situation.

PS3 Online Name: xJimmyx23

www.haulingkings.com

Jayman

Super Moderator

What is your current situation? Do you live with your mom or dad?

I agree your life would have probably been a LOT easier had your parents not gotten divorced, but I'm sure it happened to make your parents lives much easier. 9 would have been a tough age to have your parents get divorced, wow.

But I don't think it had a detremental effect on you. Seems like you turned out pretty good anyway. Like you said, it's probabaly on a case-by-case basis, but I'm just looking to see if there is a trend one way or another.


For the record, my parents are still together. 27 years strong.

Slimdust

I live with my mom. But I do plan on moving to texas and living near my dad when I get married.

I do know it did effect my did. Going from coaching my baseball teams every year, having 3 kids around all the time and a wife you love, and all of a sidden all of that is taken away from you. It was my moms choice. And he was really hurt by it. The first year we left, he started drinking a little and actually got a dui. He eventually pulled himself together though and is married now.

PS3 Online Name: xJimmyx23

www.haulingkings.com

Suntan Superman

WC's Resident Samoan

My parents divorced, I never really knew my mother. My mother had a drug problem, and about the time I was 1 she felt it was better if she wasn't in my life at all. She faked her own death, and my dad was ok with it. About 10 days later she was picked up for possession, theft, and various little crimes. As far as I knew my mother was dead. Which I guess I probably didn't understand. Because I remember when my Father married his new wife(whom i refuse to consider a mother at all) I thought to myself, What if mother comes back? Since I had no idea, it was around 5th grade when I found out that my parents had divorced and my mother was living in jail. That's when the divorce scattered me. I had no idea. As a result, you won't find me trusting many people, Also, I'm pretty sure this is where my distaste for this time of the year as it pertains to family, and I don't consider what I have a family.

Also various things I've discussed with psychologists I've had is that because I felt rejected by my mother(which I was wasn't I?) I have a fear of attachment. Which is probably why I seem to jump from girl to girl, as someone starts to get to close and I push away. So I guess it effected me in the long run.

Dakstang

MMA Moderator

We have just been reading a book about the breakdown of the American family and there was quite a bit of research in it about divorce.

All the research suggests that it is better for a child to grow up with both of his biological parents and that they be married.

A kid whose parents divorce has a much greater chance of having problems later in life.

There is always exceptions to that though, but typicallly it holds true.

Stop talkin' bout stayin' the course
You keep on beatin' that old dead horse
You know they lied about why we went to War
I can't take it no more

Simon

Founder/Admin

Damn, thats a tough story to hear SS.

I think your mothers thought at the time, was that you would be a better person in the long run if she wasnt in your life. I suppose its better to be resentful of her than to have turned out just like her as many children do. I know that probably doesnt help and I dont want to get too personal about it out of respect so I will leave it at that.

I also feel that when people say that they would have been better off if their parents never got divorced is hard to say too. Marriages are tough sometimes and yeah you argue sometimes and get annoyed/tired of some of the same stupid stuff your other does, but if you really are to the point where you want a divorce chances are your kids are already suffering.

You can get away with hiding your problems from your kids for only so long until they pick up on every little detail.

Having two children myself its very easy to see that theory "The apple doesnt fall far from the tree" Its VERY true.

Also. My parents divorced when I was 4. I dont really care to talk about it though as I fear one day I will die in a octopus attack and I dont want them reading bad things about their parenting skills.......or lack thereof. I will say this though, being the child of divorced parents certainly speeds up your learning curve on society and how it works. My mom worked and I was home alone alot or at other peoples houses. She got remarried and we moved at the age of 11, but then left alone alot again with two new step brothers. I basically made up the rules as I went along.

Tyler Durden

No one in mine or my wife's family have ever divorced.

I am here only to increase my post count

Inogenius

Politics Moderator

I think it definitely has an impact. My parents got divorced when I was 2. For awhile, it was okay; my Dad lived a little ways away, but he was still in my life. Then he moved to California when I was about 4. I don't know why, but I always felt embarrassed by the fact that my parents were divorced and it made me really shy for a bit. My Mom remarried when I was about 8. My Step-Dad was a good guy ... well, sort of still is. Ever since his company came crashing down after 9/11, and then his Dad's death shortly afterwards he's struggled a bit with depression and alcoholism. Awhile back he drove off into the night with the plans of killing himself but the police found him first because he was in some public park at like midnight. Since then he's been on & off lexapro, which seems to make him more like a clown than a normal person.

Jackie Pies

My parents actually divorced when I was 17, but they should've divorced when I was 12 or maybe even earlier. I spent many years trying to encourage my mom to have the strength to get a divorce, but she was scared to be alone and my dad was content living a lie in order to keep his money. I think divorce for young kids is pretty traumatic, but I must say that living with two parents who hate each other and fight every minute that they see each other is pretty crappy too. It has probably made it hard for me to get close to many boyfriends and I used to insist that I would never ever get married after growing up like that. It's also made me come to feel that divorce is inevitable. I even took Family Law solely to learn about Divorce for my own purposes so that I had a little bit more understanding of the laws and processes. But then I'm a pessimist.