2007 End of Year Monks School Reports

Tyler Durden

2007 Monks Diner End of Year Reports

Simon

Simon has worked to his full capability this year and is anxious to please. He is learning to be a better listener. Simon reads extensively without always volunteering his own ideas readily. Simon listens carefully although he still has difficulty in distinguishing between the many cultural accents his classmates possess. Simon should be encouraged at home to develop his own thoughts and his own ideas. It has been noticed that his recent pizza rich diet has led to him being unable to compete effectively in games. Future career suggestion – Trader. Crack Trader.

Mr Cool

Mr Cool is a pleasant student to work with. He is always cooperative and is a pleasure to have around. He takes pride in doing his work well and is very thoughtful and helpful to others that are not at his level of work. His work has recently lengthened and become of a more personal nature. Please can you encourage him to stop this. Future career suggestion – Doc Brown from Back to the Future.

Blade

Blade enjoys dramatization and using colourful words. He shows self-confidence in his writing which is, at times, misplaced. Assignments are always good to read, though often late and tardy in their arrival. It is regrettable that Blade has developed an interest in the opposite sex over the last term which has necessitated him being moved to a desk by himself away from his classmates, and always having to keep his hands where I can see them. Future career suggestion – Unqualified gynaecologist.

Giganto

Giganto is inconsistent in his efforts and has difficulty moving out of his comfort zone when it comes to assignments. He does make friends quickly and is well liked by his classmates, even though many do not know exactly what it is he is good at. He needs to apply these good writing skills across the broader spectrum of our curriculum forums. Future career suggestion – Vegas rent boy.

Crocker

Is developing a better working attitude towards his non-Irish peers. Crocker volunteers often, however, it would sometimes reflect better on him if he actually knew the answer to a question before putting his hand in the air. He is willing to take part in all classroom activities. Regardless of how busy he is, he still has time to do something for others. Occasionally, it’s even something nice. Future career suggestion – Gravy taster.

Rambo

Our African exchange student needs to improve his self discipline and show respect for others although allowances are made for his difficult African background. Rambo is always generous in his attitude to good work achieved by his classmates and sometimes this can make up for his tendency to take their lunch money from them. I would say Rambo needs to pay attention in class. However, he doesn’t often actually make it to class. Future career suggestion – Revolutionary and eventual President of Nigeria.

Necro

Necro is sometimes a disruptive influence in class and needs to ask questions more often if he is unsure of what is being asked of him. Necro exhibits creativity on occasion and is maturing nicely, both academically and socially. Especially after six beers. Future career suggestion – Grave robber.

Dakstang

Dak is a good citizen. He is growing in independence and gaining more self-confidence. This is not always a good thing. Dak works well in individual assignments however he does not grasp new ideas readily and this led to us, ultimately, having to cancel two planned field trips. One to the Stem Cell Research laboratory and the other to the gay bar. Future career suggestion – Hilary Clinton's lover.

God

God needs to apply his skills and passion to all areas of our teachings and not just to those that he specialises in. Regrettably, his sometimes negative attitude (he was recently seen pinning a notice to our staff board telling everybody of a weekly fall in our school attendance) and his belief that he will not be able to excel until our classroom becomes a six, rather than four, sided room, has led to some bullying from other more learned pupils. And me. I hit him a bit too on occasion. Future career suggestion – Creative writing for a company with no creative writers

Gigglypuff

Gigglypuff is a well developed, highly mature student who excels in everything I have given her to date. She has shown a desire to work closely with any student that has an accent and improve the whole classes oral skills. Too often she lets herself down by speaking in class. Can I please ask that she, in future, dresses more conservatively and appropriately for school, and that she covers her knees (which frequently seem to be bleeding) with plaster before lessons. Future career suggestion – Married to a Welshman

Jayman

Lacks independence in his work and sometimes is known to take credit for work done by others. Please encourage him to do things on his own in future. Though not too many things on his own. I don’t want him going blind. Does, however, exemplify a good attitude to his work and is tolerant of the unwanted attention he sometimes gets from same sex peers. Future career suggestion – Counsellor. To homosexuals.

Mikk

Does not put enough time into his assignments and has been known to interrupt others with idle chit-chat in the Shoutbox. His homework is often late or doesn’t arrive at all, usually accompanied with some flimsy excuse. Mikk is however, a popular student and will continue to be. Until his classmates find out that he likes wrestling. Future career suggestion – An always promising but never delivering politician.

Erin

Erin is a wonderful girl and it has been a pleasure to have her and her short skirts sitting at the front of my classroom. Erin has shown patience in the classroom with those that don’t share her views, and it is to her credit that she is able to be tolerant enough to wait until recess before beating those that don’t agree with her. Future career suggestion – Ballbreaker

The Phantom

A student that I have been proud to watch the development of this year. This time last year Phantom knew no English whatsoever. And now. Now he knows no English still, but he’s been ever so polite and has been a consistently good “finger pointer” at other students who may have thrown chalk at me. Future career suggestion – Rugby star. Lol, only kidding, Miner.

The Half Boy

Has shown a reasonably good attitude in class, especially when one considers his grotesque physical disabilities. What? He’s able bodied? Oh. Half Boy still needs guidance and support from both you, his parents, and me at school. Please continue working with him over the forthcoming holiday period and please resist the notion to strike him about the buttocks. Too often. Future career suggestion – Gimp

Jackie Pies

Clearly Miss Pies has physically matured very nicely, however her lack of accepting responsibility, academic opportunity and my penis is only going to hurt her in the long run. She is capable of much better work and needs to spend more time on my task, I mean my penis, I mean her tasks. Future career suggestion – Jack with a Beanstalk

Inogenius

A student not to be found lacking in confidence. Ino learns new vocabulary well, brings fine contributions to the class and has a sense of humour we all enjoy. Ino is a clear thinker and excels in original story telling. Ino is a known liar. Future career suggestion – Working in an office dropping his pencil at the feet of woman who are wearing skirts.

Suntan Superman

Doing strong work this year in all areas, Suntan is improving academically, as should a young man that is so serious about his future prospects. Accepts responsibility well and is extremely conscientious. Sometimes cries in class. Future career suggestion – Agony Aunt

Emmathe37th

Emma has a pleasant disposition, is unusually mature and ever so, ever so bendy. She reads for pleasure, which marks her out as a weirdo of some sort, and enjoys discussing the stories she reads. Is sometimes able to annunciate in a language which, ever so slightly, sounds like English. Future career suggestion – Erotic novelist.

Slim

A loving, if underfed, student. Always likely to leave an apple on my desk and, sometimes, a nude picture of himself with the apple. Has been known, on occasion, to put certain words in the correct order and uses punctuation well. Though not correctly. Frankly Slim requires too much supervision, and the recent petition from Jayman to expel him from the school was one that almost received my approval. Future career suggestion – Something involving touching himself inappropriately.

Freak

Often tired at school and with a shockingly poor attendance record. A distraction to students trying to work, Freak is a child who has the opinions of a 12 year old. Accompanies this with having the body of a 10 year old. Needs to improve in all areas next year. Future career suggestion – Roadie for Bob Dylan

Felix

Is becoming more dependable during work periods and is enthusiastic about participating. Felix has earned a very fine report card this year and is developing a sense of humour. Not a good one, but a sense of humour anyway. Felix is unusually mature and is the only one of my students that is actually older than I. Future career suggestion – Retired

Zar333

Unfortunately named and often bullied student, chiefly due to….well everything really. Zar must improve his work habits if he is to gain the fundamentals needed to move up to the next grade. Which he won’t. Future career suggestion – Zar334

CM Drunk

Bubbles with enthusiasm and making steady academic progress. Drunk needs a lot of repetition and practice in order to understand what is being said to him at times. At all times. Can now recognise some words, for example “lol”. Future career suggestion – Mod on an internet forum. The saddest suggestion of all

Crash-X

Some of his writing is good, however I would like to occasionally see him try a different coloured ink. Speaks with confidence in the group and has motor skills. Poor ones. Future career suggestion – Instigator of Poison pen letters

Felix

Maintenance Worker

Sorry Mr. D, but you are in fact older than I. Once again, hate to disappoint you.

You know Tyler, you're so old... (and you say, "how old am I")

You're sold old, you shop at EXTREMELY Old Navy ;)

Tyler Durden

Detention.

Beaker

WOOOOOOOO, once again I evade the authority figures! Peace out, I'm school skippin'

U MAD

Tyler Durden

Beaker, I checked with the principal and, apparently, the very few days you were in attendance this term, you were a remedial class student. Prior to you burning down that wing. Please leave your home address so I can report you to the relevant authorities.

Or so I can come round your house for a booty call

Suntan Superman

WC's Resident Samoan

Oh my, good read though

The Phantom

What do you mean future career working down the mines? I already do that!

Beaker

It's 123 Main st. Anywhere USA big boy

U MAD

Joe Cool

Administrator

Great Scott! This is some heavy stuff.

Excellent thread as always Big Dave.

Inogenius

Decrepit old man, I will fuck you up.

I'm just kidding.

I actually like it ...

Don't forget, December 12th is Inogenius appreciation day.