MWF Episodes 1-6

Jayman

Super Moderator

Myself and Tyler are co-writing a bi-weekly show that will feature the cast of Monks in their very own Wrestling Federation. This is based off the highly successful "Monks Rumble" that Tyler wrote a few weeks ago.

A new show will be written by Tyler and myself every two weeks, culminating in one of 4 yearly "Pay-per-views": Survivor Monks in November, Monks Rumble in January, Monkmania in April, and Summer Monks in August.

I'll let the rest of the stuff speak for itself, so read the initial edition below...

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(Your TV set scrambles a bit before the sights and sounds of pyrotechnics, spotlights, and screaming fans fill your eyes and ears. A wrestling ring is in the center of it all, with the letters “MWF” written all over the apron and canvas. Loud heavy metal music plays for a few moments, before dying down. We see a lone man in the ring. This man is large, big, and resembles a bouncer you just don’t want to mess with. Standing at about 7ft tall, this is a guy you want on your side in a fight. He brings the microphone up to his mouth.)

Commissioner: Good morning, afternoon, or evening depending on where you are watching us around the world! Welcome to the first regular broadcast of MWF, the Monks Wrestling Federation!!!! I am your commissioner, your leader, your tour guide, Felix!!! (crowd cheers, some girls wink and a guy called Chewy is kicked out of the arena for holding up an “I Love You Miakal” sign) We have a lot of business to conduct tonight, but I’ll start with the most important. Every wrestling federation needs a champion. They need someone who is above the rest, the number one guy….

(Suddenly, the Commissioner is cut off by the sounds of Oasis’ “Champagne Supernova”. At the stage stands a sexy, but sporty blond(ish) woman. She’s wearing athletic pants and a tight tanktop, and looks ready for a fight. The crowd cheers for her as she walks down the ramp in a determined fashion. Felix looks a little confused. She steps in the ring and goes eye-to-shoulder with the large Commish.)

Commissioner: What are you doing down here, Erin?

Erin: Well, isn’t it obvious Commish? You were talking about the champion of Monks, and so I’m out here to accept my title now.

Commissioner: Oh yeah, how’s that?

Erin: Simple. The last time everyone from this federation was in a ring, the last one left standing was me. I went through 20-some other men and women, throwing their asses over the top rope to become the Monks Rumble winner. In my book, that makes me the champion. So, is my title in the back, or being hoisted down from the rafters, or what? (Erin looks around confused)

Commissioner: No, Erin. The title isn’t here. In fact, as valid as your argument may be, you are not the champion. (some boos) I will certainly consider you though in the tournament….

Erin: What tournament?

Commissioner: I am staging a 10-man…uhh, “person” tournament to determine the first Monks World Champion. It’ll be a series of matches that will culminate with the Champion being crowned at our next Pay-Per-View event, “Survivor Monks”!!!!!!!

(Erin drops the microphone, and gets an “all business” look on her face. She shakes her head slowly, and turns before heading up the ramp. She’s obviously not happy with this decision. We go ringside to see two great-looking gentleman commentating.)

TD: BAH GAWD!! I’m good old (and I mean OLD) Tyler Durden here, but my friends call me TD. I’ll be calling play by play of the matches you see here tonight, and every night, on MWF! And with me as always is Mr. Royalty himself.

Jay: Yes, hello to all. I am Jay “The Prince” Man. You can call me Jay. Or Prince. Or Man. Or on the telephone.

TD: Thank you Jay. He’s here all night, unfortunately, folks. So you heard it straight from our commissioner, a 10-person tournament to start things off here. The winner of which will be awarded the Monks World Title!! Jay, can you think of anything more exciting?

Jay: Lesbians.

TD: (Stares blankly ahead….) Now, let’s go backstage where the beautiful Jackies is standing with one challenger.

(Backstage)

Jackies: Guys, I’m here with none other than Simon. Simon, you are the self-proclaimed leader of the “Monks World Order”. Care to explain what that is?

Simon: Not like you would understand it, but sure. Formerly the “Mean Street Posse”, we are here to take over this federation. Our braindead commissioner making a 10-man tournament to determine the first World Champ? Give me a break, he needs to be ousted. Everyone knows I am the best superstar here. And soon….

Jackies: Actually, if I can correct you, it’s not a 10-“man” tournament, it’s a 10-“person” tournament.

Simon: Ha. Okay. So you’re saying someone like Erin can beat me in a match? Setting up matches with men hurting women, this is exactly why Felix needs to be gone from this federation, and allow ME the role of running this place.

Jackies: Your first match is against Suntan Superman, who managed to help, with the Commissioner I might add, eliminate you from the Rumble a few weeks ago. Care to comment?

Simon: Nope. Watch me in the ring. (he shoves Jackies out of the way.)

(MWO’s theme fills the speakers, and Simon comes out from the back. His two cronies, Blade and Giganto, follow close behind. “Gold Digger” by Kanye West plays and Suntan Superman comes out, much to the crowd’s delight.)

TD: This big Samoan is a fan favorite here, that’s for sure. And Simon is going to look for some retribution tonight from SS.

(Bell rings and the two tie up. SS with a quick takedown, which pisses off Simon. Simon gets up and hits a snap suplex on SS, then starts kicking him while he’s down. Crowd is booing loudly here. Simon gloats to the crowd while SS writhes in pain. Picks up SS and applies a chokehold. Blade and Giganto clap from ringside. Toss against the ropes and SS gets clotheslined. Simon off the top rope with an elbow drop…NO! SS moves out of the way. The two slowly get up together, exchange right hands. Simon is dropped with an uppercut. SS goes up top and hits a Samoan splash! Blade and Giganto are irate, and climb up to the apron. The referee is distracted with them, and Simon pulls something out of his tights. A condom? NO! Brass knuckles collide with the skull of SS, and he drops like dead weight. The MWO members drop from the apron, the referee turns and counts 1….2….3)

Jay: And somehow, someway, Simon has came up with a win in this one.

TD: I think the brass knucks had something to do with it, Jay. BAH GAWD! And look at Simon, that cocky grin as he makes his way up the ramp. Despicable. Giganto and Blade are laughing all the way up. And Simon has advanced in the tournament.

(Backstage, Jackies is with Commissioner Felix, and Mr. Joe Cool)

Jackies: Commish, care to respond to the comments made to you from the MWO?

Felix: Not at all. Only to say they will get what is coming to them. Simon got lucky the referee was distracted in his match. I am here with Mr. Joe Cool, the second to last person left standing in the Monks Rumble. I wanted to personally tell you that you are included, buddy, in the 10-person tournament. And wouldn’t you know it, your match will be tonight’s main event! And because you’re a nice guy, I also want to let you know ahead of time that your opponent will be none other than……….Dakstang.

Mr. Cool: (Looks serious and worried) Dakstang? My god have you any idea about how hard it’ll be to (starts laughing) oh I can’t do it, thanks man!

Jackies: Back to ringside…

(The announcer gets into the next match, announcing this is for a 2^nd round spot in the World Title Tournament. The first entrant comes out to “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol, and it’s Gigglypuff. She doesn’t look too happy, and neither do the fans to see her. She climbs in the ring and looks at the entryway with arms folded (maybe to emphasise her huge bosoms), ignoring the fans. Next up is CM Drunk, who comes out to “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffet. Ironically enough, in his right hand is a margarita. He sips it and hands it off to someone in the front row, who happily sips on it.)

Jay: I’m pretty sure that fan is only 17.

TD: Oh, let it go! The fans love this guy. Even though he can’t walk straight.

Jay: Could that have something to do with the pitcher of margarita’s he’s been drinking in the back?

(The bell rings and these two start it off. CM Drunk playfully, and drunkenly, winks at Gigglypuff, who slaps him across the face. CM falls to one knee and holds the side of his face. Giggly uses this opportunity to land a swift roundhouse kick to CM, who falls down. Giggly runs against the ropes and hits a swinging neckbreaker. It’s all Giggly at this point, who continues to beat down CM. Faint “slut” chants are heard, and Giggly is now distracted. She doesn’t see CM get up and unload on her a flurry of punches. She falls down and he climbs on top of her, continuing with the punches. He stands up and raises his arms to the crowd, which brings about cheers. Giggly gets up and quietly pulls CM up in a small package, pulling the tights. The count 1….2….kickout by CM! He reverses it into a small package of his own, 1…2…kickout again! Gigglypuff clutches her leg in pain, as the referee tends to her. CM Drunk helpfully approaches her. Just then, GP pulls her arm over the back of Drunk’s neck and slides him into another small package….1……2…..3!!!)

TD: So CM Drunk made a rookie mistake here by falling for the “possum” trick. He’s still new to Monks, so I’m sure he’ll pick up a win soon enough.

Jay: Now it’s time for him to start his hangover.

(CM walks up the back with his head held low, obviously upset with himself. GP is in the ring, slowly getting up. She is holding her neck, obviously in some pain. Just then, someone comes running down the ramp.)

Jay: What the hell..it’s Mikklovin!!

(Mikklovin slides into the ring and politely asks GP if she’s okay. He offers to help her to the back. GP replies with a stiff slap to the face, which stuns the Mikkster. He watches as she walks up the ramp solo.)

(Mikklovin stays in the ring, and “I am, I am” the popular AJ Styles Theme plays. It looks like his opponent is none other than…God!! No, not the holy being, but rather the pissed-off TNA fan. He takes one look at Mikk and grabs a microphone)

God: Having me come out here with no warning about who I’m going to fight? It’s ridiculous. I need time to train, to prepare, to watch tapes of my opponent. And why does this ring only have 4 sides? This federation is so old-fashioned…

(He drops the mic as the bell rings. God with a kick to the gut of the big man Mikk. He shows his raw power by hoisting Mikk up with a powerslam. Run against the ropes by God, and misses the elbow drop. Mikk is up and lands some thunderous shots to the back of God, who struggles to get up. Mikk throws him into the corner and hits a splash on God. The Holy One hits a low blow when the ref isn’t looking, and Mikk falls down hard. God with a pin 1….2….the ref catches him leaning on the ropes! God gets pissed and jaws at the ref. Mikk pushes God into the ref, and the ref is knocked out! God takes one look and runs outside to grab a chair. Mikk does the same on the other side of the ring. They slide in together both wind up together, and strike chairs, one against another. The smack sends each chair back to the skull of each man. They both drop the chairs and fall to the mat. Somehow, Mikk lands on top of God! The ref wakes up and counts 1…2…3! Mikk wins!)

Jay: And that, folks, is what we like to call synchronous wrestling.

TD: How Mikk managed to luckily fall on God will remain a mystery. He’ll be wishing Giggly had been his opponent tonight with luck like that. But somehow he advances to round 2!

(The bell rings and “Sweet Home West Virginia” by Lynard Skynard plays. Apparently they did a remix for young Dakstang, because out he comes from the entryway. He is wearing a flannel shirt, complete with a cowboy hat and an unloaded shotgun. The crowd boos, and he points the gun out in retaliation.)

TD: I hear this guy sleeps with the shotgun under his pillow.

Jay: I don’t know why, but I can’t stand this guy either, always talking about “Dakland” and such like….I mean how lame is it for someone to create their own land that they live in! We are actually in agreement about this guys reeking of stinktitude here.

(“Heartache Tonight” by the Eagles begins to play and Mr. Joe Cool comes walking out, his arms raised. The crowd cheers him on, and Joe is fired up. He climbs up the apron and jumps in the ring, smiling at Dakstang.)

Ding ding!

(Joe and Dak tie up, trying to play a test of strength. Eventually, Joe overpowers Dak, and the young Southerner falls to the mat. He gets back up and starts jawing at Joe, obviously upset. Joe tries a right hand, but Dak blocks it and hits a left of his own. Joe immediately falls to the ground. Dak flips Joe over and applies a half boston crab. Joe writhes in pain and tries to squirm out of the hold, but to no avail)

TD: Like him or not, Dak is a threat of a man at 6’ and 250 lbs!

(Joe slowly crawls towards the ring ropes, until eventually….success!! The ref counts the 5-count at Dak, and get to 4 and a half until Dak finally releases the hold. The ref jaws a bit at Dak, but the southerner just brushes him off. Dak stomps on the leg of Joe, attempting to work that injury. Dak picks up Joe’s left leg and hits an elbow drop on it. He goes for a second, but Joe reaches up and connects with a right hand on Dak. He falls backwards as Joe gets back up. He hobbles over to Dak, with an obvious injury in the leg. Joe picks up Dak and slams him down with a spinebuster. Then Joe applies a sharpshooter to Dak, and flips him over to lock it in. It’s right in the middle of the ring, and Dak has nowhere to go! Dak flails about for about a minute before finally succumbing to the hold. Dak taps! Dak taps!)

TD: And the “Conscience of Monks” has gotten a submission victory here. However, Dak put up the best fight he could have. I would watch out for this guy in the coming weeks. BAH GAWD!!

(Once again, our fine commissioner is backstage with Jackies.)

Jackies: You have asked for this time, Commissioner Felix. What’s on your mind?

Felix: I just wanted to sum up tonight’s events first. So far in our 10-person tournament, we have 4 superstars who have advanced to the second round: Simon, Gigglypuff, Mikklovin, and Joe Cool. I also wanted to let the rest of the roster know that I have created Tag Team titles for our federation as well. I am asking everyone who is currently not involved in the World Title tournament to get a partner and sign up next show for a chance to become the first-ever MWF Tag Team Champions! Much like the World Title, these championships will be awarded at Survivor Monks in November. But the road to the Tag Team titles will begin as early as the next show.

Jackies: That sounds exciting! I wonder if I can find a partner to “wrestle” with. And after we’re done with that, I’ll look for someone to help me win the Tag Titles. But anyway, what about the final match in the first round of the World Title tournament?

Felix: You see, we have yet to see our Rumble Champion Erin in action, and that will take place as next show’s main event, in two weeks. She will be facing off against the team of Blade and Giganto!

(A tired Joe Cool walks backstage next to the interview, and hears what’s going on.)

Mr. Cool (as if knowing his lines ahead of time): But a handicapped match? That doesn’t seem fair!

Felix: You’re right. That is why I personally will be the Special Enforcer for the match, sitting at ringside, to make sure nothing shady happens. And I’ll have my official wrestling rules guide in my hand. If Blade doesn’t make a legal tag to Giganto, they are disqualified. If Giganto uses the ropes to pin, he’s disqualified. If Blade has a hold on Erin for longer than 5 seconds, he’s disqualified.

Mr Cool: Okay. What about if Simon decides to interfere?

Felix: Well, interference is illegal. That would result in a…hmm, let me consult the rules book here (thumbs through it)….disqualification!!!

Jackies: Thanks for the information, guys. Looking forward to next week! Now, has anyone seen MY Giganto?

(All of a sudden, the arena goes black. The sounds of Britney Spears come on the speakers, and you hear the words “I’m not a girl….not yet a woman!” A man, or woman…comes crawling down the ramp in a pink hooded jacket. It’s littered with little hearts stitched on it. The person slides under the ring for a few seconds.)

Jay: What..the…fuck….

(The hooded individual climbs out the other side, with a pink basket in hand. The basket is placed on the announce table, right in front of “The Prince”. A card reads: To Jay, Love Slimdust. Jay opens it and reads it aloud: “take these gifts, my Prince.” Jay looks in the basket to find pink apples, bubble gum, a pink stapler, some AA batteries, some keys, and a note with “7, 9, 42, 835” on it.)

Jay: This is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen…..

TD: That’s Slimdust for you!

(Jay stands up and stands face to face with Slimdust. He removes his hood, and blows a kiss at “The Prince”. Jay looks at TD in confusion, and turns his attention back to see Slimdust joyfully skipping back up the ramp to the Britney Spears tune.)

Jay: We need to ban him from this federation. Do we have a website or something? Maybe I should make a public poll?

(Just before the closing credits can begin, we cut to the backstage parking lot. We see Erin walking to her car, her gym bag in hand. Out of nowhere, Blade and Giganto run at her from behind and pick her up. Erin screams and begins flailing around, but it’s no use. The MWO goons throw her in the trunk of an already started vehicle. They slam the trunk shut, but Erin’s screams can still be heard. Blade and Giganto hop in the backseat and the car flies away. The last sight seen is the license plate, which reads “MWO”, and the sound of Simon laughing devilishly from the driver’s seat)

The following people rock:
Guardian Devil
Duke
God
PeaceSells
A-Bomb
Simon

Jayman

Super Moderator

If you aren't in this edition, chances are you will be included in the next one. We could only fit so much material in one post before it got too long for attention spans.

The following people rock:
Guardian Devil
Duke
God
PeaceSells
A-Bomb
Simon

Crocker

Good post, but im not in the title hunt?

Tyler Durden

Have to "keep tuned every week" kids to find out!

Slimdust

LOL, Slimdust wtf! lol.

Good read guys.

Inogenius

hahaha nice.

mad props.

Erin

Monk's First Lady

Oh God we are one episode in and I have already been abducted.

Nice work! This was awesome.

Danny Diamond

Founder/Admin

That was good stuff. I like that we really dont have much say in the storylines either. Makes it more interesting.

Slimdust may also have been some of the funniest stuff I read on Monks in a while too. lol. Jay's reaction was the best.

I REALLY look forward to reading more.

Reps to both.

Suntan Superman

WC's Resident Samoan