MWF Episodes 1-6

CM Drunk · 10-03-2007, 07:15 AM

*resists urge to start dropping Spinal Tap quotes*

PeaceSells · 10-07-2007, 11:44 AM

Just saw this, amusing read.

Necro · 10-07-2007, 07:02 PM

Cool...

Tyler Durden · 10-11-2007, 05:07 PM

As with last week, "Raw is Monks" and the Monks Wrestling Federation is bought to you by King Jayman and Tyler Durden. A KJ/TD Production (TM)

Your TV set scrambles a bit and we start with a recap package of last weeks “Raw Is Monks” featuring Commissioner Felix declaring a Tournament to crown a new MWF Champion, Simon declaring the dawn of the Monks World Order before beating Suntan Superman….Mr Cool, Gigglypuff and Mikklovin’ all proceeding in the tournament to crown a Champ, Commissioner Felix announcing this weeks handicap main event of Erin versus the MWO’s Giganto and Blade….and lastly Simon and the MWO kidnapping Erin in their black stretch limo. We cut to the arena and the sights and sounds of pyrotechnics, spotlights, and screaming fans fill your eyes and ears as the camera pans around at a few of the fans signs. One says “Save Us Miakal” (a clear reference to the internet rumours that the retired former MWF’er could one day return) another says “I’m drunker than Rambo” and yet another says “Zar = Ratings”….clearly some comedians in the crowd tonight.

The screen flickers to Black and White and the MWO music starts us off tonight with Blade and Giganto from the MWO striding cockily toward the ring. Blade sees a poster a kid is holding of Erin and snatches it off the child, ripping it up in front of them.

Booing fills the arena as Giganto get’s on the mic. He raises the mic to his mouth (more booing) so he lowers it and looks disgusted at the crowd. Raises the mic again (even louder booing)….lowers the mic again and shakes his head. 3rd time he raises the mic to his mouth……

Giganto: "I am one third of the greatest group of wrestlers to ever grace an MWF ring. I was driven here tonight in a chauffeured limousine. Later tonight I will be in the VIP section of the best club in this crappy little town spitting the seeds out of my cocktails down in to your greasy hair. Tomorrow morning your girlfriend will be walking like a saddle sore cowgirl out of my executive suite because I chose to bless her with the only night she will have on this earth worth remembering. I earn more money in a day than you do in a year and yet you have spent all of that cash just to come down to this cowshed and “boo” us?” Well tonight, as in life, you lose. Tonight’s main event was to be me, the MWO muscle, and Blade, the purest athlete in the MWF in a handicap match against Erin for a place in the MWF World Title Tournament. Well, Mr Commissioner with your great love of the “rule book”, go check your book again and I think you’ll find that if little Miss nowhere fails to show tonight, Blade and I proceed automatically to the next stage of your little competition and that will make 3 of the Tournament qualifiers MWO members. Would that make us favourites to take the belt? You do the math.”

The music of Commissioner Felix hits and the crowd pops big.

TD “Is business about to pick up Jay”
Jay “It’s picking up more than Slimdust in an all male sauna”

Commissioner Felix: “The MWO. In my very ring. Tonight. Answer me one thing guys, it’s always confused me. Which one of you was played by Heath Ledge and which by Jake Gylenhall in that movie they made about you? (crowd laughs as Blade kicks bottom rope and waves Felix to the ring).

TD “ZING”
Jay “ZANG”

Commissioner: “Hey I’m only kidding. Even I know which one of you guys is the giver and which the taker! But let’s cut to more serious business, like tonight’s main event. Now you guys being so clever and wealthy will know only too well how I, as commissioner, need to appease sponsors, advertisers and network executives. I can’t go making main events only for you guys to take them away. You guys have put me in a hell of position ruining my advertised main event like this. What a pickle. I can’t imagine what I could do?” (scratches head as Mr Cool’s “Heartache Tonight” music hits)

TD “It’s the conscience of Monks Jay, what does he want to say here?”
Jay “I’m guessing that, whatever it is, it’ll be even bigger than Dak’s hypocrisy”

Mr Cool: “I don’t mean to crash anybody’s party here, you know me, I’m a live and let live kind of guy. That is, until somebody pisses me off. Now not many people do that, but I’d say there are 1-2 of them standing in that ring right now. (Both members of the MWO sarcastically try and count to see if he means them). Now I could be wrong, but I swear I heard you say last week Felix that tonight will also be the start of a tournament to crown Tag Team champions at Survivor Monks. So what I’m proposing is a solution to your problem. If Erin fails to make it tonight, then she goes straight through to the final five of the World Title chase. But that still leaves you without a main event tonight? So how about that big goof with the microphone and that baseball cap wearing Fred Durst wanna be pair up for a Tag tournament qualifier against, I don’t know, me and, erm…….are you doing anything later tonight?

Commissioner: “I am now” (crowd pops, Giganto and Blade look pissed)

Jay “That’s settled then. If Erin fails to get back to this arena tonight, she’s through to the final five”
TD “And on top of that Felix and Mr Cool would be taking on 2/3rds of the MWO”
Jay “The night’s not started the way the MWO would have wanted it to. It could end with them being sorer than Slimdust in a…..”
TD “Will you quit it already”

We’re back from the ad break

TD “We’re back and have just been passed the match list for the Tag Team tournament which read as follows…”

I Squared (Inogenius & Invictus) –versus- Gigglypuff & Jackie Pies

“African Hooligans” (Rambo & Necro) –versus- “Anarchy In The UK” (Crocker & Phantom)

plus just added “bonus match”
Mr Cool & Felix –versus- “MWO” Giganto & Blade

Giggly and Jackie are shown “stretching” in the changing rooms.

Jackie Pies: “I am so grateful to you for partnering with me tonight. I’m sick of people just seeing me as a piece of T&A behind the mic. I want to show all my talents off tonight”
Giggly “Well cool your jets a little babe. Why have you changed your name since the last show. I remember some homo once tried to get me to change my name. You can’t let guys tell you what to do”
Jackie: “Oh trust me, it’s not just guys that I allow to tell me what to do! Anyway, what shall we call ourselves tonight?
Giggly: “I don’t know, I’ll let you decide” (Giggly spots Blade and walks off to talk to him…..Blade whispers in her ear)

TD “We’re back and we’re into our first Tag Titles tournament match up”

Beethoven’s 5th Symphony is heard and out come "I Squared" carrying heavy encyclopaedias and teaching canes. Inogenius gets on the mic –

Ino “What one would appreciate at this particular juxtaposition in time, is for all of you ill educated, loose mannered, illiterate Neanderthals to please refrain from your usual verbal diatribe during our match and simply sit back and enjoy our attempt to bring a little culture and sophistication into your lives”
Invictus: “And if one’s not down with that, I have two words for you……but you wouldn’t understand them” (crowd boo)

Jay “Shall I tell you what I don’t understand TD”
TD “We don’t have time Jay, this is just a 2 hour programme”

Charlie’s Angels music hits and Giggly and Jackie come down to the ring. The ring announcer says the team coming to the ring is the “Hootie McBoob-ers”. Giggly stops and looks crossly at Jackie before continuing to the ring.

The bell goes and Ino walks to the middle of the ring with an open encyclopaedia to show Jackie something. She looks and then snaps the book shut on his fingers, he screams in pain as she throws him into the ropes and suplexes him on his return, Irish whip and then a frankensteiner as Ino falls outside the ring looking for a time out. Invictus tags in, but Jackie is a house of fire in there with right arms softening him up followed by the three amigos suplexes. Just as she runs the ropes, Ino trips her up with his teachers cane. Invictus puts a STFU on her. Jackie’s in trouble here, but just about makes the ropes. Ino softens Jackie up with a long chinlock whilst reciting the theories of Herocluytes. Eventually some vicious elbows are fired and Jackie works her way out of trouble but she desperately needs the hot tag. She drags herself across the ring whilst Invictus holds her ankle trying to stop her. Jackie gets there and reaches…..desperately…..to her corner. But Giggly hops down, sticks her tongue out at Jackie and walks up the ramp toward the back. What a bitch!! Jackie looks incredulous as Ino and Invictus double team her. Yummy! Eventually she succumbs to the sharpshooter from Ino in the middle of the ring and I2 have made it through.

Post match and the inhumane intellectuals are continuing their beat down on poor Jackie. They both go to get their canes for a tag team “Cane-chairto”. Until… “Bad Boys” by Inner Circle rings around the arena. From different sides of the arena, each carrying a six pack come the “African Hooligans” Rambo and Necro. The crowd go crazy as both men storm done to the ring causing Ino and Invictus to powder away up the ramp. The Hooligans throw the intellectuals canes back toward them and each man cracks open a beer to salute each other. Jackie asks for a beer too. But she doesn’t want to drink one, NO, she encourages the boys to explode a well shaken can over her tee shirt. We have an impromptu beer induced wet tee shirt competition here!

TD “Jay, can you keep your hands ABOVE the announce table please”

We’re backstage and Emma and HB are sitting chatting coyly to each other when along come Crocker and Phantom, otherwise known as “Anarchy in The UK” to ruin their peace in sarcastic overloud voices!

Crock: “You know the one thing I don’t miss about the UK Phantom? That’s having to watch anaemic pasty looking Brits with jaundiced coloured dentures slobbering over each other like they think they’re sitting on Blackpool pier on a windy day”

Phantom “What’s the point of coming over here to impress everyone with what a true British man can be like, when there are so many inferior versions already here. Sucking up the joint”

HB stands

Half Boy: “I see what you mean guys. Honestly I do. I was just sitting here chatting to Emma about the misconceptions people over here have of us Brits. One thing I find is that, because of the likes of George Michael and Elton John, so many Americans seem to think we’re all gay. That’s just so wrong. (Crock and Phantom nod in agreement). So I’m just made up that you two are over here, walking around with each other, both wearing latex and baby oil, sharing hotel rooms and just changing their view points completely.

HB and Emma walk away as Crock and Phantom nod, but look confused!

Standing in the middle of the ring is God. (not the supreme being)

God: “So last week, I was beaten by somebody referring to themselves as Mikklovin’ in the opener of the World Title tournament. (crowd cheer). Yeah, yeah. What concerns me though is ratings. It always has. If our ratings go down next week, with me out of this tournament, be sure that I will be the first one to tell you all on the Monks Wrestling Federation website. And I may have lost in a four sided ring last week, but I remain undefeated all around the world when competing in six sided rings. That….is the true test of greatness. So here I am this week, awaiting my next opponent. Craving good competition. Somebody who can match my X-Division style. So come on Felix, who do you have for me this week?”

Ring announcer says “Hailing from Eskimoland….” as the theme tune of “Who Let The Dog’s Out” fills the arena and )85( comes down to the ring herding his sled dogs.

God: “Oh crap not him, I want competition. I want six sided rings, I don’t want some freaks coming down here. This is serious stuff, how is this going to boost ratings?”

The two tie up, God with a takedown, he goes to run the ropes but his lack of know how of the standard ring means he trips. )85( takes over with some very unusual submission moves, possibly Eskimo’ish. The ref orders a break and )85( goes to rub noses with God in the Eski way. God cheats and sticks a finger in )85(‘s eye. He rakes his back and get’s the better of the poor Eskiman. He tosses )85( to the outside and milks the boos! God goes to the outside and throws his prone opponent back in the ring. He climbs the top rope. He hurls himself into the air, oh no, he’s completely misread this match. He thought the lights above were a red X and that he was in yet another gimmick ridden X-Division match. He went to catch the red X, but landed awkwardly spraining his ankle. )85( schoolboys God to defeat and races away to celebrate in Eski-style with his dogs.

God is left having a tantrum in the ring screaming “It’s not fair, damn you Felix, when will you learn what a promotion should be”.

"I Squared" are shown leaving the arena in a horse drawn carriage. “To the state library” they shout to the coachman.

At the same time Rambo and Necro are shown jumping into a hummer with Jackie shouting “to the bar” as they crash into the nearest wall. All we hear is drunken laughter from the hummer and more tins being opened.

We see Blade and Giganto in the arena, Blade is talking to somebody on a cell phone.

Blade “No, he’s dropped the brick on us. You can’t leave us here to deal with this. Just bring her back and it’ll be fine. What do you mean? C’mon man, it’s us two here….we’re a team….”

Blade looks at Giganto and just shakes his head. Both guys look disappointed.

“I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” hits in the arena and down to the ring comes somebody dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. Skipping merrily down to our broadcast booth.

TD: “I think we know what this is Jay”
Jay “Oh crap, I can’t believe our website voted not to ban this joker”
TD “He just wants to bring some cheer to your night Jay, humour him”
Jay “I think he wants to bring a smile to my face okay, I’m just worried how”

Slimdust skips up on to the announce table as a pole descends from the roof of the arena to be planted into the table. Slimdust pulls back his hood and the coat drops to the table desk as “American Woman” guitar riffs scream out and Slim starts grind dancing all round the pole. Jay looks blankly on.

TD “I feel like such a gooseberry. You want me leave Jay?” (Jay grabs TD by the arm)
Jay “Don’t leave me”

At the end of his “routine”, Slim turns, drops his coat on the floor and then bends over slowly in front of Jay. Then blows him a kiss and skips merrily back up the ramp.

TD “I think today’s lunch is coming back”
Jay “I think I just saw what Slimdust had for lunch!”

“Heartache Tonight” hits and Mr Cool and Felix come down to the ring to a massive pop. Both men stand on the ringposts corners as the crowd lap up the attention. Felix gets on the mic.

Felix “Well you two MWO goons had a couple of choices tonight. And the way I see it is that, since Erin isn’t here, you’ve chosen to do things the hard way, so get your cocky asses down here right now before I suspend both of you from the MWF”

MWO music hits and Blade and Giganto come more sheepishly than earlier to the ring.

Slow build as both men delay for as long as possible. Eventually Blade starts and is taken down by Felix. Armbar and figure four then some power moves and the MWO athlete is reeling. Giganto tags in and he and Mr Cool go face to face. Two huge men face off as the crowd go wild. Right hands from both until Mr Cool powers Giganto back into a neutral corner. Stiff knee and then an old school rope walk from Mr Cool before tagging in Felix. Giganto goes to the outside to catch some breath, Blade distracts Felix then Giganto runs back in to take advantage with some power moves of his own. Felix fights back and tags in Mr Cool. Cool again takes down Giganto as we see a black limo arrive in the back with the MWO licence. Simon comes out of the car and opens the car to throw out the seemingly lifeless body with a bag over the head. Felix seeing the possible return of one of his star’s races to the back, he hasn’t thought things through though. As he races off, Mr Cool leans over the ropes to shout to him, Blade jumps down and ricochets Cool’s head off the top rope and straight into Giganto’s arms. He lifts up the mountain and slams him down to the canvas for the 1-2-3.

Backstage the limo drives off as Felix arrives. He removes the mask and, indeed, Erin is there, a little drowsy but now safe. Felix cradles his star as we see Mr Cool look on groggily from the centre of the ring, furiously shaking his head.

Suntan Superman · 10-11-2007, 05:20 PM

Nice job

Slimdust · 10-11-2007, 05:22 PM

lol good stuff yet again guys.

Gigglypuff · 10-11-2007, 05:24 PM

Another great read, despite me being a bitch

Mikk · 10-11-2007, 05:27 PM

Fantastic read.

God · 10-11-2007, 05:34 PM

Am i ever going to win a match? lol

The Phantom · 10-11-2007, 05:36 PM

Woooooo the on screen Debut of The Phantom. “Anarchy in The UK” = Next MWF tag champs!

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MWF Episodes 1-6

Kick back and talk about just about anything non wrestling related. You know the drill.