Tyler Durden

WC Hall Of Famer

http://www.monksdiner.com/water-cool...bulldog-3.html

Following an old, very unsuccesful thread from the past (see above) I feel in "wise" mode again today....so please, let's hear your personal problems and I shall use my incredible wisdom to make your lives that little bit better.

Oh and Jay (who didn't get an answer to the last problem), if it's still a problem, let me know!!

The Phantom

Dear Uncle Bulldog...

How do I get the girl I like to ditch her chavy boyfriend? He is a loser in every sense of the word but she'd be better off with me... (and it’s not just me who thinks this) Uncle Bulldog, I need your wise words to set me at ease.

Yours,

A Lonely Welshman

Tyler Durden

WC Hall Of Famer

Dear Shepherd watching your flock by night,

As was once said by the incredibly knowledgeable “genie� in Alladin, “I can do anything for you except change the will of a person�. However, are we know getting to the real crux of this problem? Is there some reason why you wish to make this “girl� do something against her will? You do know this is wrong don’t you and something that I cannot possibly condone (though can of course point you in the right direction on my premium rate telephone lines for purchasing rohypnol….or in the case of “chavs� a couple of bottles of “Diamond White� cider).

But what, prey, is it that makes you want to do something against her will? I suspect it is something that has become the most common cause of all problems in todays society. Too much exposure to pornography. Please understand that those are “actresses� getting jolly well paid to say “oooo no, no, no, don’t do that….oh alright, if you must�. This is not real life. In real life, no is no.

So Shepherd, I want you to make three promises to me.

(1) You will accept the decisions of young chav "ladies" when they say they want no part of your Welsh “miner�

(2) you will cease from looking down your nose at their boyfriends, maybe try befriending them and find out what they have that you don’t (clearly it's something to do with body odour or lack thereof) and

(3) you will quit watching so much pornography and go get yourself a worthy hobby…….why not become a fluffer instead.

Jayman

S-Mod & WC Hall Of Famer

Dearest Uncle Bulldog,

If the red sock is white at 3pm, and liver and onions is a delicacy in New Zealand.....then why, oh why, do papercuts hurt?

Lovingly yours today and always,
The Jay-meister

And now, here it is...your moment of Carlin (12/3/2008)

Violent American movies like Die Hard, Terminator, and Lethal Weapon do very well in places like Canada, Japan, and Europe. Very well. Yet these countries do not have nearly the violence of the United States. In 1989, in all of Japan, with a population of 150 million, there were 754 murders. In New York City that year, with a population of only 7.5 million, there were 2,300. It's bred in the bone. Movies and television don't make you violent; all they do is channel the violence more creatively.

Tyler Durden

WC Hall Of Famer

Dear Slimlovingdude,

Firstly, I should congratulate you on being able to tie that wife of yours down for what must add up to over a year by now. Frankly, she is going to be completely pissed when she gets free though, still that’s a problem we’ll tackle at that time.

The first thing that caught my rather sexy blue eyes (tinted courtesy of Specsavers) in your “query� was your immediate concern for the “red sock�, or should that be “the white sock�. For white socks are synonomous, are they not, with “school girls�. And what time is it that many school girls leave their schools for their journey home? Why 3pm of course.

So the first “problem� to be overcome is your clear addiction to school girls. Or school boys, dressed as school girls. Or something.

Whereas some therapists will send you for counselling or put you onto a course of sexual medication I prefer a more wholesolme “oldy worldy� solution. Simply PM me your home address and I shall personally arrange for an “angry mob� (like the ones in the Simpsons….but angrier) to visit your quaint little ramshackle trailer and beat you to a pulp. Hey presto…..no drugs expenditure, no expensive counselling and an immediate, satisfying cure for all concerned.

They serve “liver and onions� in schools in New Zealand don’t they? And school children are always getting papercuts……

You, Sir, are one sick bunny.

Enjoy your beating and let me know how that works out for you.

Crockerinho

Wrestling Moderator

Dear Dynamite Bulldog Durden

Why does Jayman keep sending me saucy PM's, Ive told him since his accident last time that im not intrested but he wont take no for an answer

Crock

Tyler Durden

WC Hall Of Famer

Dear Shameless Francis,

At the source of every question ever asked is always something, somewhat a little deeper. Something that needs to be scratched and bought to the surface, no matter how murky and muddied the waters are. And I regret that, after scratching beneath the surface of your dilema, I've found quite the nasty little scab waiting to be unveiled.

The word I would like to focus on here, the "scratch" if you will, is your use of the word "accident".

All too often I have discovered the word "accident" being used by the male of our species to cover up an error, a mistake......a, dare I say it, premature piece of ejaculation.

And yes, I too have received PM's from Jay, and he begs, BEGS, that you'll forgive him and understand that this accident won't ever happen again and, if it does, he'll give you more than enough time next time round for you to "jerk" your face out of the way.

He's truly sorry.

And to show I too feel your pain and sorrow, I'm sending you a £10 Eye Test voucher......because that's nasty stuff when it get's in there dude.

Joseph T. Cool

WC HOF'er

Dear Kind Sir,

When one is having children when is a family considered "too big"??

Yours Truly,
Joseph McJokington

Tyler Durden

WC Hall Of Famer

Dear Joey Joe Joe (presumably Dak's cousin from Amarillo),

Firstly, isn't it nice to recieve such a well mannered and courteous letter, indicating good diction, education and manners. One would presume that, within this forum, you are maybe an elder.....a person of wisdom. That, or so jumped up member of the Admin always pushing the plebs around like someone from the Sopranos.

My next point of order is, when we are discussing the size of one's "family" I presume you genuinely mean your "family", and not one's genitals. I ask purely because I have been tricked many times by your HalfBoy into conversations, innocent musings if you will, about all kinds of subject matter.....only to later realise we are actually, once again, discussing his genitalia.

I will presume you to be a man of sincerity though and will move on (admin scum!).

Simply put, the size of your current family is more than adequate. As a man, I presume you will "enjoy" at least four more wives before the grim reaper comes for you and hence you should have nearly a soccer team of kiddie winkies by then.

So enjoy what you have and look forward to the future with great heart. I think I gave this advice to Woody Allen some years back

Dakstang

WC's Resident Redneck

Dear Uncle Bulldog/Dynamite Kid/Tyler Durden,

What profession should I pursue once I finally get my degree?

Sincerely,

Dakstang