Why Marriage?

Jackie Pies

in the where do you want to be in 5 years thread, most of you said married, yuck....
it's just me really, I don't completely understand marriage in this day and age. I understand there's a feeling of comfort finding the one you want to spend the rest of your life w/,, but why marriage? what's so wrong w/ just shacking up.

and if you're gonna give me a religious answer don't bother, b/c I understand that idea for sure. I'm talking to you nonreligious types. Why? What's the point? why is marriage better than just being together. what makes that piece of paper and that ceremony so important to you? just b/c it's a "statement of your love"? big deal, Craig and I state our love pleanty and we don't have to shell out the cash for some ceremony that neither of us feels is important.

also, most women need not respond, I know it's ingrained in you and your answers will be too mushy.

I spose most of you will tell me it's for the children if you don't go w/ the love route. ok, fine for you people who want kids.
is there anyone else on here that doesn't see the necessity in marriage.?

(I would ask why have kids, but someone has to keep the species going- I feel for you, I really do. personally I'd rather be anally raped w/ a cactus for 9 months than have kids, at least then it'd be over after 9 months instead of the hellaciousness of it all just beginning...)

so why do you want to get married? or why do you agree w/ me that the piece of paper and the ceremony are for suckers who can't figure out how to get out of it... that and for women.

Miakal

To fit in.

Twisted Nerve

maybe so . i would like to get married , but the thought of a whole day dedicated to me wearing a white dress does make me feel sick and so many ppl get divorced these days but i dunno i would like to see it happen. But im too young really to form a whole opinion

Dakstang

MMA Moderator

If you don't get married it is bad later down the road with wills, power of attorney and things like that. I suppose their are ways around it, but just getting married is easier. That is just a practical aswer but certaintly no reason to just get married.

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Mr. Kennedy

Twisted Nerve, you could just do a civil ceremony and then you won't have to wear a white dress. One reason is it is cheaper tax wise, it also show your commitment to each other and I for one plan on getting married eventually.

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Tyler Durden

Several reasons really -

To make your children "non-bastards" (oh sure they may turn out to be bastards in the end, but at least lets give them a fighting chance!!)

To make your parents and family happy. I am fully aware that for some of you this would actually be a reason not to get wed.

To have an absolutely kick ass day to remember.

If it's really "just a piece of paper" after all, then why would you be so scared of it you bunch of pansies!

I felt like all the doubters here do, I just got hit by the big L and went for it.

And finally.....I'd love to come back and see some of you "I'm never getting married....it's a con....." types on here in ten/twenty years time up to your eyes in kids and band on your finger. Bunch of hypocrits!!! (p.s love you all...peace out!!)

Joe Cool

Administrator

^^^ I tried to rep you for this but it's been too soon since I repped you last time.

I just wanted you to know I agree.

Jackie Pies

haha, nah, marriage is pretty unlikely for me either way. I've seen too much divorce and it's not that I'm scared of commitment, it's that I just don't care about a ceremony or a title or whatnot.

as for power of attorney, very good point and yes, that can be a problem- esp w/ an amendment that just passed here in KS in April- which to sum part of it up can make it very difficult for domestic partners to have power of attorney. that is really the only thing I might worry about for Craig and I and is really the only reason we might change our minds. although it's more a problem for Craig as I should have my sister to make decisions for me if I were in a coma or what not. so if I were to change my mind, that would be the sole reason.

we don't plan to have kids. Craig's known that I feel this way since he met me and I've known that since I was a little girl. all the other girls had baby dollies they played w/. I had books. if I were to get knocked up accidentally, I would likely abort if it happened in the next 5 years, after that I don't know how I would feel about keeping it. but I would never intentionally plan out/ attempt to have children.

my mother used to be upset over these decisions, but she's gotten used to it, or at least has learned that she has to accept them. Craig's parents seemed upset at first, but when you're getting a Pseudo daughter in law who is going to be a lawyer, it's pretty hard to complain too much....
my father on the other hand applauds my decisions and often tells me he wishes he'd made the same decisons- wh/ is kinda like hearing you were an accident but he's always told me he wanted my mom to abort me so it's not like the you're an accident thing bugs me anymore. you get used to it and you realize that lots of kids are technically accidents- most people just don't tell the kids that they told your mom to abort.
(on a side note, my mom tricked my dad, telling him she was on birthcontrol when she wasnt'- I think that's sick when women do that and so I can't blame him for the way he felt years ago)

when people see that Craig and I have rings (which we wear as symbols to tell other people that we're taken and to not even bother asking) they say oh you're married. I say no. when I tell people that I'm not interested in marriage or children, they all say, "oh, you'll change your mind" much like bulldog says.
but whatever. I've felt this way since I started thinking about my options. I've never felt any desire for either marriage or children, it's just not and never has been a driving force in any way for me.
lots of women plan out every little aspect of their wedding before they even meet the guy. people tell me I'm nuts or even scared for avoiding marriage. whatever, how could I be scared of commitment when Craig and I just bought a house together- that's pretty committed right there.
I think those girls w/ their big day all planned out are the crazy ones.

Blitzkrieg

Administrator

I don't really understand it either.. If I ever had a kid I'd prolly get married just for the kid, but I don't really plan on it at this time.

Tyler Durden

^^ I think you should still only do that if you're (a) in love with the childs mum and (b) you actually want to do that and be with her.

Otherwise it would be an empty gesture that would result in you hating each other and probably be worse for the child in time.