How to be a good Democrat/Republican

Mr. Kennedy

How to be a good Democrat.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders
how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat, than US nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of
Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by
yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee
or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,but
a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

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Mr. Kennedy

And for the other side

How To Be A Good Republican

1. You believe that AIDS funding isn't needed because since you don't have sex, you won't get AIDS.

2. You have to believe that the best way to teach future adults about that awful s-e-x stuff is to pretend that it doesn't exist.

3. You have to believe that the constitution guarantees everyone except felons (but including children) the right to have a gun, but there should be no laws that check on gun purchasers to make sure they are not those felons.

4. You have to believe that everyone should only view the art that YOU like, and they shouldn't have opinions of their own.

5. You believe that big companies wouldn't pollute if you just took away the laws that tell them not to.

6. You have to believe that God is all-powerful and cannot make a mistake, but that he made one by creating homosexuals.

7. You believe adoption is better than abortion, but are unwilling to adopt any children yourself.

8. You have to believe that the Government forcing of a business to meet a minimum wage is oppressing that business from creating prosperity.

9. You have to believe that the proper use of a National Park would be a huge strip-mining operation, and that people are loonies for opposing such things.

10. You believe that self-esteem is measured by the amount of people you have stepped on to get to where you are.

11. You believe that the military has nothing to do with starting wars.

12. You believe that forcing the use of gun trigger locks so 3 year olds will stop accidentally blowing their brains out is the epitome of government oppression.

13. You believe that a CEO who pockets 180 MILLION dollars after taxes is paying too damn much to the government.

14. You have to believe that the treatment of women back when Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison lived is the way it should be today.

15. You have to believe that consensual sex out of wedlock is a problem, but hundreds of priests molesting young boys is not.

16. You believe that Dan Quayle is an intelligent person who is just mis-understood.

17. You call Bill Clinton a Socialist, even though he has presided over the most prosperous economic period of capitalism ever. (And boy don't you hate it!)

18. You believe that a government leader's private life is everybody's business but an administration secretly and illegally selling US weapons to third world crazies isn't.

19. You believe that America can be home to any and all religions, as long as it is Christianity.

20. You have to believe that cutting taxes for the wealthiest 1% is in the best interest of the average American.

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