Three Jokes

Necro

Joke 1

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

Joke 2

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to give an example his students could relate to.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably golfing with his friends."

Joke 3
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, and indeed the 'sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was, and she said, "You know, it's the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries, and he ran like hell!"
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Got this from ebaums

Beaker

a-HA a-HA a-HAAAAAAAAA!

U MAD

Dr. Giganto

This is one that I heard a few years ago, and stumbled upon it on some website recently:

A guy goes to church for confession. He tells the priest that his sin is that he cursed earlier that day. The priest asks him how it came about. He begins:

"Well, I was golfing with my buddies, and I step up to the 18th tee, and I hook a shot really far left, deep into the woods"

"So then, in furstration, you yelled a profanity?"

"No...just before I reach my ball, a squirrel runs over, puts the ball in his mouth and starts running away with it..."

"So, was that when you used the foul language?"

"No...right after that, an eagle swooped down, grabbed the squirrel, and flew off with my ball still in the squirrel's mouth."

"So, was THAT when you cursed"

"No. Soon after, the squirrel dropped the ball, and it landed on the 18th green, two feet from the hole."

The priest pauses for a minute and says "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt!!!"

Necro

^ LMAO

Beaker

that golf one is funny funny

U MAD